by J. M. Dabney
My parents were the epitome of happily married. They were that couple that all others looked up to, and I was a shit growing up. I’d made my mom’s life more difficult after dad had died.
“Do you spend a lot of time here?”
Andy walked past the kitchen table and drew a line in the dust.
“No, as you can see, it’s a bit of a mess. Let me show you to your room, and then we can go to the store to see about getting a few things. The fridge is empty.”
“I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You’re not. If you’re staying here, there needs to be food and coffee. Coffee is a requirement for functioning.”
“Definitely.”
I liked that he was more relaxed and as I passed him, I stroked my hand along Andy’s lower back. When he attempted to move closer, I released him and strode toward the stairs. Andy’s little frustrated huff was cute. I had to admit it stroked my ego a bit. Problem was I was unsure if the attraction was some transference type thing. He was reliant on me keeping him safe and maybe it was gratitude for my help. I really needed to get my shit together. It wasn’t like I was averse to a little fun, but Andy kind of had this aura of someone who liked commitment, and what promises could I make in this situation?
I led him upstairs and to the room across from mine.
“Here you go, bathroom is at the end of the hall.” As I spoke I opened the curtains to let in the light, and then turned on the lamp. “My room is across the hall.”
“Ray?”
“Yeah.”
“I…I really just appreciate this. I know I didn’t give you much choice.”
“Andy.” I approached him and raised my arms to wrap my hands around his slim biceps. “It was probably going to happen at some point. I should’ve anticipated the warning.”
Andy stood a few inches shorter than me, and I couldn’t miss the way his gaze kept dropping to my mouth. I didn’t think about it, I took one step and another until I backed him up against the wall beside the door. He licked his lips and I forgot all the excuses why I couldn’t let it happen.
I stroked my left hand up his arm and over his shoulder. I loved the way his pupils dilated as I fisted my hand in his soft hair. With a gentle jerk I brought his lips to mine. The groan that rumbled my chest at the contact took me by surprise. I used my heavier mass to trap him against the wall. Andy’s hands flattened on my lower back.
I bit at the full curves of his lips. I didn’t rush, people might think I was big and gruff with not enough manners, but moments like these I needed to savor. I kissed him until he was moaning and arching into me; I teased his tongue with mine. My cock jerked where it was pushed to his, and it brought me back to my senses.
Reluctantly I broke the kiss and rested our foreheads together. Our breathing was ragged and we kept moving our mouths closer as if we couldn’t resist just one more connection, no matter how brief.
“We should go.”
“Did I do something wrong?” Andy’s voice wavered, and his cheeks flushed. I could tell he was embarrassed.
“No, fuck, no, not…not in the least, we just…” I angled my head to the side to steal one more kiss. My control balanced on the edge, and it wouldn’t take much to push me over. Andy felt delicate and just right against me. The young man stole my control so easily. “I can’t keep you safe if all I can think about is getting you in my bed.”
“I’m an adult, I know what I want, Ray.”
My hand in his hair angled his head to the side until I could nip at his throat, and I retreated to take in the heaviness of his eyelids. “I know you’re an adult. We just can’t do this, not right now. Fuck, you make it impossible to think.”
I brought my right hand up to cup his jaw, my thumb caressing the pout of his bottom lip. I rubbed our covered dicks together, and he was so pretty when he whined and trembled. With one last kiss I made myself put distance between us. I studied Andy, the way he leaned heavily against the wall, and his chest moved in a frantic rhythm as he tried to catch his breath. The arch of his body pulled his t-shirt up to expose a pale, smooth strip of belly.
The awe that I could do that to a man as young and beautiful as Andy made me speechless. All I wanted to do was grab him and take him to my room, lay him across my bed. My hard-on was getting out of control.
“We’re going to leave and go to the store in ten minutes. I’m going to go change and meet you downstairs.”
