by Simone Elise
“Can you not make any decisions until after the election? Please, tell me you won’t lock anything in?” He spoke so softly. His eyes were painted in concern. “I need you to trust me.”
I frowned up at him.
He was speaking like his life depended on the election and my decisions between now and then. Like he wanted to freeze me, until that date.
Just as he dipped his head, my brain kicked back in gear. And I pulled away from him. I pushed his hand off my cheek. How the hell did I let myself get lost in his touch?
“I don’t trust you, Kyle. And I won’t ever be putting my future on hold for you.” I stepped back onto the stairs. I was ready to turn and bolt but hesitated. “You and I are done. There is nothing you can do to get me to trust you again. I will never, ever, let you into my life again.” I finally found myself having a back bone. “We aren’t in a relationship. We aren’t friends. And I’m never planning on that changing.”
“You love me still. You can’t lie to me about that.”
I clamped my mouth shut. Yeah, I still did love him. But one day that love would turn into hate. “We are done,” I said firmly.
“No, we aren’t. We will never be done.”
“I’m seeing someone.”
His eyes widened. “No.” He shook his head. “No fucking way are you dating someone else.”
“I am, Kyle.” I wasn’t going to explain that Bax and I weren’t really dating each other. I didn’t want to ease the worry on Kyle’s face right now as he panicked.
“Who?” his voice went up. “Who is it!” he rudely demanded like I had to tell him.
“No one you know.” I crossed my arms.
“Try me,” he gritted out. “Wouldn’t be my brother, would it?” His words dipped into sinister and disgust. “I saw you in his bed. I saw you barely wearing a fucking thing, sleeping in his bed!”
That took me by surprise. “No. It’s not Josh.”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“I’m not!”
“You always had a thing for him.”
I gasped. I couldn’t believe he just said that. “You know what, Kyle, you aren’t mine anymore. I don’t answer to you! I have to let you go, and clearly you need to let me go!”
He shook his head. “I still remember our first date. I still remember how that red dress clung to your perfect body. I still remember every date we had after that.” His hand spread across my cheek like he was holding on to me for dear life. “Every night we spent together, every day I spent with you, it’s on repeat in my head. Reliving those memories keeps me going. Hoping.”
“You’re holding onto a memory, Kyle. You’re not mine anymore. You walked out on our relationship. You need to let me go. My love for you is unconditional, but it was you who broke me into pieces.” The sadness I felt every day cracked through my voice and he surely heard it. “I still love you. But those pieces are so small that I can’t be put back together.”
It was the truth; for the first time I wasn’t putting up a front with him.
“Don’t say that, Soph. Don’t say I destroyed you.” His voice echoed heartbreak and sadness.
Tears swelled up in my eyes. I couldn’t stop them if I wanted to. “You are like my own personal drug, and now I’m going through withdrawal. And the only way I am going to survive and get some sort of life back is by letting you go.”
He shook his head. “Nope. Not happening. You aren’t giving up on me. You have to trust me. You can’t give up on me.”
The tears fell from my eyes. “You need to let us go, Kyle. You aren’t mine anymore, and I’m not yours.” How was it possible that he was breaking my heart more right now? I thought he had destroyed it beyond a beating organ.
“I love you, Soph. Please don’t walk away from me. I need you.” He touched his forehead against mine. “I’ll always need you.”
I did something I knew I might regret. I reached out for him, my hands running across his shoulders. I didn’t know what to say.
“Whoever you are seeing, break it off. Just trust me for three months. Just put your faith in me,” he begged, his voice soft, gentle, and pleading. “I’ve never hurt you.”
I felt it hit my core. “Yes you have, Kyle. You’ve ruined me. You’ve turned me into this cold, hard, empty woman. You took what made me, me, and you destroyed it.” I looked him in the eye, tears swelling and falling just as quick.
“I miss your lipstick on my neck and on my tops. I miss the way you would wrap yourself around me when you slept. I miss you, Soph. I miss everything about you. Every day. And every day I’m reminded of what I lost. Whenever I look at you, I’m reminded that I lost you.” He gazed was fixed on me, and I was sure he was close to crying.
“You changed, Kyle.” I took my hand off him and leaned back. “The things you are missing are easily replaced. I’m sure your new girlfriend will kiss you the way I did and love you the way I do and will have traits that you love about her.”
“Fuck Kayla,” he said. “Don’t give up on me, Soph. You told me once you would always be mine and I need you to keep your word.”
“What are you hoping to achieve by making me—no, forcing me—to wait for you to change your mind?”
“You said you loved me! You told me all the time. I am counting on that love still being there!”
My face softened, and I felt pity for him. “I will never forget you. But I can’t live in the past. I knew from the moment I met you I would love you until the day I died.” Time wouldn’t change the fact I would always love him. “You will forever be in my heart, Kyle. But I can’t stand here and tell you that I am able to hold onto you on the chance you change your mind. Can’t you understand that holding onto you will kill me in the end?”
It would kill the new me, the old me, and any version of me I tried to create.
I couldn’t hold onto him. It wasn’t healthy. But more importantly, why was he asking me to when he had a new girlfriend? One he loved. One he spent all his time with. One he was making new memories with.
