by David M Zahn
Contents
Dedication
Chapter One: The Trial of Tits
Chapter Two: A Night at the Oakspring
Chapter Three: Detour
Chapter Four: Altria
Chapter Five: The Clan
Chapter Six: Roselake
Chapter Seven: The Goblin Camp
Chapter Eight: The Phoenix of Altria Rises
Chapter Nine: Ilethday
Chapter Ten: Beneath the Temple of Ilethian
Chapter Eleven: The Investigation Continues
Chapter Twelve: Stalking Suspects
Chapter Thirteen: Finding Elaria
Chapter Fourteen: The Silence of Aros
Chapter Fifteen: The Ruins of Rurilae
Chapter Sixteen: Stairway to Hell
Chapter Seventeen: At the Altar
Chapter Eighteen: Death by Moonlight
Chapter Nineteen: Lakeside
Chapter Twenty: Return to Istria
Final Thoughts
Links
For always supporting me. Thanks Mom and Dad!
Chapter One: The Trial of Tits
At the head of a semi-circular table, the Judge called out, "I hereby call the trial of Eldertits into -"
"Please, call me Tits," Eldertits interjected from her position at one on the tables in front of the Judge.
Sighing audibly, the Judge started over. "I hereby call the trial of Tits into session. Is there any pertinent information that should be entered into the record at this time?"
"Thirty-two double D," Eldertits said. "Four-centimeter areolas with very perky nipples."
"I'm sorry?" the Judge asked, looking perplexed while the recorder sitting at the end of the table continued to write.
"You said this was the trial of Tits and asked if there was any pertinent information," Eldertits responded starting to laugh. "I figured the measurements of my tits was very pertinent information. I think we'll find by the end of this titty trial that they are the finest in all Ilthielthiel."
The courtroom broke into outraged murmuring, and the Judge looked aghast. Eldertits just couldn't resist the temptation to make light of any situation. Even her own trial.
Finally regaining his composure, the Judge barked harshly, "You will conduct yourself in a manner befitting this courtroom, or I will hold you in contempt. The accusations against you are quite serious, do you understand?"
Standing and snapping her heels together, Eldertits shouted, "Ja Volksgerichtshof Richter."
With heavy exasperation in his voice, the Judge said, "You will call me your honor or your eminence while you are in my courtroom."
Sitting on my right, Rondo leaned in, whispering, "If she doesn't behave herself soon, I think this Judge is going to lose it."
"She'll never behave herself. We should have gagged her for this trial," Elaria whispered from the other side of Rondo.
"Pretty sure she would have enjoyed that," I quipped back.
"Eldertits, you have been charged with sexual assault, attempted adultery, and crimes against the nobility. How do you plead?" the Judge continued.
"Not guilty, your honor," Eldertits said.
"Prosecution, you may proceed with your opening statement," the Judge said motioning to the other table in front of him.
One of the two elves sitting there stood up and bowed his head towards the Judge. "Thank you, your honor. Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. We are here today to determine if the defendant, Eldertits, is guilty of committing unsolicited, lecherous acts towards Haldir of House Parthanuun. I submit to you that ten days ago, the defendant assaulted Haldir in the sitting room of his home. When the defendant and her companions, the ranger, Elaria, and the human, Ryland, went to House Parthanuun, they were greeted by the household servant and escorted to the sitting room where Haldir and his wife, Fainauriel, met them to discuss their son, Turin. It was during this discussion that the defendant proceeded to sit down on Haldir's lap and grind against his genitalia in full view of everyone in the room. We will provide compelling testimony and prove that Eldertits is guilty of this crime."
Upon concluding his opening statement, the elf sat down, adjusting the paperwork in front of him.
"Is that really what she did to my father?" Turin asked me shocked.
"Yeah, pretty much," I whispered back to him while Viltria silently laughed under her hood next to him.
"Defense, your opening statement," the Judge said motioning to Eldertits.
Eldertits stood and began to speak, "Thank you your honor. Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I will submit to the court, that while the alleged incident ten days ago did take place, it was a misunderstanding. For while I did sit in Haldir's lap, I did so, not in a sexual way, but as a daughter would sit in her father's lap. Indeed, Haldir is my daddy, a fact that he has been unaware of until this very moment."
Loud outbursts erupted from the courtroom. It took several loud raps from the Judge's gavel to restore order allowing Eldertits to continue.
"You see, my mother, rest her soul, was a young maid many years ago who worked in House Parthanuun," Eldertits explained. The master of the house, Haldir, took a particular interest in her physical beauty. She tried to dissuade his advances but eventually succumbed to them. Unbeknownst to either of them at the time, a child was conceived. Fast forward many months, she left House Parthanuun after Haldir showed no more interest in her. Once she found out she was pregnant, she had vowed to herself not to ask the man who betrayed her for anything."
Next to me, Turin's face looked more and more shocked. The young elf ate up every word Eldertits spoke. I, of course, knew this story was horse shit. Eldertits came from Earth just like me.
