“I didn’t lie—”
“Lying by omission is a thing. Look it up,” she charges, cutting me off.
A deep sense of panic begins to set in. I’m losing her, I can feel it, and I don’t know how to stop it. “Erin, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know I fucked up, but I’m begging you to give me another chance.”
She visibly swallows, which is the only indication that my words do anything to penetrate the wall she’s erected around her emotions. “I’m flying to California tomorrow to interview for the job.”
There’s no warning, no buildup, it’s like having an anvil dropped on me, knocking me down before I even know I’m falling.
I can’t seem to catch my breath, no matter how many of them I take. I remember how I felt the last time she broke things off. This is one hundred times worse. I instinctively close my eyes against the pain washing over me and place both hands on the roof of her car because the thought of losing her is enough to bring me to my knees.
“You’d leave Paige and Bree? Your sister?” Me?
“It’s a great opportunity, one I may never get again. And there are planes and FaceTime. I’ll be back so often Paige and Bree won’t get a chance to miss me.”
“What about me?” I ask, my voice gravelly and low. “What am I supposed to do about missing you?”
For a second her grip on the steering wheel tightens and her gaze dips, and I wonder if I’ve finally broken through to her. Then she raises her hand and flings it back dismissively. “I’m sure you have an entire black book of women eager to take my place.”
“Do you really think you’re that easy to replace, Erin? Do you?”
“I’m sure you’ll manage it as easily as you handled your breakup with Chloe. Look how quickly you moved on.”
I’m rocked by the sheer absurdity of her statement. “Don’t do this, Erin. Don’t pretend. You know you can’t even compare the two.”
She raises her chin to a stubborn tilt. “Why can’t I?”
“You know why,” I say furiously, my voice raised. “Because I wasn’t in love with her. But with you, you can tear my fucking heart out.”
“What do you think you did to me when you lied to me?” she shoots back. Then her gaze narrows and a spark of anger flashes in her eyes. “Left up to you I wouldn’t even know about this job. God, it’s like Dale all over again. You only supported my career as long as it didn’t interfere with what you want.”
I push abruptly off her car and come to my full height. “I told you, I’m nothing like your fucking ex-boyfriend,” I say through gritted teeth, my emotions a toxic brew of pain and rage.
“And I told you about how he was when it came to my career. That he thought it should take a backseat to the things he wanted, and all the time you were doing the exact same thing,” she snaps bitterly.
I release a deep breath and cast a brief glance skyward. Sometimes, you have to know when to walk away. It looks like that time is now. “Well, I guess since I’m so like him, you’re better off without me.”
I glimpse a flicker of hurt in her eyes, but it’s gone so fast, I don’t know if it isn’t just wishful thinking.
“Much better,” she says, her voice catching on the final word.
“Well, good luck with the new job,” I say in parting, before turning and heading back to the house.
My words are greeted with silence and then the unmistakable sound of Erin driving away. And taking my heart with her.
Erin
“How did the interview go?” my mother asks the second I walk through the door.
Before answering, I wheel my suitcase to the alcove and park it next to the oak coat rack. Only then do I turn to her.
“They offered me the job!” There’s a squee of excitement in my voice. I should be happier, and I would be if the position didn’t require me to relocate two thousand miles away. Away from everyone I love.
Although my mom knew this was a likely outcome, she gasps and presses her hands against her chest. “Oh my goodness.”
I nod excitedly. “I know. I still can’t believe it.”
The last two days have been a whirlwind. I flew out Wednesday afternoon, interviewed Thursday morning and returned home early this morning. Rebecca and Scott picked me up from the airport, took me out for dinner and insisted I stay with them the first night. They have a beautiful home near Glendale.
Taylor Bennett, the executive producer I interviewed with and would be working for, is absolutely gorgeous. More than that, she’s nice and we hit it off almost the minute we met. At thirty-one, she’s the youngest executive producer in the company, and one of only four women. I so want to be her when I grow up.
She took me to dinner last night at a great Italian restaurant off Sunset Blvd., and Rebecca drove me to the airport for my flight home. The trip couldn’t have gone better.
“Are you going to take it?” my mother asks as we make our way to the kitchen.
“I don’t know. Taylor is giving me time to think it over, but she’d like an answer by next Friday.” Which gives me a week to decide.
Just then, my dad enters the kitchen from the direction of the family room.
“You’re home,” he announces upon seeing me.
My dad is particularly astute about these things. He’s also tall and rather distinguished looking, his full head of hair the perfect combination of salt and pepper, and he’s more likely to be wearing a frown than a smile. This is one of the rare days a smile wins out.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Alright, tell me,” he says on an exaggerated sigh, “will I be losing my baby girl to the bright lights of LA?” He also as a droll sense of humor.
“She hasn’t decided yet,” answers my mom.
“You know the money you turned down? I’m going to have to insist you take it now. In fact we’ll have to double it as it won’t get you a decent hole in the wall over there.” He talks about giving me half a million dollars without so much as flinching. But my dad’s philosophy has always been “you can’t take it with you.” I think he’s determined to bequeath me and my sister their entire fortune before they die.
