A Merciless Year One

by Eva Brandt

  Raphael changed the subject, rescuing me from having to dwell on it further. “Lucifer, Cain is back and causing trouble. We’ve received information that he might have been sighted here. We sent Sariel, Yeqon, and Azazel to The Infernal Realm to ask.”

  “I see. I haven’t been home in a little over a day, so I haven’t spoken with them. We did detect some anomalies here, which is why Leviathan and I came over to stabilize the city.” Lucifer sighed. “I suspected Cain was here and up to his old tricks, but I didn’t want to believe it. Who gave you the information?”

  “Sunrefni,” Sandalphon answered. He omitted the fact that I’d been the one to talk to the dragon, but based on the way Lucifer looked at me, he must have somehow guessed.

  “Well, then, there’s no doubt that he was here. I think he must have been performing some very powerful rituals if he managed to awaken my old spells and shatter the wards around Sodom so badly.” He smiled sharply. “But don’t worry. He and I have a conversation pending and he owes me a blood debt. I’ll hunt him down and make sure he pays the price for what he did.”

  “Cain is a threat for all of us, not just you,” Sandalphon pointed out.

  “What makes you think I care about your opinion? You celestial beings never change.”

  A female voice interrupted the increasingly hostile conversation. “Now, Lucifer, don’t be so rude. The archangels offered to help. So let them.”

  Everybody turned, and I watched in shock as a monstrous white wolf appeared from the flames. A horned woman dressed in a skimpy black gown sat astride it, using it as a mount. A tall blond man stood by her side, watching us with sharp, ice-blue eyes.

  “Lyssa?” Lucifer asked. “What are you doing here?”

  “That’s my line. You promised you’d be back home by now. Hope misses you.”

  The wolf growled, and Lucifer let out a low sigh. “I’m sorry. I know I promised. But you didn’t have to come all this way just to get me.”

  “Of course we did, especially after the Watchers paid us a visit,” the blond said.

  “I suppose that’s understandable,” Lucifer replied.

  The woman—who I assumed was Alyssa Michaelis—smiled at him lazily, her tail swaying in a way that reminded me an awful lot of Sunrefni. “Besides, what kind of wife would I be if I let you wander around like this?” Her gaze shot toward me. “After all, I wouldn’t want you to cheat on me with an angel.”

  Lucifer shot her an unimpressed look. “Lyssa, that’s not funny.”

  “It is a little funny,” she countered, “but maybe also inopportune.” She dismounted from her wolf and said, “Come on. Let’s finish this so we can go back home.”

  “Raphael, Sandalphon, please take your mortal with you and vacate the location,” the other man said. “We can handle this and we’ll notify you if we need any help with Cain.”

  “Like I’d believe that, Mikael,” Raphael answered between gritted teeth. “Won’t you even ask? Don’t you even care about what happened to him?”

  “My father is the least of my concern right now,” the man—Mikael—said. “Please don’t prolong this unnecessarily. We’re all very busy people, and unlike you, we have a family.”

  More demons were showing up out of the flaming ruins. The wolf was staring at me with eerie intensity. It was definitely time for us to go. But I was still worried. Mikael had mentioned my lovers, and he didn’t seem to like them very much.

  “And what of Sariel, Yeqon, and Azazel?”

  “Oh, don’t worry about them,” Alyssa replied. “We sent them right back. Unlike celestial beings, we’re not cruel with our own.”

  Looking at her, I really doubted that, but I supposed I was biased. She’d earned her life and freedom with my pain and loss. A part of me hated her for it, and for daring to stand in front of me now like there was nothing wrong.

  But this conversation wouldn’t go anywhere right now, and these people wouldn’t listen to a weak almost-mortal like me. So when Raphael took my hand, I didn’t protest.

  Just as the whirlpool of Raphael’s power surrounded us, Mikael called out to us one last time. “You shouldn’t send Watchers to play games with us in The Infernal Realm shortly after forcing them to die and be reborn, Raphael. The effects are most unfortunate.”

