“I’ve been on my own for a long time. I can handle myself, don’t worry. Besides, we can’t take the risk of being seen together in town. The chances are slim since it’s so late, but still. I need to remain here for a few minutes and talk to my father. I realize how crazy it sounds, but…” I let my voice trail off, unsure how to continue.
Zander stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyes haggard with uncertainty. “That doesn’t sound crazy at all. Trust me, I get it. Just stay safe, okay?”
“Thanks. You too. I’ll come find you at the library tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’ll be subtle.”
Zander nodded, smiling a little, like he wasn’t absolutely sure he believed I could be stealthy. But I didn’t call him out on it. I was too bone weary for that.
“Goodnight, Luna.”
“’Night, Zander,” I said. He turned and walked away, heading toward home. He didn’t look back, and I watched him until he faded into a small speck in the distance. Then, finally alone, I shifted my gaze skywards, trying to connect with a father I barely knew. One I cared for just the same. He’d sacrificed everything for me. The sting of hot tears pricked at my eyes; I had been so stupid.
I brushed away a tear with my hand. I mustn’t be weak. It wouldn’t help at all.
I wrapped my arms tight around me and spoke loudly to the ghostly, silhouetted headstones.
“Thanks, Dad, for being the father I never had. And for protecting me when all the chips were against us,” I whispered hoarsely. “I never experienced a Dad’s love before you. I want you to know I loved you, too.” I put my fingers to my lips and blew a kiss to the wind. I hoped somehow it reached him, where ever he’d gone.
I turned to leave. I knew now what I must do.
Chapter 29
The bright sun filtered through the bedroom curtains onto my face. I moaned, turning over and burying my head under the pillows, as the real world came crashing down.
Last night. The decision.
Knowing I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep; I tossed the duvet off and shivered as my feet hit the cold wood floor. I rose on shaky limbs and crossed the room to grab my robe to ward off the chill.
I needed a shower to warm up; that would make me feel better. I padded into the bathroom and allowed myself a few extra minutes, luxuriating under the hot spray of water. Who knew when I would have this luxury again? After we discovered where that door led at the DRC, we could end up anywhere.
After my shower, I selected my wardrobe—all black—which seemed to be my color of choice these days, more out of necessity than anything else. I dressed, adding a warm sweater to ward off the cold. Then I made my way downstairs to find Mom already in the kitchen, flipping pancakes.
“I heard you rustling around up there, so I prepared us some breakfast. Are pancakes okay?” Mom asked.
“Pancakes sound great. Thanks, Mom. But you didn’t have to go to all this fuss.”
Mom waved her spatula in the air. “Nonsense. Now sit down. They’re ready.”
I plopped down at the table waiting as mom dished up the steaming hotcakes. Maple syrup and a bowl of sliced strawberries were already on the table and my mouth watered as I inhaled the delicious aromas. This fabulous breakfast was the kind of indulgence I dared not even hope for back on W1. How things had changed.
That’s one thing I’d learned from this experience—life was continually shifting and I just had to try to keep up. My life had become a rollercoaster I could never get off.
I glanced over at Dad’s empty chair, and my chest grew tight and heavy, as I struggled to absorb the loss. When I’d pulled myself together, I looked to Mom. She was staring at me, her eyes glittering with unshed tears of grief, her food untouched.
She reached over and took my hand that had been fiddling with my fork. “I miss him too, Luna.” A deep sadness engulfed her, and I wished with all my heart I could erase it for her.
Instead, I was about to add to her pain. What kind of monster was I? What would she think of me if she knew what Zander and I were up to?
To top it all off, there was the stark truth—I was the reason Dad lay dead in the county morgue. Sure, the government had been the one to pull the trigger, but it never would have happened if it hadn’t been for me.
I pushed those thoughts aside; they wouldn’t help Mom now. I squeezed her hand and gave her my best smile. Seemingly satisfied, Mom returned to the task of eating. She pierced the fluffy pancake with her fork and gently placed it in her mouth, chewing with concentrated effort. It looked as though she was being force fed dry sawdust instead of yummy pancakes. But I understood how she felt.
