by Jen Ponce
He had nice abs.
“Mom. Mom!”
My eyes went to my hand, which was on fire. “Shit!” I leaped up and took a few large strides to a water basin and plunged my hand in it. The fire hissed and steamed. “Oops.”
“Your mind wandered. Arsinua said magic is dangerous, especially for those who willfully underestimate it.”
I narrowed my eyes, not at my daughter, but at Arsinua’s lightly veiled insult to me. “Mmhm.”
“You could start with something easier,” she said, and I could hear the doubt in her voice. It almost made me laugh, but I reined in my humor in case she thought I was laughing at her.
“I think I need to mediate. Practice concentrating.”
“I think so too.” She leaned over and patted me on the knee. “You tried.”
I noticed her squirming and glanced across the way to see her friends beckoning her. “Go on, go play. Maybe we can do another lesson soon?”
She nodded and gave me a hasty hug. “Thanks, Mom!” She grinned and ran off before I could say anything else.
Content to watch the scenery, I stayed where I was and let myself get lost in the soccer game, enjoying Krosh’s and Liam’s fun as they battled for goals. I knew the name of every kid on the field and was glad of it. Uli, whose hair I’d braided at least five times in the last week, Juno, Killian, Everad, more. I knew their parents, their grandparents, their cousins. Odd Silver housed about seven hundred people and I got almost all their names right on the first try. Back on Earth, I only knew three of my neighbors, several of the rest I didn’t want to know. I wouldn’t have left my kids outside without supervision there. Here? Everyone took care of each other. We were all responsible for each other. It was both wonderful and terrifying, knowing I played a large part in keeping them safe, that my power helped keep the clan anchored, helped those new to the shifting of their natures stay who they wanted to be.
I was part of it, and yet I felt pulled away, pulled toward the Slip and Tytan, damn his eyes. Pulled toward Kali and Vasili. If I went, it would be as if I never left … but what would happen if I died in the Slip? Would my children hate me for going? They were safe; I supposed it had to be enough. They were safe and well-cared for and everything else would have to be left to fate.
Instead of joining Krosh and the kids for dinner, I took food up the stairs to the Dreaming Caves for Lizzie. I needed to talk to her, to see if she had any advice for me. I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t want to do it. Maybe there was some unseen danger lurking on the horizon that would put off what I needed to do a bit longer
She was laughing when I found her, and I just knew she was laughing at me.
“I don’t have anything for you,” she said as I handed her the plate of food. “Mm. Callandra outdid herself with the roast.” She gestured to a seat near her and so I sat, wishing I’d brought food for me, too. “No dire predictions, anyway.”
I sighed.
“What’s keeping you from the Between?”
“The Slip? Oh, I don’t know. Everything.” Tytan. His constant insinuations, his newly-won soul, the bond that tied us together forged by Ravana centuries ago. The challenge sent up by one of my Skriven when I died. Whatever else was stewing or brewing there.
“You’re worried you’ll want to stay.”
“No.”
“You’re worried you won’t be able to leave.” She cut the roast in half and offered me some. “Go on, take it. I shouldn’t eat it all or I won’t Dream comfortably.”
I took it, enjoying the flavor just as much now as when I’d eaten a plateful before coming to see Lizzie. “I’m worried about what I feel for Tytan.” I hated saying the words, but I couldn’t keep them inside me either. “Ravana, the world-walker who … fiddled with me, I guess you’d say, she made Tytan and I both. She didn’t want us, necessarily, but any kid we might have. She tied us together, I think, to make us want that, even though wanting that would lead to …” I was making a hash of it; worse, my face felt hot and I knew it was red. “Well, lead to handing her a weapon to use on the world. All the worlds.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed for wanting him,” she said.
That made my face flame more. I didn’t want him. “I love Krosh,” I said.
“Of course. And you love your kids.”
“Well, yeah.” I eyed her. “That’s different.”
She shrugged. “Love isn’t finite.”
