When will that be?
This has been going on all night. Dawn can’t be far away. And with it, commuters. Rescue?
There’s not going to be any rescue.
“Tasha, hurry. I can’t see you.”
“Don’t worry,” came a voice that wasn’t hers. “I’ve got my eye on her.”
Adam turned his head to see a pair of muddy white trainers two metres away. He knew they belonged to Costa. The psychopath had never left. He’d been watching the entire time. “You son-of-a-bitch! If you hurt her, I’ll—”
“You’ll what? Lie there and scowl at me? You’re all going to die tonight, Adam. That was decided the moment you stood up and expected applause for being one year sober.”
Tasha yelped, and while Adam couldn’t see her, he knew she had just spotted Costa.
Costa chuckled like an unhinged clown. “Look at you, dashing about saving people. You’d have made a good soldier.”
“I doubt it,” said Tasha. “I have brains.”
“Ouch! There are smart people in the army, you know? We’re not all mindless. Look at me, for example. Tonight was all down to my planning.”
“Killing a bunch of people isn’t smart, Costa. In fact, it’s fucking stupid.”
Adam’s eyes rolled in his head as he strained to move. If he didn’t get up and help, then Tasha would be defenceless against Costa.
But I can’t.
There’s no way.
She’s on her own. Damn it, she’s on her own.
Adam managed to turn his head enough to see that John was now away from the fire. Tasha had managed to get them both clear of the heat. Now she stood alone, facing Costa as he sauntered towards her.
“You and I have never even met,” she said. “You might believe you have some righteous agenda in killing the members of this group, but I’ve never done a single thing to you. Or anyone.”
Costa laughed. “I think Patrick would disagree.”
“Patrick was an arsehole, but not as big a one as you.”
“Leave her alone, Costa.” Adam shouted it, and it succeeded in making Costa stop and turn around.
The psychopath grinned, white teeth catching the glow of the fire. “Do you know that tonight all hinged on you getting your sobriety chip? That’s why I’ve been attending the group for six months, to see if you would actually manage it. One year sober.”
“I did! I did manage it. So why are you doing this?”
Costa pulled a face. “Because you stayed sober. It proved to me that it was always within your control to stop drinking. You could have stopped while Katy and James were alive, but you chose not to. If you had fallen off the wagon these last six months, I would have left you alone. I would have accepted that you were truly incapable of staying clean, powerless over your own actions. But no, you are more than capable of not drinking. Katy and James just weren’t important enough for you to stop when it counted. You stood up tonight and signed your own death warrant. Congratulations, though, at least you’ll die sober.”
“The others didn’t deserve this. They never hurt anyone.”
Costa rolled his eyes. “Not even you can believe that. All alcoholics do is hurt those around them, so give me a break. My dad told me about the sheer number of atrocities he saw people do because they were drunk or high. It’s an excuse. An excuse to be wicked. Every one of you is scum, and the world is a better place without you.”
“What’s your excuse?” said Tasha. “If you’re not a drunk, then how do you explain wanting to kill a bunch of people?”
“Got a taste for it in the army.”
“You told me you never killed anyone,” said Adam, struggling to move.
“I said I never shot anyone. I strangled a kid with my bare hands. He should never have frozen and endangered our squad.”
Adam finally managed to get himself up onto one elbow. It was his broken one and it made him sick with pain, but he needed to see what was happening. “You’re talking about the kid who froze when ISIS shot at you? You said you didn’t agree with him getting a beating afterwards.”
“I didn’t,” said Costa. “I thought we should have shot him on the spot. I took care of it later in the field. Took the kid on a patrol and strangled him behind an old cattle shed. His body is probably still in the hole I buried him in. MIA, the reports say. I feel sorry for his mum.”
“You’re a fucking monster,” said Tasha. “This isn’t even about revenge. You’re an out and out psychopath.”
