Out of Silence

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Out of Silence Page 8

by Ruby Monroe


  Ron had the kind of athletic body that most men would love to have. He was 6 feet 2 inches tall, with broad shoulders and narrow hips. He wore smart modern business suits that enhanced his firm body. Crisp white shirts and colourful ties completed the picture. For some reason, Ruby found his business attire so very sensual.

  Ron frequently complimented her. He was always attentive and often sat at her table in the cafeteria during lunch or coffee breaks. Ruby learned that Ron was drawn to her because she, like him, held an important managerial position. They worked together on a committee, evaluating salary positions and determining levels of compensation. For this reason, no one thought anything of or was suspicious about their casual meetings. They innocently flirted for a few months. It was fun and so good for her ego. He treated her with kindness and respect.

  Following months of teasing and joking around, they decided to act on their physical attraction. One day during their coffee break, he broached the subject. He lowered his head as if telling her a secret. “Ruby, I have a friend who lives in an apartment close to our offices over on Branson Street. I asked him if he would be amenable to letting me use his apartment during lunchtime. Just a couple of days would be great. What do you think?”

  “Oh my God, Ron, you didn’t tell him who you would be with, did you?” Ruby asked in a panic. What if Jason found out? It would be the worst day of my life—maybe the last.

  “No, of course I didn’t. He’s cool. You know, he’s a guy. We do things like this for each other.” Ron sought to set aside any fear of recognition Ruby might be feeling.

  “Okay, as you are also very aware, this little meeting is just for sex, and it would not help either one of us professionally if our secret was discovered.” She felt she needed to set the parameters up front. She tried to be very careful and hoped they could continue to be as anonymous as possible.

  Ruby remembered something she had read. It struck her as if someone was describing her situation: “Women have affairs to escape their life.” She didn’t know the author, but it was uncanny how it fit her motivation and alibi for the extramarital sex she was about to become involved in.

  In the beginning, they couldn’t get to the apartment fast enough. While in the elevator, they fumbled with buttons so they could quickly remove each other’s clothing once behind closed doors. They kissed until their lips were sore. Ruby developed a rash on her cheek and upper lip from his stubbly face. It was truly amazing. Their emotions rose to heights neither one had previously experienced. They gave each other truly great, mind-blowing, passionate sex.

  Every time, his large erect penis sent her to the most wonderful pinnacles of pleasure. When she finally landed, she sighed with total contentment. Jokingly, she congratulated Ron on his excellent performance. She lay there all warm and mushy inside, enjoying the many aftershocks that always followed her intense orgasms. It was the most wonderful feeling.

  Who needs drugs when you have orgasms in your arsenal? she asked herself. This tryst with Ron is great for my self-esteem and has helped build up my battered ego. This is what life should be like. I feel like a totally different person these days.

  It was just sex. They both knew it. But it was absolutely spectacular sex. Maybe the attraction is stronger due to it being the forbidden fruit, she thought. I don’t know, and at this point, I really don’t care. I want to be with him as often as we can sneak away.

  Sometimes it was almost impossible to walk normally around the office after their nooner. Her legs felt weak and unstable, like they would give way and she’d fall to the floor. She knew the wonderful sensation was the product of their magnificent sexual encounters. She kind of enjoyed the rubber legs, because it felt like the sensation was being prolonged and remembered longer in both her mind and body.

  They explored each other’s bodies with their hands, lips and tongues, kissing and caressing, finding the arousal spots that brought the other one to a wonderful soul-filling mind-blowing exciting climax. Who is this woman wearing my clothes—or in this case, no clothes? She was only there when they were alone and having raunchy sex, Ruby observed, noting the change in her personality. Ron is therapy for my soul, frame of mind and sense of well-being.

  This new, more confident Ruby was being noticed at work, too. Her boss, Mr. Gaines, must have noticed, as he was giving her tougher assignments. For the first time in a very long time, she felt great and self-confident.

  Ron and Ruby walked to his friend’s apartment at noon a couple of days each and every week for several months. It took Ruby four visits to their love nest before she noticed the decor of his friend’s apartment. She speculated that Ikea was doing well, and the apartment owner was very handy with building tools.

  Eventually, their hot and heavy passionate nooners, although still hot, became less and less frequent. They both agreed to terminate the affair, as the excitement and anticipation had faded somewhat. She concluded they were lucky to not have been caught. Ruby no longer needed the therapy. They did remain friends and continued for several more months to work professionally on several committees with a team of their peers. But they never returned to their hot sex bed in the apartment of the anonymous landlord.

  Chapter 17

  1973: Finally Proof

  At home, things went from bad to worse. Ruby was looking for a specific amount of an item they had purchased because she wanted to return it. She knew it had been charged to their Visa credit card. While inspecting the monthly statements, she noticed a one-time charge at a motel. She checked the Yellow Pages directory for the address. To her surprise, it was only a twenty-minute drive from their house. She knew she had never stayed there, and Jason would not need to stay there on business; he could just drive home.

