“When D calls tonight he’ll explain everything.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince, her or me. I fight back the tears burning my eyes.
“Maybe he will.” Her words are soft. She’s trying to be soothing like my mom used to do when one of my pets died. Nik, being a mom herself now, knows the perfect tone to use.
“He will,” I insist.
“I hope so, for his sake as much as yours, because Dalt is going to kick his ass all the way back to Santa Ana, and Dak is going to castrate him when they find out what he’s done to you.” She wipes the cloth across my forehead. It helps to soothe the pounding in my temples. “And then Dalt is going to kick his ass again. I might even put my two cents in.”
My heart skips a beat when my phone chirps with an incoming text message. I left it on the coffee table. I jump up and practically fly into the living room. I’m beyond relieved to see Wolfe’s name pop up on my screen. Until I read the message.
Wolfe: Won’t be able to make it for dinner Saturday. But we need to talk. I’ll call when I get back.
Oh, God. No ‘I love you.’ No ‘I miss you.’ ‘We need to talk’ can only mean one thing. I think I’m going to be sick again. But before I can get to the bathroom, Nik walks into the room with her phone pressed to her ear.
“I’m with her now. Yes.” Every time the person on the other end says something, Nik glances at me.
“Yeess, Dalt. Why?” It’s Dalt, and they’re obviously talking about me.
“What? Is this a joke?” Dammit. If it’s about me why doesn’t she put it on speaker so I can hear what he’s saying?
“Motherfucking motherfucker.” Nik looks like she’s just seen a ghost or heard one. When she looks at me with what can only be described as wide-eyed panic, the floor seems to drop out from under me, and the room starts to spin. I hang onto the nearest piece of furniture to keep from falling over.
“What’s wrong? Is it D? Is he okay?” Nik holds up a finger. My whole body is shaking, waiting for her to answer.
“Yeah. I will.” Dalt says something on the other end. “I won’t. I’ll bring her home with me.”
Nik’s voice softens, “Me too. So much.” She slides her phone into her pocket. The brief silence in the room is deafening. I’ve never known Nikki to be at a loss for words. This is bad. She can’t find the words to tell me whatever it was Dalt just told her.
“What is it? Tell me.”
“Maybe you better sit down,” Nik suggests, using her soothing mommy tone.
“I don’t want to sit down, Nik. Tell me what happened,” I demand, much like a spoiled three-year-old.
She crosses the room, and taking my hand, leads me to the sofa. I collapse onto the couch in a huff, and she sits next to me.
“That was Dalt,” she states the obvious. I’m ready to pull my hair out, or maybe her pretty blue bangs.
“Yes. I know. Nikki, for heaven’s sake, what did he say?”
“He…it’s Wolfe…he…” she scrubs a hand over her eyes. “I am so going to kill that motherfucker,” she mumbles.
“Nikki, please. Tell me what’s going on.”
She sits up straight and blows out a big breath. “That was Alison we saw at the game. Apparently, Wolfe has seen her since the wedding weekend.”
“He…no. I don’t…”
“She contacted him while he was on the road and met him in San Jose.” I’ve never seen Nikki like this. She’s shaking almost as hard as I am.
“And he hooked up with her.” I finish the nauseating statement for her.
“Yes…well, no.”
“Jesus Christ, Nik! Either he hooked up with her, or he didn’t. Which is it? Stop coddling me and just tell me.”
“It’s much worse than that.”
“Ha. What could be worse than that? Did he…”
“She’s pregnant.” I tilt my head and stare at her mouth waiting for the smile, the laugh, the ‘gotcha just kidding.’
When it doesn’t happen, I coax her. “Stop kidding around, Nik. That’s not funny.”
“He’s going to marry her, Heaven.”
I jump from the sofa like I’ve been hit with an electric shock. “What the hell are you talking about? That’s ridiculous.” I wheel around like a trapped rat looking for an escape. Wake up, Heaven. This has to be a nightmare. I can’t breathe, can’t catch my breath.