We continued our breakfast in silence until I ultimately snapped and blurted out what had been plaguing me since this whole nightmare unfolded.
“Mom, do you believe Dad killed himself?”
Mom gave a sharp intake of breath, and the cup of orange juice she’d been about to drink from halted in midair. Her face twisted with anguish as she pressed her lips firmly together in a solid white line. Gently and with shaking hands, she returned the glass to the table. She cast her eyes down as she spoke.
“It’s not for me to say, Luna. But I believe your father loved life and us.” She looked up at me, placing her fists into her lap so I wouldn’t see them tremble under the table. She continued on, “All I know for sure is there was nothing in this world that would compel him to choose anything that might endanger you.”
I swallowed hard and pushed back the hot tears prickling my eyes, more certain than ever I’d made the right decision. I owed it to Mom to find the answers. The risk be damned.
Several hours later, when Mom had lain down for a nap, I decided it was time to leave. It was better to go without explanations. I’d already left too many notes that led her to worry. A clean break was best.
Earlier that day, I’d pretended everything was normal, I’d played the part of the dutiful daughter and brought hot tea and cookies to her bedroom, never saying a word about my plans. It relieved me, not having to lie. The lies always came too easily to me. At least this time, that particular skill wasn’t required.
I grabbed my jacket from the hook on the wall as I left, the small bible Zander had given me just a few short days ago, still tucked in my pocket. It seemed as if an eternity had passed since then.
The crisp air cooled my hot cheeks, and I breathed it in deeply, ridding myself of some palpable tension that had built up in my body, about to swallow me alive.
I counted my breaths… one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten… repeating the sequence again and again until I reached the library. I gazed up at the now familiar, but intimidating brick building. I waited there a good minute before going inside.
Every time I came here, I knew the risk. Another chance to be nabbed by the authorities. To any outsider looking in, it must have seemed like I had a death wish.
The government was always watching. I believed Zander now. And I was about to make things a million times worse by talking to him, again. I counted on my book ruse being enough to fool them.
I mean, seriously, did they have nothing better to do than follow a sixteen-year-old girl around?
I really hoped that wasn’t the case. But one thing was for certain, standing out here, looking like an idiot definitely drew unwanted attention. I quickly raced up the stone steps and opened the big, heavy door. The quiet hush inside contrasted mightily with the hustle and bustle of the street outside. It took me a minute to acclimate. The aroma of books soothed my frayed nerves. How I loved that smell. I cast a glance around. As usual, there were few patrons; I saw only one other person lingering by the stacks.
Knowledge was power, and the government liked to discourage their people from coming here. I spotted Zander over by the circulation desk, our eyes locked. He’d probably seen me as soon as I entered.
I walked over to him, pulling the bible he gave me out of the inner pocket of my jacket.
“Hey, Zander. I just stopped by to return t
his to you. It was really helpful, especially the passage you suggested. So…thanks.”
Zander smiled at me. “No problem. Glad it helped.”
“I hope you don’t mind, but I underlined the section because it moved me so much. I can buy you a new one if it bothers you. Sorry,” I grimaced. “I’m not sure what came over me.”
Zander waved his hand in a carefree gesture. “No worries, that’s fine.”
“Look at it first, before you agree,” I said. “I put a bookmark in the page.” My eyes sought out his, pleading with him to get my underlying message.
Zander provided no sign of understanding, his facial features remained consistently neutral. But I was good at reading people, and the sudden tenseness in his shoulders gave him away. He understood I wanted him to look inside.
“All right, if it will make you feel better,” Zander replied in a disinterested voice. Casually, he opened to the page I’d bookmarked. I saw him glance at the small paper tucked into the binding where I’d scribbled him one simple note last night.
I’m in.
