by Harper Bliss
“No. I know it’s hard to wrap your head around. Believe me, I’ve had some trouble with that as well.”
He scratched his temple. “But… Gloria, she’s—” He didn’t get much further than that.
“We tried to end it, but… it was too hard. We’ve come to believe that being apart is much harder than being together.”
Her dad stared into his teacup. When he looked back up, his thick grey eyebrows were knitted together. “Back up a minute, Ash. Does your mother know about this?” This was exactly what he used to say when Ash tried to get something out of him as a teenager.
“She guessed it. Last weekend. Ade knows as well.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“Almost two months. It started not long after Mum’s birthday party.”
“And Gloria… She’s, I mean, she’s really into this? With you?”
Ash tried hard not to giggle. “Yes, Dad.” If only you knew how much. “She really is.”
“What you’re telling me is that Gloria Young is going to be my new daughter-in-law?” He was the one chuckling now.
“I’m never getting married again,” Ash deadpanned.
“Well, yes, in a manner of speaking.” He nodded. “I hope this isn’t my fault.” He paused. “At your mother’s party, I had a few too many, and I might have said something to Gloria about being worried about you after the divorce. Maybe she took my plea too literally, even though it was never my intention that she herself do something about it.”
“Oh, Dad. It has nothing to do with that.”
“You love her?” His tone changed.
“I do.” Warmth bloomed in Ash’s chest.
“I’ve always said that anyone you fall in love with is someone I will welcome into our home with open arms. That hasn’t changed. If anything, I already know Gloria.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.
Ash puffed some air out of her cheeks. “Thanks, Dad.” Some more air followed. “That’s a relief to hear.”
“What did you think I was going to say?”
Ash shrugged. “That you thought I had lost my mind or something.”
“Not after all the heartache with Charlotte. And Gloria… with George. Your mum and I attended their wedding. For some reason, I’ve always remembered that. That funeral still gives me nightmares sometimes.” He slanted his head. “Besides, what else have I always told you?”
Ash drew a blank. Was she supposed to remember some deep life lesson her dad had imparted on her after watching a football match with him at The Horse and Groom? He was usually a man of few words and he didn’t dispense advice often, so maybe Ash should have remembered. Or maybe her dad wrongly remembered saying it to her—maybe he had wanted to share some wisdom with her, but had never actually done so.
“What?” Ash asked, because she didn’t want to start inventing things.
“You can’t tailor your life to what others want of you. This includes us, your parents. You can only ever live your own life.”
Ash had no recollection of her dad saying that to her. Maybe he had said it in his speech at her wedding, but Ash didn’t want to remember that. She shook her head. “Can you believe that Gloria and I almost ended it precisely because we were afraid of what everyone else might think?”
“I can very well believe that. Although you should never have feared our reaction. What did your mother say?”
“She was lovely about it. Just like you.”
“That’s what I thought.” He blew some air through his nose. “That doesn’t mean I’m not somewhat shocked, though. I might need to whisk you off to the pub later.”
“That will have to wait until tomorrow, I’m afraid. I’m having lunch at Gloria’s. With her daughters.” Ash’s stomach twisted into a nervous knot.
“She told them?”
Ash nodded.
“How did they react?”
“Pretty well, apparently.” Ash could only go on what Gloria had told her over the phone. She hadn’t seen her yet. She would only really know how well Sally and Janey had accepted the news once she spent some time with them.
“Maybe we should have them all over for Sunday lunch before the girls go back to university,” he said.
Ash could hug him. But they weren’t tactile like that. Her dad buying her a pint and openly talking to her about Gloria in the pub was how he would express his acceptance, as he had always done.
“Maybe it’s a bit too soon for that.” Suddenly, it seemed like everybody knew. Their secret was out. Before any official family dinners took place, Ash wanted to evaluate how their relationship would progress now that it was all out in the open.
“We’ll ask your mother,” he said.
“Sure.” Ash leaned back in her chair, relaxed, and peered at her father. She’d feared telling him the most. But the fear, it turned out, had all been in her and Gloria’s heads. But wasn’t that the thing with fear? It made you see things in a twisted fashion, made you afraid of events that might never happen. Made you almost give up on something as glorious as love.
Heart knocking against her ribcage, Ash waited for Gloria to open the door. When Gloria pulled her into an immediate, fierce hug, Ash knew that her daughters must not be home yet, or else biding their time upstairs.
“It’s so good to see you,” Gloria whispered in her ear. “I missed you.”
“I told my dad.” Ash had borrowed her mother’s bicycle again and on the ride over she’d felt lighter than she had in weeks, as though her legs were pedalling of their own accord, just because she was on her way to Gloria and it was no longer a secret. When she’d set off, she’d shouted at her dad, who was bent over a flower bed in the garden, that she was off to see Gloria. The simple straightforwardness of doing so had given Ash that extra spring in her step.
“What did he say?” Gloria ushered her further into the kitchen. Something smelled good.
Ash tried to remember her dad’s exact words, but she could only paraphrase. “That I should never tailor my life to anyone else’s expectations but my own.”
“How deep for Alan,” Gloria joked.
