Finding Ava

by Jennifer Loren

  “Ava is that true? Tell him he is being ridiculous. Don’t ruin this for me Kyle.” Anna griped waving her finger at Kyle.

  “Ruin it for you, honey, please. I wanted to go and meet him as much as you did.”

  “So then you admit he has great abs?” Anna asked.

  “I admit nothing,” Kyle cocks his head defiantly. “Until I see them in person, I will never admit anything.”

  Their random comments run together. I am not sure who said what or what I should even answer. I watch their banter like it is some kind of sport, waiting for the final take down so I can award the winner with an answer.

  “Ava so …?” Anna motioning with her hands to give it up.

  “No, I didn’t see where he lived and he’s six - four, not five feet tall. Kyle you know that. And he isn’t balding or chubby.” I forgot myself for a second thinking about him and sigh. “And his abs are incredible and so are his eyes and his arms and his hands, oh his hands … and his face and his lips are so …”

  “Wow Ava, he must be something. I haven’t seen you like this since … well since him,” Kyle said.

  “Yea Ava, it’s nice to see you finally noticing men for a change.”

  “Thanks Anna but I have noticed men before.”

  “You have not.”

  “I have too!” I yelled.

  “Who?” Kyle asked.

  “I checked out that guy …” Ummm let’s see … crap. “Oh! The guy at the restaurant.”

  “You mean the guy that sent you a drink when he saw you look at him? You nearly came out of your skin to get out of there and away from him.” Kyle said as I shyly nod.

  “I think our point has been made,” Anna said folding her arms confidently.

  “Don’t worry sweetie, it’s all about the baby steps. Maybe a little gawking at Sean Grant has done you some good and you can get busy with Justin,” Kyle said dancing a provocative number with a smartass chuckle.

  “Ava would you like for us to call Justin now? We would be happy to cover for you for one more day if you want to capitalize on your renewed sexual prowess.” Anna smiles wide.

  “Speak for yourself! We have been covering for her long enough. She can wait a few more days to screw Justin, besides I’m sure she needs something new and lacy to entice him.”

  “Entice Justin? She could wear a potato sack and say a word that sounds like sex and he would be all over her. Damn Kyle where have you been?” Anna laughs.

  “I know you’re right about that, that boy looks freaky too,” Kyle grunted. “I like ‘em freaky.” I ignore his comment while the two laugh and joke among themselves. “So Ava did Sean remember you at all? I suppose not but you didn’t embarrass us and remind him did you? Oh God, please tell me you did not do anything embarrassing. I know you haven’t been attracted to anybody in awhile but you didn’t drool on him or anything did you?” Kyle winks at me as Anna spits out her wine.

  I narrow my eyes at both of them with a frustrated sigh. “NO. I did not do anything embarrassing. I think you guys should go home.”

  Kyle stops his annoying dancing and sits next to me. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m sure you were respectable around him.” He puts his arm around my shoulder jarring me a little. “So was he nice at least? Because if he wasn’t I will be more than happy to kick his ass for you.”

  “He was very nice,” I said accidentally looking into his eyes too long.

  Kyle’s eyebrows shoot up, “how nice was he?” I glance in his direction before returning to my boys and rubbing their ears. Kyle leans over waiting for me to look at him, after a short time he gives up and jerks my face to his looking me straight in the eyes. “Ava? No. You didn’t?” Kyle releases me and begins waving his arms. “I can’t believe it, of all people.”

  “It’s not what you think Kyle.”

  “I’m sure it isn’t. Well maybe he’ll help get you over the hump ….”

  “Ha-ha. But it isn’t …” I try to defend myself before Kyle puts his hand in my face.

  “Ava please, I don’t care what he said to you or how he did it but I promise you he has already moved on, probably the moment after.”

  “Wait! Did she have?” Kyle nods in Anna’s direction. “Ava. Oh my God! You had sex with Sean Grant?”

  “Yes I did and if you don’t mind, it’s supposed to be a secret.”