“Calm down. Just breathe,” Nikki stands and puts her arms around me. But I push away, flailing my fists at her, taking my anger out on the messenger. She holds her hands up, allowing me to take my aggression out on her but not letting me land a punch.
“You’re lying. Why are you lying to me?” I keep yelling and thrashing until I’m physically and emotionally spent. After a moment, I fall into Nikki’s arms, sobbing.
“He can’t be getting married. He doesn’t even date,” I wail in between sobs.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” Nik says while she strokes my hair. “She wants to keep the baby, and he doesn’t want to abandon them. Shit. This is all my fault.”
“What…what do you m…mean your fault?” I take a step back to keep myself from saturating her shirt with tears any more than I already have. “How can it…it be your fault?” The words come out in hiccoughs as I try to catch my breath.
“Well…mine and Tracey’s fault.” Nik shrugs and hands me my full wine glass. She reclaims her seat on the sofa, picks up her wine glass, and takes a big gulp. I follow her lead but chug my entire glass in one long swallow and put the empty glass down before I throw it against a wall.
“It was us who tipped the lead singer at the reception to play those songs.”
“Songs?” I swipe my nose again.
“We saw the way you and Wolfe looked at each other. We thought all you needed was a little shove in the right direction. So, we asked them to play The Wolf. We knew it was his ringtone on your phone. We figured it would get his attention and yours. And when you were dancing together, we told them to play Say You Won’t Let Go. I mean, who can resist that? It’s the sexiest falling-in-love-song ever.” She takes another long swallow, finishing her wine but reaching for the bottle and refilling our glasses to the brim. “If we hadn’t interfered, maybe this whole thing between you two would never have started. And then he hooked up with Alison instead and…”
“He didn’t hook up with Alison. Not at the wedding, anyway.” I flop down into a pod chair. The chugged wine is beginning to take effect.
“I thought you said…”
“It was me.”
“What?”
“He hooked up with me. I helped him back to his room. He was really drunk, but I didn’t realize how drunk. Or maybe I did. I’d just wanted him for so long, and…one thing led to another and we…hooked up.” I lift a shoulder.
“But I thought you said Wolfe was with Alison?”
“The next day he didn’t remember what happened or who he was with. Alison told him it was her and he believed her.”
“What do you mean he didn’t remember?”
“As I said, he was pretty drunk. He didn’t remember it was me and I was just too humiliated to tell anyone how stupid I had been.”
“But you were a…a…”
“A virgin. Yep. It was…interesting. D thought I slept with Josh that weekend.”
“What did he say when you told him the truth?” I look down at my hands and pick at my cuticles. “Heaven? You told him the truth, right?” I glance up at her and grimace.
“I meant to. I was going to. I was waiting for the right time.”
“Oh, Heaven. You should have told him what a lying, scheming skank she is.”
“You see? It’s not your fault or Tracey’s. It’s mine. If I had told him…”
“No, you don’t. No blaming yourself. If Wolfe had kept his wandering dick in his pants, this wouldn’t be happening. “
“How pregnant is she?”
Nik’s brows pinch together. “Completely?”
“I mean, how many weeks?�
� I shake my head. If she’s trying to be funny, I’m not in the mood.
“Oh. She told Wolfe she’s ten weeks.”
So, he slept with her right after the wedding. Probably the next day to thank her for taking care of him. Or maybe he was seeing her when he was coming to the clinic begging me to go out with him. And what happened to him ‘never’ fucking without a condom? I let my head drop back onto the chair. I’ve been so stupid, so naïve.
“This cannot be happening. Not now. Not after…”
“He’s not worth it. There are a million other guys out there who would give their left nut to be with you…to love you.”
“Jesus, Nik. I’ve spent almost half my life loving him.” I pull my knees to my chest. Wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my forehead on my knees, I continue to cry, this time silent tears. How could he do this?
“Are you okay?”
“No,” I sniffle, keeping myself curled up in my self-protecting ball. I may never be okay again. “How long will it take for this stabbing ache in my chest to go away?” My sniffling escalates to full-blown blubbering.
