I narrow my eyes, “What are you talking about?”
“You and her, there’s some shit between the two of you, I feel it, what is it? What are you doing?”
My hackles raise, “Excuse me?”
“Whatever it is, Fletcher, if you hurt her, me and you, we’re going to have a problem.”
I shove him. Hard.
Colt and I had had our fights over the years, never anything serious and I had no doubt this was going to be one of them.
“You haven’t been there,” he spits, “Decker and me, we have. We put her back together whilst you left her. You left her. She needed you. We got it, we did, Tyler died and it was fucking terrible but you left. And you didn’t come back for her.”
“Colt,” I warn.
“That’s all I’m saying on the matter, brother,” he tells me, staring me dead in the eye, “Whatever it is, do not fucking hurt her. Again.”
“What’d I miss?” Decker saunters back into the room, sipping his beer.
“Nothing,” I grind out.
_
We head to the diner for dinner, all of us in my truck, Peyton riding shotgun. She stares out the window the entire drive into town, watching the trees fly past the windows at speed. I pull into the lot and cut the engine, staring at Molly’s diner through the windscreen, the front wall entirely made up of windows. I can see it’s busy inside, tourists and residents alike taking advantage of the time off during the holidays.
Peyton gets out without a word and heads to the door, making the three of us catch up as she pushes inside and tells them her name which she had made the reservation under. The waitress smiles kindly, plucking four menus from the holder at the front of her stand and tells us to follow her through the diner. She leads us out to the terrace and just as I remembered, with the fires burning and the overhead heating a secondary source of heat there is absolutely zero chill in the air. We are seated near the edge of the area with a perfect view of the mountains, well it would be perfect if it were day time, now however the mountains are just sharp, shadows on the horizon, the thousands upon thousands of trees spiking towards the dark, starry sky.
Peyton orders a glass of wine, the boys beer and seeing as I’m driving I order a coffee, staring at the profile of Peyton’s face from where she sits across from me at the table.
Gently, I push my leg forward, seeking her out in a similar fashion to what she did in the library. My toe hits the side of her foot and her head whips around to me but I pretend to peruse the menu, not moving my foot. She doesn’t move either.
This is not a game I should be playing but like I said, with her, I have no control.
She shifts her foot to line it up against mine, her eyes still burning into me. The waitress chooses this moment to come over and take our food orders, distracting Peyton from her stare.
We order and thankfully she doesn’t look back to me, I have no shield in front of me now to keep my eyes from straying to that pretty face of hers.
The guys talk about the training schedule we have planned for when we head back to college after the break and Peyton joins in, asking them both questions about football. I stay silent, my eyes flicking back and forth between her and them, jealous over the easy way they are with each other.
Their bond is familial and it’s not jealousy in the sense of the word, but it’s something and it simmers inside me until it burns.
We used to be like that. Even when my feelings for her were confusing, we were like that, playful and easy and I ruined that.
I pushed her away, forced her to keep her distance because I couldn’t deal with the pain of seeing her.
Our food comes and whilst my appetite had left a long time ago, I eat and I joke with Decker, pretending to high heaven and hoping the show I put on is believable.
Dessert is had and a few more drinks flow and by the time dinner is complete and we’re heading back to the truck, both Colt and Decker are swaying on their feet. Peyton seems to be okay but she’d only had a couple of wines through dinner, switching to water half way through the meal. They fall into the backseat, their booming laughter loud in the confines of the truck and Peyton and I climb up front, me whacking up the heat as high as it can go. A frost has settled over the windshield and windows and we wait whilst the car defrosts.
Soft music, much softer to what I’m used to listening to plays through the speakers and Peyton mimes the words, her finger tapping to the steady beat.
When we make it back to the cabin a short time later, both the guys call it a night, stumbling to their rooms for sleep.
“Goodnight,” Peyton says, pausing halfway to her room all the way at the end of the hallway. My hand on the doorknob to my own room I turn to her, stifling the sigh in my throat.
“Goodnight, Peyton.”
One last lingering glance and she turns, heading to her own bedroom to turn in for the night whilst I spend the rest of the night, led in the big, queen sized bed, staring at the dark ceiling knowing she’s only a few steps away.
Twenty-one
“Come on!” Colt hollers at the head of the trail, “By the time we set off it’ll be dark!”
“It’s ten in the morning!” I shout back.
“Yeah, so? You’re taking forever!”
I huff my annoyance as I lace up my boots. They’re new and the laces aren’t like normal boots, zigzagging and weaving the entire way up. Why does this have to be so difficult!?
“Here,” Fletcher kneels in front of me, shooing my hands away.
I laugh, “I feel like a kid who can’t tie her sneakers.”
He grins up at me from beneath his lashes as he makes quick work of the laces and has them done up in a matter of seconds.
I stand and make my way to where Decker and Colt are waiting at the boarder of trees, Fletcher behind me.
I was ecstatic to learn we were going to hike today. I’d pushed the memory down, there was no reason I couldn’t enjoy this.