I escaped and when I passed Andy, I resisted the urge to pull him back against me. One more kiss wouldn’t be enough, and if I didn’t put distance between us, I was going to take this to a place neither of us were ready to go.
When I entered my room, I shrugged off my shoulder holster and laid it on my dresser. I worked the buttons of my dress shirt free and removed it and the t-shirt under it to throw it in the overflowing laundry basket. I didn’t waste time, I changed into jeans and a black t-shirt that exposed the numerous tattoos that covered my arms but concealed the others. Some of them weren’t ones I was proud of, but had kept them to remind myself of the past. My mistakes shaped who I am, and I still had friends who could help. I felt my mouth pull into a smirk at what Andy would think about his prospective protection detail. We’d save that reveal for the next day.
My arousal was barely under control. It would kill me to stay away. I was going to keep my cock under control no matter how much I wanted Andy. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
“Ray.”
I turned to find Andy in the doorway. I grabbed my tactical boots and sat on the edge of my bed to put them on.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I was thinking if it was safe enough for me to be here, maybe I’d just stay here while you go shopping.”
“Are you sure?” I didn’t like the thought of him being alone, but the store was only down the street. A little neighborhood mom and pop store. My alarm system would alert my phone, and the motion detectors would send pictures of anyone who came on the property.
“Yes.”
“Okay, stay in the house and away from windows. I’ll turn on the alarm system before I leave.”
“Ray…”
“Andy, it’s going to be fine, I promise. No need to be scared. Just remain cautious of your surroundings. Tomorrow, be prepared to go to work with me. Get some rest and just relax until I get back.” I straightened and closed the distance between us. “I promise, Andy, I’ll make sure you stay safe. You just have to trust me.”
“I do.”
I raised my hand to stroke Andy’s smooth cheek and he leaned into the touch. He was so receptive to my affections. It went to my head quicker than my favorite Scotch. I had to remind myself this wasn’t permanent, that I couldn’t keep him, no matter how much my brain and body wanted to hold on and not let go.
11
Andy
After Ray left I found myself in desperate need to keep myself busy. My mind was my own worst enemy. Why would I think Ray would want to have sex with me? Kissing was one thing, but to see me naked? I couldn’t blame him for backing off.
Growing up kids at school called me In-The-Way-Shay because I was always so knobby and knocked things over. My mom told me I often reminded her of a giraffe. While that may not seem like an insult, it was.
Under Ray’s kitchen sink I was surprised not only to actually find cleaning supplies, but they were unopened. He was either the laziest, slobbiest person ever or he really was never here.
There weren’t any dishes in the sink, so I went about spraying down the counters, sink, all the appliances. When I was happy that the sheen of dust was gone, I went to working on the floors. While I cleaned, my mind raced to scenarios. Ray was nice, he didn’t outright say I wasn’t his type or that he thought I was weird. But I knew. Guys who fucked me did it in the back of clubs and with the lights off. Men like Ray never even looked at me twice. I wasn’t as beautiful as Francis was, but I wasn’t so ugly no one touched me. There was just that moment right after orgasm the other gu
y looked disgusted.
I don’t know why I flirted. Ugh! The more upset I got with myself the cleaner Ray’s house got. The musty, stagnant odor that once filled the air was replaced with lemon and lavender.
I meant it when I said I trusted Ray, I did. There was an honesty to him, a gritty, raw honesty. He kept people safe. It didn’t matter he said his past was shady. Who he was now was a good person. I was so conflicted.
I was in the room Ray assigned me tucking in the clean sheets when I heard the front door.
“Andy?” Ray shouted.
I didn’t answer, just went toward him. As I got closer, I heard him mumbling.
“Did he polish the legs of the couch, too? Jesus, I didn’t know that was a black entertainment system, I thought it was brown.”
“I was just as shocked,” I said smiling, when he jumped at the sound of my voice.
He turned and the expression on his face had me laughing. He just stared at me, but after a few seconds he chuckled.
