by Leigh Landry
Plus, she really did have a busy week. Focusing on this upcoming gig was important to her. The last thing he wanted to do was insist that she explain her feelings or try to guilt her into wanting to be with him. Leaving that coffee was going to be bad enough.
After she disappeared inside the store, Matt drove away. Feeling sorry for himself wouldn’t change a damn thing. He’d known better than to believe he had a shot with Robin, and yet he’d set himself up for disappointment anyway. He’d foolishly allowed himself to believe that he could make her happy. That he had something, anything, to add value to her life.
But he was done with the delusions. He had to accept once and for all that their little experiment was over.
Chapter 10
“Well,” Robin said. “I guess we’ll run it through again.”
The whole studio fell silent. Behind her, Eric cleared his throat.
Robin knew she was supposed to feel guilty for snapping, but the band didn’t have time for guilt. This gig was in two days.
“Everyone out.” Natalie’s voice was deathly flat. “Fifteen-minute break.”
“We don’t have time for—”
“Fifteen minutes,” Natalie repeated, while staring her down.
Lauren and Eric shuffled out of the studio without a word, the new drummer, Dale, following behind them with his head down. In addition to being a friend of Kelsey’s from college, he also worked part-time with Shane at the music store and taught lessons with Eric at the music school. They all vouched for him, and Robin had had high hopes when they met yesterday to give him the music. And he was a pretty good drummer, she supposed. But pretty good wouldn’t cut it with only one rehearsal before their biggest gig.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Natalie asked the second the room cleared.
“This guy can’t keep a steady rhythm and you’re asking what’s wrong with me?”
“He’s fine. You’re the one who’s all over the damn place.” Natalie’s face softened. “Take a breath.”
Robin opened her mouth to snap back, but inhaled as commanded instead. Natalie was abrasive and pulled no punches. Ever. But Robin found that oddly comforting. She always knew exactly where she stood with Natalie. No guessing. If Natalie was angry with you, you knew it. If she loved you, she loved you fiercely. If you needed a good, solid reality check…
Natalie was right. Robin was a mess.
“I know you’re worried about Kel like the rest of us, but something else is going on with you.” Natalie’s voice was acidic but soothing. Like tangy lemon sherbet.
“You mean you’re the one person who hasn’t seen the forecast?”
“You know I have. Can’t do a damn thing about that any more than you can control Kelsey’s uterus.”
That got the smallest hint of a laugh from Robin. “You’re the worst.”
“And you love me for it.”
“Damn right I do.”
Natalie put a hand on Robin’s arm. “Seriously, what’s going on? Whose ass do I have to kick?”
“No one’s.” When Natalie frowned and furrowed her brow, Robin corrected herself. “Okay, fine. Mine.”
“What happened?”
“I think I messed up. I blew Matt off all week.”
“Not the good way, I’m guessing.”
“Nope,” Robin said. “But in my defense, he brought me coffee and snacks.”
“That bastard,” Natalie said breathlessly.
“I told him I was busy this week, and he came by the store anyway.” The last thing she needed was some guy being pushy, ignoring her when she’d told him she was swamped. He’d been so sweet with bringing the dog by on Monday, but once she saw that coffee, she was back to thinking he needed more from her than she was able to give. Time. Attention. Lunch breaks.
But for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to call him and end things for good. And the more time went by, the more she wondered if she was overreacting or if she was trying to brush all of these signs under the rug just because she liked the guy.
“Did he demand you drink coffee and eat tasty treats with him?” Nat asked. “Or did he drop them off because he knew you were probably too damn busy and stubborn to take care of yourself?”
That would definitely be a Matt thing to do, looking out for someone else. But Robin wasn’t used to the men she dated being Matts, and she hadn’t reacted accordingly. “Damn.”
“Well, did you jump to conclusions and tell him off or just give him the cold shoulder for a few days?”
“The second one.”
Natalie made a little pout as she thought, then nodded. “Fixable. Just call him. Tell him you’re a busy idiot and you’re sorry.”
“I didn’t even thank him for the coffee.”
Natalie cringed. “Not even a text? Jeez, Robin. You’ve been hanging around me too much.”
“Probably.” She smiled, realizing she hadn’t done much of that at all this week. But she’d done a whole bunch of smiling last weekend. Last Saturday had been more fun than she’d had in months. Years, if she was being honest.
“Seriously. What’s going on? You’re the only person I know who has her shit together like ninety-eight percent of the time. Where’s this two percent coming from? And don’t say Kel or rain or band stuff. I’ve seen you solid as a rock through worse. Why are you pushing this guy away?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I was married to his brother?”
“Not like you’re still married to the guy and dating Matt.”
“Leave it to you to spin it that way.”
Natalie put up her hands. “I’m just saying this doesn’t have to be a big deal if you don’t make it one.”
“I’m not the one who’s gonna make it a big deal.”
“Who then?”
“His whole family.”
“Since when do you give a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks?”
“Since Matt does.”
“Ahhh.”
“Don’t do that.”