  He was still grinning sharply when we disappeared from the burning city. And at that moment, I knew that unlike my lovers, these people didn’t deserve a second chance or the benefit of the doubt. They didn’t deserve the redemption and love they’d been granted because of my loss, and one day, I would get my revenge.

  Fear and Forgiveness

  After the way we’d left Sodom, I’d feared the demons had lied to us about my lovers being safe. I needn’t have worried. Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon were at Watcher Academy when we returned.

  They were also furious with Raphael and Sandalphon for involving me in their investigation. “What were you thinking?” Sariel hissed, looking like he was seconds away from tearing Raphael’s throat out with his teeth. “How could you have involved her in a conflict with Lucifer?”

  “I was prioritizing. We had a problem she could help us with. It’s not that complicated.

  “There was no need to expose her to danger like that,” Azazel growled. “One of these days, you’ll push us too far, and you might just find yourself with an entirely different problem on your hands.”

  The threat didn’t seem to faze Raphael, but maybe he did take it seriously, because he left us alone after that. Sandalphon tried to prod them for more information on what they’d found in The Infernal Realm, but when he saw they were uncooperative, he decided to give them space too.

  The archangels’ decision alarmed me, since, as a rule, they didn’t back down when faced with the Watchers’ anger. But it was for the best. My lovers dragged me off, away from the main academy structures and into the wilderness. Or whatever passed for ‘wilderness’ in The Celestial Realm.

  We ended up on a beautiful, clear beach. A crystalline ocean stretched out as far as the eye could see, its waters almost eerily calm.

  After what had happened to me, I wasn’t very thrilled with the idea of facing any kind of large body of water. But for some reason, this particular one didn’t scare me. “What is this place?” I asked them.

  “Here in The Celestial Realm, we can use our divine powers to recreate real places, from our memories,” Sariel explained. “This is the Dead Sea, which is very close to Sodom.”

  Oh. That was an interesting choice. Why would they bring me here of all places?

  “Are you all right?” I asked them. “How bad was it down there?”

  Sariel laughed bitterly. “There’s no easy answer to that question. The Infernal Realm… It was, for a long time, our home, although granted, not the only one. But that’s changed now, and Raphael’s little experiments don’t help.”

  “Yes, Mikael did say that you might have had problems because of that.”

  “So you met Mikael too.” Azazel grimaced. “Wonderful. I was afraid of that.”

  “I doubt it will matter. They have other priorities right now.”

  “Such as hunting down Cain, yes,” Yeqon said. “But that doesn’t make me any happier about this. Lucifer always keeps grudges and now that he has a family to protect… Well, suffice to say he’s ten times more dangerous than he was before. I fear Raphael, Metatron, and the others are underestimating him.”

  That was unpleasant to hear, but at the same time, it encouraged me a little. “So, just to clarify, you’re not on his side, are you?”

  Their loyalties had always seemed unclear and divided to me, which was part of the reason why I’d been so reluctant to trust them. But maybe today, I’d finally get a real answer.

  Unfortunately, today was not my lucky day. Sariel let out a heavy sigh and plopped down onto the white sand. He patted the spot next to him and despite my misgivings, I sat down. “It’s not so easy. I wish it were, but the truth is Lucifer has been our friend, leader and
companion for millennia. It’s not something we can just forget.”

  “We know how much he hurt you,” Yeqon offered as he hugged me from behind. “But it’s just this kind of unwinnable situation.”

  “Do you think you can forgive us for that?” Azazel asked.

  “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m not angry. I can understand having loyalty. And really, the four of us haven’t known one another that long. You’ve already given me so much. I couldn’t possibly expect more.”

  It didn’t take me long to realize I hadn’t said the right thing. My lovers fell silent, obviously not thrilled with my opinion about our relationship.

  “You’re more special to us than you realize,” Azazel said, kneeling by my side as well. “You might be right. You have no reason to trust us. But for what it’s worth, you mean a lot to us.”

  “Do you know why we brought you here, Delilah?” Yeqon asked quietly. “Sodom was our city. Lucifer rebuilt it after it was destroyed. I think it was meant to be a giant fuck you to The Supreme Being, but it actually worked out pretty well.”