  “Of course it is!” Kyle exclaimed pouring himself another glass of wine.

  “NO! I mean he is trying to protect me from the media and …” Kyle nods his head mockingly making me even angrier. “OH! You don’t understand and if you would just listen to me for one second.” Kyle stares at me while Anna bounces her interest between the two of us. “You know what - forget it. All that matters is that I know how he feels about me.”

  “How he feels about you? Honey he doesn’t feel anything about you. He wanted to fuck you and you supplied him with the opportunity.” I raise my eyes slowly up to him and his eyebrows shoot up again. Kyle slams his glass on the table, “Ava Kelly! How many times?”

  Kyle’s intense gaze burns my skin but Anna’s wide-open mouth makes me giggle before Kyle’s blazing gaze straightens me back up. “How many?” Anna asked with a sparkle in her eyes.

  “I didn’t exactly count. But I had a great time and he was wonderful.”

  “Well I hope so because that has to be the dumbest thing you have ever done.”

  “He didn’t take advantage of me Kyle, he’s not like that.”

  “Did you have sex with him more than three times?” I glimpse Anna’s still curious expression. “More than five? Forget that … what it look like?” My mouth drops open. “You know how big is it?” She motions her interest with her hands.

  “Oh my God, Anna! What is wrong with you? Besides I am assuming she barely remembers since she must have been drunk as hell!” Kyle yells.

  “Kyle why are you acting like this? You should be happy for me.”

  “Because I am the one that has been there through everything and now after all that - I find out you gave it up for some cheap experience with an actor that’s never going to speak to you again.”

  For a brief moment, I worry that he might be right. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, you’ll see.” I barely finish my sentence when my cell rings, I pick it up smiling at Kyle wide. “Hi.”

  “Hello beautiful, I guess you made it home okay.” Sean sensuous voice reassures me.

  “I did, thank you for all the extra care in getting me here.”

  “You’re welcome.” A few seconds of silence and I hear him sigh deeply. “Wow, all those nights of non-stop talking and now we have nothing to say.”

  “I hope that’s not true, we have a lot of time left to do nothing but, Mr. Grant.”

  “Well then I guess we are going to learn an awful lot about each other.” My sigh is a little more pitiful. “Now what was that for?”

  “No reason.” I try to reassure him.

  “Uh huh and I miss you too.” I smile biting my lip, wishing I could hop the next flight to LA.

  “Aaahhh there’s that beautiful smile and stop biting your bottom lip.”

  “Well, you should stop fidgeting and tossing whatever it is in your hand up in the air or against whatever wall you don’t care about.” I said enjoying hearing him laugh aloud.

  Before I can react, Kyle grabs my phone out of my hand and darts to the other side of the room.

  “Hello, who is this? This is Kyle her best friend for your information.” He pauses for a few seconds. “Yea right, I’m sure it is. Okay the joke is over, I am not playing the fool any longer. I know this is Justin and yes you and your girlfriend …” I shake my head at Kyle vehemently as I struggle to get my phone from him. “Like I said you two had me fooled for a little while but the joke is over so you can stop now.” He pauses with a confident look that slowly dissipates. “Huh … oh … I am so sorry.” He said handing me my phone.

  I take my phone back
with a growl, “are you still there?”

  “I am.”

  “Are you mad?”

  “I thought you said that Justin is only a friend?”

  “He is. He didn’t mean girlfriend like that.” I growl again with a vicious glare in Kyle’s direction. “I promise he didn’t mean it like that. There is nothing between Justin and me. I promise Sean.”

  “Maybe I should call you back after your company leaves?”

  “That may be a good idea, I’m sure they will be leaving soon.” I whisper my good-bye to Sean and promise to be alone in an hour. After hanging up I smile proudly at my silent onlookers. Kyle and Anna quickly get some more wine and change out the diet popcorn for the situations more suitable delight - chocolate chip cookies, as they listen to me tell the story in detail or at least most of the details. Anna’s wide eyes stay in constant awe while Kyle eases some but his concern still shows along the edges of his tense jaw. At the end, they both agree and understand the need for secrecy and even agree to help in any way they can. Once they leave, I quickly prepare for bed, making sure the phone is nearby and begin mindlessly flipping through channels until the phone rings.

