by David M Zahn
Every bump and rut in the road jolted us and made it feel like the whole wagon could collapse at any second. Of course, I was surprised the donkey pulling it didn't collapse, but he did rather well, considering how he looked. The leader, who was called Mackland, and his nephew Mackey, walked up front with the donkey the whole way which was fairly impressive.
"What do you know about this Istria?" Rondo asked after we had been on the road for a good three hours.
"It's the second largest city in Altria after Corintha, the capital," Turin said matter-of-factly. "It's the seat of governance for Northern Altria, but aside from that, I don't know much. I've never actually been."
"That's more than I knew," I said.
"You know next to nothing about everything," Eldertits said with a laugh. "Minty probably knows more than you know."
As if on cue, the otter squealed and wormed his way into Elaria's arms.
"Minty says they chain whores that look like Tits up there," Elaria said with a small smirk.
"Really, they do that there?" I asked incredulously.
Tits sighed and said, "Of course not. She obviously made that up, Ryland."
"Oh," I responded embarrassed.
"The Lady Katarina Amarion has been known to string up slutty elves," Mackland called from outside.
"Who's that?" I asked.
He stopped and looked back at me flabbergasted before continuing, "The daughter of Duke Amarion."
"And Duke Amarion is the leader of Altria?" I guessed.
"Of course, he's the leader of Altria," Mackland snapped. "You're some stupid invaders not to know such a basic fact. Lady Katarina Amarion is the governess of the north and will be the one who decides what to do with you lot. I've heard that she deals harshly with threats to this kingdom."
"She sounds like a lovely person," I said sarcastically. "I hope she's at least more reasonable than you."
Mackland laughed. "I've heard her temper has destroyed whole families before. I hope she shows you how Altria defends itself."
Sighing, I turned over and watched Minty, who much to the ranger's annoyance, now played with Elaria's hair. I know I'm not the smartest person but talking to Mackland was like trying to reason with a child.
The next half of the journey went by uneventfully until we reached the high stone walls of Istria. Located on the eastern side of Altria, the city had been built on a peninsula that stuck out into the sea. A red tiled roof lined the top of the wall as well as several towers protruding from it. The wall ran the length of the peninsula, stopping any would-be attackers in their tracks. The only place unobstructed by the wall was a harbor built in the center of the peninsula, surrounded by the rest of the city, giving it protection the wall could not provide.
Once inside the city, tiled red-roofed buildings stacked one right on top of another. The bright blue waters surrounding the city contrasted wonderfully against the red roofs and white walls of the buildings.
One gate allowed traffic to enter the main thoroughfare of Istria while far ahead, raised up on a hill near the end of the peninsula, a colossal palace towered over the rest of this city.
If for nothing else, the views and the cool sea breeze as we rode through this city made the cramped journey worth it. This was a place I could imagine spending a lot of time. Beautiful, with a nice temperate climate, the city was ideal for a weary old man like me.
Market activity and shops buzzed along the main drag, and none of the passers-by paid us too much attention. Though the occasional elf, dwarf, or halfling could be seen, the vast majority of the population consisted of humans.
"Well, it doesn't look like they lock up all elves here," I whispered to the others. "So that's a good sign."
"They only lock up the ones with big titties," Eldertits said with a smile.
"Do you ever stop talking about your tits?" Viltria snapped.
"My Viltria, would you like to play with them?" Eldertits said conspiratorially. "You know it would turn you on doing it in front of the whole city."
Viltria stared hard at Eldertits before saying, "Turin, I think your sister inherited the worst qualities of your father."
"Tits leave Viltria alone," Turin stammered out.
"You are so cute when you're defending her little brother," Eldertits said, grabbing Turin by the cheek. "If Minty isn't careful, he'll have competition soon."
"Quiet in there," Mackland barked, rattling the bars. "We're approaching the palace. If you don't want to get killed, I suggest you be on your best behavior."
All of us shut up as we watched Mackey and Mackland pull the wagon up to some well-armed soldiers standing watch in front of the palace.
"What is this?" one of the soldiers asked Mackland.
"Prisoners for Lady Katarina Amarion," Mackland responded stiffly. "We caught these invaders trying to cross the border illegally near Hamelin. Four elves and two human servants in all, plus a river rat."
"Otter," Elaria corrected without thinking about it.
"I see," the soldier said without making any other indication of what to do.
"I figured the lady would want to deal with them herself," Mackland continued nervously after the guard had failed to give any instructions.
"Yes, alright. Leave them here with us, and we'll see that she takes care of it," the soldier said after a long pause.
Mackland opened the door of the wagon, and the six of us piled out. The soldier summoned more guards, and they escorted us around the palace and into a side door where we were marched through a dark hallway and placed in a holding cell.
"You'd better be right about this Ryland," Tits said to me, "because I don't think I can break us out of this cell."
The cell was constructed a lot better and sturdier than the wagon Mackland brought us in. Iron bars lined small windows near the ceiling and on the wall in front of us. All the other walls were made out of solid stone.