“No,” I said, then stared. “Are you trying to talk me into cheating on Kroshtuka? That’s why I ended my marriage, you know. Tom cheated on me.”
She didn’t answer me, so I had to watch her eat, wondering what she was thinking. Hell, why did I care? It didn’t change jack shit, and it wasn’t like I was going to do anything with Ty anyway. He’d threatened my kids. Okay, now I knew more about him, knew what it was like without a soul, knew what I would do without one—anything I damned well pleased. I also knew he probably wouldn’t have hurt my kids. That didn’t change the fact he’d said it. It didn’t change the fact I loved Krosh and trusted him. When she was finished chewing, she sat back and sighed. “So good.”
I waited. She said nothing. “Lizzie?”
“I could tell you to stay away from him. I could tell you to sleep with him. It wouldn’t matter. You will do what needs to be done at the time it needs doing.”
“Ty doesn’t need doing. Not by me, at any rate,” I muttered.
Lizzie tittered. “Why are you worried?”
“I don’t want to betray someone I care about. I won’t.”
“What if you had to?”
“What?”
She swung her legs over the bench seat and stood. “Walk with me. I must Dream tonight. You can escort me to the pools so I can do my duty. Would you be my handmaid?”
“Will I be able to find my way back?” I asked, only half joking. I had no idea how many miles of tunnels there were in the Dreaming Caves. I only knew I’d seen very little of them.
“You can hook back to the main cavern,” she said without concern.
She loaded me down with a basket and filled it with jars and dried plants—herbs and flowers. She tucked a gown under her arm, a towel, one that said, “Ramada Inn” on it. Funny, the things that found their way here from Earth. I followed her down a familiar pathway to the Dreaming pools. When we got there, she walked me through the ritual of getting ready to dream. I put a mixture of oils, herbs, and flowers into the water before helping her ease into the pool. Once she was there, she rested her head on the rolled towel. I rose, ready to leave, but she stopped me. “Why is this time different than all the others?”
I’d been to the Slip tons of time since Tytan had first dragged me there, so why was this time different? “Because I’m going there to learn how to be an Originator.” Hearing myself say the words was a bit of a letdown. Up until now, I felt like my doom was waiting for me as I opened a hook to the Slip. When I said it, it sounded more like I was going on a three-day vacation. “If I go there, if I do this,” I said, trying to find the words to fill out the fear and uncertainty that had long since been trying to choke me, “I might not come back. I might not want to come back.”
Something splashed in the shadowed waters of the cave. Not Lizzie. Not in the pool where she lay getting ready to Dream. Farther back where darkness played on darkness, where even the gently glowing witch balls didn’t reach. I wanted to ask what it was, but I didn’t want to distract her, didn’t want to miss what she might say about my deepest, darkest secret: I liked the power I’d found in Ravana’s tinkering, and though once I’d wanted nothing more to give it up but now … now I’d kill to keep it.
“‘If you want to test someone’s character, give them power.’ You’ve been given power in spades, Devany. Now you’ll find out who you really are.”
CHAPTER TWO
I ate breakfast with my kids after a long night talking with Kroshtuka. I was tired but felt better prepared to face whatever was coming my way when I hooked
to the Slip. I slipped away after Liam and Bethany went off to practice grounding with their friends and hooked to Earth from the bathhouse. Cheeseweed greeted me, no longer a tiny kitten, but a lanky adolescent. I scritched her under her chin, then picked her up, snuggling with her as I went through the house on the lookout for the Twos or my brother. No one was home. Evidence of breakfast sat in the sink and Travis’ tennis shoes sat in the middle of the living room. I went downstairs in case Travis was home but he wasn’t, and I went back upstairs feeling disappointed and a little bit guilty. We’d been mad at each other the last few times we spoke, and I wanted to clear the air between us. I guess it would have to wait.