  Her curiosity was piqued. She continued to scrutinize the previous month’s statements. It showed three more charges at the same motel. Getting more angry, she continued looking back over six more months, and she was shocked to find more and more charges. The dates were different, but it was always at the same motel. She felt a gnawing sharp pain in the pit of her stomach and wondered, What’s going on here. Are these fraudulent charges?

  She called the bank. Intuitively, Ruby knew what she would find out. She just didn’t want to believe what was already evident. The credit card representative didn’t see a pattern that would throw up a red flag for these being fraudulent charges. It was determined that the charges were probably authentic.

  She tried to not jump to conclusions just yet, but she couldn’t deny the facts: Jason was having another affair. No wonder money was tight. He was spending their hard-earned money on his casual affairs.

  She did feel pangs of guilt, as only recently she was physically involved with Ron. She and Jason were not having sex these days. He had someone else—but for a short time, so had she. Did that make it right for either one of them? Absolutely not! But she couldn’t help remembering the great feelings she had while making love with Ron. She couldn’t deny it. It was lovely.

  Ruby had never previously sought out proof of Jason’s indiscretions, but she decided that for her peace of mind and possibly proof that might be needed if the divorce went to court, she had to investigate. The motel charges were pushing her. Deep down, she didn’t want to have concrete evidence, because then she would have to actually divorce Jason. She wasn’t ready to go there just yet, but it had become very difficult to have a normal conversation with him. She had to build her case by gathering this evidence.

  A few days later, with that nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach, she drove to the motel. She expected the worst, and she wasn’t disappointed. The place was a dump. Still somewhat in denial, she thought, Why would Jason bring anyone here? She walked into the dingy office with a strange musty odour that seemed to get caught in her throat. She asked for information about the charges on the statement from the scraggly unkempt toothless elderly man sitting behind the counter. She crinkled her nose, as
sociating the odour with urine or someone who hadn’t bathed in some time. The horrible smell of the office made her feel ill.

  She’d had the forethought to bring a photo of Jason with her. Deep inside her mind, she no longer suspected him of indiscretions; she knew. She held up the picture and asked the front desk clerk, “Have you ever seen this person here at this motel?”

  Without hesitation, the desk clerk said, “Yep! He and his wife or friend check in here for an afternoon or evening at least once a week. Why?” he asked. “What’s your interest? Who are you anyway?”

  As calmly as she could, she mustered her strength and composure and then responded, “His wife.”

  The hotel clerk had a look on his face indicating his uneasiness.

  “I’m sorry to bother you. Thank you for the information.” She knew she had to do something. She had to get out of there. Her mind flashed with scenarios of him in bed with a cheap floozie, cheating on his wife. What kind of woman would have casual sex in this dump? He has really hit rock bottom.

  She rushed home and checked the beds for bugs. How dare he be so careless?

  She knew now that nothing she said or did was ever going to be good enough for him. He continued to hurt her even when he wasn’t in the room. She felt humiliated and betrayed.

  As much as she dreaded the confrontation, she decided it was time to deal with Jason. She knew he would be angry with her.

  A few nights later, they were in the family room watching a hockey game. During a commercial, she casually said, “Jason, the other day I was looking for a charge on our Visa and noticed a few charges for a motel I know I have never stayed at …” That was all she got out of her mouth.

  He immediately flew into a rage, shoving and punching her.

  “Please, Jason, stop hitting me. I will not be your personal punching bag.”

  “You will be whatever I decide you are. Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. Stupid bitch!” Jason shouted disparaging and cruel insults about her and her lack of interest in sex and him. He screamed, “I only see these women because I need to get it elsewhere, as you’re useless in bed.”

  Ruby was puzzled by his ranting. His comments about sex or lack thereof were, as usual, unwarranted. Here we go again.

  “Your job is to take care of the kids and the house. Do your damn job and shut up.”

  “You blame me and make me feel like everything that goes wrong, including your indiscretions, is my fault.” She didn’t know where this boldness came from, but it felt good. She was the victim, and he would pay.

  He continued to curse and yell at her. He turned to her as if a new idea struck him, and then he said, “Why are you looking at things on my desk anyway? Everything in there is in the none-of-your-business department. Just stay out of my desk.”

  Ruby got up to walk away, but he grabbed her and turned her around facing him. He pushed up against her with his now larger beer belly and began yelling. His face was so close to hers when he shouted that she felt a wet spray on her face from his saliva. He slammed her into the basement cement wall with such force that he knocked the wind out of her. He slammed her again into the wall really hard, again and again, until she lay crumpled on the floor, sobbing with pain and humiliation. When she attempted to get to her feet, he yanked her up by her sweater and shoved her into the wall again.

  “Please, Jason, I was just asking. Stop! Jason, please don’t do that. You’re hurting me,” she pleaded.

  Ruby escaped to her bedroom. He did not follow.

  The next morning, Ruby was once again bruised and sore from being knocked around. She was mentally and physically hurting. He had made her feel at fault, as usual. He had a way of turning things around and blaming her for his nasty outbursts.