“The contract would be for two years, so I wouldn’t be looking to buy.” If I take the job, that doesn’t mean I’m committing to settling down out there, therefore renting for now makes the most sense.
“Still, you’re going to need more money. I suggest you find a place in Westwood. Expensive but worth it. You can’t put a price on safety.”
Since the whole thing with Dale, my parents are all about my safety, and because it’s their way, they believe throwing a lot of money at it is the answer.
“Thanks, Dad.” The job—I’d be co-anchoring an hour news program—comes with great exposure but not a huge salary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lot more than I’m making now, but housing in LA is probably three times more expensive. Maybe more. Anyway, I truly appreciate the financial security the money will give me, but I don’t intend to touch it unless I have to. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.
Then my dad does something that surprises me since, as I said before, they’re not touchers. He walks over to me and presses a kiss on my forehead. “Your mom and I aren’t going to like having you so far away.”
It takes me a second to get over my shock. “Then maybe you can use some of your gazillion frequent flier miles to visit,” I say, my tone light.
“It’s a date.” With that he touches my cheek and exits the kitchen.
“Are you hungry?” my mom asks after my dad is gone. “We ate earlier but I can heat you up something.”
“Maybe a little later. Right now, I just want something to drink. I ate four packages of those ginger crackers on the plane.” The last two I’d finished during our final descent, which means I hadn’t had anything to wash it down.
When my mother immediately takes it upon herself to rectify the situation, I smile. I’m still not used to her being this nice. Before she found out about Dale, a scene like this was unthinkable. B
ut I know she’s trying, so I let her be the mother she sometimes accuses me of not wanting.
After retrieving two glasses from the cupboard, she shoots a look at me over her shoulder. “How about a glass of lemonade?”
“Yeah, that’s good.”
She ends up pouring herself one too and joins me at the center island.
“What happens to you and Josh if you go?” My mom asks after a minute of companionable silence.
Tension enters my body. I’d thought of nothing else since I made the decision to call Carly Templeton about the job. Since she’d been out of the country, they’d patched me through to the hiring manager in LA. Thank goodness she’d told them about me last month. They’d been able to quickly schedule an interview, promising to fill her in when she touched base with them again.
Seeing Josh at Paige’s had been brutal.
Because I wasn’t in love with her. But with you, you can tear my fucking heart out.
He nearly gutted me when he said that. Had it been his way of telling me he loved me? And if it was, he has a funny way of showing it. At the end of the day, I couldn’t allow him to sweet talk me into getting back together with him. Because that also means turning my back on a once in a lifetime job, especially for a brand-new reporter.
I definitely don’t need to worry about him trying to sweet talk me anymore. He’s done with me now.
Well, I guess since I’m so like him, you’re better off without me.
I’d cried the entire drive home. And then I cried myself to sleep. Even now, tears are just a few words away and it always has the name Josh mixed in there somewhere.
“We broke up.” Saying it is like ripping off a Band-Aid. The quicker the better.
My mom’s eyes widen a fraction, her surprise swiftly replaced by confusion. “But when? He was just by the other day.”
I place my glass down with a start. “Josh was here? When?”
“A few nights before you went to LA. I naturally thought he’d gotten in touch with you, which is why I didn’t say anything.”
I nod and slowly take a sip of my mom’s homemade strawberry-flavored lemonade.
“What happened? The two of you seemed…close,” she finishes after a pause.
Margaret Jean Bancroft of two months ago wouldn’t have asked me that. And the Erin Louise Bancroft of a month ago wouldn’t have answered. But on a hot July night, I find myself telling her everything.
When I get to the part about Dale, my mom inhales sharply and says, “What do you mean he’s just like Dale? Has he—” she gulps. “Has he ever hurt you?”
“No, Mom, Josh would never—” I break off, swallowing hard. “Nothing like that. It’s just that they both will do anything to get their way.”
“Honey, are you sure you’re being fair to Josh? I agree that he should have told you about the job, but I’m sure he was simply scared of losing you. I certainly know what that’s like.”
“I’m tired of people making my decisions for me.”
By the flush that colors my mother’s cheeks, she knows I’m talking about her too.
“Coming from someone who’s been guilty of that, sometimes we do it because we love you. I know the result may come across as controlling, but that’s not the intent, I can assure you.”
“He doesn’t love me, Mom. Not really.” Try as I might, I can’t keep the hurt out of my voice.
My mom taps her manicured nails on the granite counter top, her expression skeptical. “I simply don’t believe that.”
I twist on the stool until I’m facing her. “How can he love me if he can’t even support me? Support what I do? I told him I eventually wanted to get into broadcasting, the exact job he was keeping from me and even then he never said a word. I would never have done something like that to him.” Because I love him. His happiness means everything to me.
“Honey, before I met your father, I had a boyfriend like Dale. He was mean, overbearing and a bully, and he never met anyone smaller than him he didn’t try to control and intimidate. He’s the only boy I ever dated who scared me. When I finally got up the nerve to break up with him, I had to wear sunglasses for two weeks.”