Upstairs, Devany Two had completely rearranged my room. I went to my drawers first to look for Ravana’s infinity papers but didn’t find them. Cursing myself for leaving them behind, I went through all the drawers, the closet and finally the cabinets of the bathroom before I found them twisted up and stuffed between the mattress and box springs. Why had my clone stuffed them there? Had she tried reading them? Could she? I smoothed them flat on the bed and opened them, curling my lip at the picture of a vivisected Skriven who I thought was probably Ty. I couldn’t see his face—the skin was flayed open—but what better subject to study than one that couldn’t die?
I shuddered to think about what horrors Ravana had put him through, the memory of her holding his infant body and telling me every pain, every bruise would be attributed to me. It had happened in a flashback and so I didn’t think it could have affected anything that had already happened, but it still haunted me.
So many things still haunted me.
I thumbed through the papers, the information scrolling out before me as I uncurled pages. Much of it was incomprehensible, or disgusting, or involved the pain and torture of Skriven, humans, witches, and Wydlings alike. Ravana was a creature of sadistic tastes and I was glad all over again I’d killed her.
Not sure what I expected to find in the papers, I quickly grew distracted and finally stuffed the obscenity in my pocket. The infinity papers were as big or as small as the Originator who held them willed, and so when I folded it, it shrunk and fit into my pocket as easily as a receipt.
I thought about visiting Danni, about going to my kids’ school to see how their clones were keeping up with the work and then told myself I was only postponing the inevitable. I formed the hook and stepped through it to Tytan’s manse.
Nothing jumped out at me. No one rushed over with danger snapping at their heels. It was just … quiet. It wasn’t even too quiet; I could hear Nex humming and followed the sound of his voice to the living room where he was floating in front of another canvas. On this one, he’d painted a passable likeness to Quorra, a mermaid he’d had a thing with once upon a time. The mermaid on the canvas looked more vicious than the original and I wondered if Nex was feeling sentimental. “Hey, Nex. How’s it going?”
He floated downward long enough to deposit the brush onto a small ledge jutting from the stand and then turned, flashing his sharp teeth. “The creation of art appears to be somewhat of a talent of mine. How are you, Devany?”
I stuffed my hands in my pockets. “Better. My kids are home safe, both of them, and well-loved.”
“This is good news.” He bobbed there, his dark eyes on mine.
It was awkward. Why? “Is everything okay here? I haven’t heard from you, and I wondered, maybe, if something was wrong.”
“Tytan asked me to leave you alone. He said you needed time to recover from your adventures.”
“Oh.” Relief wormed through me, and a sense of warmth Ty had been thinking of my well-being. “Well, I feel better. Thanks for that.”
He inclined his head.
I waited. Waited. God. It was like pulling teeth. And I didn’t want to ask the question burning on my tongue, so I sidestepped it. “What’s Vasili up to? You’ve managed to keep him from concocting a world-ending virus, I hope?”
“I have asked him to work on something more complex and it has been occupying most of his time. Indeed, I believe he is now obsessed with this task and it will keep him happily occupied for a while.”
Did he want me to ask what it was or was he being purposefully vague because he didn’t want me to know? I trusted Nex not to do something to cause me harm, so I decided I would let him tell me if he wanted to. “Great. Good. Sounds good.” I let silence sit between us for a good long while, but he didn’t volunteer anything else. “Kali? Everyone else doing okay?”
“They come here to rest and recover when needed. They feel it is a safe place for them to be themselves.” His brow furrowed. “Some of them are finding they enjoy not being afraid.”
“Oh?”
“One Skriven in particular, Gar is his name, has taken to singing. Loudly. I fear I don’t get much painting done when he visits. Luckily, he’s found some popularity amongst his fellow Skriven and thus is taking his singing on the road, so to speak.”
“I’ll have to catch one of his shows,” I said. “He’s … one of mine?”
“Yes. Formerly Amara’s, but yes.”
“Ah.”
“What is it you’re dancing around so carefully, love?”
I turned to see Tytan standing in the doorway, looking like sex on a stick as he always did. “I wasn’t dancing around anything,” I lied.
He grinned, knowing it. Mercifully, he chose to ignore it, instead saying, “You’ve come to fulfill your promise, haven’t you?”
