by Leigh Landry
A long walk was a much better option. Besides, it was going to take him a while to calm the hell down before he had to deal with customers again.
He made it about a block when his phone beeped with a text. It was from Natalie, asking him to call her when he got a minute.
Natalie had been the whole reason he took a chance and reached out to his brother. It wasn’t her fault his brother was an asswad, but he didn’t want to talk about it.
He put the phone back in his pocket without responding. After this thing with his brother blew up in his face, he wasn’t ready to test his shitty luck today with Natalie. He didn’t know what she had to tell him, but it clearly wasn’t something simple enough to tell him in a text. Which meant it was more than he wanted to deal with right now. Or maybe ever.
Chapter 8
When her shift was over at six, Natalie went to the front of the library to wait for Kelsey. They were going to grab a bite to eat and ride over to Cajun Field together, so they could set up quickly for their sound check. She glanced at her phone again.
“What’s that face for?” Kelsey asked as she pulled up to the front and Natalie climbed in the car with her guitar and a change of clothes.
“It’s nothing.”
“Liar. What’s up? Something with Cadence? Is Eddie being a douche again?”
Natalie shook her head. “No, Cadence is fine. It’s not Eddie.”
Kelsey pulled up to a stoplight and looked at her friend. “Oh, damn. I know that look. Did you see Shane again? Spill it.”
“Yeah.” Natalie debated how to explain it without explaining everything. “He came over last night. And now he won’t respond to my texts.”
“Seriously? Shit. What a shithead,” she said. “Sure he’s not just busy?”
“I asked him to call me when he got a minute. I forgot to tell him to keep things quiet around Robin. No need stirring up shit.”
“Well, she doesn’t own your vagina.”
“No, but I did promise her I’d keep things professional until after this week.” Plus, Natalie felt bad about stirring up stuff during rehearsal the night before. She knew Robin had enough on her plate pulling the group together for these gigs.
“Maybe he just hasn’t had a chance to call yet,” said Kelsey. “Or maybe he isn’t getting his texts for some reason.”
Natalie had been telling herself that all afternoon. It wasn’t the most convincing argument. Certainly wasn’t very reassuring. And Kelsey didn’t know what Natalie was really worried about, that he’d only been pretending to be okay with her confession that morning. That after he’d had some time to think about it, he’d freaked out. That she’d been right all along. She never should have let this go beyond fling status.
And as much as she’d been convincing herself for years that she didn’t care what anyone thought about her or her sexuality, deep down she was a dirty, stinking liar. She did care what her friends thought of her, which was why she hadn’t told most of them yet. And somehow, despite her own self-warnings, she’d grown to care what Shane thought, too.
Kelsey pulled into the parking lot of the new taco place they both loved, and rolled down the windows a crack. “I’ll grab us some tacos. You stay here and make that phone call. You’re gonna feel like shit until you do, so just get it over with. Grilled shrimp with everything?”
Natalie nodded and handed Kelsey some cash. Then she stared at her phone for a second.
Kelsey was right. She needed to talk to him before the gig. And it had nothing to do with Robin anymore.
She hit the call button and held her breath.
* * * * *
Shane stared at his ringing phone for a second while he stood beside his truck. He’d just gotten off work, and he’d completely forgotten to call Natalie.
Or maybe he hadn’t entirely forgotten.
Either way, he was still pissed about that lunch with his brother, and he wasn’t sure he should talk to her while he was raw and angry from that. But he couldn’t ignore her forever. They were going to see each other in a little while anyway. He might as well find out what she needed to tell him.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” she said. Her voice was low and jagged over the phone. “Bad time?”
“No, I just finished loading up. Sorry, it was busy today.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “So, listen, I just wanted to catch you before tonight.”
“Okay…”
“I’d really like to keep this thing with us quiet around the others. For tonight.”
Shane hadn’t known what to expect, but it sure wasn’t that. His neck tensed and his jaw firmed up. Maybe he was just paranoid from his meeting with Randy, but this didn’t make sense. “Wait…why?”
“It’s really mostly Robin. We’ve had some…issues with the band before. It’s complicated. Sort of. But I can explain later. Can you just do that for me tonight?”
Sure, that sounded reasonable. If he didn’t suspect there was more to this than what she was telling him. And Shane could only think of one reason why she’d want to keep their relationship a secret. “This is about Camille, isn’t it?”
She paused for a second, then gave a firm, sharp-edged, “No.”
“Then why? I thought we were past this whole fling thing. I thought you were serious about wanting more than that now.”
“I am,” she said. “Or I was.”
“Yeah, well, I was, too.” He’d been completely serious about her. About them. He’d even been willing to put his on heart on the line, knowing she still had feelings for Camille. But that meeting with his brother reminded him how bad an idea that was. “I don’t like secrets or drama or whatever this is. I’ve had my fill of getting caught up in other people’s messes.”
“Messes,” she repeated.
He regretted the pain and venom reflected in his word choice, but he wasn’t sure he should take it back. If she was still hung up on this Camille person, this was all just a heartbreak waiting to happen for him.