It was just as I remembered, the rocks, the trees. I don’t know why I expected it to be different, maybe because everything else has changed, why shouldn’t this too?
My legs work through the snow, following the guys up ahead. I watch all of their backs, Decker’s, Colt’s, Fletchers, their broad shoulders, muscular physiques making quick work of the hill before them.
Me I was lagging. Of course I was. I trained sure but I was no seasoned hiker but that would never stop me, so I follow them, their footprints in the snow when they disappeared for a second before coming back into view.
It surprised me when I recognized the exact rock I slipped down before Fletcher had caught me and then the exact spot he decided to play that game and jump out at me.
My eyes find the spot where we led in the snow, me on top of him, his face just a hair away. A shiver runs through me, heating my core.
I wanted him then but it was different to how I wanted him now. Now I yearned for him like he was air and if I didn’t have him I would suffocate.
We pass the spot without stopping, continuing up the trail.
Part of me believes he’s going to go to that spot, our spot but he just continues on, not even sparing it a glance.
It hurts my heart.
Does he remember it?
Does he remember the moment we shared at that lookout after he carved our initials into the tree?
I wondered idly as we continued up the trail if it was still there and about half an hour later the curiosity is too much and I turn back, following the prints back down the trail. I get to the fork where I know the lookout is and begin the trek across, pushing branches out of the way but still managing to snag my jacket on the sharp edges.
My breath catches in my throat as I break through the trees. I stand for just a minute, taking it in, soaking in the view.
The mountains stand tall in the distance but the peaks aren’t concealed by a blanket of cloud today. The sky is the most perfect blue, not a single cloud in sight and the snowy peaks stand proud. Even a
t this distance the craggy slopes look brutal with deep lines and jagged rocks, some parts covered in a layer of snow, other parts bare to the world, showing us all how very deadly they could be.
Seeing the world here, with the summits so sharp, like a blade, stabbing into the sky, still standing against the rage of mother nature, it really puts everything into perspective.
We are truly nothing in comparison to the world around us.
Everything has a place, a timeline and for the first time since Tyler died I realize, there would have been nothing I could have done to stop it.
If it’s your time, that’s it. You’re a blip on a board, but never inconvenient. Your life matters, maybe not to the grand scheme of things but to something, to someone.
Tyler did matter. Of course he did. Before he was my boyfriend, he was my friend, and no amount of drama or heartache would ever take that away.
I would never say I was over Tyler’s death, it would never be that simple, I’d always have a piece of my heart missing, buried with him in that cemetery back in Hillgrove but maybe it wasn’t as big as I thought.
It doesn’t mean I love him any less, it just means that I’m strong enough to be able to build my life again. I’d never forget Tyler or what he meant to me, but I deserve to be happy.
Did it matter where I found that happiness?
My feet carry me towards the tree on the left side of the clearing, the one that Fletcher carved into with a knife.
It was still there. The rough scouring into the bark, the F and the P still as clear as if they were carved yesterday. My fingers follow the lines, committing it to memory. Remembering the way he pushed the tip of the knife into the bark, forcing the blade through the thick wood until the two of us were forever memorized into the earth.
“Oh Fletch,” I mumble to the wind, “What do I do, huh?”
I’ve been in love with him for so long I don’t know how not to love him. It’s not healthy, the way I pine after him, the way I long for him and for a moment I believed he may have felt the same way but he had ignored me for the past few weeks, avoided me, becoming the exact person I told him I couldn’t handle again.
That told me he didn’t care for me, not the way I cared for him. Not in the same way my heart broke and fixed all the same whenever he was near.
Maybe it was time to let him go.
I could do that.
It would kill me, destroy me but eventually I would move on. Never forget but grow. Like I had with Tyler.
The Dallas brothers were my undoing and whilst one left me heartbroken when he died the other was slowly destroying me by pushing me and my love away.
I deserved more than that.
It would take time for me to forge ahead but Fletcher was in his last year of college, I didn’t know what his plans were after he graduated but I wouldn’t risk seeing him everyday come summer. It would be easier.
I’d be able to mend the rip in my heart. Hell, maybe I could even start dating again.
The thought was laughable because right in this moment, no one could ever compare to the one and only Fletcher Dallas.
Twenty-two
“Well where the fuck is she!?” I bellow, my anger bouncing back at me.
Decker’s eyes are wide, his face stricken whilst Colt maintains a calm demeanor, ever the logical one of the group.
“Why didn’t we notice her missing?” Decker grips his hair, tugging at the strands.
Sickness rolls up my throat, my stomach cramping as I try not to vomit.
“Split up,” I order, “we head back down the trail and we find her.”
I glance at my watch, it was mid-afternoon, we had been hiking a good few hours, maybe she had stopped to rest and would be waiting further down or maybe she slipped on a rock and is laying injured in the snow wondering why we weren’t coming back for her.
I had no idea how long she had been missing for. I turned back to check on her five minutes ago to find the area behind me empty. No Peyton.
Instant panic.