"Relax, I bet this Katarina is much more reasonable than Mackland," I said, trying to hide my nerves from the others.
She might not be, and then what would we do? Rot in here? Surely not. Surely the game had mechanisms for the players to get out of a situation like this.
Five hours later, we had our first contact with a guard since being placed in the cell. Unfortunately, it was only to deliver their poor excuse for dinner. Having eaten the gruel placed in front of us, I'm not entirely sure it was edible.
The guards left without answering any of our questions. Primarily, we wanted to know when they would let us out of here or when Lady Katarina would see us. They must have practiced their stony facial expressions, because they were both really good at them.
"If they don't let us out here next time, I'm killing them and forcing my way out," Eldertits said, slumping back against the wall. "I'm not made out for being trapped in a cell."
"For once, I'm with the Titty one," Viltria said. "When we left Maleuhur I thought we were supposed to be going to an acceptable place, but so far you've just taken us to a shitty elven city, some shitty woods, and now we're in a shitty dungeon."
I was going to respond, but Elaria beat me to it. "Personally, I think this cell is more comfortable than Maleuhur, so I don't know why you're complaining. At least there's some nice moonlight coming in through our window."
Viltria laughed and said, "I bet this seems like a palace compared to the barracks you used to live in. Pity you're never going back there again."
"I don't know how Turin can stomach sleeping with you," Elaria responded venomously. "All of you dark elves are vile, I would rather sleep with an orc like Eldertits."
"Hey," Tits exclaimed, offended by the remark. "I do not discriminate like that. I will gladly sleep with Viltria, an orc, and you at the same time."
"I don't think Viltria is disgusting at all," Turin stammered. "She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
"Did she give you permission to speak?" Elaria snapped harshly at him. "No? Then shut up."
"If you speak to hi
m like that again, I will kill you," Viltria said, standing and staring down at Elaria.
"Oh yeah, you think you're tough enough to take me?" Elaria asked, standing and staring right back.
"I know I can take both you and your little rat," Viltria said dismissively.
Elaria was about to respond when I decided to cut in, "Ladies, please. I know it's been a long day, but this isn't helping."
"Shut up Ryland, this is just about to get good," Eldertits shouted over at me.
"Yeah human, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this fucking cell to begin with," Viltria snapped at me.
"I can't believe I'm going to agree with her on this one, but she's right," Elaria said, glaring over at me.
"I see. Anyone else want to get a shot in at me here too?" I asked, starting to get pissed. "Rondo, you want in on this? I suppose you all would have enjoyed getting chased around the country instead. Let's just pull out our weapons and start whacking people over a misunderstanding instead of talking it out like adults."
My voice dripped with sarcasm, and I got a little red in the face, but I didn't care. The day's events exhausted me, and I didn't feel all the criticism of me was warranted.
"Hey man, leave me out of this," Rondo muttered from the corner. "Just wake me up when they decide to let us out."
That's probably a good idea. We should all just go to sleep and talk about this in the morning when we've cooled off.
That's what I should have told the group. But what I actually said was, "I don't need this shit. I'm going to bed. If you kill each other, try not to make a mess or they'll charge us a cleaning fee."
I marched over to the corner, fully aware I was being an asshole. I didn't care. I curled up and shut my eyes, willing myself to fall asleep. For most people, this would have been difficult, but I had a lifetime of experience in sleeping and had maxed out this skill.
The next morning, I woke up a bit sore but otherwise feeling much better. The first thing I needed to do was apologize to the others. I really shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me.
Sitting up, I noticed the others were still asleep. Except for Minty. The otter was quite happy to see someone else who was up and quickly bounced over to me. Once he reached me, he began rolling on the ground in front of me.
"Hey buddy," I whispered to him happily. "I'm glad you're not mad at me."
I scratched his belly and began roughhousing him with my hands. He squeaked happily and began trying to catch my fingers with his little hands and mouth.
"Think you can get me? Not today buddy," I said, getting more confident.
His body twisted back and forth in my hands until he located my thumb with his mouth and clamped down.
"Yeow," I yelled, jerking my hand back and sucking on the open wound in my mouth. "Jesus, you've got some sharp teeth."
"What's wrong?" Elaria asked, bolting up right from her position next to Rondo.
She summoned a bow before I even had a chance to turn to her.
"Nothing. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I said, beginning to cast cure on myself. "I was just playing with Minty, and he's got some sharp teeth."
"Oh," she said scowling. "I thought we were in danger. Be more careful."
"I will be," I said. "Hey, about last night, I'm sorry I snapped at you."
"It's fine. What's done is done," Elaria said as she stood.
"Good, some of you are up already." A soldier appeared at our door. "Wake the rest of your group. Lady Katarina Amarion will see you now. Let's go."
He raised his voice as he said the last bit and rattled the bars. Elaria and I busied ourselves getting the rest of the party up and moving.
Ten minutes later, we found ourselves standing in an audience chamber. Above us sat a stunningly attractive woman. The audience chamber itself was decorated rather ornately with gold trim lining the doors and walls and a seal on the wall behind the throne.