“Well, maybe we should keep things quiet anyway. For good.”
“For good.” She exhaled, long and slow on the other end. “All right then.”
“I think it’s—”
But she’d already ended the call.
Shane stood outside his truck for a minute, kicking at weeds poking through the pavement cracks. Every cell in his body urged him to call her back. To tell her he was an idiot. To take whatever crushing blow was in line for him down the road.
But he just couldn’t do it. Because he’d known from the moment that he’d first spoken to her last week that this wouldn’t end well.
No use prolonging the inevitable. No matter how much it stung.
Chapter 9
Natalie helped Kelsey unload the last of her kit from the back of her car and onto the stage. The stadium parking lot smelled like cheap beer, stale vomit, and hot funnel cake. And it was only early Friday. Good thing the band wasn’t on the Tuesday lineup.
At least the smell matched her mood. She’d been ripe the whole drive there, and grateful for the physical activity of setting up to release some of her frustration.
Her messes.
She knew exactly what he meant by that. Fuck him and his mess-aversion. She’d known better than to start anything with this guy. But after a week with Shane—feeling seen, feeling less alone than she’d ever thought possible, feeling like maybe she could take another chance on love…one day—she’d never expected this kind of disappointment.
She should have expected it.
As Kelsey drove off to find a parking spot, she caught sight of Shane walking to the sound stage. That was Natalie’s cue to find a quiet corner to warm up and pretend he didn’t exist.
She placed her gig bag down near the back of the stage and pulled her phone out of the outside pocket. She texted a series of hearts to her ex’s number for Cadence. Sure as hell wasn’t forgetting that again. A smiley face and a dinosaur appeared on the screen a few seconds later, so Na
talie tucked the phone back in the pocket and unzipped the bag with a smile on her face, thankful for that dinosaur and the little girl who sent it.
After she slipped the guitar over her head, Natalie wandered off behind the stage to pluck and strum and loosen her fingers and wrists. Once the sun had dropped below the horizon, the pleasant day transformed into a clear, crisp night, but they’d all warm up soon enough during the performance with the hot stage lights and jumping around. A buzz of crowd energy built up as people arrived after work and prepared to kick off their long weekend of festivities. Music and parades and drinking and food in a fuzzy haze of consciousness. Not really her scene anymore, but it went on like clockwork, every year, with or without her.
The new girl arrived, fiddle case in hand, and walked toward Natalie and the stage. She’d been doing a great job so far, but this was easily the biggest gig she’d played with them yet. Lots of people. Lots more pressure.
“You ready?” Natalie asked.
“Ready as I’m gonna get,” the girl replied. She was clearly nervous, as much as she tried to hide it. Whether she was nervous about the gig or about Natalie potentially giving her a hard time again wasn’t clear.
“Hey,” Natalie said.
The girl had just passed Natalie, so she stopped and turned to face her. “Yeah?”
Natalie gave her a reassuring nod. “You’re gonna do great, Lauren.”
It was the first time she’d called her by name. And it was long past due.
Lauren smiled and said, “Thanks,” before turning and climbing the steps to the stage.
Natalie went back to strumming with her back to the rest of them. Shane was across the dance area over with the mixing boards. Everything was already set up for this gig, since the store he worked at set up the sound equipment for the whole fair weekend. Robin never really had anything to worry about, but she was always nervous about things blowing up after the last Kelsey and Eric disaster. So Natalie went along with it. As much as she and Robin butted heads sometimes, she knew Robin took on a lot of stress managing everything for the group, and if she could ease Robin’s mind in any way, she was willing to go along with that.
“Nat!” Kelsey shouted down at her from the stage. “Sound check.”
Natalie gave a thumbs-up and headed toward the stairs. When she reached the top, she found Kelsey bickering with Eric about how he was set up too close to her, and Eric insisting he didn’t have enough space to move over because of a speaker.
Robin got to them before Natalie did. “Everything all right back here?”
“Just dandy,” Eric said.
Kelsey rolled her eyes and turned away. She looked, in fact, like she wanted to throw up. She’d mentioned to Natalie that she wasn’t feeling well a few days ago, a stomach bug or bad food or something, but Natalie was beginning to wonder if something else was going on.
“I will be,” Kelsey said. “Let’s just do this.”
Natalie made a mental note to grill Kelsey later, as she found her spot on the side of the stage. Before she could stop herself, her eyes found Shane standing behind the mixing board across the crowd of people gathering.
She knew she’d have to see him tonight. But she’d figured the sight of him would make her skin crawl with disgust. She never thought she’d feel so lost at the sight of him. That after the way he spoke to her and dismissed her and pushed her away, she’d still want him to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. It felt needy and weak, and she hated that part of herself. Hated that she’d let herself get to this point with someone again.
“Natalie?”
She looked over at Robin. “Yeah?”
Robin was frowning at her. Not her angry frown. Her mama bear frown. “You ready?”
Natalie nodded and took a deep breath. “Yeah. I’m ready.”