  “It did? But… What about The Infernal Realm?”

  “We weren’t fully compatible with the place, not immediately,” Sariel said. “The Mortal Realm was a refuge for us for ages. I think that’s why Lucifer is trying to fix it. But some things never change. We still don’t belong anywhere, Delilah. The Celestial Realm, The Infernal Realm… Our choices pull us in all kinds of separate directions. We’re lost.”

  “It’s selfish of us, I know,” Azazel offered, “but having you here… It’s been so different. Like we can breathe again. Like we finally have an anchor.”

  I remembered my conversation with Metatron. He’d said something almost identical, that everyone needed an anchor, something to fight for.

  “It’s not selfish. You’re helping me too, remember?” I smiled at them sheepishly. “If I didn’t have you to get angry on, I’d be doing much worse, I think.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Yeqon drawled. “We want you to be happy, not angry, Delilah.”

  I sighed and said nothing. Happiness seemed like such a distant concept. At this point, I’d accept temporary contentment.

  I rubbed my chest, feeling a sudden ache settle over my heart. “Do you think that’s possible here?”

  “Why not?” Azazel asked.

  It sounded like a genuine question and so, I considered it carefully. “I don’t know how I feel about you. Sometimes… Sometimes, I still feel half-dead, and you’re the only ones who can make it better. But everything is still so odd.”

  “You’re very new here,” Yeqon replied. “It’s normal to have these issues. If we can help you, in any way, we’re more than happy to.”

  Strange feelings surged through me, as deep and powerful as the silent Dead Sea. I got up and made my way to the water.

  “I’ve read about this place. The Dead Sea. It’s said that if you go swimming here, your body won’t sink. There’s so much salt in the water it keeps you afloat. I wonder if the power of The Celestial Realm can recreate that.”

  The moment my foot touched the water, a shudder rushed over me. My skin crawled and my heart started hammering, power and panic throbbing inside me. I didn’t have a pulse, I reminded myself. It was yet another thing Lucifer had taken from me. But maybe that could be recreated here too, just like everything else.

  “Delilah?” Sariel asked softly, from the shore. “What are you doing?”

  I wasn’t sure. Facing my fears? Trying to drown them in the water? Making sure this was real?

  Either way, this was a bad idea. I’d just seen Lucifer. I shouldn’t have touched the sea at all.

  “We can recreate real places from our memories using our divine powers,” Sariel had said. But this water didn’t feel all that divine to me.

  There was nothing in the sea, no obstacle, no living creature that could pose a threat to me. Even so, I stumbled and fell, sinking underneath the surface like a boulder.

  The water tasted salty and stung my eyes, but it didn’t keep me afloat. I felt strange, a buzzing sound echoing in my head.

  The darkness was there again. I extended my hand, trying to reach it. I didn’t want to go back to The In-Between, but the answers were waiting for me, somewhere out there.

  Another hand grabbed me before I could achieve my goal. Azazel dragged me to the surface and back onto the beach. He, Sariel, and Yeqon all fussed over me, in various stages of panic and fury. “What the hell was that all about?” Sariel asked. “Are you trying to drown yourself?”

  “No, of course not.” I frowned, wondering why he’d suggest such a thing. “I only tripped. Besides, I can’t exactly drown in The Celestial Realm.”

  Could I? I wasn’t sure. If Raphael was to be believed, Yeqon had died during his class. Otherwise, his resurrection wouldn’t have been a thing at all. That meant that, up to a point, death was possible in this realm.

  Horror surged through me at the reminder, but not because of my small swim. “I’m so sorry. It didn’t occur to me that you’d still be upset after what happened earlier.”

  No wonder they were reacting so badly. Before the whole thing with Cain, Sariel and Azazel had been forced to watch Yeqon die. It stood to reason that they wouldn’t take this well.

  What in God’s name was wrong with me, to pull this kind of thing, now of all times?

  “Never mind that, Delilah.” Yeqon pinched the bridge of his nose, and for the first time, I realized there were deep circles underneath his eyes. Why hadn’t I seen that until now? “I’m not worried about myself. You’re the one most at risk here.”

