“Are you sure?” I asked, trying not to use any of the teasing banter I usually did, it came out anyway. “Because they seem to be bugging you now.”
“No, they don’t.” He was looking right into me, whatever life was in the cafeteria dying away as he grabbed my hand. “I want you in my life, Gem. I’d try to date you if I liked boobs, but I don’t. I like you the way you are.”
“Even with the boobs?” I smiled, so did he. He clearly knew what I was doing.
“I see you let those walls down more often now, mostly because of him.” He gave a nod toward Rowan, I stubbornly sat still. “They come right back up, sure, but the cracks are showing, and they are beautiful.”
I opened my mouth, trying to swear or curse or something at him. He deserved a good ‘fuck you’ right about then. I couldn’t speak, let alone move.
“I don’t want you to miss out on a good thing, Gem,” Eddy whispered, his hand soft on my shoulder as he leaned in. “It’s okay to let people in. Don’t worry, if he hurts you, I’ll be the first to punch him in the jaw.”
“I’ll punch you in the jaw,” I snapped, shoving his hand away and throwing soup in his face.
He dodged.
“Love you too, Gem.”
I turned away, sitting still and silent as Eddy gathered his bags and left with only a slight ruffle of my hair. I only looked up when I thought the cafeteria was empty, only to see Rowan, the guy slowly making his way to the exit, the flirting girl from before trying to keep up. He didn’t look at her, though, he looked at me. He smiled at me, he waved at me.
I sat and stared, feeling some of those cracks in my perfectly defined defenses grow.
“Damn you, Eddy.”
30
Rowan
"Are you fucking mad?" I yelled, the snap echoing over stone and causing my mother to jump.
I had left the lunchroom in good spirits, but the second I walked into Cail’s office I was met by my parents, rather than my cousin.
They weren’t covered in blood, thank god, but what they had to say wiped the smile off my face as fast as if they were.
They were going into the caves, to track and cage the CCC, end the Chosen’s uprising for good. They weren’t there to invite me to go with them, no. They wanted me to come home for the weekend and keep an eye on Angela, because the plan was for the whole royal family to go with them.
All of them, heading into a war. Not that I doubted they could win, but good god could they handle this a different way.
“I know it may seem crazy, but it is needed. The attacks that we’ve been facing for the last few months have suddenly stopped,” my mother said, dropping my father’s hand as she stepped closer to me. “We need to know what’s going on. We need to put a stop to this. No more games.”
"You're insane, both of you," I snapped, fists clenched at my side as I tried to keep my magic in check. Harder now that so much more of it was available, but at least things hadn’t exploded. "They are beating the shit out of each other; you're already stretched too thin with whatever it is you are doing and now you guys are going to feed yourself to them."
"Unless you have seen something--" my mother began, her voice so quiet against my yelling that it was almost swallowed by it.
I tensed, a flash from my dream from a month ago filling my head. The screaming children, the wall of knives that cut them down. The mines.
But I had told them that before. Besides, you didn’t need sight to know how bad of an idea this was.
"I’m trying to regulate the power, mom. I’m not ready to start chugging black water."
“I know, Row. But, perhaps you have heard something.”
I exhaled with a bit of a groan, I knew what she was talking about. It wasn’t making this any easier. I wasn’t about to go ask Gemma if her revolution knew anything. We had found out about the CCC’s role in this, and their apparent supply of black water, because of her. Even I knew she didn’t know anything more than that.
"Mom, this isn't smart," I said, trying to keep my voice stable. "Going after the CCC, it’s too dangerous.”
“From what we have learned about the black water, we can tell what their attack patterns are doing. They are trying to clean paths to the underground wells.” My father’s voice was strained as he looked at me, suddenly looking like he was paper thin. “We need to stop them before they take control of one, assuming that’s where they’ve been getting the water, of course.”
“This just… it doesn’t seem wise. Can’t you look into the future and see if this plan has a positive outcome?"
"I can't look into the future at all. Not now, not until your power stops blocking me. Not until you accept--”
"What?” I snarled, stopped her as my fists clenched at my sides. That time one of Cail’s books flew off the shelf. It was only the one, but my parents still exchanged a look. “Me. I’m the one blocking your sights?” The way her lips pressed into a tight line was answer enough.
“Mom, why didn’t you say anything?” I could barely speak, the words were a gasp as I pushed the shock away. They felt like knife slashes against my chest.
“I promised you I would never push you, Rowan.”
“So, you sacrificed the safety of our people. You--” I paused the word getting stuck in my throat as a million dreams, a million flashes, a million moments hit inside my mind like they were making their own orchestra.
“I did this.” I fell into the large leather chair with a crash, the air in the room as heavy as my guilt.
The room was silent for a moment, I was left sitting in my pain until the hollow step of my parents came closer, my father sitting on the large table we usually used for chess.
“Rowan,” he began in a tone softer than I was used to from him. “We wanted to do what’s best for you. All parents do, but we also make mistakes. We haven’t been parents for very long--”
“Talon is over fifty years old,” I interrupted him, the tension in my chest loosening with the ridiculousness of it.