“Yes. I said I would and so here I am.” I looked away from his eyes and the deeper things lurking behind his smile.
“Excellent,” he said after a moment, his voice a bit loud in the silence.
I realized Nex had slipped away and wondered what was up with him. I made a note to hunt him down and ask more pointed questions. “What happened to the Skriven who put up the challenge?”
“I convinced him it was in his best interest to drop his dreams of ascension.” The smooth purr of his voice warned me not to ask how he’d talked the Skriven out of the challenge.
“Thank you,” I said in lieu of my questions. We stood staring at each other, his eyes more roamy than mine … I hoped. Finally, I said, “I’m here,” again. “What now?”
“I suppose you need to go talk to Baow.” He paused. “The tree-Skriven, I think you call it.”
“Right. I didn’t know he … she … it had a name.” I frowned. “What are Baow’s pronouns?”
He shrugged. “Does it matter?”
“To Baow it might.”
“It’s an Originator, Devany, not a human. I doubt it gives a shit.”
“I’m going to ask it,” I said, strangely glad I had a purpose beyond asking the tree-Skriven what my job duties as Originator were … and what the OJT would be.
He shook his head but knew better than to think I wouldn’t treat the tree-Skriven any different than anyone else.
I formed a hook and looked pointedly at him.
“You want me to come?”
I nodded.
“They won’t let me go any further than the arena. As a mere Skriven, I’m unworthy.” He said it lightly, but I heard the underlying bite to them. Was that directed at me or them? Or the now-dead Ravana? I didn’t know and was too chicken to find out.
He stepped close to me but didn’t crowd me and I took us both to the arena, where the tree-Skriven—Baow—stood. What had once been an arena now looked like the inside of a madman’s brain. Purple glass, warped and twisted, covered the field where the Originators gave up Skriven-collected souls to the Source. Things that didn’t resemble living things on either of the worlds I’d been to cavorted throughout the glass, diving in and out of the whorls and bends, the unluckier of them slicing open their hides on sharp edges. ‘Not a madman’s mind,’ I amended. ‘The court of a deranged Fairy Queen.’
Tytan snorted.
‘Stop listening in on my thoughts, butt head.’ Out loud, I said, “What is this?”
“Allamora. Or an Originator’s de
piction of it, anyway.” At my question—he’d probably read it in my head, the damned eavesdropper—he said, “It’s a world beyond Midia, several beyonds. Not a place where I’d enjoy spending anytime. Its denizens aren’t human-like at all as you can see. Those were brought here for someone’s amusement.”
They didn’t look upset, but what did I know? Maybe they were screaming, and I just didn’t have the capacity to hear them or understand what it meant. “Is this something I should be worried about?”
“You should be worried about anything your fellow Originators do.”
Baow’s eyes turned toward me. Most of them anyway. A couple were gazing at the cavorting Allamorans. Allamorians? Allamorons?
“Focus, Devany,” Tytan whispered and I straightened. Right.
“Come on.” We walked closer to the tree-Skriven, avoiding the glass and the wildlife, getting close enough to see the grey and brown bark on Baow’s surface. “Hey. I’m back.”
Its eyes swiveled to me, all of them this time. “You have been called home.”
“Well, I chose to come,” I said, then said, “Fine, whatever. I’m here. Now what?”
“You must learn about your Skriven and about your home. Your predecessor’s lair would be a good place to start.” Baow turned a few of his eyes to Ty. “This one could take you there.”
Something about Ty’s stillness, his sudden frozen expression made me think Ravana’s lair was his former torture chamber.
“What about Amara’s holdings? Will I have to hunt those down too?”
Baow’s branches creaked as it moved them, clearly agitated. “It is odd to have this dilemma. The Slip is not in turmoil and yet we are without one of our own.”
“Well, technically you’re not.”
Its trunk moaned as the bark compressed and expanded. “There were two: Ravana and Amara. Now there is one: you.”
“And Ty.”
Through gritted teeth, Ty muttered, “What are you doing?”