  “Hello?” I asked foolishly.

  “Are you in bed?” The deep seductive voice asks.

  I smile sinking into my soft bed. “Yes, why?”

  “What are you wearing?”

  “A tank top and some simple shorts, nothing interesting.”

  “Wrong answer.”

  “Wrong answer?”

  “I told you Ava, no more clothes in bed. Don’t make me come over there and take them off you.” I can hear his smile through the phone as I tug at the seams of my clothes, missing him already.

  ~

  It has only been a couple of weeks but Sean calls every night and I make sure to be there and ready every time. When I sit back to think about it, I cannot believe that I have become that girl! The girl who waits by the phone, the girl who thinks about nothing else other than the phone call she might get at the end of the night. I would be lying to myself if I had not thought at some point the calls would stop. Some part of me waits for that day. I am not sure why it matters, there isn’t anything I can do about it. Despite my worries, I still wake up every morning and the sun is brighter, the news media seems positive and even the traffic seems lighter. My focus is completely on him.

  “Ava? Earth to Ava? Can you hear me?” Kyle persisted.

  “What? What do you want?” I asked shaking off my daydream.

  “We have a meeting in a couple of hours are you even close to ready?”

  “Yes, I have everything laid out and prepared,” I lied.

  “Okay but we have to leave here in an hour. You know how bad traffic is in midtown at this time.”

  “I do and I … We will be fine.” I look up at him as he glares at me with doubtful eyes. “I promise.” I insisted even though I am not sure.

  We arrived at the meeting on time but I winged it from start to finish. The client invited us out for dinner after, leading me to believe I did not do too badly.

  “Unbelievable!” Kyle yelled. “That was not your best presentation and somehow this guy still wants to talk to us more?”

  I catch a glimpse of his suggestive glare. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Because he stared at you the whole time. I’m not sure he heard a damn word you were saying and good thing because you didn’t say shit worth hearing!”

  I huff rolling my eyes, “what do you want me to do Kyle? There is nothing I can do about that.”

  “I would like for you to get your head back on straight so when that happens, like it always does, I can still say it doesn’t matter because she is the best, we are the best.” I try to speak but am quickly interrupted, “Ava your head hasn’t been into it since you’ve been back. I need you here. I know you have this incredible boyfriend now and I am happy for you but I need you here.” I begin to brood knowing he is right. “Honey I am happy for you, I am, but I need you too.”

  “I’m sorry, I promise a lot more focus and a lot more sleep.” Sighing. “If I could only find a way to get off the phone with him and feel like I gave him something to hold on to him with, then I’m sure I could.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well I feel like he is going to get tired of me, only talking on the phone all the time. I can hear in his voice how much stress he is under. There are so many reasons for him to find someone else and release all his stress and frustration. I am so afraid that if I let him off the phone I will never hear from him again. He has to be so tired of only talking. And what more can we talk about? I even told him about my pet gerbil, Ted, from when I was seven. The thing died after three weeks! There was not much to tell him and I am not sure why anyone would care. I don’t have that much more interesting to say. He has traveled everywhere and has met so many fascinating people. I tell him about Ted and he tells me about meeting Clint Eastwood at some big fancy charity dinner. Seriously, it is not even close. It is humiliating. We are nowhere close to the same and I do not know why he keeps calling me every night, unless maybe he likes torture by endless monotonous conversation. I am surprised he hasn’t hired someone to come out here and shoot me and put himself out of misery.” I rambled while Kyle laughs at me.