He wiped the tears away from under my eyes with an expression that reached into my chest, and pulled on what was left of my heart. “I love you, Soph. The last thing I want to do is hurt you more.” He leaned in and gently kissed my forehead. “I’ll let you go.”
A dim smile traced my lips. “You already have, Kyle. You just don’t realize it.” Every day he woke up with Kayla, every day they spent together, he was writing over the past him and I had. He was making a future with someone else. And I had to accept that. I just didn’t know how I was going to.
“It’s going to kill me you know.”
I frowned. “What is?”
“Seeing you move on from me.” He gulped like his heart was breaking. “I don’t know if I can see you with another guy. Let alone accept you being with someone that isn’t me.”
“Well, what did you expect to happen when we broke up?”
“I thought I would have fixed it by now.” He looked at me honestly. “I thought by now I would have figured out some way to get you back. Not fucking letting you go.”
He looked like he was in pain, like letting me go would kill him. I ran my hand across his cheek. I hated seeing him in pain. I knew I should be happy seeing him suffer, but I guess the old me wasn’t completely dead.
“If it makes you feel better, he doesn’t compare to you. I think you only get the love of your life once, you know? A one shot, one chance deal. And we just didn’t make it.”
There was a stage where I pictured our life together, right down to grandkids. I knew it was thinking way too far ahead for a high school romance, but I honestly thought we would make it. I thought what we had was unbreakable—was so strong it would see decades out.
He ran his hand down my arm and linked his hand with mine. It felt so natural and I didn’t realize how much I missed it until my hand was back in his.
“I know what you mean, Soph. I fucked us up. Our chance. Our future. I just hope that one day you wi
ll understand why I did it.” He squeezed my hand. “I will regret what I did every day for the rest of my life because it cost me you.”
I looked him in the eye. Wasn’t he forgetting something? “But at the same time, it gave you Kayla, and she really loves you.” I sighed. It was hard to admit that. “You can’t regret ending us when it has led you to another woman. One you could very well marry.” I put on a fake smile and pulled my hand from his. “You should go back to the dining room. She will be looking for you.”
He scoffed but didn’t say anything.
I felt like I was missing something, but the more I looked at him the more I didn’t see what it was I was missing.
“I need to change ‘cause my night plans just got wiped,” I said. I had to get out of this house and away from him. That meant I was heading to my favorite distraction.
I couldn’t stand here and go over things we couldn’t change. Him and I were over. No amount of him saying how much he missed me, or longed for me back, was going to change that. It wasn’t like he was going to break up with Kayla and get back together with me. He didn’t love me or miss me that much. The future we had planned, well, he didn’t want it so badly that he was willing to break up with the girl that filled his every sex fantasy.
“Have a good night, Kyle.” I wasn’t sure what else to say.
“You going to him?” he said bitterly, stuffing his hands in his jeans pocket. “I’m just meant to let you change and go out with a guy that isn’t me?”
Who the hell did he think he was! “Kyle. You ended us! So yes, you are meant to let me change and go and spend the night with another man. That’s how a breakup works. You don’t see me getting upset with you every time you and Kayla shut your bedroom door.”
He ran both his hands through his hair, looking frustrated. “Fucking unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath. I don’t think I was meant to hear it. “This isn’t meant to be happening. I thought what we had would last longer. I didn’t see you moving on so soon.”
I didn’t know what to say, and I could only think of one way to end the conversation. So I did it. I turned around and walked up the stairs, leaving Kyle at the bottom with a look on his face like it had just hit him: he’d lost me.
Chapter Fourteen
Soph
“Soph?”
I felt a kiss on my shoulder.
“Soph?” Bax whispered in my ear and his hand ran down my side.
I groaned but kept my eyes shut as his hands explored my body.
“Come on, darling, you need to wake up.” He kissed my earlobe.
“Why?” I complained. His bed was so comfy. It was like a giant cloud that your body just sunk into to. I loved Bax’s bed.
“It’s eight thirty,” he whispered as he kissed my cheek.
“Still not seeing the importance,” I groaned and kept my eyes shut. I loved the way his hand ran down my side.
As he gripped my hip, pulling me back towards him, I was forced to open my eyes. My hand automatically went out and ran down his jawline. He had a small smirk on his face as he looked down at me. We had done something we never did and that was spend more than one night together. I thought he would kick me out the door come Sunday morning, instead I woke up to him making me breakfast and kissing me.
His good morning kiss yesterday really got to my head. To the point I was forcing him not to break it.
I titled my head, looking up at him, and wondered he was thinking. I didn’t know how to explain that look. I didn’t care that I was naked under this sheet. I didn’t care that he could see my complete naked body if he wanted too. But his eyes weren’t exploring my body; they were locked with mine eyes. And again, that look was still on his face, a smirk to go with it.
He moved his head down and kissed my collar bone. “I want to spend all day in this bed with you.” He continued to kiss along my collarbone. “Take you over and over.” He started to kiss up my neck, and my body was filled with tingles and my neck arched. “All day just you and me.” He kissed the corner of my lips.