"So, you see, I was just a daughter looking for her father's love and acceptance. I will admit, I may have been a bit forward and forceful, but can you not forgive me this? After all, I'd spent my entire life imagining this meeting, and when I finally met him, I was overwhelmed with emotion."
Finally finished with her statement, she sat down in her chair staring up at the Judge defiantly. She must have spent a lot of skill points in bluff, because even though I knew her story was utter crap, she sounded convincing. This case might not be as simple as I thought.
"Prosecution, please call your first witness," the Judge said turning toward the prosecution's table.
"The prosecution calls Fainauriel of House Parthanuun," the prosecutor said as he stood.
Fainauriel filed out of a bench to my left and walked dignified up to the front of the courtroom where she stood off to one side of the Judge's table.
"Please state your name and relationship with the victim," the prosecutor said to Fainauriel.
God, this was going to take forever to get through. I did not need to listen to this story again. I lived it. I had stat and skill points I wanted to allocate. I should do something more productive with my time.
Normally I waited until I needed to use them before allocating them, but thanks to completing the quest to "save" Turin, I built up quite a nice stockpile of both. I would be able to allocate some points while leaving a couple in reserve.
Opening up my menu, I accessed my basic character information. I had thirteen stat points and fourteen skill points to play with. This was going to be a fun afternoon after all. I'd start with stat points then mess with my skill points. As it stood now, my basic character information looked like this:
Name: Ryland
Level: 15 984/1500 XP to next level
Class: Sorcerer; Bloodline Origin: Phoenix
Paragon Rank: Kindly
Factions Affiliated With: None
Clan: None
Basic Statistics
Strength: 10
Dexterity: 12
Intelligence: 18
Wisdom: 18
Charisma: 16
HP: 119
MP: 204
First, I wanted to boost my health points which hadn't seen a boost outside of basic level increases since I started this game. I dumped three out of my thirteen skill points into Constitution.
You are attempting to increase your Constitution from 13 → 16. This will increase your total HP from 119 → 153. Do you wish to confirm?
Yes or No?
I selected yes, basking in my new and improved health points. Next, I wanted to improve my severely neglected Charisma as it was the basis for my spells' power. I dumped six points into Charisma.
You are attempting to increase your Charisma from 16 → 22. This will increase your spell potency and grant you a total increase in spell damage by +24%. Do you wish to confirm?
Yes or No?
I hesitated, then confirmed. Six stat points was the most I'd ever spent at one time, but I knew that I had been ignoring Charisma since I'd started this game, and when I set up my character as a sorcerer the game said it was the most important stat. So, I don't think I would regret it.
The last stat I decided to increase was my wisdom, because I always needed more mana. I threw two points into Wisdom.
You are attempting to increase your Wisdom from 18 → 20. This will increase your total MP from 204 → 221. Do you wish to confirm?
Yes or No?
It wasn't a huge increase, but I confirmed the allocation. Every mana point helped. As I did this I felt someone brush past me, but I ignored it since I had more important things to focus on than hearing a story that I already lived through.
Now it was time to dig into my skill points. I had fourteen in the bank and that left me plenty of room to keep a couple in reserve while significantly boosting some of my skills. I just had to decide which skills I thought would benefit me the most.
Stealth and its subskill, Disguise, stood out immediately. On our quest to "rescue" Turin, I had done my fair share of sneaking around, and I could see both of them coming in handy on future quests. Persuasion would always be useful no matter what situation I found myself in.
Linguistics would be nice to raise again, I really liked knowing the extra language, and I don't think we'd have survived Maleuhur without my ability to understand Dark Elvish. I already had it at fourth level though, and I wasn't sure what language I would want to learn next. Maybe Elvish? I got on just fine without it here, and these elves conducted over half of their business in common anyway.
Sense Motive also interested me. It would be really nice to know when I was being lied to, though it would just give me a percentage of a chance to detect a lie. Still, better than nothing.
After thinking long and hard about it, I decided that Persuasion made the most sense to start with as it was the most versatile skill and charisma-based. I dumped five skill points into Persuasion.
You are attempting to raise your Persuasion Skill from 1 → 6. This will change the following:
+5% → +30% bonus influence towards others
+5% → +30% bonus ability to convince others when acting in good faith
+3% → +18% bonus chance of understanding proper etiquette
Do you wish to confirm?
Yes or No?
Five skill points was a lot, but the bonuses more than made up for them. A thirty percent bonus towards convincing others would be invaluable in this world, or any world for that matter. I mentally clicked yes and confirmed my skill point allocation. Now I had nine skill points left to play with.
After some careful thinking, I decided to put a couple points into Sense Motive. I had been tricked one too many times on our last quest and didn't care to continue that trend.
