by Jon Fosse
Good evening, the man walking towards him says
and Asle stands there and holds the door open for the man and he says Good evening and the man Asle is holding the door open for asks if he’s going out for a walk
Yes you have to every now and then, Asle says
Some fresh air, that’s a good thing, the man says
Yes, Asle says
and the man walking up to him says that it’s so nice out now that the new snow is falling and Asle says yes, yes, it’s so white, it’s like it’s shining, he says and Asle sees the man go into the lobby and he shuts the door behind him and it slams shut and I stand there and look at the firewood in the stove and I hear Åsleik say it’s burning nicely in the stove now isn’t it? should I shut the hatch? he says and I say I’ll do it and I shut the hatch and I think I should have gone to see Asle, I shouldn’t have just kept driving, going right past, because his drinking is going to finish him off before long if someone doesn’t do something, if someone doesn’t help him, I think, but I, I, I just looked at the building in Sailor’s Cove where his apartment is and drove right past it and then I think I need to drive back into Bjørgvin, because I need to go see Asle, I just have to, I think, yes, a mute voice inside me tells me I have to drive back into Bjørgvin and go see him, and that must be the voice people call conscience, I think, yes, even though it’ll take a couple of hours to drive to Bjørgvin I’ll just make that drive, I’m not too tired, I think, and then I’ll just spend the night at The Country Inn where I like to spend the night, in Room 407, the smallest room they have, as long as it’s empty I’ll stay there and not just because it’s one of the least expensive rooms, I also like it best, the room has windows looking out onto the back yard, although something, I think it must be the lift shaft, blocks half the view from the room where I stay if it’s available, and I usually book the room well in advance but even if I haven’t booked it ahead of time I’ve never once had it happen that there wasn’t room for me somewhere at The Country Inn, true there was one time when it was full and I had to sleep on a spare bed in the attic, they put up an extra bed for me there, I think, anyway now it’s decided, I’m going to drive into Bjørgvin and look in on Asle, I think and I hear Åsleik say well it’s time to get going home and I look at him and I say that I stupidly forgot the most important thing I needed to do in Bjørgvin so I need to drive back there right away, I say
Now, tonight? Åsleik says
and he seems both surprised and a little alarmed, as if I’ve gone a little crazy, as if he’s suddenly become a little nervous about me, I think
Yes, right now, I say
You’ve already done a lot of driving today, Åsleik says
and he says do I really want to do this? now, so late? and it might snow too, he says, yes, a few snowflakes started coming down this afternoon and the weather seems like it might well start snowing and I say I’ve already put the snow tyres on and Åsleik says well that’s good, yes, if there was one thing he regretted in life it was that he never got a driving licence, he said, even though it would’ve been nice to have a car, especially given where he lives, instead he has to either walk or drive the tractor, it’s a good thing he has that, and he’s had the same tractor for probably thirty years now, yes, must be that long at least, he says, yes if he needs to drive somewhere he has to either take the tractor or ride with someone else or else take The Boat, no, mustn’t forget that, it’s good he has that as a means of transportation, yes indeed, he says and I say yes, well, I have to go to Bjørgvin, I can tell him about why some other time, I say and I say that I can give Åsleik a ride, and he says thanks for the offer but he’d rather walk, it’s fine, it’s not far, just a mile or two, of course he’d have nothing against getting a ride, he says and then he asks me again if I really need to drive back to Bjørgvin, I just got home, and right after coming back into the house after being in Bjørgvin I’m going to drive back again, dark as it is, and night is falling, and it might start snowing, as he said, and I say I just have to, I’ll tell him why later, I say and Åsleik says all right then that’s how it is, I’m going to just do what I want to do, he says and then he says well I guess I’ll just go out front then and Åsleik goes outside and I see that the wood’s still burning in the stove and I turn off the light in the main room and go to the kitchen and turn the light off there and go out to the hall and turn the light off and then I go outside and shut the front door behind me and I see Åsleik standing out front and I tell him he can have a ride, since I’m going in his direction, but I could have driven him home anyway, the way I’ve done so many times before, I say and Åsleik says well thanks for that, since I’m driving in that direction he could always ride with me but he’s used to walking, walking’s fine with him, he does it all the time, it’s no problem for him to get home, not at all, but well he could also ride with me since I’m driving down the same road, he says, since it is pretty cold out, yes, now that it’s late autumn, well, more than that, we’re already in Advent, it won’t be long before it’s Christmas, and winter, yes, Åsleik says and it’s going to start snowing tonight too, Åsleik says and he gets into the car and I get in and start the engine
Yes it’s definitely going to start snowing, I say
The first snow of the year, it is, Åsleik says
But it won’t stick, I say
No, but still a lot might come down, Åsleik says
Yes, I say
And I’ll clear your driveway while you’re down in Bjørgvin, yes, that’ll need to be done, Åsleik says
So that you can come back to a cleared road, he says
Thank you, thanks very much, I say
’Cause I can drive a tractor anyway, even if I can’t drive a car, Åsleik says
It sure comes in handy, I say
And it’s old but it works great, I can get it to start
every time, after a minute or two anyway, he says
Anyway you’ve had that tractor for as long as I can remember, I say
It was my father who bought it, old as he was, Åsleik says
But it’s still running, I say