I gasp, absolutely horrified. It’s as if I’m seeing my mother for the first time. But not as my mother but as a person in her own right. What surprises me is the strength of the wave of anger that follows. How dare someone do that to her. In her eyes I see a vulnerability her reserve must do a great job at masking.
“Now, I don’t know Josh very well, but I can tell you one thing, he’s nothing like Dale. I saw the way he looked at you, listened while he sang your praises. I don’t even think Keith is that way with your sister.”
I huff a laugh. “That’s because Keith is a stick in the mud.” My brother-in-law is a nice guy but being with him is like watching paint dry. Life of the party he is not. But clearly, my sister doesn’t require stimulation.
A small smile tips the corner of my mom’s mouth. She sobers a moment later. “I know you had a bad experience with Dale, but no relationship is perfect. No one is perfect. And we need to leave enough room in our hearts to allow for mistakes. Even big ones.”
“Are you saying I should give him another chance? Turn down the job and stay in Georgia?”
My mom shakes her head. “No. What I’m saying is don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Talk to him. If there’s a way forward, the two of you will find it together.”
And that’s the day Margaret Jean Bancroft went from being my mother to being my friend.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Josh
“What’re you still doing here? I thought you had Mitch’s bachelor party to go to this weekend?” my uncle asks as he pokes his head in my office.
With a towel draped around his neck and dressed in blue athletic shorts and a sweat-stained white shirt, Wes just came up from the gym on the first floor. After his workouts, he prefers to use the private shower in the executive suite upstairs.
“It’s not until tomorrow and I have a few things to finish up with the Netflix project,” I mumble, returning my gaze to the two monitors in front of me. Going home to an empty apartment is downright depressing. The less time I spend there, the less time I mope around thinking about Erin. Staying busy the last few weeks has helped keep me sane.
Making clear I’m not in the mood to talk doesn’t stop Wes from coming into my office and fixing me with his unwavering gaze. “Hey, what’s up with you these days? I’ve never seen you looking so…” He pauses a beat before concluding with, “miserable.”
“Nothing.” I stare unblinkingly at my computer screen.
Wes lets out a disbelieving snort. “Okay, so it has something to do with Erin. That’s her name, right? The girl I met at your apartment and the one you’ve been dating the last couple months?”
Wonderful. I didn’t say anything to him about me and Erin getting back together, which means my mother has been running her mouth.
“We’re not dating.”
“See, now we’re getting somewhere,” Wes says without sounding smug.
Dropping my hands from the keyboard, I sigh and turn in my chair to face him. I may as well get this over with since it’s clear he’s not going anywhere until I give him something.
“I fucked up. That’s it in a nutshell. When I apologized and asked her to give me another chance, she accused me of not supporting her career and acting like her psycho ex-boyfriend. Now she’s probably going to take a job in LA.” And I’m going out of my mind missing her. Then sometimes I’m pissed the hell off that she could lump me in any group with a guy capable of kidnapping and rape.
My uncle crosses his arms and tips back on his heels, his expression contemplative. “Fucked up how?”
I tell him because I’ve told him everything else that’s gone wrong in my life. It doesn’t take long.
“Do you love her?” he asks once I’m done.
I swallow hard before answering. “Yeah. More than I knew.”
&nb
sp; Wes studies me in silence. Then he drops heavily into the chair in front of my desk, adjusting the towel around his neck.
“Does she love you?”
I give a one-shoulder shrug. “I don’t know. She’s never said it.” Although neither have I. I’d been working up to that when our relationship imploded.
Wes huffs derisively. “Most of the time it’s not about words. It’s about actions. People can tell you a lot of shit that ends up meaning nothing.”
I can’t argue with that.
“But what does your gut say?” he prompts.
“I don’t know. All I can say is I thought we were on the same page about where our relationship was going.” I’d seen marriage in our future, and I think she had too.
“Sorting out the feelings can be half the battle,” my uncle says, nodding approvingly. After a pause, he asks, “If you’d told her about the job, what was the worst you thought would happen?”
I let out a self-deprecating laugh and wearily slump back into my chair. “Exactly what’s happening now. That she’d take the job and leave.”
“You don’t know if she’d have taken the job,” Wes is quick to point out.
I quirk my brow at him. “Oh really? She called it the opportunity of a lifetime.”
I’d convinced myself that other opportunities like that would come along—here in Atlanta. I’d convinced myself that she’d only just started her career and she’d want more experience under her belt before she took the next step up the career ladder. I’d convinced myself that she loved her current job and wasn’t looking to move anytime soon.
Cut the shit. Deep down, you were terrified she was going to leave your ass.
“And if she’d told you she wanted to take the job, what then? You wouldn’t be willing to give a long-distance relationship a go?”
The thought of being that far away from her and going stretches of time without seeing her in the flesh, touching her, making love to her isn’t something I even wanted to contemplate. But I’d take that hands down over losing her completely.
“I would now.”
Played (Trapped Book 3) Page 26