by Leigh Landry
“There might not be anything to tell later.”
Natalie froze midstep. “Shit. I’m sorry, Kel. I didn’t—”
“It’s fine.” Kelsey paused with her friend for a second, then they both continued their walk.
She’d been pregnant once before, about a year ago. Had a miscarriage late in her first trimester. Neither of them handled it well, to say the least. Kelsey had shut down emotionally and shut Eric out, leaving the door open for him to walk away and for her to have to heal on her own. Their split nearly tore the whole band apart once Kelsey’s instincts told her it was time to hit the road, no matter how much the thought of leaving these new friends would have killed her just when she needed them most. Thankfully, Natalie and Camille had talked her out of that decision.
A moment later, Natalie said, “I didn’t know you two…”
“It was just a one night thing right before Mardi Gras. Before he got together with Bria.”
“No wonder you were so sick over that.” Natalie swore under her breath again. “I’m gonna kill that bastard.”
“We’ve both made mistakes.”
So many mistakes. And as much as he’d fucked up, she had to own the fact that she’d played a part in pushing him away. She knew better than to feel guilty about that, given the circumstances and the pain she’d been dealing with, but she’d played her own role in their break-up, and she couldn’t let him take all of the heat for it. Not anymore.
“Well, what if you guys didn’t make mistakes this time? What if you gave him a chance to do the right thing? Do you want him to be there with you through it this time?”
Kelsey shook her head. “He’s still with Bria.” She knew that if she told him now, he’d immediately break up with Bria, thinking that was the right and noble thing to do. But the last thing Kelsey wanted was someone tied to her out of some sense of obligation. “I don’t want to go through all of that complication if I don’t have to. Especially if there isn’t any point in the end.”
Natalie stopped again. This time she put a hand on Kelsey’s arm. “You love him. That’s the point.”
Kelsey popped her sucker back in her mouth while her stomach rolled and her throat tightened. Of course she loved him. She couldn’t imagine a world where she didn’t love Eric. But she also knew she’d never be enough for him. The moment she and the baby weren’t a package deal anymore, it was easy for him to walk away. She may have held the door open for him to leave, but he’d walked through it.
So, no. Loving him wasn’t the point.
“If there’s still something to tell, I’ll tell him after the festival.”
Natalie stared at her for a few moments, then nodded. “Okay. Until then, lots of ice cream dates with me.”
Kelsey laughed. “Please, no ice cream.”
“Fine.” Natalie smiled. “Crackers and herbal tea dates?”
Kelsey bumped her friend’s arm as they continued their walk around the block. “Now you’re talking.”
* * * * *
Eric tapped his student’s index finger to remind her which key to press next. The six-year-old was a quick learner, but she was struggling to remember the interval jumps. Or at least it seemed that way. Eric suspected it was more of a confidence falter than a memory falter.
“Good,” he said when she played the next three notes correctly then paused. “What’s next? You know this.”
A couple seconds later, she played the right note and finished the one-line song. She looked up from the music book at him, a wide, bright smile stretched across her round little face.
“Great work! See, I knew you could do it. I want you to know that you can do it. Because you can. You’re a rock star, you know that?”
She giggled.
He grabbed her assignment book and began writing on that week’s page. “Now, I want you to practice that scale we learned and work on this new song. Plus, I want you to practice last week’s pages until you can play them smoothly with no mistakes or pauses. Okay?” That should help build her confidence.
His student, Abigail, nodded. Eric handed her books to her, which she tucked into her tote bag. Then he held the practice room door open for her. Her mother was waiting in the hall. She took Abigail’s hand and said, “Ready? Had a good lesson?”
Abigail gave an enthusiastic, “Yes!”
Eric smiled. “She did great today, Mom. You watch, she’s going to be playing better than me and fighting me for gigs in no time.”
He winked at Abigail and told them both goodbye and to have a nice week. With a quick look around the hallway, he realized his next student wasn’t there yet, so he walked to the music school’s front desk.