“You didn’t have to do this, Andy.” He walked past me and placed a couple bags on the clean table. “Wow, in here, too?”
“I really did have to, Ray. It’s healthier this way and it smells good.” I sniffed dramatically earning another chuckle.
“I just have a couple more bags in the car, I’ll be right back.”
I began unpacking the bags while Ray brought the others in. He had a lot of pasta, two steaks, hot dogs, burger patties, basically bachelor food. If it wasn’t for Augustine’s, I would never have learned how to cook. There were a few things missing from some recipes I knew, but maybe I could make this work.
“I’m not a big cook. I mostly eat at a cart on the street or Rudy’s.” He shrugged and his sheepish look had me thinking how much I wanted to kiss him again. The sobering memory of why I wasn’t going to shook me from those lust-filled thoughts.
“Fortunately for you, I work in a five-star restaurant and have learned a few things.” I rolled up my sleeves as I reached for the two steaks. “Why don’t you go do whatever it is you do and I’ll make dinner.”
“I don’t need you waiting on me, Andy.” He seemed equally upset and embarrassed.
“It’s a thank you for helping me, Ray. I’ll also pay you, but I need to do this, please?”
Ray did in fact go do his whatever things and I began cooking. Remembering everything Max, the head chef from Augustine’s, had taught me wasn’t hard because he yelled them at me. Like I was on autopilot, I just cooked.
I was just plating everything when my phone rang. It was an unknown number so I thought perhaps it was Elise calling from her sister’s.
“Hello?” I answered as I placed the butter sauce in a bowl.
“You can’t have what’s mine,” the robotic voice said over the phone.
“I’m sorry, what?” Prank calls were—wait no. “Why are you bothering me?”
“I will find you.” It was the last thing the voice said before they hung up.
“Ray!” I shouted as I ran out of the kitchen. “Ray.”
I heard him running just as I turned into the living room.
“Andy? What is it?”
“I got a call.” I handed him my phone where the unknown number was still displayed. “It was a robot voice, like one of those devices that masks the person’s real voice?” He nodded as he walked over to the small table next to the couch and pulled out a pad. “They said ‘you can’t have what’s mine’ and ‘I will find you.’”
He was writing the number down along with everything I said.
“How’d they get your number?” I didn’t know if Ray was asking me or talking to himself, but I answered anyway.
“Same way they found out I was at Elise’s. Same way they seem to know a lot of things. They’re following me and they’re smart.” I huffed and went back to the kitchen.
“Andy?” Ray followed behind me. “Ever hear the saying there’s always a bigger fish?” Of course I had, I was five once, I nodded. “Yeah, well, we’re the bigger fish and we’re gonna find this guy and he will pay.”
We didn’t speak much after that. While I poured our drinks Ray sat, pad in hand thinking.
“Eat, Ray. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of work to do tonight figuring this out so you better eat.” My hands shook as I grabbed my fork and knife.
Even though I was at Ray’s and safer than I was at Elise’s, the fact the killer called me, touched me when I was at my safe place, unnerved me.
“This is delicious, Andy.”
I blushed under the praise, I didn’t get a lot of it. I was no Gordon Ramsey, but I got by. Eating at the food court constantly would’ve become costly, and if I was going to spend money, I’d rather splurge on groceries to make Francis and me small dinners and lunches.
“Thanks. It’s financially better and healthier. Enjoy.”
We ate in silence; the clinking of our utensils filled the air. I glimpsed at Ray a few times and he caught my eye, winked and went back to eating.
He really didn’t seem worried about the call. And I asked him why.
“Your phone isn’t linked to this address, so whoever this is can’t track you here…”
“Unless they’re smart enough to know how to track a phone.”
Ray shook his head. “True, but then why not just come here, why call at all? I don’t think they know you’re here yet.”
“Maybe they needed me to answer to be able to track it.” I watched too many cop dramas, and by the look on Ray’s face, he agreed.