“All right. That’s it. Get your stuff.” I look up in time to see Nikki polish off her wine and stand up. “You’re coming to my house for the weekend. No good sitting here and crying over spilled sperm,” she declares, placing her glass on the table. My sweet friend has such an interesting way with words.
“No. I’m fine.” I sit up, wipe the tears from my eyes, and guzzle more wine.
“You don’t look or sound fine,” Nikki taunts. I’m sure what must be a very red, splotchy, swollen face and gasps for air are belying my statement.
“I’ve got several more bottles of Moscato to drown my sorrows in. Go home and enjoy your babies.”
“Are you kidding? My babies are a miraculous blessing, and I thank God every day for them.” Nik looks toward the ceiling. “But Chloe is becoming a hellish diva. She’s driving me out of my mind. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she wasn’t mine. All she wants to do is dress up like a princess and pretend she’s being rescued by a prince. She won’t even look at a soccer ball. I mean seriously, where the hell did she come from?”
“Maybe she’ll play hockey,” I sniff and offer my meager conciliatory suggestion over my wine glass rim.
“Oh, my fucking word. God forbid. Bite your tongue.” Even through all my misery, I have to smile at Nik’s earnest protestations. I’m sure she would be thrilled if her daughter wanted to play hockey. She’s just trying to support me in my current hockey-player-hating mood.
“I bought her a mini-me black leather jacket,” she continues her rant. “I thought she would be thrilled to dress like mommy. You know what she said?” I bite back another smile and shake my head. Thank God for Nikki. She can bring humor to the darkest situation.
“I quote, ‘eek, no Mama. It’s a-twhoasis.’ Can you believe it? Not only does she hate soccer and black leather, she throws around words like atrocious. At three-years-old! I won’t even be able to converse with her by the time she’s ten.” I don’t know how she does it. She actually has me laughing into my glass.
“You’re coming home with me. Tracey and Dak are coming for the weekend, and Dalt will be home early Saturday. The kids are going on outings with the nanny, so you’ll have some peace during your stay. I can’t believe I ever argued with Dalt about hiring her. I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s like Mary-fucking-Poppins without the cool accent.”
I consider her invitation as I finish off my wine. I’m not sure how many glasses I’ve had, but since I’m not numb yet, it hasn’t been enough.
“I have a fully stocked wine cellar. We can get blissfully, mind-numbingly blottoed,” she adds as if she read my wine-pickled mind.
“I’ll be ready in two minutes.” No sense in sitting here alone wallowing in misery. Being with my friends will help keep my mind off Wolfe and my hands off my phone to call him. I don’t ever want to see him or talk to his lying ass again. It’s like someone drilled a hole straight through me and removed a piece of my heart—the piece that belongs to him. How do I live without it?
Chapter Thirty-Four
Wolfe
I knew my past would come back to bite me in the ass. But I didn’t want it to destroy Heaven in the process.
I drop my bag on the bedroom floor and collapse onto my bed. I grab a pillow and sink my nose into it, hoping I can still smell Heaven on it. Dammit. I forgot the cleaning lady was here and changed the sheets.
Staring up at the ceiling, I realize Pip was right. It’s plain old stark white. Empty. Blank. Nothing. Just like I am without her. Just like my life without her is going to be because I fucked up royally.
Images flash across my mind: Heaven here in my bed, in my arms, her giggling, her under me, her moaning and breathing in stuttered breaths when she came apart. I squeeze my eyes closed and try to hold back the tears. I can’t. I’ve lost her. But even worse, I’ve hurt her, broken her. I took the love of this beautiful woman, knowing I didn’t deserve it. Allowed myself to love her, knowing she was much too good for me and then I destroyed her.
My God. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone like this, to love her more with every breath I take. But with every one of those breaths, it’s like a blade piercing my heart. I can’t live without her. But I can’t abandon my child. I refuse to be the same kind of absentee, crap father my father was. A kid needs a father—a father who’s there and loves him…or her.