You are attempting to raise your Sense Motive skill from 0 → 2. Sense Motive works directly in opposition to the Bluff skill. It may help you to understand when someone is attempting to lie to you, cheat you, or mislead you. This will change the following:
+0% → +10% bonus chance to see through a bluff
+0% → +10% bonus towards assessing the trustworthiness of someone
+0% → +8% bonus chance of sensing when something is wrong in a situation
+0% → +6% bonus chance of sensing when someone is under the control of a spell or enchantment
+0% → +4% bonus chance of understanding a secret message. This bonus will only be applied if you understand the language the message is sent in.
Do you wish to confirm?
Yes or No?
Really, that wasn't too bad for two skill points. Sense Motive was going to be even more useful than I thought. I'll have to start paying attention to this skill more now. This left me with seven skill points, and I already decided my next three points were going into Stealth.
You are attempting to raise your Stealth skill from 1 → 4. This will change the following:
+5% → +20% bonus chance to avoid detection when stealthing
1/2 → 14/25 movement speed when stealthing.
Do you wish to confirm?
Yes or No?
I confirmed and started to place two skill points into Disguise when I felt a hand shaking me on the shoulder. I closed out of my menus and looked over to see Rondo with his hand on my shoulder.
"What's up?" I asked him.
"They are calling for you to take the stand," he said staring at me. "Are you alright?"
Feeling a bit dazed, I stood and said, "I'm fine, I just zoned out there. Short attention span."
Filing out of the bench, I looked up to see the Judge, his panel, and the prosecution all staring at me. Did they really need me as a witness in this case? I'm pretty sure that everyone else probably did a fine job of describing the event.
"Ah, Mr. Ryland, so glad you could join us," the prosecutor said to me as I passed him. "I know this is probably a lot for your human mind to comprehend. If you'll stand right there, I'll get right to questions."
"Sure," I said already disliking this elf.
The next place in this game I'm going to is a place where I'm not treated as a second-class citizen for being human.
"You were there ten days ago when the alleged incident took place, were you not?" the prosecutor asked.
"Yes, I was there to gather more information about Turin who had been abducted by dark elves," I responded.
"The ranger, Elaria, led this questioning of Haldir and his wife, did she not?" the prosecutor asked.
"Yes, she took the lead," I responded flatly.
"And about halfway through this questioning, did the defendant go over and sit on Haldir's lap?" the prosecutor continued.
"Yeah, that's basically what happened," I said a little annoyed that he needed to go through this with me.
He looked at me and smiled before asking, "Did the defendant start to grind against Haldir's genitalia?"
I stared back at this smug prick. Sure, Eldertits was probably going to lose this case, but I wasn't going to make it easy for this bastard.
"She may have moved around a bit, but I can't be certain that it was grinding against his genitalia," I responded. "I think only Eldertits and Haldir would be able to tell you how it felt."
"Oh, come on now, we all know that the defendant was attempting to pleasure herself on Haldir," the prosecutor said, his voice condescending.
"I actually don't know that," I cut in irritated. "Honestly, I don't know why Eldertits does what she does most of the time. I'm not even sure she knows."
"So, you're claiming that the defendant is mentally unstable?" the prosecutor said smiling over at me. "She certainly doesn't act like any Ilthielian elf I've ever known."
"I didn't say she's mentally unstable," I snapped back angrily. "I was just saying that she does things her own way, and I don't believe she was attempting to pleasure herself on Haldir."
"That will be all your honor," the prosecutor said to the Judge before sitting back down.
"Very
well. Defense, the witness is yours," the Judge said motioning to Eldertits.
"Thank you, your honor," Eldertits said, standing up and walking over in front of me. "Mr. Ryland, you've already established that you were a witness to the alleged event. Now, when I sat down on Haldir's lap, do you remember what I called him?"
"Yes, I do," I replied.
"And what did I call him?" Eldertits asked, flashing her mischievous grin at me.
"You called him daddy," I sighed.
"What else did I say to him?" Eldertits asked.
"You mostly just asked information about his son, Turin," I said in response.
"So, you'd say I was still doing my investigative duty while sitting in my father's lap?" Eldertits asked pointedly.
"I guess you could say that, yeah," I said back to her.
"And did I not express my concern during this conversation that something was poking me?" Eldertits asked. "Could you repeat what I said to him?"
I stared at her irritated and gritted my teeth while saying, "'Oh daddy, I can feel something poking me.'"
"There, you see ladies and gentlemen, I did not sexually come on to my father but rather I believe it was he that sexually came on to me," Eldertits said, turning to the crowd with a flourish. "I mean sure, I am an attractive woman, but I never expected my own father to attempt to touch me in such a way."
An outburst from the crowd followed this statement, and the Judge had to pound his gavel once again to restore order.
"I will have order in my courtroom," he shouted. "Ms. Eldertits, you are cross-examining a witness. Please save any statements you have for your closing remarks."
"My apologies your honor," Eldertits said with a small bow towards the Judge, "I have no further questions for this witness. Ryland, you may kindly fuck off now."
The Judge sighed and said, "Mr. Ryland you're dismissed. Prosecution, your next witness."
I walked back to where the others were sitting and filed back into the bench.