Costa finally cracked, his face contorting in anger. “What the fuck do you expect? I grew up in a shitty flat with only my mother as company. She was all I had, but if I’d known I had a sister, a nephew – hell, even a brother-in-law – then maybe I would’ve been a little more stable. I spent my entire life feeling alone and vulnerable. It taught me to fight and be tough because this world will shit on you every step of the way if you let it. Kill or be killed – that’s the one thing the army taught me above all else. And tonight I’m going to kill you all because this piece of shit took my life from me. He took my chance at being part of something, of not being alone. My sister and nephew are dead because of this drunken swine.”
“Fuck you,” said Adam. “They didn’t even know you existed. You were nothing to them and they were nothing to you. Katy was my wife and James was my son. You are nothing.”
Costa sprang forward and kicked Adam in the face, rocking his head back against the tarmac. Then he was on top of Adam, pointing in his face and screaming. “They were my blood! The only person in this world I ever loved was my mother, because she was my blood, but I could have loved my sister too. She was perfect, and you took her from me.”
Adam snarled. “Is that what your daddy told you? Katy wasn’t perfect. She was unfaithful to me a lot when we were first together. She hated charity and people who beg for money. Once, I saw her tell a homeless person to go get a job. Oh, and she could be a little bit racist sometimes. She was far from perfect, but she was an amazing mother and a good person at the end of the day. Like everyone else, she did her best, but no one is perfect, Costa.”
Costa reared up like he was going to deliver a punch. “Is that your excuse for killing her?”
“No! I loved Katy. She was worth ten of me. I would do anything I could to take back what I did, but I can’t. And you don’t get to grieve over a woman you never even knew.”
“Maybe, but one thing I can guarantee – nobody is going to grieve over you, Adam.” Costa tugged at his belt and produced a knife. “Last call, you drunk fuck.”
Tasha grabbed Costa around the throat and dragged him off of Adam. He kicked out with his legs but slipped on the wet tarmac, and his knife went skittering away. John called out weakly, asking what was going on, but like Adam, he was a useless lump on the floor.
Although I can feel my legs coming back to life.
Tasha fought to hold on to Costa like she was riding a bull. He swore and shouted between gagging noises, and his face started to darken.
Choke the bastard out, Tasha. You might actually win this.
But just when it looked like Costa was done for, he managed to gain his footing and twist his hips. He sent Tasha cartwheeling over his shoulder and she hit the ground hard.
Adam felt his right leg move. Then his left. He was still too weak to stand, or do anything approaching useful, but maybe he could do something.
Got to look for solutions. Work with what I have.
Frantically, he searched around. With the massive blaze going on only twenty feet away, the entire car park was lit up in orange. He could see their cars lined up beside the wooded edge, and he could see Costa’s vehicle parked towards the back of the community hall, shining its lights. Nearby, the bricked-up elm tree swayed in the superheated air, whipping at the bonnet of Margaret’s little green car crashed up against it. None of those things were useful. Nor were the bodies lying in various places.
Margaret still lay near the main road. Adam’s ex father-in-law was
a lot nearer, only ten feet away and almost in the dead centre of the car park. It was unexpected, but a wave of sadness washed over Adam. Richard had previously been a good man and a good father. The pain and anger he must have felt after losing his daughter and grandson had driven him to madness. It was almost understandable. Love and hate were opposite weights on a scale. Once all the love was gone, hate rose to the top. Richard was as much a victim of Adam’s choices as Katy and James were. It was another burden on his soul.
I should have died on the night of the fire. Me living has done nothing but make a bad thing worse. If I had died along with my family, maybe Richard would have got closure. And Costa would have had no outlet for his murderous rage.
No, he was a murderer before he ever found out about Katy and James. He’s a genuine psychopath. And he’s going to kill Tasha.
Costa threw a kick at Tasha as she scrambled to get off the floor. She saw it coming and danced away. Then she spun to face him, the two of them squaring off, feinting and swiping as they tried to grab and avoid each other. Tasha was clearly terrified, but she was making herself a hard rabbit to catch.
Adam had to do something.