“You’re deciding for him,” Natalie said with a smug, satisfied grin like Sherlock Holmes had just solved the mystery. “You’re taking yourself out of the running because you think it’s best for him.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Didn’t have to. It’s your move.”
“Is not.”
“You did the same thing with your ex—don’t think I don’t remember that. Just so happened it was the right move for you both in that case. But that doesn’t mean it’s right for either of you in this situation.”
Robin narrowed her eyes. “You get in one solid relationship and you think you’re some guru now?”
“Damn right.” Natalie’s smug grin stretched wide now. “And this guru’s ordering you to call that man and fix this.”
She could always count on Nat for a good ass-kicking. “I will. But first I’ve gotta fix the mess I made here.”
“Good.” Natalie nodded and headed for the door. “I’ll get the others.”
* * * * *
Matt stared at his computer screen and tapped around with his mouse. His energy always waned by Friday, but it wasn’t even lunch time yet and he had zero focus. Hell, he hadn’t been able to focus for the last couple days, ever since he saw Robin with that other guy.
He knew it wasn’t his business who she had lunch with. They weren’t in any kind of committed anything. Hell, they’d only had one date.
Still stung like hell, though.
Especially since he hadn’t heard a single word from her since then. Not even a thank you for the coffee he’d dropped off. He didn’t need a thanks, but it wasn’t like Robin. She was probably just busy and forgot, but he couldn’t help take it personally.
He rubbed his palms across his face to wake himself up. It felt good to be clean-shaven again. He’d trimmed it all off last night, in some New Day, New Matt fit of inspiration. Except it wasn’t a new him. It was more like the old him. Like he wasn’t hiding or pretending to be someon
e he wasn’t anymore. He was just Matt, and everyone—including him—would have to be okay with that.
His phone rang, and he stared at it on the desk beside him, Robin’s name big and bold on the screen. His hand instinctively reached for it, but he froze with his palm hovering above.
He was torn between wanting to ignore it and lunging to answer it in a clumsy haste. He chose a third option, the boring option. The Matt option.
“Hi,” he said in a calm, even tone. “Ready for tomorrow?”
“Not really. I mean, yes. Maybe.”
“Do you need something? Did one of the posts not go up?” He’d checked everything multiple times, but it was possible he missed something. Or maybe there was a comment Robin didn’t know how to handle.
“No, everything you did was great. Is great.” She hesitated. “Thank you. Seriously, you were a huge help. And I’m an idiot for not thanking you earlier this week for dropping off the coffee and snack. Thank you. That was really thoughtful.”
He swallowed his shame and hurt and blinked away the image of her with that other guy by her car.
“You’re welcome.” He probably should have left it at that, but he couldn’t ignore the strain in her words and even if she could so easily turn her back on him, he couldn’t do the same. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“It’s…it’s Kelsey.”
Kelsey. He ran the band members through his head. The drummer. The pregnant drummer. “Oh, no. You said they were at the hospital but okay last weekend. Did something happen?”
“She’s fine. I think.” Her words were choppy and hoarse. “We don’t know yet. She’s been on bed rest and has an appointment this afternoon, and…I’m worried about her.”
Her voice sounded so small. So helpless. So unRobinlike.
“I’m sorry. I know you already have a lot on your plate this week.”
“I don’t even care about the festival anymore. I just want her to be okay, and this waiting is killing me,” she said. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your problem. I’ll let you get back to work. I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for us. For me.”
There was a long silence while he debated what to say. What to do. But there really wasn’t a debate. There was only one thing to do.
“Are you at work or home? Would you like me to come over and wait for the news with you?”
“At home. I couldn’t think straight. But…I…you have work. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re always fine, I know,” Matt said. “But it’s Friday. I can take work home to catch up on Sunday if I need to. What you need right now is to not be alone, and I can help with that. I can bring lunch, because I’m sure you haven’t eaten.” He paused. He could leave it at that, but he was done being afraid, and he was done missing out. “If you want my company, I can stay with you.”
After a long pause, she said, “I would like that. Thanks.”
Warmth swelled in his chest, and he grabbed his keys. “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”
Chapter 11
Robin sprinkled more baking soda on the edges of her kitchen sink and scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed. She’d already deep cleaned both bathrooms that morning and dusted every ceiling fan in the house. She’d read an article that said you should rub your light switches with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol to kill any lingering germs, so that was next on her list. If she had time she figured she could tackle the fridge and freezer, too.
But none of it was helping. She couldn’t stop thinking about poor Kelsey and how much she and Eric must be worrying right now, waiting for their news in the doctor’s office.
The sound of feet climbing steps caught her attention, and she opened the side door in the kitchen, the one only her friends used. Matt stood on the tiny deck with a worried expression on his face and a plastic grocery bag in his hand. Wind whipped the crepe myrtle behind him near the studio, indicating the front was moving in quickly. Maybe quick enough to clear out before their performance tomorrow.
But if she had to spend luck on anything, it would be on Kelsey. The weather and the festival were the least of her concerns right now.
“You shaved,” she said at the sight of his smooth face. As much as she’d liked the beard, he looked like himself again. “It looks nice.”