“I like the sounds of that.” I linked my arms around his neck. “But I’m sure you have more important things to do than be with me.” I brushed my lips against his.
His smirk got bigger. “I don’t but you do.”
I frowned. “No I don’t.”
He laughed softly and dropped his mouth to my ear. “School starts in twenty minutes, darling.”
My eyes went wide and his laugh became harder as I scrambled off the bed and started searching for clothes.
“Why did you let me sleep in!” I asked as I searched the floor. Bax was always awake before me. How the hell did I forget it was a Monday? I swear sometimes he just woke up earlier to stare at me because every time I woke up, I would be tucked under his arm and he always had a smile on his face, like me waking up had made his day.
Bax got up and dressed. He still had a large smirk on his face as he watched me pull my jeans on. I found my top and groaned.
“What’s wrong, darling?” he asked as he lit up a cigarette.
“This.” I showed him the stained top. “I can’t wear this to school!” I doubted that even stain remover would save this white top.
He opened his draw and threw a top at me. “As much as I would love to see you walk around in your bra all day I don’t want any other man seeing it.” He gave me a wink.
I threaded the long sleeve top on and used my hair tie to gather the top at the back so it fitter my body better, showing of some of my figure.
“Shit.” I cursed just as I remembered my car had a flat. My head was still on the conversation I had had with Kyle and not on the road. So I popped a tyre.
“Guessing you just remembered your car is out of action?”
My head snapped to Bax. “What are you a mind reader this morning?”
“Come on, darling, I’ll give you a lift.”
I picked up my handbag. “Your reputation could be ruined if you’re seen dropping me off.”
He laughed. “If anything being seen with you adds to my reputation.” He wrapped his arms around me as soon as I was in distance. His mouth went to my ear. “Being seen with you is every guy's wet dream.”
I rolled my eyes. “No it’s not.”
He shrugged his shoulders just as he let go of me and I put my shoes on. He leaned against the foyer wall, watching me. “How not? Every guy’s dream is to get a girl like you in their bed.”
I wanted to laugh. “Bax, you have an endless list of girls in your phone and on the nights we aren’t together you are with one of them. So don’t act like I’m special, cause I’m not. And I’m ok with that.”
His eyes narrowed on me. “You think on the nights we aren’t together I’m with other women?”
“Yep.” I put my hands on my hips. “And that’s fine cause we are just having causal sex.” Like I expected, I wasn’t heartbroken by the thought of him with another woman. If anything I was used the idea.
“What do I do on nights we aren’t together?” He crossed his arms, looking pissed off.
“How the hell am I meant to know?” I didn’t know the answer to his question and I really had to get moving for school.
“On nights we aren’t together, I’m messaging you, calling you. Have I mentioned another woman?”
Well, when he put it like that… no, he hadn’t. “Bax, what are you trying to tell me? You and I both agreed this was sex and nothing else.” We didn’t do feelings. We didn’t do love. And this time last week we didn’t spend more than a night or a day together. “You and I aren’t a couple. I don’t expect you to stop your lifestyle for me. Have sex with whoever you want. Hell, if you meet a girl you want more than a causal fling with, you can end what we have.”
I was being reasonable, wasn’t I? I was giving him what most guys wanted. So I didn’t understand why his expression hardened.
“What if I have met this girl I want more than a causal fling with, but she is the one not wanting more?”
<
br /> I frowned. “Then I would say that girl is an idiot. You are a great guy, Bax. If she sees what I see, she wouldn’t be turning you down.”
For some reason what I said made him smile. “Maybe hope isn’t lost after all.” He looked at me, and again I was stumped on how to explain his expression. It was like he was hoping for me to change my mind about him or something. But our casual fling showed me, Bax couldn’t do a relationship.
He reminded me of Josh in some ways—an outlaw that couldn’t be tamed. No girl or woman could get an outlaw to truly love them because they were free spirits. I didn’t know what Josh got up to, but I would take a stab and say that car he was working on in the shed wasn’t legal and he hadn’t bought it.
I also assumed he hadn’t left his criminal side in prison and learned from his mistake, not that I knew what got him in prison to begin with. Nevertheless, if I had to compare Josh and Bax, Josh would win on who was the worst.
Bax might be a bad boy, but he wasn’t deadly dangerous like Josh. Him and Josh weren’t even in the same league. I knew where I stood with Bax: just a causal fling. But with Josh, well, with him I was starting a friendship, and for some stupid reason, I had feelings for Josh.
And I still wasn’t sure what that meant. But I knew I had to put a stop to those feelings. I wasn’t going back to the girl that felt everything for everyone and lived on the thought that fairytales happened. My eyes were open now and I wasn’t going to close them and fall back in love with anyone.
Bax’s car said a lot about him. I nearly smiled when I first saw it because it just screamed everything about him. It was America muscle—shiny black and a beast on the road. It was loud and dominating, and it scared other drivers off the road.
In fact, two cars had pulled over to get out of his way on the way to school. When it came to everything that Bax did, he didn’t do what was expected of him. Like respect the road laws, or speed limit.