My head is throbbing in confusion. I’m being pulled in two different directions. With every heartbeat, I hear Heaven’s name, and yet my mind tells me I have to be there for my child. There’s no way to make this right.
I wish I had a magic wand to erase my existence from Heaven’s mind. I’ll spend every day, for the rest of my life, living off the memories: her smile, her warmth, her love and the excruciating agony that comes with her loss. But if I could spare her one tortured second, I would.
Dalt called a few minutes ago and said Heaven already knows. He said she’s staying at their house and she’s in pretty bad shape. Of course, she is. That’s my MO. Decimate every beautiful thing I touch.
He suggested I come over now because Dak’s not there yet. Dak’s going to go ballistic when he sees me. I don’t blame him. I should have stayed away from her. I should have kept my hands and dick away from his sweet sister. But I want to spare Heaven the drama the confrontation with Dak is going to cause—at least for now. I’ve caused enough drama in her life, and the timing couldn’t be worse.
It’s her birthday. Instead of celebrating with her like I planned, this betrayal is my fucking birthday present to her.
I want to scoop her up in my arms and run far away. Find an island somewhere, just her and me, block out the world, forget everyone and everything. But that’s a dream. Our reality is a fucking nightmare. Christ. Why didn’t I stay away from her? Yet, I wouldn’t give back one second of the time we’ve shared together.
Even though I don’t know what I’m going to say to her, I have to pull myself together and go see her. Although I have zero words to make this right, she deserves some kind of explanation.
***
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Nik opens the door and gives me the well-deserved callous greeting.
“I have to see Heaven,” I explain with a nervous shrug.
“No, you don’t. You don’t ever have to do anything again when it comes to Heaven, you asshole. In fact, the only thing you have to do is get the fuck off my front porch.”
“Nik, I understand you hate me. I hate myself more than you ever could for hurting her. But if I have to pick you up and physically move you out of my way so I can get to Pippa, I will.”
“I would love to see you try it. You dic…”
“It’s okay, Nik.” Dalt walks up behind her and places his hands on her shoulders to keep her from punching my lights out. I’m grateful for his intervention because there’s no doubt in my mind Nikki could do it. �
�I told him to come over.”
“You invited this douchebag to her birthday celebration? Are you fucking kidding me?” Guess I’m no longer Nikki’s favorite goalie in the NHL. I can relate. I’m not even my favorite goalie on this porch.
“I didn’t invite him to the celebration, Nik,” Dalt mumbles through clenched teeth, as if I won’t be able to hear him from a foot away. “I told him to come and see Heaven. They need to talk. She needs to talk to someone or she won’t even come out of her room for her own birthday. She needs…him.”
“Well, she can’t have him, can she? Since he decided to stick his dick in that skank and get her pregnant.” Nik is talking to Dalt, but her growled words are directed at me.
“Okay, babe. I know you’re looking out for your friend, but they’re going to have to talk eventually and isn’t it better for her to talk to him here, surrounded by friends, where she can have moral support?” Dalt circles his arms around Nikki’s waist and I find myself envying him being able to hold the woman he loves.
“Whatever,” Nikki reluctantly agrees. She and Dalt step to the side and I walk into their enormous foyer. “Wait here,” Nik commands and gives me a narrow-eyed glare before stomping up the staircase which looks like something right out of Gone With The Wind—the California, white marble version.
“You really fucked up, dude,” Dalt informs me, watching the stairs until Nik is far enough away she can’t hear him. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking. That’s the problem.”
“You better have unicorns and rainbows coming out of your mouth when you talk to Heaven because she’s pretty wrecked,” Dalt continues.
“I know. Fuck,” I rub my hands over my face. “I don’t know how the hell this happened.”
“You don’t? Should I give you a quick lesson on the birds and bees, dickwad?” He shoves my shoulder. I get the distinct impression he’s holding back with every nerve cell in his body from punching me.
Cross Crease (On The Edge Book 3) Page 27