and I drive down the driveway and turn right, onto the country road, because Åsleik’s farm is a mile or so farther in along Sygnefjord and Åsleik says that that was an odd picture, yes, a strange picture, the one I’d started painting, with the two lines, one purple and one brown, he says and I feel myself not wanting to talk about it, I’ve never liked talking about a picture I’m working on, or about any picture I’ve finished either for that matter, never, once a picture is finished the picture says whatever it can say, no more no less, the picture says in its silent way whatever can be said, and if it’s not finished yet then how it’s going to turn out and what it’s going to say isn’t something that can be said in words, I think, and after all these years Åsleik must have realized that I don’t like talking about my pictures, about what they represent, about what they mean, I can’t stand any of that kind of talk, not in the slightest, and now Åsleik’s going to start going on and on about those two lines as if they were just two lines and then he says that it’s a St Andrew’s Cross I painted and he says the words with such emphasis that I almost jump and I notice how proud he is of having those words at his disposal, St Andrew’s Cross he says again, very proud of himself, St Andrew’s Cross, he is genuinely proud of knowing such a term and what it means, and now, after Åsleik has said this term that way, sort of haughty and proud about knowing it, I think that I simply don’t get how I can stand him, year after year, day after day, he’s such a fool, and probably the only reason I put up with him is that I don’t have anyone else to talk to, or be with, no that’s not true, he’s no fool, he’s not stupid, Åsleik, he’s pretty wise in his way, I think, so it was bad to think that, disgraceful really, I think and then we’re at the bottom of the driveway to Åsleik’s house and I stop and Åsleik asks when I’ll be back and I say I’ll be back tomorrow and maybe he can come by again then, tomorrow evening, I say and Åsleik says that
he’ll do that because then maybe he can pick out a picture that he can give Sister for Christmas, he says, and I say sure we can do that and then Åsleik says thanks for the ride and he gets out of the car and I raise my right hand and wave goodbye and Åsleik raises his hand and waves too and then I keep driving slowly in along Sygnefjord and I think this is madness, I think, sheer madness, driving back into Bjørgvin now after I’ve already driven both there and back earlier today, and I’m tired, I realize, so maybe I should turn back? I think, no, no, I have to go and see Asle now, I think, I should never have driven by his building in the first place, that was practically cowardly, I think, so now I need to drive back into Bjørgvin, I think, and why did Åsleik have to start talking about the picture I started painting earlier today, haven’t I told him time and time again that I don’t like talking about a picture I’m in the middle of working on, and don’t like talking about pictures I’ve finished either, done is done, painted is painted, it turns out however it turns out, both pictures and life too, I think, and then his bringing up the St. Andrew’s Cross over and over, I think, and I think that Asle is just lying on the sofa in his apartment almost all the time now, under the window that looks out onto the snow, and that’s why I painted those two lines that cross in the middle, it’s probably in some strange way a picture of Asle lying there that I’ve painted, I think, and in another way it’s not him and of course I shouldn’t have driven home without looking in on Asle, because he’s in such despair, but it is a long way to drive to Bjørgvin, I’m tired after being out all day, after driving to Bjørgvin and back, and now I’m driving to Bjørgvin a second time today since I feel such uneasiness inside me that I just have to drive back again, I think and I drive and I fall into a kind of peaceful unthinking stupor and I see a few snowflakes land on the windshield and I drive farther in along Sygnefjord and I see more and more snowflakes land on the windshield and I turn on the wipers and they make semicircles for me to see through, and it’s white around them from the snow, and I think that Asle probably isn’t home, he’s probably gone out, to The Alehouse, I think, so I shouldn’t go ring his doorbell, I should drive into Bjørgvin and park the car in front of The Beyer Gallery and then go to The Country Inn and get a room for the night and then go to The Alehouse, because Asle’s probably sitting there alone at a table, I think, and if he’s not there I can drive back to his place and ring the bell, but maybe I should go by his place first, probably? maybe he is home? but anyway he probably won’t answer even if he is? I think and it’s snowing and it stops snowing and I drive south and I get closer to the turnoff I stopped at earlier today, by the playground, and I think that this time I should just keep driving, and I’m really not sure whether what I saw in the playground today was something I really saw or something I just imagined, yes, dreamt, in a way, I think, but it was real, I’d be lying if I said otherwise, I think, and I think that anyway it wouldn’t hurt to take a little break from driving, I did drive for a long time today and I’m probably more tired than I realize, so maybe I should stop in the turnoff I’m coming up to and take a little break there again, yes, get out, stretch my legs, get a little fresh air, yes, I’ll do that, I think, and I keep driving south and I’m at the bend that the turnoff is just past and I drive around the bend and I see the turnoff and I pull into it and stop the car and now it’s so dark out and the snow is falling so thick that I can’t see the playground, I think, and there’s no one here now, I think, and I think that I’ll just rest here for a minute, get out of the car and get a little fresh air, and stretch my legs a little, I think, and I stop the engine and step out into the snow, there’s already a good layer of it on the ground, everything is white, the benches, there’s snow on the trees and I stand there and look at the snow coming down and then there are just isolated snowflakes falling and then it stops, and goodness it’s so much brighter when the landscape is white, yes, the white snow gives light to the night, and there, on the path down to the playground that’s covered in new snow, I see a couple walking hand in hand, and it’s the same two people I saw earlier today, yes, definitely, so it wasn’t something I just imagined then, was it, I think, because now I see a young man with medium-length brown hair almost covered in snow walking next to a young woman with her own long dark thick hair, and her hair too is almost totally covered in snow, and I hear her say it’s so unbelievably beautiful here with all the new snow