by Lylah James
Maddox still hadn’t come home yet.
I wrung my hands in nervousness, the feeling of anxiety pooling in my stomach. God, what was I doing?
Why was I even… here? At his place, waiting for him.
Stupid, stupid Lila.
What was I going to do when he came back? Hug him? Kiss him?
Nothing.
I’d stare at him, and he’d look into my eyes, that would be it. Because we were… friends.
Such a brutal lie it was. Friends…
The closer we became, the more I noticed smaller things about Maddox. What he loved, what he enjoyed, what pissed him off or annoyed him, his quirks and his ticks, and with every new thing I learned about him over the last three years, it became harder to pull away.
To ignore whatever was brewing between us; yet, we refused to acknowledge it.
He fucked other girls.
I dated other men.
We were best friends.
It was simple to the world, to him, but I was battling a war on my own.
My head fell into my hands and a choked sound escaped me. What am I doing?
The clock ticked with every second that went by, and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I snapped to my feet. No, I shouldn’t have been here.
This was a… mistake.
I was confused and…scared…and feeling too much.
The last thing I needed was to be this close to Maddox if he came home. I had to leave. Shaking my head in desolation, I strode for the door.
I never reached it because the door swung open and Maddox entered his apartment, stumbling inside drunkenly. Sweet Mother Mary, he was out… drinking?
He halted at the sight of me, and his lips curled. “Lila.” He breathed my name like a whispered prayer to the heavens above.
Was he praying for absolution or destruction? Because whispering my name like that could only destroy us.
He slammed the door closed behind him and stalked forward.
“You’re drunk,” I accused, taking a small step back.
He hummed, smiling. He stood in front of me, our chests barely touching, and my gaze met his. “You’re so beautiful,” he blurted out.
God, he was completely out of his mind. Maddox wasn’t just drunk; he was really drunk.
He bent his head and stuck his nose against the crook of my neck, inhaling sharply. Was he…sniffing me?
“Beautiful,” he breathed, before his body slumped forward into mine.
“Maddox!” He was so heavy, my knees almost buckled under his weight. “Maddox?”
Did he just… pass out?
I took his shoulders in my hands and tried to shake him awake. He groaned, but otherwise, didn’t move. Shit.
With the rest of my strength, I dragged his heavy body into his room. Maddox barely made any effort, because he was practically dead to the world. How much drink did he have? And why?
God, I was so tired from asking that question–why?
I pushed him on the bed, hating that he drank so much in one night. Before I could pull away, his arm curled around my waist, and he tugged me forward, and I fell on top of him.
His throat bobbed as he groaned. I shifted over his body, trying to break free, but for someone as drunk as Maddox, he was still too strong for me. His arm was a band of steel around my hips, keeping me locked against him. He wasn’t letting go.
I shifted away but then sucked in a harsh breath when I felt…
My throat went dry. This wasn’t happening.
His cock strained through his jeans, the bulge pressing indecently into my stomach.
“Lila.” My name on his lips sounded like poetry. So right, so perfect… so filthy.
I pressed my hands over his pecs and pushed. “Maddox, let go.”
He did the opposite.
Maddox rolled us over until I was underneath him, trapped against his body. My legs fell open, and I gasped as he settled between my spread thighs. His eyes split open, hazy and filled with… hunger.
His gaze fell to my lips, and he lingered there, his eyelids hooded.
“Maddox,” I whispered.
“Say it… again. My… name.”
I was utterly helpless in his arms. “Maddox.” His name echoed from my lips.
“Again,” he demanded.
“Maddox.”
He released a shuddering breath before bending his head, pressing his face into my throat. He nuzzled me, his lips caressing my skin. I trembled, goosebumps breaking over my flesh.
He ran his lips down my collarbone, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin there, and I let out an involuntarily shudder. “Don’t,” I warned, but it was a weak attempt.
Maddox hummed low in his throat, his chest vibrating with the sound. He lowered his body over mine, forcing me into the mattress. He wrapped around me like a cocoon.
We were chest to chest, hips to hips, his hardness against my heated core–so fucking close. There was not even an inch of breath between us.
The area between my legs throbbed, and I clenched, seeking for something but feeling… empty.
Maddox was still nuzzling my throat, kissing me as if it wasn’t atypical, as if we weren’t best friends, as if everything around us would crumble as we remained intimately wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Fuck,” he grunted against my skin, and his hips jerked, pressing against the most sensitive part of me. My lips parted, shocked, and a silent gasp escaped me.
My hands fumbled toward his shoulders, and my nails dug into his back.
This was so wrong.
Stop.
Don’t stop.
Maddox swiveled his hips before grinding against my pussy. We were both fully clothed, and my best friend was humping me like a horny teenager.
And I didn’t want to stop him.
How long had I forbid myself from imagining this? Too long.
He was drunk; it wasn’t his fault. I was fully aware, and it would be my guilt to bear.
We should have stopped.
No, don’t stop.
Maddox grinded his erection against me. He was so hard; I could feel him through the layers of our clothes. My core grew hot and wet. Molten desire spread through my veins, and my stomach dipped to my toes.