“Let’s focus on what they said to you. ‘You can’t have what’s mine,’ what’s that mean? What do you have? And ‘I will find you.’ That solidifies they don’t know where you are.” He was writing again, his plate empty and pushed aside.
“How could I have anything this person wants? He killed Francis not me. They didn’t even know I was there until I opened the door. None of it makes sense.” The frustration that filled my veins finally burst through, and I swiped my plate off the table and sobbed when it crashed to the floor shattering into a million pieces. It was all too much. I missed not being able to call or sit with Francis to talk about everything, and I didn’t understand what Ray saw in me if anything, and someone wanted me dead.
“Andy.” Ray was so close I could smell his after shave and feel his breath on my cheek. “I’d be losing my shit if I were you, too. But, I promise we will figure it out.”
My watery gaze met his confident one. “I feel safe with you, Ray,” I whispered. “When I’m here or near you, I feel like that’s true.”
He pulled the chair closer, leaned into me so he was once again an inch from my face.
“I want you to feel safe, Andy.”
I didn’t know why I felt so bold but suddenly I did. Perhaps it was desperation.
“Is that all you want me to feel?”
“Oh, Andy,” he said right before his lips crashed against mine. The surge of lust was insane, and suddenly I was being hoisted up, my back pressed against the kitchen table.
“I’ll make you feel so much more.” His voice was gravelly and deep, and I closed my eyes when he began to suck on my neck.
I hope he didn’t regret this later.
12
Ray
The entire time I walked the aisles of the grocery store I’d thought about this. The softness of Andy’s lips, his slender body pressed completely to mine, and I was no longer strong enough to resist. I straightened and Andy watched me, there was insecurity in his gaze and I didn’t like it. I removed his t-shirt to expose perfect, creamy skin.
Resistance wasn’t an option.
I lowered my upper body until I took Andy’s mouth again. As he moaned, I pushed my tongue past his parted lips, and his hands clawed at the back of my shirt. We rutted together. I stroked his skin, savored the silkiness of it and realized I could quickly become addicted to him.
When I broke the kiss, he arched his neck and I took the invitation. I bit and sucked at his throat. He whispered m
y name and his need was clear in the single syllable. I hooked my left hand under Andy’s knee and caressed upward until I squeezed one handful of ass cheek. When I sucked roughly at one nipple, Andy’s body violently arched and a chuckle worked its way up from deep in my chest.
I froze as he stiffened and lifted my head enough to take in the odd expression on his beautiful face.
I stopped everything and rested my forearms on either side of Andy’s head. Stroking his soft hair as I tried to analyze what was wrong. The young man’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut.
“Andy, what’s wrong, come on, baby, look at me. Second thoughts?”
Andy shook his head, but still refused to look at me.
“This stops now unless you talk to me.”
The threat worked and Andy’s pale blue eyes met mine.
“Good boy, now, talk.”
“I’m kinda skinny, men like…I’m skinny and clumsy.”
“Bullshit. Wrap your legs around me.”
He did as I said and I picked him up to carry him to my room. I didn’t know how far Andy was ready to go, but to be on the safe side I wanted to be near supplies. I kissed him between steps and whispered words. Andy’s insecurity shocked me. He was beautiful and to me just right.
When I stopped at the end of my bed, I used one hand to loosen his embrace around my neck. He tumbled to the bed with a squeak.
“What the hell was that?”
I didn’t answer, just raised my arms to grab the back of my shirt and pull it off. I’d never exactly been one of those ripped guys men lusted after. I bent over to remove my boots, then stretched back to my full height.
“Now, let’s clear up a few things, you’re fucking perfect from your shaggy black hair to the tips of your toes. If anyone needs to worry about what someone is going to think, it’s me.”
Since Andy was uncomfortable, I had to change tactics. I’d love on him until he didn’t remember any stupid ass insults. I slowly stripped him without breaking eye contact, and finally, he was naked and spread out across my bed.