Normally if his last student ran late, Eric would stay late to give them their full time. But today wasn’t a normal day. Today he was meeting with Kelsey. As much as he loved his students and wanted to help them out, sticking around for more than a few minutes wasn’t an option.
The college student who normally handled the phones and appointments wasn’t at the front desk. In her place was Josh, a guitar player with a mountain of curly orange hair bundled on top of his head. Eric had played in bands with Josh at bar and church gigs over the years. Amazing guitar player. Really fun dude. But not exactly the most organized guy Eric had ever met. His case was usually filled with folded and crumpled sheet music, and it took him forever to find a tune on his iPad. Not that it affected his playing. He had an incredible ear. Didn’t make him the most obvious choice to be sitting at the front desk though.
“Hey man,” Eric said. “Charlotte’s not here?”
“Nah, she had to leave early today. Rehearsal or test or something at school.” Josh squinted at the computer screen and made a few clicks. “I’m just filling in ’til closing.”
“Cool.” Eric looked around, but didn’t see his next student out front either. “Do you know if my 4:30’s here yet?”
“Nope. Haven’t seen them.” Josh looked up from the computer and leaned back in his chair. “Got a gig tonight? Or a hot date?”
“Neither.”
“Wanna come watch us tonight? New band—me, Ryan, and a couple other guys. We’re playing at a new little bar next to the Cuban place downtown. Short set, time to hit clubs after. You in?”
Ryan was a drummer who also taught at the music school. Eric had crawled the downtown bar scene with these guys many nights, after gigs and back when they were all in college together. Eric liked hanging with them, because they were as comfortable hanging anywhere—sports bars; gay clubs; tiny, dark, grungy dives; wherever—as he was, depending on the night and their mood. They were easygoing, funny, up for anything. It was an invitation he’d normally jump on.
“Sounds awesome,” he said. “But I’m writing music with Kelsey tonight.”
Josh squinted at Eric like he was another confusing computer screen. “That code for something?”
Eric laughed. “No, man. Actual music.”
“Oh, cool.” Josh squinted again. “You two a thing again?”
Josh had been around for the start of Eric and Kelsey’s relationship, not long after Eric joined Robin’s band a couple years ago. Josh had been witness to all the highs of that relationship as well as the devastating lows, plus all the topsy-turvy stuff in between. And as much as Eric had always been grateful to consider Josh a friend, he’d been even more glad to have someone rooting for him and Kelsey all along.
“No, just writing music.” But he must have paused a little too long before he said that.
Josh chuckled. “Sure. Sure.”
“We aren’t,” Eric insisted. “Not yet anyway.”
Josh gave an approving smile. “For fun or for real this time?”
This time he didn’t hesitate. “Kelsey’s always for real.”
His feelings for Kelsey had never faltered. Only his fears, guilt, and pride. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness for giving up on what they had, no matter the reason, and he was pretty sure she’d never take him back. But he knew he h
ad to try.
“Well, good luck, dude,” Josh said. “Hope it works out.”
The school phone rang. Josh answered it while Eric walked to the front door. He stared out into the parking lot while he tapped his foot and hummed a Tower of Power bass line.
Josh made a few clicks on the computer, then hung up the phone. “Good news. Your 4:30’s stuck behind an accident across town, so they rescheduled. Next Tuesday. Three o’clock. Looks like you’re done for today.”
“Sweet. Thanks.” Eric patted the desk and headed back to the practice room to pack up his things.
Josh called out after him. “You know where to find us later if you change your mind.”
“Thanks!” Eric said with a quick wave.
But there was no changing his mind. Not on Kelsey. Not this time.
* * * * *
Forty-five minutes later, Eric was unlocking the front door of his rented house across town, his music bag slung over one shoulder and his other arm balancing a bag of Chinese food. Once inside, he dropped his music bag on the living room floor and placed the food on the little dinette table in the corner. Then he turned on the lights and put on The Meters while he unbuttoned his shirt and found an old, soft T-shirt to change into. The one with Miles Davis on it. Kelsey’s favorite.