Ash reached for her again. “I can’t believe I was so afraid of telling him.” She shook her head. “He’s my dad. I should have known he would be fine with it.”
“It’s not just that. I mean, I’m sure he will be fine with it and that is his message to you, but beneath the surface, he must be doing some serious recalibrating. But this wasn’t just about telling other people, Ash. Not for me.”
“Where are your girls?”
“I sent them on a last-minute run to the shop so I could have you to myself for a bit.” Gloria curled her arms around Ash’s waist.
“I’m a bit nervous,” Ash admitted.
“Don’t worry about it too much, sweetheart. They already think you’re too cool for me.” Gloria pushed her nose against Ash’s neck.
“Well, who am I to argue with that?” Ash kissed Gloria on the cheek. Sally and Janey could walk through the door any minute. She’d already sort of seen them in the pub, but she didn’t want the first image of her in their home to be in a passionate lip-lock with their mother.
Gloria sighed before releasing Ash from her embrace. “Sally wants to go to Australia next school year. She wants to take a gap year.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Oh, I’m sure it would be fun…” Gloria shook her head and waved it off. “We’ll talk about that some other time.” She sauntered to the stove and took the lid off a pot. “What else did Alan say?”
“He wants you and the girls to come to Sunday lunch.” Ash followed Gloria and leaned her hip against the kitchen counter. How different this Saturday was from any other Saturday she’d had since the divorce. Standing in Gloria’s kitchen, watching her put the final touches to a meal Ash would share with her and her children, chatting about her dad.
“When?”
“I told him it was a bit too soon.”
“The girls are here
for another week.” Gloria turned towards her with a wooden spoon in her hand. “Here. Try this.”
Ash obliged. “Delicious.”
“And I didn’t even burn anything today,” Gloria said triumphantly. Surely, she must be a tad nervous as well. If she was, she wasn’t showing it.
Then the back door burst open and the girls walked in.
Ash stood straight, as though gearing up for a military inspection. Here we go, she thought.
Chapter Forty-Four
Gloria picked up a piece of lamb chop with her fork. She cast her gaze over the table. The food was going down well. Conversation was a little slow, but not too awkward. It could all have been so much worse. But it wasn’t.
“I hear you want to go to Australia,” Ash said to Sally.
Gloria didn’t know why she’d mentioned that to Ash earlier. But she and Ash were together now. They were a couple. At least she thought they were. They’d expressed their feelings for each other. Ash had told her she was in love with her and Gloria had, soon after, realised she felt exactly the same about Ash. They were telling people. Ash was having lunch with her and her daughters. Of course she was her partner. They were together. Ash and Gloria. It still sounded strange to Gloria, yet it felt so right. She’d told Ash about Sally wanting to go to Australia because that was the sort of thing one shared with one’s partner.
“If Mum will let me.” There was a bit too much defiance in Sally’s tone for Gloria’s liking.
“Why wouldn’t she?” Ash asked.
Gloria tried to send her a look that conveyed Ash was supposed to be on her side, but Ash was giving Sally her full attention. She was probably trying to ingratiate herself with Gloria’s eldest daughter. Gloria could hardly blame her for that.
“Because it’s either carry on studying or get a job,” Sally said.
“That sounds fair enough, I guess.” Ash found Gloria’s gaze. Gloria gave her a quick smile.
“It may sound fair, but, often,” Sally said, “there’s a third option that no one has considered yet.”
“It’s because of money,” Janey interjected. “When you’re a single mother, it doesn’t grow on trees.” She said it in the tone Gloria had often used over the years—more often than she perhaps should have.
“I can imagine.” Ash nodded.
“But she’s not single anymore,” Janey said.
Gloria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It very much sounded to her as if on their way back from the shop her daughters had cooked up some sort of scheme to embarrass her in front of Ash.
“Excuse me?” Gloria fixed her gaze squarely on her youngest daughter.
“Why shouldn’t we benefit from this as well?” Janey’s eyes were narrowed, as though she was ready to pounce again. Had Gloria read her own child so wrongly?
“Janey.” Sally stepped in, making Gloria believe they weren’t in on this together. “Stop it.”
“I’m so sorry, Ash,” Gloria said. “Janey, apologise to Ash right now.”
“Apologise for what?” Janey put down her cutlery.
“It’s fine. I don’t need any apologies.” Ash painted an obvious fake smile on her face.
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Janey first pushed her plate away from her, then her chair away from the table. She stormed off, her feet pounding on the stairs.
“Come back here,” Gloria shouted, then caught her breath. She hadn’t shouted at one of her girls like that in a long time. It wasn’t the way they dealt with things in this family—or so she believed. She probably had some stress of her own to deal with.
“I think she’s having a little trouble with this scene.” Sally swept her hand over the table. “Don’t hold it against her, please, Ash. She’ll be fine later.”
“I understand that this might not be easy for Janey,” Gloria said. “Or you, Sal. But to go off in such a huff over that? We weren’t even talking about her.”
“It must have triggered her,” Sally said. “There are a bunch of posh girls in her year. The kind with room for a pony or two on their estates back home.”