His breath hitched, and I let out a moan when his hips jerked again, the zipper of his jeans pressing hard against my pussy through my shorts. The friction left my body wanting more, and I became needy. My pussy clenched as the need to be filled became strong.
Maddox thrust into me, again and again, the motion too similar to fucking.
My thighs trembled, and my heart seized.
He kissed his way down my throat, biting and sucking softly at my skin. His palm caressed the curve of my breasts, feeling the heavy mounds in his hands. His grunts and his groans were music to my ears, even as I tried to remind myself how wrong this was.
It’s wrong. I released his shoulders and pushed a hand between us.
This is wrong. My fingers traced my wet slit through my shorts.
Maddox rubbed against me again, and it was a delicious sensation that had my eyes fluttering closed.
I shoved a hand into my shorts and tugged my panties aside. My eyes blurred with tears as a whimper echoed from my lips. It felt so good, even though it was so fucking wrong.
“Fuck, goddamn it,” he cursed, the muscles in his neck corded, and his face tensed.
His thrusts grew jerkier and faster. He was chasing his orgasm, climbing toward something forbidden between us.
My thumb slid over my swollen clit, and my hips jerked up. I was so hot, and my fingers glided over my wetness. My knuckles brushed against my pussy lips, feeling the way my core contracted. I was so turned on; I’d never been this wet before. I gathered my wetness with two fingers and rubbed my pulsing clit. Pleasure spiked through me and my back bowed.
The feel of Maddox’s lips against my throat and his hands kneading my breasts had my eyes rolling back into my head. His thumb skimmed over
my hardened nipple through my top, and I shuddered. My body easily responded to his touch, and I realized I had been craving this for the longest time.
“Lila,” he groaned out hoarsely. “Fuck, Lila. My Lila.”
Maddox humped me, thrusting, and I rocked my hips against his in unison, finding a rhythm between us. I imagined he really was fucking me. No clothes, no barrier between us, and our bare bodies pressed together in the most intimate way two human beings could be together.
The image of us fucking was so decadently sinful and filthy. My calves tightened, and my whole body clenched as I climbed up and up toward my release.
I rubbed myself faster before sliding my thumb over my clit and pinching it. My vision blurred, and my whole spasmed as I choked back a gasp before biting on my lip. Wetness pooled between my thighs, coating my fingers and panties with my shameful release. Wet and sticky, I continued to rub myself in leisure strokes, feeling the little twitches of my pussy after my orgasm.
Maddox thrust hard, and I gasped before a moan spilled past my lips. He tensed above me, and his hips stilled, his head thrown back with a low, deep grunt. Warmth spread through his jeans, and I could feel it through my shorts. He just came.
Maddox’s eyes pierced me for a second and then he slumped over my body.
The moment was gone, and I was instantly filled with shame and immense guilt. My stomach twisted, bile coating every inch of my mouth.
What have I done?
There was absolutely no excuse. Maddox had been drunk, and I took advantage of the situation for my own pleasure. He probably wasn’t going to remember this tomorrow morning…
But what if… he did?
My heart thudded in my chest, and I swallowed back a sob. I removed my hand from my panties, the stickiness on my fingers a harsh reminder of our actions. I stretched my arm out and kept the hand I pleasured myself with far away from us.
Maddox buried his face in my shoulder. His body went slack, and I felt him soft snores against my skin. The heaviness of him sank into me like a warm blanket, and for a brief moment, I imagined how it’d be to fall asleep in his arms every night and to wake up next to him, just like this. As much as the fantasy was sweet, it would only have a bitter ending.
My fingers slid through his hair, my nails grazing the back of his neck softly, just the way he liked it. My lips parted, wanting to whisper my secret, but I felt choked. The heart is a traitor, and, in that moment, I could feel all my defenses crumbling to the ground.
Maddox grumbled something under his breath, and it sounded like my name. His arm tightened around my hip, and my arms curled around his shoulders as a lone tear slid down my cheeks. I didn’t want to let go… but I had to.
“If I love you, I give you the power to destroy me. I’m not strong enough for that. I can’t be just another girl to you, Maddox. I need to be more; I deserve more, and I don’t think you can give that. I can’t risk us and what we are. We’re beautiful… just like this. Friends.”
I prayed Maddox woke up in the morning with no memory of what we had just done.
I’d take this secret to my grave, and I would bear this guilt on my own.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Maddox
A week later
My fingers drummed over my thighs as I waited for Lila to come down the stairs. I left her an hour ago to get dressed, and if we didn’t leave in five minutes, we were going to be late to the gala.
I was in a tuxedo, which was appropriate for the evening gala we were attending. It was an auctioning event and dinner, my parents being the guests of honor. My dad called me last night and demanded me to be present. I told him to fuck off and hung up with absolutely no intention to attend the gala. I didn’t give a fuck if this was important to him or that it was appropriate for me to be there to show my face and support to my parents.
It was Lila who convinced me.
The gala was being held in California, and she wanted to visit the beach. Lila said it was a great opportunity for a small vacation after such a long semester, and I couldn’t say no to her. I could never refuse her of anything.
So, we took a plane here. We’d go to the gala tonight, and tomorrow, I was going to teach her how to surf.