The room paled in comparison, however, to the woman sitting in the throne. Lady Katarina Amarion was beautiful. Actually, I don't know if that word quite did her justice. She had soft pale skin and dark brown hair that curled ever so slightly as it reached the middle of her upper back. The makeup she wore perfectly accentuated her blue eyes.
As I gazed upon her, something deep inside me stirred, something I thought long dead. I gulped, realizing I was not prepared for this. She stared down at us, appraising our varied group.
Finally, after a long silence, she said, "I'm told that you are trying to invade our lands."
"My lady," I said cutting her off, "this is a simple misunderstanding. We are not invaders."
"How dare you?" a minister standing off to the side said. "You do not speak over Lady Katarina Amarion when she is speaking."
"It's quite alright, Cunliffe," Lady Katarina said addressing the man. "He does not look like someone who frequently interacts with nobility."
I glanced over my outfit. It was the Grey Brothers' Commander's outfit I had been wearing since I destroyed my previous one. This one wasn't faring much better than my last. I really had to start treating my clothing better.
Blushing, and thinking she probably thought I was homeless, I spoke again, "My lady, I apologize. As you said, I am not used to interacting with nobility."
Smirking she said, "You were explaining how you are not, in fact, these terrible invaders that we've been told about."
"Uh no, that was a big misunderstanding. We didn't come through Visdirect because of a bear," I said nervously.
"A bear?" She asked incredulously. "Now I have to hear this."
I proceeded to explain our story from getting kicked out of Ilthielthiel by the Silver Moon clan to Elaria's quest for an animal companion and our encounter with a bear. The whole time I spoke, she listened with an amused expression on her face. It would have been a whole lot easier if her beauty wasn't so damn distracting.
"You expect me to believe that you came from Ilthielthiel with a dark elf in tow?" Katarina finally said after letting me finish my story. "You must take me for a fool."
"Oh, that's actually another story altogether," I said smiling up at her like an idiot.
"Well do share, your first story was so very entertaining," Katarina said, settling into a more comfortable position in her chair.
I told her everything. I started with my portal into Irune, then "rescuing" Turin, and finally returning to Ilthielthiel with Viltria under the cloak. When I finished, there was a long silence in the hall, and I fidgeted nervously.
"You've been a busy boy," she said. "If nothing else, you tell some interesting stories. Still, in your own words, you have admitted to entering Altria illegally."
"Yes, but -"
"The penalty for which typically involves severe imprisonment; however," she said with a touch of the dramatic. "I happen to have a task that I believe would be suited to people of your ingenuity."
"And that task would be?" I asked, dreading her response.
"There is a town southwest of here where villagers keep vanishing mysteriously," she answered. "Naturally, I have sent soldiers to investigate, but they too have vanished. Worse than that, we've been unable to contact them through messaging or party chat. I would like you all to investigate these disappearances and report back to me with your findings."
"And if we don't go?" Rondo asked.
"If you don't, I toss you in a cell and forget you're there," Katarina said smiling. "If you go and disappear, better you than my guards. And if you actually find something, well then, I've solved this nasty little problem. That's what I call a win-win."
Maybe for you, I thought, but for us not so much. Still, I didn't see a way out of it.
"I suppose you'll provide directions to this town?" I asked.
"Of course," Katarina replied.
You have received a new quest: Disappearances in Roselake
"Lady Katarina Amarion has charged you with investigating the disappearances in Roselake, a village to the southwest of Istria. She has
dispatched guards, and they have disappeared with all communication cut off. The task now falls to you and your party"
Type: Rare
Reward: 10,000 XP, 1000 gold, 2500 Reputation points with Altria
Penalty for Decline or Failure to complete: -5000 Reputation points with Altria
Do you accept this quest?
Yes or No?
Knowing I really didn't have much of a choice, I accepted the quest. I've really got to stop getting quests this way.
"I thought you'd see it my way," Katarina said. "One more thing you'll have to do for me."
"And what would that be?" I asked hesitantly.
"House Amarion only gives quests to official clans, and seeing that this is a matter of state and that none of you look to be a part of a clan, you'll need to start one," Katarina said matter-of-factly.
"You want us to start a clan?" I asked surprised.
"You'll need to if you're to do this task for Altria," Katarina responded. "Normally founding a clan costs five thousand gold pieces, which by the look of you, you don't have. Therefore, the state will generously waive this fee, so you can perform this mission for us."
You have received a new quest: Found a Clan
"Lady Katarina Amarion has charged you with founding a clan because House Amarion only works with official clans. She has generously offered to waive the founding fee of 5000 gold pieces for you to do this."
Type: Common
Reward: 100 XP
Penalty for Decline or Failure to complete: -5000 Reputation points with Altria
Do you accept this quest?
Yes or No?
Accepting the quest, I said, "Thank you, that's very generous."
"I'm known to be generous to those that please me, Ryland," Katarina said emphasizing my name, which up until this point, I didn't know she knew. "Now, Cunliffe will give you the paperwork and the finer details. You are dismissed."