  After that episode, the desk was always locked.

  She thought about getting professional help but wouldn’t feel right going to a counsellor. She was afraid to be asked the most obvious questions: “Why now? Why did you put up with his bad behaviour for so long?” She was too embarrassed, and her self-esteem hit an all-time low.

  What had she done to deserve this monster? Marriage vows obviously meant nothing to him. Maybe the part “Until death do you part” was more real than she had ever dreamed.

  Recently she had read an article about sexually transmitted diseases. What about me? How can I protect myself from these diseases? She had lots of unanswered questions. I do wonder if he wears a condom when he’s with these other women.

  Ruby booked an appointment with her personal physician to be tested for STDs.

  Chapter 18

  1976: Married Twenty Years

  Jason was doing very well at work. Recently he had been promoted to manager of the internal audit team. This meant more travel than his previous position; now he was in charge of a team of accountants with the responsibility for auditing the books of his company’s many branches.

  Jason often stayed at distant hotels when he was away on his five-day financial audits. He frequently ate alone at very nice restaurants. His favourite was a family-run Italian place. He became very friendly with the owners. Antonio, waiter and owner of Authentic Italian Fine Foods, introduced Jason to pork spare ribs that had been cooked in the spaghetti sauce for many hours by his little old Italian mother. This was a family-only special meal.

  Jason was single during these trips.

  He bragged to Ruby about how the owner and the mother treated him like family. He also shared with Ruby that the mother made him their family’s favourite meal. Jason was very happy, but Ruby was jealous.

  A few years later, she discovered that during these business trips, he frequently brought women he met at the restaurant to his hotel room for sex. It didn’t matter how frequently he committed adultery, it always felt like another slap in the face.

  During this calmer period, things were much better at home. Even the beatings had ceased. Civility once again was the norm. She mentally crossed her fingers and hoped this truce held longer than the last one.

  Ruby felt more confident about their relationship for the first time in many years. She felt that they were over the hump. Her job was also going very well. She attended night school to bring up her grades, as she now had researched the requirements to become a registered nurse—her dream job. Her research uncovered information about a local college that offered mature student nurse’s training. This was exciting news, as due to her pregnancy at age 16, she had not graduated from high school, a normal requirement for becoming a registered nurse.

  Ruby proudly wrote an emotional but factual letter about her lifelong desire to work in the nursing field. Included in the package were her reports showing that she had successfully upgraded her education in the required subjects. Every course showed not only completion with 100 percent attendance but also all As.

  Much to her surprise and pleasure, she received an invitation to take a test for the training. She was so excited about this tremendous opportunity that it was difficult to concentrate at work. Finally, exam day arrived. The exams were held on a Saturday and Sunday in May. She wrote many general knowledge and psychological-type exams during two very long eight-hour days. Even though she was mentally spent, she felt like her feet weren’t touching the ground. During her drive home, she sang along to the Judy Garland song on the radio, “I can’t give you anything but love, baby.”

  Life was going to be good when she started nurse’s training. Jason would respect her when she graduated. All that crap and abuse would be behind them. She so wanted to believe that. In her heart, though, she knew better. People don’t change.

  When you are told often enough that you’re worthless, you begin to believe it. She put up with and tolerated his miserable behaviour for so long, she was sure he would kill her before she would get up enough gumption to leave him. One might wonder why it took so long for Ruby to make her move and leave. She had been slowing w
orking up the nerve to be free.

  Chapter 19

  Early May 1976: The Turning Point

  Ruby received the long-awaited results of her registered nurse’s exam. She held the small white envelope next to her heart and said a silent prayer: I so hope I didn’t fail. If I don’t open it, I can’t be disappointed. With her heart racing and thumping like it was trying to escape from her chest, Ruby sat in the living room on her favourite love seat for fifteen minutes. She just rested there and stared at the unopened envelope, willing it to be an acceptance for the School of Nursing. I’m afraid to open it, but I’m also afraid of not knowing what the letter might say. I need to have something positive happen. I have to open it.

  Her hands trembled as she slowly opened the flap. Taking the letter out and holding her breath, she read the words with dread. Then Ruby threw up her arms, held the letter up in the air and screamed, “Hurrah! I passed! I’m so happy. I passed!” The letter went on to say that she would be included in the upcoming September classes. She was ecstatic and on cloud nine. Being a nurse had been a dream of hers since she was seven or eight years old.

  Ruby ran outside to where Jason was cutting the grass. “Jason,” she called. “Look!” she waved the letter in the air, near his face to get his attention over the noise of the lawn mower. Excitedly she blurted out, “Jason, I’ve been accepted! I’ll soon be a nurse—my dream job.”

  He looked at her with such disdain and said, “No. You can’t afford to quit your job and go to school full-time. No. You cannot go.”

  It felt like he had poured a pail of ice water on her. Her high spirits and excitement were quickly doused. She was devastated by his totally negative and angry response. She didn’t understand, so she asked, “Why did you let me go and take the tests if you already knew you were going to veto me quitting my job? I don’t understand.”

 

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