  “Oh Ava and you say I am too dramatic. The man clearly has something for you or he would have never called in the first place. I wish you would see yourself for who you are, any guy would kill to have you give him the time of day.” I anguish a look in his direction. “Even this guy today was uninterested until you walked in and he was hooked from the moment he saw you. He could care less about what we can design for him as long as he gets to talk to you every day. And it is not only this time, it is the same way with all of our clients. You have some weird southern witchcraft charm or something.” I laugh at him. “Seriously, you are incredibly talented but you could talk a gazelle into living in a lion’s den. You have this way of making people feel comfortable. I don’t know how you do it but it works.” Kyle kisses me on the cheek holding my hand for reassurance as we drive to dinner.

  After dinner is over we have a signed contract and a new client but I am not sure I want to deal in business with him. The asshole made his presence known as soon as we sat down. If it wasn’t his eyes then it was his hand accidentally slipping. Within the first ten minutes, I began sweating as each breath he took echoed heavily in my ear. I could not regain my composure until Kyle took my hand and was able to mention my new jealous and large boyfriend. Once the jerk backed off, I continued into sales mode, the fastest sales job I have ever made. A bad night but is a great opportunity and this guy has connections to even greater opportunities. I set my boundaries with him and even though he crossed them a couple of times, at least I did not throw up my hands and cry. This is the game and I have to find a way to make it work and remain respectable. At least by the end of the meeting he was listening to me, actually listening and understanding my ideas. It is always a struggle but what is the alternative? Be the constant victim and never get anywhere? That is not me, no matter how many times I cringe and want to scream.

  Kyle takes my hand reminding me that we both understand. It is not easy for either of us in this business but together we find a way.

  Once I get home, I go through my typical routine, and then shower to wash off the day and my still present anxiety. Completely oblivious to the time, I miss Sean’s call for the first time and have to call him back. “I’m sorry I was getting a shower and trying to unwind from the day.” I said before he can say a word.

  “What happened?”

  “Happened?”

  “Ava, I can tell something happened to upset you. You’re stressed and tense, you always take a hot shower when you’re like that.”

  I can’t believe he knows me so well. “How?” I pause listening to his unapologetic sighs. “I … we had this client today and he was a bit much.”

  “How exactly?”

&nb
sp; “He invited us out to dinner to discuss our ideas but I didn’t or rather I ignored that he only invited me out for dinner after,” I said as his breathing changes intensity. “And he made a couple of advances towards me while we …”

  “He did what? Where the hell was Kyle and why the hell did you go out with this guy anyway? Damn Ava! What the fuck were you thinking?” He yelled.

  “I was thinking that I need this project and that I have to find a way to get it, so I can keep my firm afloat!”

  “So you allow him to do or think whatever he wants to get the job - like a prostitute?”

  Anger suddenly builds up inside me. “No Sean! I thought I might be able to change his mind about us and I did. He finally saw us as a firm he needed, rather than a woman he wanted to sleep with. If I turn away every possible job that tries to look down my shirt then I wouldn’t have much of a firm. I have to put up with bullshit sometimes so I can get in the door and then I can change their minds and earn their respect. I have never and I will never, do anything with someone to get a job. I would rather not have it.” Pressing my hands to my face, “oh you don’t understand how hard it is.” Sean tries to speak but I hush him. “Do you think I feel good about it? Because I don’t, I want to fight them but it is useless and it does not get me anywhere. So I play their stupid game and I find a way around it and if you can’t accept that then … Fuck you!” I said releasing years of frustration.

  “Ava, I’m sorry, that was a horrible thing for me to say. I didn’t want to upset you but I don’t like hearing things like this, you don’t know how helpless I feel not being there to protect you, it makes me crazy. Tell me what I can do for you?”

  “Be there for me at the end of the day.”

  “I’m here but damn I wish I could be there with you.”

  “I do too but this is good enough for now.” I straighten up and clear my tears along with my frustrations. “I won’t compromise who I am.” I said unsure if I was talking to him or myself.

  “I know and I believe in you,” he said confidently, which is the most wonderful thing he can say at this moment.