“And look at all the mistakes we made,” Father grumbled, his elbows on his knees as he leaned closer to me. “We are going to continue to work to repair this, but that does not mean we will push you.”
Part of me wanted to yell at him to push me, to rage, and force, and not be quite so damned understanding all the time. We needed to fix it, but I wasn’t even sure if me chugging a gallon of black water could do it. I couldn’t turn back time, at least I didn’t think I could. But I couldn’t make the words come, I sat in the pain of my guilt.
“Even if you and I were to look into the future, Rowan, we wouldn’t be guaranteed to know the future,” my mother said, sitting on the arm of the chair. “We wouldn’t know the outcome, or the battle, but we know where they are. We knew how to end them.”
"Don't do this, please. I'll keep up this shit with Sia if I have to. I’ll make her think I’ll marry her if that’s what it takes. But don't do this."
"It's already done." Ilyan's voice was firm, “we leave Saturday morning. We need you to watch your baby sister. Can you be home Friday night?”
I knew that I didn’t really have a choice in the matter from the very beginning, but now it was final. No fighting them. No fighting with them. Just babysitting.
I had barely nodded before my mother rushed me, kissing my brow and giving me another smile, my father giving me a tight-lipped nod.
“We love you, Rowan,” my father said, his eyes shining. “Thank you for doing this.”
With that they were gone, leaving me alone to rage and scream and curse to the heavens. Instead, I sat still, the silence ringing in my ears until the bell rang and I made my way to class. My magic pushing me forward, as I fought the need to run after them.
When I reached the Defense classroom, Gemma was lounging beside the window where we always sat, legs up, head back, looking as serene as she had beneath the tree.
I still had to find a way to make that up to her.
Seeing her like that was li
ke seeing a different side of her, like a peek into the girl that was hiding behind all those piercings and tattoos. Little moments that peeked through, they were becoming more frequent. Each time they arrived I think I lost a little bit more of myself to her.
Last night had been beautiful, each moment keeping me company through the long night as I replayed them. I had chosen to return to school this morning because of last night, knowing if I could keep myself controlled with Gemma, alone in my room, that school could be a breeze.
Now, my blood was boiling, everything angry and frightening. That beautiful woman lying in the corner of the classroom felt like a minefield.
I had been gone so long, I had no clue what we were working on. Maybe I would get lucky and it would be shielded. Less chance of accidental magic mingling when everything was lit by fire.
"Hi, Rowan." She gave me a bright smile, that snap igniting in her eyes as she looked from me to Sia, who was already glaring at her like the two were arch enemies. “You’re looking particularly clean this morning. Fresh.”
“Thank you?” Yes, it was a question, I wasn’t really sure how else to respond to that. “You look nice as well. Beautiful.”
That last word kind of leaked out. She jerked up, narrowing her eyes as though I had uttered the most offensive word known to man.
“Excuse me?”
“Cauliflower soup.” I stuttered, digging myself into a hole, her eyebrows raised a good inch, the silver in her piercing catching in the light.
“Cauliflower soup is beautiful?”
“No! You are! I mean you’re clean! Beautiful and clean! Ha!” I spread my fingers out as I tried to force out a laugh, looking like one of those clowns that pop out of boxes.
She was looking at me like I was crazy.
What the hell was that?
Forget digging, I was burrowing underground. With how much my cheeks were heating and my magic flaring I could melt myself six feet under with little issue.
“Are you sure Sia didn’t suck your brain out through your mouth? I know you say she’s not your girlfriend, but it looks like the damage has already been done. I would be totally willing to take care of her for you if that’s the case.” She smiled wickedly, her snark emanating around her like it was its own separate being.
“Yeah, maybe,” I mumbled my foolish answer still gnawing at my nerve endings. “I mean, no! I don’t want to know what taking care of something means to you.”
“Your loss,” she shrugged her shoulders, going back to basking in the hidden rays of sun that were sneaking through the window, a whisper of her grin peeking through.
“Beautiful.” Why did I say it again! Her eyes popping open in a uni-scowl that could melt flesh. Luckily the teacher saved me before that happened.
"Good afternoon, class!" Professor Diarius yelled the moment she entered, her usual perky voice drowned in intense dread that cut through the chatter and sent ice down my spine. There was only one reason to be nervous in a class like this. "Today we will begin sparring with our partners."
“Havno,” I swore in Czech and earned myself a look from Gemma even though everyone else had broken out into bursts of fear and excitement, there was even a whoop from an Undermortal near the front. I was frozen in place, my heart thundering, my magic shivering against the panic that was making me want to throw myself out the window.
This could not be happening. I knew my father’s binds would hold, but I had let too much magic out the last few days. I wasn’t really interested in testing the limits of that. Especially with the girl who was looking at me like she had massive plans to kick my ass.
"Settle down, everyone. I know you are excited, but this will be the start of what's to come. Do not expect anything special, do not try anything other than the basics. No fireworks." The excited faces fell to nothing as she recited the rules, although the disappointment was short-lived. "We will be attempting the attacks we learned from last month first, you will be expected to keep your shields up throughout the duration of class in a test of both stamina and skill.”
Everyone was nodding and shifting, excitement and nerves coating the classroom like grease. At least I didn't have to worry about the shield, I had pretty much kept a shield around me since day one in this place.