He started dragging himself along the ground, not really knowing where he was heading or why. As he moved, he continued searching for answers. He thought about the broom handle Tasha had dropped somewhere out there. Next, he thought about Margaret’s car keys – but there was no way he could get them from her and then make it all the way over to her car. The vehicle was too close to the fire anyway. Nothing he could think of was of any use.
Then he saw it. The thing he had remembered earlier but then forgotten about. His father-in-law’s revolver. It was lying right there on the rain-soaked tarmac. Ten feet away. An eternity away.
But so close.
Adam had already fired one firearm today, and it had almost broken his shoulder, but this gun was smaller and more manageable. If he could just reach it.
Tasha cried out as Costa grabbed her around the waist from behind. He lifted her in the air and began hooting with laughter. “Hey, Adam? Should I kill her slow or fast? Where should I cut first? You choose.”
Adam shuffled towards his father-in-law’s body but tried to make it seem like he was impotently trying to escape. He tried to make his voice sound weak and pleading. “Let her go, Costa. Please.”
He shuffled back a little more, inches at a time. As long as he just kept going. As long as Costa was distracted.
As long as Tasha is still alive.
Tasha struggled and managed to get her feet back on the ground. Then she stamped down with a foot while throwing her head back. Costa didn’t make a noise or even clutch his nose as it began to bleed, but he let go of her and stepped back. “Bitch! I’m going to make this slow now, you can guarantee that.”
Adam continued moving, his muscles waking more and more. Soon, he was able to drag himself backwards with both arms and legs, but he didn’t turn onto his hands and knees or move too quickly as he couldn’t risk Costa racing over to stop him. He had to get to the gun.
I can almost reach it. It’s right there.
It was then that Adam realised the rain had stopped. The absence of it on his skin was a strange loss that he wanted back. The rain of earlier in the night had been replaced by an inferno and approaching dawn. The world had changed and things were coming to a head. How the new day began would be decided in the next few minutes.
Adam heaved himself up on his hands and threw himself backwards. It took him the last two feet he needed to finally be within reach of the revolver. It was a risk with consequences, however, because Costa suddenly became alert. “Hey, where d’you think you’re going?”
Costa attempted to dodge around Tasha but, God bless her, she stood in his way. Did she know what Adam was planning, or was she really ready to fight until she was no longer able to?
Adam reached out, groaning as he realised his launch had come up a few inches short. His fingertips brushed the cold metal of the gun, its muzzle pointing straight at him. If it went off by accident it would shoot him.
I’ve been shot twice already. Who gives a shit?
Costa threw a vicious punch and knocked Tasha down. He saw what Adam was doing and hurried towards him. “Oh no you don’t!”
“Oh yes I do, motherfucker!” Adam stretched another inch, slid the revolver into his grasp, then turned and pointed it. “Bottom’s up, bitch.”
He pulled the trigger.
Costa’s run faltered, but he’d been sprinting so fast that he careened forward and hit Adam with a flying punch that almost knocked his head off. It clacked his teeth together and made his vision dark. Then Costa hit him again and it went darker still.
Did I shoot him?
Why is he still punching me?
Why isn’t he dead?
Adam grasped around, trying to work out if he was still holding the revolver. He was, but Costa had a knee over his wrist, keeping him from using it. Adam moved his head to avoid another blow and saw that Tasha was on the ground, trying to get up and failing. Costa’s punch had dazed her. Adam could sympathise.
Costa roared like a madman and beat at Adam furiously. Adam was powerless to do anything but cover his face with his one free arm. “I’m going to kill you. I’m going to drag you into that fire and burn you to death. That’s what you deserve. You deserve to die and go to Hell.”
“So do you,” Adam shouted back in a slur. “I’ll see you there, you piece of shit. Fuck you!”
Costa managed to clock Adam again, this time almost knocking him cold. Adam’s mind rushed towards a beckoning darkness and only managed to pull back in the nick of time. Costa continued raging. “You have no idea what my life has been like. Poor, desperate, afraid.”