“Thanks.” He rubbed a hand along his jaw line. “Got tired of it. Figured it was time for my spring look.”
“You didn’t have to come all the way over here,” she said, noticing his dark blue dress shirt, gray striped tie, and gray slacks. “You look like you had a busy day.”
“Meeting was this morning. Cleared the rest of my schedule, and I can finish anything I need to from home later tonight.” His eyes softened into even darker pools of compassion. “I’m here for as long as you want me to be.”
Every doubt, every insecurity she’d had all week disappeared in that cloud of words. All that was left was gratitude for this man and his friendship. For his presence in her life.
“Thank you.”
He held up the bag. “Plate lunches. Crawfish étouffée.”
“I don’t know if I can eat anything,” she said, opening the door wide and gesturing for him to enter.
“You need to eat something, and this is peak comfort food.”
He placed the bag on the dinette table and removed the Styrofoam containers, while she grabbed a couple forks and placed them beside the plate lunches. When he opened the lids, the spicy smell of crawfish and onions and steamy rice filled the kitchen. Even the canned green beans made her mouth water. She was definitely hungrier than she’d realized.
“Listen,” he said, as he dug a fork in to mix his rice and sauce, “you can sit and worry about everything you need to worry about—Kelsey, the weather, the gig, whatever. I’m here to worry over you. To make sure you take care of yourself today, okay?”
She felt her mouth stretch into a smile, despite her attempt to contain her emotions in front of him. He wasn’t asking her to stop worrying, to stop caring about things, to stop being her. He was just asking to be there with her through it. And her heart could barely stand it.
“Deal.” She stirred her own rice mixture, then stopped and stared at him. He was focused on his food, and his expression held nothing but compassion and patience. “Matthew Blanchard, I do not deserve you.”
His hand froze with his fork just in front of his mouth. He put it down and stared at her with more sincerity than she’d ever been on the receiving end of before in her life. “You deserve everything you want. All the good things.”
Heat rose to her cheeks. She looked down. Ashamed. “So are we just going to ignore everything else?”
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and cleared his throat softly. “Listen, we don’t have any commitments. I’d like to be exclusive, but we didn’t have any agreements. If you want to see other people, that’s your right.”
Robin’s head shot up and her brain swam in a sea of confusion. “What the heck are you talking about?”
“I saw you…with that guy. The other day when I dropped off your coffee.” He cleared his throat again and loosened his tie a little. “The two of you were coming back from lunch. After you’d told me you didn’t have time to leave.”
“Riiiiight,” she said. “I didn’t have time for lunch with you because I had to meet with a drummer. Our possible sit-in for Kelsey.”
“Oh.” His face turned red. “I just assumed you were blowing me off. I mean, I get it.”
“You get what?”
“I get that he’s more your type. And I’m…not. Like I said, you deserve everything you want. I meant that. Even if what you want isn’t me. Because I understand. I’m not creative or interesting or whatever. I’m just boring media guy. I’ll never be a Dustin or that drummer or some other flashy musician who catches your interest.”
Robin flinched. “Is that really what you think of me? That I’m just interested in shiny dude-objects like a dang raccoon?” She felt a deep stabbing in her chest.
“I thought you knew me better than that. I thought you were one of the few people in this world who really did know me.”
He was silent for a moment. “That’s not at all how I think of you. I just think you deserve the best of everything. Even if that means you end up with someone who isn’t me.”
She blinked back the tears threatening to spill out over her neglected lunch. “That’s exactly how I feel about you. I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything you want, even if that means you’re with someone else because I can’t give those things to you.”
His face scrunched with confusion. “What is it that you think I want that you can’t give me?”
“More that I won’t. Not even for you,” she said. “Everything Heidi has. The kids and the dog and the whole shebang.”
“Who needs a dog? I’ve got Apollo now.”
“We are not talking about that thing you call a fish. And I’m serious.”
“I’m serious, too.” He scooted his chair closer to hers and took both of her hands in his own. “And I was serious the last time we had this conversation. I love my extended family, and I love being Uncle Matt. But I also like coming home to a quiet house and doing a whole lot of nothing. Just because I have fun with my nieces and nephews doesn’t mean I want to fill a house with my own kids. I want to have lazy Sundays in bed, take vacations to boring but beautiful, peaceful places, never ever watch cartoons that don’t include cursing. And the only person I want to do those things with is you.”
She’d never heard him say any of those things. They’d never really talked about what they wanted from life. That hadn’t been the nature of their relationship before now. But looking back on all of the things he had said to her, all of this made sense. She just hadn’t believed it.
“I just want you to be happy.”
“That’s all I want for you, too.” With a sad little smile of surrender, he said, “Sounds like we both need to stop trying to decide what’s best for each other.”
“Sounds like it.” With a heavy sigh, she asked, “Have we ruined this?”
He shook his head. “I am and will always be Team Robin.” He raised her hands to his lips and kissed each, sending heat radiating to every part of her body. “And for the record, I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I want to be by your side, loving you, for as long as you’ll have me.”