“She’s never said anything about that to me.” Whenever Gloria found out something like this about her children, that they hadn’t been able to come to her with an issue they had—no matter how small or big—she felt like someone was throwing salt into a gaping wound. Motherhood was as much Gloria’s pride and joy as it was her eternal weak spot.
“Duh,” Sally said. “She’s not going to tell you, Mum. You’ve always done everything you could to make us feel we had everything we needed. Sometimes even everything we wanted.” Sally pulled her lips into a grin.
She’s told me now, Gloria thought. She gazed at the door Janey had just stormed through.
Ash cleared her throat as if to say something, but she remained quiet.
“Jesus,” Gloria said. “I’m sorry about this, Ash.” She did her best not to call Ash by any pet names in front of Sally. “This wasn’t really the family meal I had envisioned us having today.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Ash’s voice was soft. “It’s all good with me.”
“I’ll just go up and talk to Janey for a minute,” Gloria said.
“Leave her for a bit, Mum. She’ll need a while to calm down,” Sally said.
“Okay. Thanks, sweetie. I will.” Gloria thought it wise to take her daughter’s advice on this.
“So, is the topic of Australia completely taboo now?” Ash asked. “Because I’ve been there. Twice. Where do you want to go, Sally?”
Gloria decided there and then that she would somehow make it happen for Sally. If it was what she really wanted to do, it was her job as Sally’s mother to facilitate it, not stand in the way. Sally hadn’t made it sound as though all she would do when she got down under was lie on a beach and learn how to surf. She’d get a working visa. She’d pay her own way as much as she could. Who was Gloria to get in the way of that?
Janey still hadn’t come down. Sally had gone out to meet a friend. Gloria and Ash were clearing up the kitchen.
“I’m mortified by Janey’s behaviour,” Gloria said.
“She’s not even nineteen.” Ash was drying a plate. “I was a much bigger brat at that age.”
“Nah, I don’t think you were.” Gloria cocked her head. “Mary would have said something about that.”
“I’d like to believe my mother didn’t share everything about me with you.” She grinned at Gloria. “I’d like there to be some mystery left between us.”
Gloria sighed. She wasn’t ready for banter with Ash yet. “It’s not just that Janey’s behaviour is inexcusable, but what she said was very rude. She made it sound as though I’m with you for your money. Like I’m a gold-digger or something.”
Ash chuckled. “I know you’re upset. But to me, it’s like it didn’t happen. I’ve forgotten about it already.” She put the plate down. “I know why you’re with me, Gloria.” She took a step closer until her face was less than an inch away from Gloria’s. “It’s the sex,” she whispered. “It’s all those delicious orgasms. And the fact that I’m so cool, of course.” Ash’s lips split into a grin.
Ash wasn’t too far off with her assumptions. Gloria couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re cool and hot all at the same time. Who can resist that?”
“Clearly, not you.” Ash leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss on the lips. “In all seriousness, though. I can contribute. For all the money I make, I care very little about it. I used to. It used to give me such a thrill. And a good investment still does, but I have nothing to spend it on. It just piles up and for what?”
Gloria moved her head forcefully from left to right. “No way.”
“I understand that you would react that way now, but think about it,” Ash said. “Or look at it like this: nothing would make me happier than to spend money on making your life easier.”
“That’s very generous of you, Ash, but now you’re actually saying exactly what Janey said earlier. Why shouldn’t she and Sally ben
efit from me being with you?” This was turning into a ludicrous conversation.
“Why shouldn’t they?”
“You’re not their mother. I’m the one who takes care of them.”
“I’ll give you a loan then.” Ash clearly wasn’t willing to let this go. “With a negative interest rate.”
“Just… stop it.” Gloria leaned away from her.
“What?” Ash pulled Gloria close to her again. “You’ll take the orgasms I give you, but not my money?” If this had come from anyone else, it would have sounded ultra-arrogant and obnoxious. But Gloria knew Ash wasn’t like that. “I’ll pay you future rent for when I inevitably move in with you.” Ash’s tone had descended into a lower register again. “I care much more for you than I do for anyone or anything else, Gloria. I want to make your life as pleasurable as possible.”
Gloria was just about to let Ash kiss her again properly, when she heard hesitant footfalls on the stairs. Gloria quickly took a step back. This wasn’t the time for Janey to find them all over each other. “Hey,” she said, trying to sound casual, when Janey entered the kitchen.
“I’ll give you two some space,” Ash said.
“No, Ash, it’s fine,” Janey said. “Stay.”
Purely on instinct, Gloria was already spreading her arms for her daughter. “Come here, baby,” she said. “It’s all right.”
Janey let herself be embraced by her mother and Gloria revelled in the fact that she could wrap her arms around her daughter and hold her close. She wished she could do more for her during this transition from girlhood to adulthood—but all she could do, it felt like, was give Janey a hug from time to time and try to assure her that everything would be all right. So she did.
Chapter Forty-Five
Ash was in the pub with her dad, watching Chelsea lose, when her phone buzzed in her pocket with a message from Gloria.
Can you meet me in the alley off Brooke Street at 5? Maybe we can go for a drive?