“It’s not my fault. Your mother should’ve told you sooner about Richard. He was a good man. You would’ve been welcome. Katy would have welcomed you too.” Costa froze, his fist hanging in the air. He looked completely dumbstruck. Adam moved his arm and uncovered his face. “You have the same eyes.”
Those same eyes flickered as Costa suddenly transformed into a lost little boy. “I’m… going to kill you.”
“What will it change? You’ll still be alone. She’ll still be gone.”
“You deserve to die.”
“You think I disagree? Of course I deserve it.”
Costa was out of breath. He remained sitting on Adam, but he was just panting and glaring. But slowly the anger returned to his face. He would not be talked down. This had gone too far. “I’m done with this,” he said. “It’s over.”
In case Adam got any idea that Costa might stop, Costa made it clear he would not. He wrapped both hands around Adam’s throat and began to squeeze. With only one weak and battered arm, Adam was powerless to fight. The only thing he could do was try to get the revolver up and pull the trigger. He let off a shot, more by accident than anything else, and it sounded like the bullet hit John’s Range Rover.
Adam’s vision began to curl inwards at the edges, his consciousness fading. The closed-off tickle inside his throat was aggravating, like he needed to cough up a chestful of phlegm but couldn’t. Other than that, being throttled to death was not entirely unpleasant.
Got to fight it.
He gritted his teeth and strained to pull his arm free from beneath Costa’s knee. It started to move, the pressure tearing the flesh from his arm as he dragged it against the tarmac. But it was too slow. He would never get free in time. He couldn’t even beg.
I nearly did it. I thought I’d shot him.
Missed my chance.
Adam tried to keep his eyes from rolling, but as they did, they caught sight of blood. Blood that was pouring out of Costa upper thigh.
I did shoot the son-of-a-bitch. Right in the leg.
He was too weak to fight, but he could move his one arm, so he jammed his thumb right into the centre of the bloody circle on Costa’s thigh. Costa reared back, again not crying out in pain, but obviously feelin
g it. Disastrously, he didn’t remove himself from Adam and remained on top of him, keeping him trapped.
Adam continued pulling at his arm, trying to get it free so that he could aim the revolver. With Costa writhing in pain, his knee was moving back and forth. It allowed Adam some wriggle room.
Yes! Come on.
Costa recovered from the pain and glared at Adam. “I’m going to rip out your—”
Adam brought the revolver up and pulled the trigger. Costa brought his arm up at the same time and grabbed his wrist, sending the shot up into the grey sky. Dawn was coming. Somehow it felt like a time limit for his survival.
Costa began to laugh. “Why didn’t you fight that hard for them, Adam?”
“Because he has a disease,” said Tasha, standing directly behind Costa. Adam saw she had picked up the ex-soldier’s knife, and he couldn’t help but grin maliciously as she buried it in Costa’s back.
Costa reared up, clutching at his back and trying to remove the knife.
Without a word, Adam lifted the revolver and placed it under Costa’s chin. He hesitated a single second and then pulled the trigger. Costa’s head changed shape and it began to rain again. This time, the moisture on Adam’s face wasn’t water, it was blood. Throwing Costa’s body aside, he stared up at the dawn sky.
And placed the revolver against his temple.
Tasha’s voice sounded. “Don’t, Adam. Don’t you dare.”
Adam ran his fingertip along the metal trigger. “It’s all that’s left for me.”
“No, it would just be another selfish act in a long line of selfish acts. Don’t be a bigger asshole than you already are.”
Adam’s hand began to shake. He was so tired that even holding the revolver against his head was too much. “I’d be doing the world a favour.”
Tasha pulled herself up alongside him and stared into his face. “You want to do the world a favour, then help out at a homeless shelter. Don’t do this. If you do this, then you’ll never get a chance to make up for anything. I know it hurts, Adam, but there’s still a chance for you to die an old man being proud of who you are. There’s time. There’s time to become someone that Katy and James would have been proud of.”
12 Steps Page 14