"Now, pair up with your assigned partner. Shields up, and let's see how long you last. First person to zap their partner five times will win the round. The student with the most rounds won at the end of class will win a free class this Friday. Good luck."
Everyone shifted, faces eager as they moved to stand into what they had assumed was fighting position. Ten feet away from their partner, hands up like they were going to get in a long-distance punching match. They wouldn't last two minutes against my uncle Ryland. I wonder how long Gemma would hold up against him. Against me.
Maybe that was why, under her ass-kicking scowl, she looked nervous.
"I say we skip this crap. Lay in the sun and casts shields around the flies," she said, her voice shaking enough that you could tell she was trying hard to sound normal. "Or maybe we can zap your girlfriend a few times and watch her jump."
She gave me a sidelong look before turning, toward Sia who had squared her jaw in preparation for battle. The bubbly facade was gone, she looked like the girl from my dream. Like the girl who snarled down to her maids as they desperately tried to clean her dress. The real Sia. I shook my head. I really was desperate if I was going to agree to go back to fake-dating her.
"Naw, I want to see what you got, Gemma. Besides, I seem to recall you saying you were going to beat my ass." I gave her a wink and earned myself a scowl.
“You looking for another opportunity to show off that temper of yours?” She scooted closer, the twisted grin I had seen so often in my dreams taking over her features.
Exhilaration. Excitement. Hunger.
"Well, aren't you?" I couldn't tell if she was taunting me, or flirting with me, but it didn't matter I reacted as if it was both everything super heating as I moved closer, the smell of her skin dripping over me.
"Not a bit," I said each word slowly, breathing her in, my already agitated magic jumping into a flood. This was a bad idea, didn't matter, the thought was gone in one flash of her lavender eyes.
"Prove it." She smiled, jumped up and assumed the same position everyone else was. Ten feet away, hands raised, ready to fight.
“What are you doing?” I asked, running my hands through my hair.
“Fighting?” It was a question, her eyes narrowed from me to those around us as she checked her position, moving one step closer when she was content that she was doing it right.
“You have never fought before, have you?”
“Not unless you count dodging your leach girlfriend and her Bitchicade.”
“What?” I couldn’t stop the snicker, I had no idea what she had said, but I loved every second of it.
“I told you, Princey, I’ve only ever blown up things.” She gave me her usual grin, she clearly wasn’t being one hundred percent honest. Knowing her she was checking those around her to make she looked just as innocent.
Innocent and ready to blow things up.
No wonder the attack in the Gauntlet had gone the way it had. She literally didn't know how to do anything else. As much as I wanted to send her packing in defeat, I would have to do so gently. She wasn't as trained as I was. This could go bad very quickly.
"Hit me with your best shot, Gemma," I taunted, snapping a shield around both of us, instead of just around me. I could dodge or destroy whatever she sent my way. It was everyone else I was worried about, who knew what she was about to blow up.
Her magic went flying, a massive orb of orange and green ripping through the air, grey smoke trailing behind it in deathly ribbons as it made its way right to me. I batted it away with one swipe of my hand, the fire fading to nothing.
"What the...?" Gemma snarled, already preparing her next attack.
"Care to try that again?" I was smiling now, the look on
her face wiping a bit of the tension and anger away.
She fumed, nostrils flaring, lip twisting as she took two steps back, both of us looking to make sure Professor Diarius was occupied. I was sure what we were doing wasn’t in her ‘no fireworks’ rule. I shouldn't have looked, the fire she sent toward me slammed me right in the shoulder, electricity firing through the coils of muscle, flaring over my back as my nerves were ripped to shreds. I clamped my teeth together, locking the scream inside and letting only a groan escape as I fell to my knees.
"What is going on over there?" Diarius's shriek was drowned by my grunts as I fought off her attack, my spine still trying to detach itself from my nervous system.
Gasps rippled around us as everyone realized exactly what was going on. Everything hurt, but I slammed my hand forward, forcing a mostly useless attack at her in a line of grey smoke that she easily dodged. Probably for the best. It was the pure form of what she had accidentally hit me with, I didn't know if she could withstand the pain.
Or if I wanted her to.
"You were supposed to shield yourself!" She shrieked, pure horror on her face as I continued to stagger and jerk around like a broken puppet. I laughed at her, straightening my neck as my magic put the last of my nerve endings in place.
"I've had worse." My voice was so strained that I wasn't sure if she believed me.
"Shield and light attack, you two!" Professor Darius continued to yell, clearly thinking this was all a mistake. Neither of us turned, I instead sent another attack her way, the ribbons meant to bind around her legs and knock her off her feet, she dodged them stealthily.
"Yeah, except now I've attacked a prince. That's going to look great on my criminal offenses list." She sighed, rubbing her neck as she waved sheepishly to Professor Diarius, before trying to attack me again, sending the weak sparks we were supposed to be doing my way like some twisted show of faith.
Didn’t matter, the furious woman was still heading our way, she looked like a bull.
"You collecting titles?" I taunted letting my magic build behind me. "At least you’re no longer planning on making Prince Killer one of them."
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