She’d bought it for him during one of their day trips to New Orleans. Somehow she’d bought it from a shop without him noticing, then she’d left it folded for him on his pillow back home. He’d never wear another shirt besides that one if he could get away with it.
Not that he was wearing it intentionally for her tonight. He just loved the shirt. Miles was the man, after all. But whatever helped his cause, right? He’d need all the help he could get for his mission to get Kelsey back.
When he returned to the living room, Eric rubbed his hands together wondering what to tackle next. First task: wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans.
He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It wasn’t like he’d never hung out with Kelsey alone before. Sure, they’d never written music together. Not without Camille there, too. But still. He didn’t have anything to be nervous about. This was Kelsey.
Exactly why he had everything to be nervous about.
He started taking containers out of the bag and lining them up on the table. He’d texted Kelsey after he packed up at the school to see if she wanted her usual order: Kung Pao shrimp with a spring roll. But she just wanted hot and sour soup. Weird. For her, at least. Not that they’d been eating together much the last few months. Maybe her tastes had changed. Or maybe it was like she’d said and she just wasn’t very hungry. Either way, he’d ordered some spring rolls for her anyway. Just in case she was hungry by the time she got there.
As soon as he grabbed a handful of forks and spoons from the kitchen and placed them on the table, a knock at the front door startled him. Not just any knock. Kelsey’s quick, rhythmic knock.
The utensils went scattering across the table and onto the wood floor with a startling clatter. Eric looked at the mess for a second, then wiped his sweaty palms on his pants again and lowered the speaker volume before heading to the door.
When he opened it, Kelsey was standing there in shredded jeans and her vintage Stevie Nicks tee. Her partial tattoo sleeve peeked out from the edge of the fabric, and below that her collection of leather and metal bracelets covered her wrists and forearms. She wasn’t short, but he still had to look down at her, and their height difference meant he could always smell her deliciously crisp, green apple scented shampoo.
Eric took one look at her soft, round face with those blue-gray eyes and that shy, sweet smile of hers, and he forgot why he was supposed to be nervous at all.
Chapter 3
Kelsey stood frozen in the doorway. Eric was wearing a burgundy flat cap and that threadbare Miles Davis T-shirt she’d run her fingers over so many times, and her gaze honed in on the outline of his chest and shoulder muscles beneath the fabric. When she lifted her eyes, she found him staring back at her, his face lit up like he’d been waiting for her forever.
If only.
“Hey, come in.” He moved aside so she could enter the cozy old house she’d always loved. It had history and life to it. The floors and walls creaked with the spring and summer storms, as if they had stories of their own to tell.
She walked inside to the dimly lit living room. Strings of white lights hung from the ceiling, and The Meters, Eric’s favorite band, filled the room with soft, soothing funk. Someone else might think he was trying to set a mood. But Kelsey knew better. None of this was for her. This was simply pure Eric. Kelsey had spent so many nights in this house over the past couple years listening to those creaky walls, sleeping in that room down the hall…
A chill ran up her spine, and she shook those memories from her brain. No sense living in the past. The present was messy enough.
“Can I get you something to drink? I have cherry Coke in the fridge.”
He hated the stuff, but he always kept some cans around because it was her favorite. It was the one sweet treat she craved, and the only thing that got her through some of their late night rehearsals. As careless as Eric had been with her, he could also be the most thoughtful person. Especially with little details like that.
It was the big stuff that flew by him.
She held up the half-finished bottle of water in her hand. “Still working on this. Thanks.”
“I got your soup.” He fidgeted with containers on the table. “And some spring rolls. Just in case you were hungrier by the time you got here. Or for later. Or whatever.” His words were rushed, like he was nervous. For what, she had no idea. Maybe about being on their own for this song.