  “I’m really not. I was just exploring.”

  “That’s exactly what worries me.” There was a shadow in Sariel’s eyes, and I hated that I was the one who’d put it there.

  “Maybe coming to the sea wasn’t such a good idea,” Azazel offered. “Come on. Let’s just go and get some rest.”

  A distraction sounded perfect and I nodded, enthusiastic. I didn’t think we were up for sex right now, but that was okay. Not everything was about sex, no matter how powerful the attraction between us might be.

  This time, it was Sariel who took me in his arms. Together, we traveled back to their quarters. It was the third time I’d come here, and I was beginning to feel a little more comfortable.

  I plopped down on the bed and extended my arms, relaxing. “You know, I don’t think I ever asked. How come you guys share a bedroom?”

  “Technically, we share a tower,” Sariel explained. “Back at The Academy of the Devil, we were all divided in groups, some larger than others. Sariel, Azazel, and I lived together for ages, so Watcher Academy is accommodating that. Other Watchers have other types of places.”

  That was interesting and kinder than what I’d expected to find here. Maybe the people in The Celestial Realm weren’t so bad if they were willing to accept the codependent relationship between my lovers.

  Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon joined me on the bed. Within seconds, we were all naked, curling around each other in a pile of warm skin and feathers.

  It was nice, and before I knew it, my eyes were drifting shut. This time, when the darkness came, it had nothing to do with the shadows of the past. I slept in my lovers’ arms and didn’t dream.

  * * *

  “We’ve had quite an eventful couple of days lately. There’s so much to discuss today. Now, who wants to begin?”

  I stared at my new teacher and suppressed the urge to burst into tears. Zadkiel was different from other archangels I’d met in the past. He was always smiling, a kind, warm expression that should have been reassuring. It didn’t work, because I had the distinct impression he was pure evil.

  Currently, I had joined at least two dozen Watchers in a circle situated in the courtyard of the Core. Zadkiel was hovering over us, and his body flashed between different forms, as if he couldn’t quite decide what he wanted to look like. He ultimately decided on that of a puppy and dropped down on all fours in front
of us.

  “Come now, don’t be shy. We need to share these things so we can forgive one another and ourselves.”

  Ariel had mentioned us having to study Forgiveness, but I hadn’t thought it would be a glorified anger management class. There was no other way I could have described it. Zadkiel had yet to give us plush toys we could use to take out our aggression, but it could still happen.

  For now, we were supposed to confess our emotions. Who in God’s name had come up with this class? Come to think of it, why were we the only ones attending? The archangels were so emotionally closed off that had they been human, they would’ve needed lifetimes of therapy.

  I refrained from pointing any of that out and instead hid behind Azazel, hoping Zadkiel wouldn’t notice me. Fortunately, the archangel picked someone else to badger. “Shamsiel, why don’t you begin? I heard there was a minor incident in Uriel’s class.”

  “If by minor incident, you mean he decided to start torturing me again, then yes, you could say that.”

  Shamsiel was the student Uriel had picked for his little experiment. We hadn’t spoken since then, and I had to admit that maybe it was a good idea to give him an environment to vent. But he clearly didn’t trust Zadkiel, because he didn’t give away much of what he was truly thinking.

  “It’s nothing new,” he added, shrugging. “I’m used to it.”

  “That doesn’t mean you’ve accepted it,” Zadkiel prodded. “Don’t you think it’s unfair?”

  Shamsiel bared his teeth at the archangel-turned-puppy in a smile that held a clear threat. “Sure it is. Even after all these years, he can’t leave things well enough alone. But I don’t see any of you doing anything to fix that.”

  “You did abandon him for Lucifer,” Kasdaye commented. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised he was the one to answer. I remembered him from Ariel’s class and he’d always seemed like a bit of a troublemaker. “You were the guardian of Eden once. It stands to reason that he’d feel betrayed.”

  “Shut up, Kasdaye,” Shamsiel snapped. “Nobody asked you.”