The sound of heels clicking against the hardwood brought my attention to the stairs. Lila came into view, and my breath caught in my throat.
Breathtaking.
She descended the stairs carefully, a silky black off-the-shoulder dress clinging to her slender curves and fluttering around her feet, which were adorned with glittering silver heels. It was plain and simple, yet elegant with a thigh high split. Her creamy thigh was visible through the gap as she walked toward me, a silver clutch in her hand.
Her hair was piled up on her head, in a bun, with a few curly strands of black hair fanning her cheeks. Her dreamcatcher necklace hung between the valley of her breasts, and she wore a smile that made my knees weak.
She did a slow spin. “So, how do I look?”
Her pouty red lips had my dick straining against my black slacks and I stifled a groan.
“Pretty,” I rumbled.
Lila pursed her lips, pouting. “Just pretty?”
I took a step toward her, unable to stop myself. “Gorgeous. Beautiful. Exquisite. Stunning. Lovely. Angelic. Breathtaking. Ravishing. Elegant. Bewitching. Alluring. Heavenly. The angels would bow to you because they can’t compete. So. Fucking. Exquisite.”
Her lips parted, a hitch in her breathing, and she blinked at me through her long, thick lashes that should have been unnatural but everything about Lila was natural. “You said exquisite twice,” she breathed.
My fingers skimmed over her bare arms. Her skin broke into goosebumps and a small shiver racked through her small frame. “Because you’re twice as exquisite,” I confessed, in a raspy croak.
My body burned with a sensation I knew too well, and my pants grew tight around my groin as my dick became harder in her mere presence. I didn’t even have to touch her, and I was already leaking cum at the tip.
It was lust, I told myself.
But I lusted after other women before, and whatever I felt for Lila didn’t come close to lust.
And I hated myself for feeling this way.
Just like I hated myself on that morning, a week ago. I woke up to be an empty bed, but I still felt Lila’s presence next to me. It was a dream; though, it had seemed so real, so vivid.
And my boxers had been sticky with my release. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a wet dream and spilled cum in the middle of the night like a horny teenager, but Lila… fuck, she invaded even my dreams with her sweet voice and sinful touches.
I dreamed of fucking her… my best friend. The same friend I made countless pinky swears with.
Friends?
Friends.
I destroyed the innocence of our relationship–the sweetness of our friendship. I made it into something… dirty, and it was no longer pure and no longer untouched by my forbidden desires. It was my guilt to bear for the rest of our lives.
Little did she know…
Sweet Lila, I fucked up.
Her lips curled. “Such a sweet tongue. I’m almost jealous of all the girls you’ve said those things to.”
My heart squeezed at her words. “Your jealousy is not needed because I’ve never called another woman those words.”
No one had ever measured up to Lila since she came into my life. No other woman had ever been… beautiful or exquisite.
Her eyes widened before she quickly tried to mask her surprise. “Liar.”
I cupped her elbow, steering her away from the stairs. “I don’t lie.”
Lila mumbled something incorrigible under her breath before she rolled her eyes. We walked out of the beach house, which was owned by me–well, my parents. We had a caretaker who cleaned up and kept the house safe while we weren’t here. My parents and I used to spend a lot of time here when I was younger, a child.
Before everything changed and I
became a stranger in my own goddamn house and to my own parents.
A limousine was waiting for us outside. Lila let out a breathy laugh. “Seriously, a limo?”
I shrugged, halfheartedly. “The host for the gala tonight arranged it. Apparently, he sent a limo to all his guests.”
Her eyes crinkled to the sides as her smile broadened. “Damn. I don’t what it means to be that rich. Pardon me for being a lowly peasant.”
We climbed into the limo, and the driver peeled out of the parking space, taking off through the neighborhood I was familiar with. The drive to the gala was short, and we were only about fifteen minutes late due to traffic.
We walked into the ballroom, and all eyes fell on us. Lila’s fingers tightened around my elbow, gripping me hard, as though her life depended on it. I got you.
I met my father’s gaze with a hard one, and he jerked his chin at me in greeting. My mother smiled, though it was tight. Probably fake, too, but I didn’t know any longer since I long stopped caring if it was real or fake.
The moment we descended the stairs, I was surrounded. I was Brad Coulter’s son–prestigious, important and held in high honor.
The night ended before it started. My bow tie suddenly felt like it was restricting my air flow, and my skin itched. This was exactly why I didn’t want to attend this gala because all they were talking about was when I’d take over my dad’s company–asking about the future. He built an empire, and I was the only heir.
I was approached by businessmen left and right. They laughed, and we shared a drink, appearing as courteous as I could be.
I loathed it.
Lila stayed by my side until she was pulled away by the wives. I kept my gaze on her, watching her every move. She didn’t know these people, and I knew this was beyond her comfort zone.
But she was here for me.
My date for tonight, my friend and my ally.
A slow song came up, and the couples spilled onto the dance floor. This was my chance. I nodded at the gentlemen and made my brisk escape, stalking toward Lila. Her head snapped up as if we were connected by an invisible thread, and she could feel me coming for her.
Her brown eyes brightened, and a small smile twisted her lips with relief.