“This looks perfectly fine. You shouldn’t worry. In fact, I kind of like it highlighted.” He gave me an encouraging smile. “But before you leave, I have a book I’ve just finished reading that I expect you will enjoy; it might take your mind off things. Let me go get it.” He closed the bible and slipped it into his pants pocket before turning without a second glance in the direction of his office in the rear of the library.
It seemed like an eternity before he returned. I half expected an officer to come and take me away. It felt like my whole body twitched in trepidation—but you’d never know by looking at me. Heart thumping in my chest, I pretended to peruse a nearby shelf of books, running my fingers casually along the spines. My skin grew clammy but my face showed no emotion.
I supposed I needed to thank Mama for my skills in deception. Before she’d shipped me off to this strange new universe, she taught me the art of appearing confident even in the worst situations. So far it had never steered me wrong.
The sound of returning footsteps broke me out of my reverie. I rarely allowed myself to dwell much on Mama, it made me too angry. And anything fueled by anger when trying to be covert led to serious mistakes.
“Here we are then,” Zander said beaming at me as he handed me a blue hardback. I read the gold-lettered title on the spine and almost laughed out loud. If nothing else, this would further make this entire exchange believable. Zander was devilishly smart. Maybe I hadn’t given him enough credit for being sneaky.
“Really? How is a book on gardening going to help me?” I grinned, like actually smiled for real for the first time in a long while.
Zander looked sheepish. “I figured it would be good to get your hands dirty, and enjoy the fresh air. It always helps me. And if that doesn’t float your boat you can just study the pretty pictures of flowers,” he smirked.
“Ha.Ha. All right fine. I’ll try it.”
“Excellent. Now make certain you read the passage on roses, there are some great tips on getting more blooms.”
He turned serious again, and I understood the underlying message.
“Sure, I’ll get right on that,” I replied sarcastically, trying to keep up the charade. All I really wanted to do was rip open the book and find the section on roses where I was almost positive another note waited for me.
We politely said our goodbyes, and I consciously kept my pace slow and assured as I left the library, even though I wished to high-tail it out of there.
The walk back seemed interminably long, but it had been mere minutes on the clock. When I finally reached home, I exhaled a sigh of relief. Mission one accomplished. I checked in on Mom; she was still sleeping, so I softly tiptoed to my room and closed the door. I slipped off my coat and shoes and flopped on the bed, already tearing through the pages, trying to find the right section. I’d decided not to open the book in the street in case it brought undue attention.
Halfway through the text, I found the part on how to plant roses. Tucked in the crease was a tiny slip of stationery.
“Bingo,” I whispered. With shaking hands, I plucked the note from its home and unfolded the paper. Zander’s now-familiar script stared back at me. “Cemetery. Tomorrow. Midnight.”
I groaned. Why so long? I had already prepared myself for leaving. It was going to be a nerve-wracking twenty-four hours.
Still, at least the government hadn’t issued Mom and I new phones yet, so they couldn’t track me. It made me uncomfortable, though. I wondered about the delay. If they were so intent on observing me, you would assume they would have been on the ball about it. Perhaps Mrs. Lennor a.k.a Elia Watford was tailing me the old fashioned way. I shivered just thinking of it.
Tomorrow would be the day of reckoning.
I would find out the truth, even if it killed me.
Chapter 30
The moon lay hidden behind thin grey clouds and wispy streaks of moonlight filtered through the gaps, creating eerie shadows on the grass. The dim light accentuated the low-hanging tree branches that reached out like claws towards the granite gravestones. I shivered, pulling my arms protectively around me, more from apprehension than cold. Tonight could all blow up in my face.
I was startled out of any further dire thoughts by a sudden sharp gust of wind that ripped my cap from my head. I made a lunge for it, but I was too late, it had disappeared into the black night. Annoyed I hadn’t been paying enough attention, I impatiently swept back the dark strands that escaped from my ponytail. I attempted to rein them in by tucking them behind my ear but to no avail. My hair was a wreck, and the hat was gone. Off to a good start.