* * * * *
The band held out their last chord together, then jumped and ended their set. Robin thanked the crowd and said some other stuff, but Shane didn’t hear much of it. He was still watching Natalie on the left side of the stage.
He couldn’t help himself. She got so lost in the music, pouring all of her emotions into each song, her blonde hair dancing while she stomped her boot…it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
But it didn’t change a damn thing. It only reminded him of what he couldn’t have.
A few moments later, he saw Robin pushing through the crowd of people wearing stacked beads around their necks and holding plastic cups and cans of beer. “You.” She held up a finger and curled it to call him toward her.
Shane told the guys up there with him that he’d be back in a second, then went down the steps. “Hey, nice set up there. You guys—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she said. “What did you do?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Why do you think I did something?” He was afraid to say too much. He might not want to get his heart crushed by Natalie, but he wasn’t vindictive. If she didn’t want the band to know about them, he wasn’t going to be the one to tell them.
Robin narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m not blind. Natalie was staring at you before the set like a kicked puppy. And she wasn’t shamelessly flirting with you or anyone else just to piss me off. So I’ll ask again. What did you do?”
Shane stuck his hands in his pockets. His eyes betrayed him and glanced over Robin’s shoulder at Natalie breaking down a cymbal stand. He looked back at Robin and said, “You should ask her.”
“I’m asking you.”
Shane took a deep breath.
“Quit stalling.”
“She’s still hung up on someone else.”
“No shit. What difference…” Robin’s expression shifted. She looked less like she was about to tear his face off now. “She told you about Camille?”
He froze, still unsure how much to say. “Yeah.”
Robin stared at him for a second, then smacked him on the arm with the back of her hand. “You idiot. She didn’t even tell me about that.”
“Wait…but how did…”
“She didn’t tell any of us. But we could all see it, plain as day.”
“Oh.”
Robin put her hands on her hips, glaring at him now. “I hope you’ve got more to say than that.”
He did. He had a million thoughts running through his head, he just didn’t know how to string the words together yet.
But with Robin glaring at him, he was afraid not to.
“I didn’t…I mean, she—”
“Not to me.” She gave him an exasperated sigh and nodded back toward the stage. “Say it to her.”
Shane pressed his mouth shut and nodded.
Robin’s demeanor softened a little. “Just fix it, okay? She’s been through a lot. And for whatever reason she trusts you. Don’t take that lightly.”
“Understood,” he said, but Robin was already walking away, back to the rest of the band packing up.
The crowd had grown since the beginning of the show, and they were shuffling around Shane, off to find food and drinks between bands, as he stood dumbfounded and frozen.
He’d had no idea she was trusting him with something she hadn’t even trusted her own band members with. People who seemed, from the outside, like family. But she’d told him. He’d assumed he was just a distraction for her. Something to have since she couldn’t have the person she wanted right now.
But she’d trusted him. And he’d pushed her away, because he’d been afraid she’d eventually push him away. How could he be such an idiot?
He could blame his brother for messing with his head, but this had been all Shane’s doing. His mess.
She spotted him from the stage and watched him watching her for a second, then went back to work helping the drummer tear down. Shane turned to the guys on the sound stage and held up one finger, letting them know he needed them to cover for him for a minute.
Then he wove through the crowd, toward the stage and the band a
nd Natalie. He’d made a mess of this whole thing, but he was going to fix it. Or at least he was going to give it his best damn shot.
Chapter 10
Shane’s heart was beating heavily inside his chest by the time he reached the stage. He took a deep breath, made sure his ego was tucked way down somewhere it couldn’t get out—at least for the next few minutes—and climbed the steps, hoping he wasn’t too late.
Natalie’s eyes widened when she looked up from the pile of stands and found Shane staring down at her. She stood slowly, hesitantly, that guarded edge back in her eyes that was so apparent the first night he met her. He couldn’t believe that was only a week ago.
“Hey, Robin,” he called over his shoulder, while his eyes remained locked on Natalie. “You’re gonna need someone else to run sound from now on.”
The drummer and bass player were both paying attention now, and Robin and the fiddle player were also moving toward them to find out what was going on.
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Robin asked.
Shane held Natalie’s gaze. Her eyes were narrowed, but he could see the curiosity in them now.
“Because I like to keep my work and personal life separate,” he said. “And I’m falling for your guitar player.”
Off to the side, the drummer let out a slight gasp, and the fiddle player slapped a hand over her own mouth. He didn’t know what he expected from Natalie, but if he had to guess her reaction, he never would have guessed she’d be more angry with him. But, sure enough, her green eyes were sizzling with rage and her cheeks were reddening with the fire brewing inside her.
“What. Are. You. Doing.” Her voice was low and growly. It made Shane want to crawl away like a wounded animal.
But he wasn’t going anywhere. Not until he apologized. She could tell him to fuck off, and he’d do it. He’d do whatever she wanted. But first he had things to say.
“I’m doing what I should have done before. I’m telling you that I’m falling for you. Hard. All of you.” He let that last statement linger in the air for a moment, to make sure she understood. “I’m sorry, I know you said you didn’t want anyone to know, but Robin already knew about us.”