She sat at the little table while he poured soup into a gigantic brick-red coffee mug and handed it to her with a spoon.
“Thanks. Soup’s good for now.” Truthfully, she couldn’t stomach even the thought of eating anything fried right now, but there was no way to tell him that without getting into the why of it.
A legal pad and a pen sat on the table beside the food. Ever the Boy Scout. Always prepared. As spontaneous and impulsive as he could be sometimes, he could be equally thoughtful and responsible. One of the many surprises she’d grown to love about him.
She squirmed in her seat and looked down to stir her soup. Focus, Kel. “So you have any ideas for direction on this? Did Robin mention to you if she wants something slow or up-tempo or what?” She’d been in such a hurry to escape the night before that she forgot to ask.
“I texted her today.” He sat beside her, and she stared at the strong column of his neck and the meticulously trimmed facial hair outlining his jaw. “Whatever we want to do. She just wants new stuff. I’m sure she’d like to build up to a new album at some point, but she doesn’t have any specific ideas yet.”
An album. Kelsey’s mind raced with possibilities and the tempting carrot of writing more with the band, even if she was too pregnant to gig with them for a while.
But none of that gave any direction for the task in front of them. Kelsey usually found it easier to write within some defined parameters, but she’d have to figure this out without any. They would have to figure this out…together.
She glanced at the upright piano against the living room wall. The one he’d inherited from his grandfather, who’d bought it secondhand from his church decades ago. Kelsey and Eric used to sit side by side at that piano, her hip pressed against his on that bench, while his long fingers traveled across the keys with ease and skill.
Crap. What had she gotten herself into?
She took another sip of soup to settle her stomach and warm her nerves. “Did you have any thoughts?”
Eric finished the huge chunk of eggroll he’d bitten off and swallowed. After he chased it with water, he said, “I don’t know. I was thinking maybe something slow? Since we’ll have a huge audience and usually play a lot of upbeat stuff. Plus it might be easier to pick up. Especially since Lauren’s still getting her feet under her.
”
“Good point.” Kelsey’s stomach tightened. He made a lot of sense. Fewer notes. Fewer lyrics. Faster to learn.
But a slower tune meant more emotional lyrics. More depth. More tears. While she was already hormonal and hurting and afraid and unsure of the world around her. Kelsey would have to lay out her soul for the world in those lyrics. All while working side by side with Eric, who had no idea what he was even asking of her.
“I mean, if you’re up for that,” he said. “They’re gonna be your words. I’m just here to make them sound good.” His mouth curved into a smile that lit up the whole room. That smile made her feel like she could do anything as long as he was there beside her and had her back.
But he didn’t. Not when it counted.
“I’ll do whatever you want. Your call,” he added.
Or maybe he did?
“That makes sense,” she said. “Yeah, let’s do a slow tune. Maybe a new waltz?”
“Great.” Eric fixed his dark eyes on her and raised his glass for a toast. She raised hers as well, then he said, “To making great music together.”
Kelsey felt lightheaded and began to wobble. She nearly fell out of her chair before Eric caught her elbow with his strong, steady grip. The concerned look on his face required some sort of explanation, although she didn’t really have a good one prepared.
“I’m fine,” she said. “Not enough caffeine today, I guess.” She would have to get better at excuses if her blood pressure and her heart were going to randomly conspire against her like that.
Eric still held her elbow and stared at her with lingering concern. She realized her arm was tingling under the touch of his calloused fingers, roughened from years of plucking bass strings, and she wondered if maybe it was only her heart betraying her and not her blood pressure after all.
Kelsey steadied herself and raised her glass. “To music.”
* * * * *
“I think I’ve got enough here to get a good start.” He tapped the staff paper in front of him with the back of his green mechanical pencil. He’d been playing around with chords and different snippets of melodies for Kelsey to weigh in on, and they’d already nailed down what they wanted for the chorus. It was a very loose session. Relaxed. Stress-free. Exactly what he’d hoped for.