It was cold. It was dangerous. Why the fuck hadn’t one of us been next to her or behind her during the hike?
“I’ll head back down the trail,” I tell the guys, “Split up, head back down, down the different trails, we will find her.”
Colt nods, agreeing with my plan whilst Decker just panics, his eyes a little wild.
“Decker,” I snap, “Find her.”
He sucks in a breath as I set off back down the trail, following the footsteps down the incline.
“Where did you go?” I mumble to myself, trying to push away the panic. It would do nothing for me right now, I just hoped she hadn’t hurt herself.
I get to the fork I know all too well, the very same fork that I purposely ignored in the hopes she wouldn’t remember that day. By the small footprints leading to the clearing, she remembered.
I follow those very footprints through the trees.
“Peyton!” I yell, almost frantically.
I step through the trees and then there she is, her fingers tracing those letters I had scored into the tree.
“Peyton,” I say her name, drawing her attention.
A heavy sigh leaves her lips and she drops her head, shaking it a little as if my presence is unbelievable.
“What the hell are you doing?” I growl.
Her brows pull down, “Excuse me?”
“Wandering off like that, anything could have happened!”
“Do you actually care, Fletcher?” She snaps.
My head snaps back, “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Of course I fucking care, Peyton.”
She scoffs, “You’ve got a real funny way of showing it.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You pushed me away, Fletch, you did it after he died and you’re doing it again. Keeping me at a distance, never letting me get too close. Do you blame me? Is that it?”
“Blame you?”
“For Tyler’s death. After all, I text him asking him to come over, if it weren’t for me neither of you would have been in that car.”
Her words cut deep. I didn’t blame her. I blamed myself.
“I don’t blame you.”
She shakes her head and goes back to tracing those letters.
“I blame me,” I tell her honestly, “I’m the one who was driving. I’m the one who lost control of the car.”
The deer came out of nowhere. It was a wet night, the roads slippery as hell. I drove the speed limit back from the bar we had been playing pool at, I hadn’t been drinking when a deer jumped out from the hedge. It was an instant reaction to swerve the car, I tugged the wheel, causing the car to careen across the road, straight for the tree. I had pumped the brakes, I had tried to stop but I couldn’t and we slammed into the trunk.
“Tyler wasn’t wearing a seatbelt,” Peyton hisses. “It wasn’t your fault, Fletcher. He didn’t wear a seatbelt.”
On impact, his body lurched forward, through the windscreen.
He died immediately, his injuries too substantial to come back from.
“This isn’t about that,” I growl, shaking my head to clear my memory from the nightmare. I didn’t want to think about it.
“Then what is it? What did I do!?” Peyton yells.
“Nothing Peyton, you did nothing!” I’m moving before I’m able to stop, coming up on her quickly. “You’re you. That’s why I can’t be near you. Because you’re you and I’m me and I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop this fucking feeling and it’s killing me. I want you. I want you more than anything in my entire life and it’s all I can think about.”
The words spill from my mouth and I watch as Peyton takes them in.
There’s my big secret. My big reveal.
“I’m in love with you, Peyton, I have been for a long time.”
Her lips part, her eyes widen, “You’re –”
I cut her off, too desperate to taste her.
&nbs
p; My mouth slams down onto hers, my hands cupping her face as I angle her head back. Her lips part and my tongue seeks entrance, finally getting a taste, a taste I’d dreamt about a hundred times before but could never get. This was perfection. She tasted like everything and more. My tongue sweeps through her mouth, her lips pliant and welcoming to mine.
She curls her fists into my chest, pulling me closer.
A growl escapes me, my control slips and I push her back, her body thudding against the very tree our initials are forever etched in to. My blood heats, desire running through me, my cock wanting in on the action both it and my head has been dreaming of for what feels like forever. I press into her body, my hard against her soft and swallow down the moans and whimpers she gives me.
This is wrong. So very wrong but the world would have to end for me to stop right now.
She slides her hands up my chest, up my neck until her fingers slip into my hair and she grips it, tugging it enough for my scalp to sting deliciously.
My lips leave her mouth but not her body as I trail kisses over her cheek, down to her jaw and then her throat, tasting her skin, sucking at her flesh.
She rubs herself against me, her hips grinding against me.
I want her.
I need her.
“Fletcher,” she moans, tilting her head to allow me better access to her throat. My tongue licks at her skin, feeling the heat in my mouth.
“I want you,” my teeth graze, “I’ve wanted you forever.”
“Yes,” she whimpers, “Fletcher, I want you too.”
My hands roam over her body, feeling a little bit of her shape beneath the padding of her coat and I move back to her mouth, unable to stay away. Our tongues dance in a kiss so wild, so heated I wanted it to consume me, take me away to a place where only her and I exist.
Behind me a branch snaps, my only warning that someone is about to burst our perfect little bubble.
“Peyton!” Colt yells and for that moment I had forgotten I wasn’t the only one searching for her.
I jump back, the icy chill in the air biting at the skin that was so feverish just a few seconds ago.
Fletcher( Boys of HGU #1) Page 11