I looked up and saw that the clouds were moving across the ominous purple sky at a furious clip. The leaves tumbled over my military-style black boots, as a large cloud covered the moon completely, casting me into inky darkness.
“Great,” I muttered. “Just what we need, a storm.” I cast a quick glance around. Where the hell was Zander? He’d better not be late.
Without a flashlight, I struggled to make out the edge of the woods, mere feet from me. How on earth was I supposed to find him? Maybe if I knew this area and studied it—but there hadn’t been enough time for that kind of prep work. A flash of anger shot through me as I thought about how much Zander was in charge of this little farce.
I had considered coming out here on my own. I remembered where the door was, after all. How hard could it be? I didn’t need Zander for that. Feeling a bit more in control, I began to formulate a plan. I would head for the DRC via the woods, from there I’d…
I jerked back as a tight hand clamped down on my shoulder.
I whirled around, ready to pounce but a strong arm reached out and blocked me.
“Sshhh, it’s only me, Luna,” Zander whispered.
I dropped my stance, annoyed.
“What the hell, Zander? I told you never to sneak up on me like that,” I hissed. I hastily shook him off. I’d always prided myself on knowing precisely when someone approached or lurked behind me, and it irritated the heck out of me that I hadn’t heard him come up. After all, it was how I’d become such a good pickpocket.
“Sorry,” Zander said giving me a lopsided grin. “My bad.”
I grabbed the flashlight from him and turned it off. “You should only have this on in an emergency,” I ground out the words between clenched teeth. “Unless you can’t handle the dark,” I smirked.
The barb spilled out of my mouth almost like a gag reflex, before I could stop them. But hey, I nearly had control of my situation and then he’d shown up like a bad penny.
“It’s just a flashlight. Calm down.”
My nostrils flared in anger. Calm down? Who the heck did he think he was? The boss of me? Wasn’t he the one who had acted all paranoid about being seen?
Since I wasn’t sure if we were alone or not, I bit my tongue and stomped toward the woods, not bothering to ask him if he was coming. He could go to hell for all I cared. I want
ed to do this my way.
Zander ran after me to catch up. Which didn’t take a lot. His strides were much bigger than mine. Sometimes being short was a real pain in the neck.
He touched my arm, and I yanked it back. “Come on, Luna. I’m sorry. I messed up, please forgive me.”
I stopped walking; we were at the entrance to the woods now, and I barely made out his silhouette. He wore dark jeans and a black leather jacket that ran tight across his shoulders. It was annoying how good looking he was when he was being a jerk. I took a sharp intake of breath trying to cool down. The thick moisture in the air, now filling my lungs, had created patchy fog, especially around the low-lying sectors of the forest. To anyone with a big imagination, this would seem like a haunted wood. Luckily, I didn’t take stock in all that nonsense. It was always best to stick with the facts and deal with what lay smack dab in front of you.
A flash of rare winter lightning zigzagged across the sky illuminating Zander’s face, and the remorse etched across his features was apparent.
I breathed out a sigh. I had to let this go. My anger wouldn’t solve anything. Besides, I needed to keep my eye on the prize. No matter who I had to bring along. I wasn’t going to grovel, but I may have overreacted a little.
“Fine. I’m sorry too. Okay? Now let’s kick some ass.”
Zander’s white teeth flashed, as he smiled into the darkness. But he instantly sobered and darted a quick glance around. “Come on,” he whispered. “We need to get out of sight, we shouldn’t talk here.” He grabbed my hand and led me into the thick grove of trees. As he pulled me deeper into the woods, I noticed he was wearing a dark hoodie under his jacket that covered most of his hair. At least he’d been smart enough to cover it this time.
We walked along in silence, threading our way through the darkened forest. It took all my attention to navigate through it—especially since I’d dropped Zander’s hand almost as soon as he picked it up. I regretted the decision now with the fog closing in, and his long strides making it difficult to keep the pace. If I was being honest with myself, his close proximity and occasional touch made my nerves crackle. Electricity sparked between us, but I didn’t want to face that at the present moment.
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