She remained very still, just looking at him. And he returned her gaze as he said, ‘Well…well you know, there’s…there’s an alternative, Rosie. You needn’t miss me.’ Now his head jerked and his voice had a nervous gabbling sound as he rushed on, ‘I’m no good at this, I’ll put it all wrong. The whole thing is, I…I don’t want to take advantage of you, but it isn’t the day or yesterday that I’ve wanted…well…Oh, Rosie…’ He closed his eyes, then shading them with his hand he murmured, ‘I want you to come with me…but only for a time, until you’re better and on your feet again. I…I won’t make any claim on you, don’t think that, or…or think you will marry me or anything like that. You can be just as free as you are now, but if you came with me you would…’ He stopped when he felt her hands on his, and as he gripped them he rose to his feet, saying, ‘You would, Rosie?’ There was awe in his tone.
For answer she moved her head in the direction of his arm as if searching for some place to rest it.
He had held her for only a second when the front doorbell rang, and his body stiffened before he whispered, ‘Let them ring.’ As he pressed her gently to him the bell rang again, and he looked down into her face now and said, ‘It couldn’t be Dennis has forgotten his key, it’s too early for him. Anyway, the back door’s open.’ When the bell rang for the third time he smiled at her, saying, ‘I’d better see.’ But before he moved away he brought his eyes on a level with hers, and looking into them, he said softly, ‘Aw, Rosie,’ and the words were like a passionate endearment.
He didn’t hurry out of the room, but walked as he felt, in a relaxed fashion. He was warm inside, glowing as with joy. He had never experienced joy before. Then as he crossed the hall to the front door the kitchen door opened and he was confronted by Broderick.
If the devil had risen up out of the floor he couldn’t have been more startled, not only because of the unexpectedness of Broderick’s presence at this particular moment in the house, but also at his changed appearance, for he was not looking at the sprightly, virile man of sixty-two but at an old, stooped, haggard man, with pain-filled eyes.
‘Anybody in?’
‘No. Well, I mean Florence has gone out shopping, Broderick, and…and Dennis isn’t back yet from school.’ He pushed past the older man, drawing him back into the kitchen, saying, ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea, you look cold. Sit down, Broderick. I won’t be a minute.’
Broderick came and stood by the table. ‘Don’t make any tea for me,’ he said; and then he asked, ‘Is Rosie here, Hughie?’
Hughie had been half-turned towards the sink, and now he swung round and asked, ‘What makes you think that, Broderick?’
‘Oh, just somethin’ that Dennis let slip last night when him and Jimmy were going at it. Jimmy was blaming her for Hannah’s…mishap,’ he did not say death, ‘and Dennis then told him the rights of the case. An’ when it was told, well, it wasn’t like Ronnie MacFarlane had made out; and we…the others saw that, but Jimmy kept on and then Dennis…well, Dennis said that Hannah had done her best to take Rosie along of her by…by beatin’ her up…I couldn’t, I wouldn’t believe it, not at first, ’cos, well, she loved her…she…she thought the sun shone out of her.’ His head was moving slowly from side to side now and he muttered something to himself that was inaudible to Hughie. Then looking at him again, he said, ‘Dennis says she’s gone back to London.’
‘Aye, yes, that’s right, Broderick, she…she went back to London.’
‘She went back knowing her mother was dead and to be buried the morrow.’
‘She didn’t know, Broderick, she was in a bad way. The doctor said it was best not to tell her, it might affect her.’
‘But she’ll have to know sometime, better sooner than later.’
‘The doctor didn’t see it like that, Broderick.’ Hughie’s voice was soft. ‘He…he agreed…I mean said, it might affect her mentally if she was to know…all her life. And…and…’
‘Then she might never know because she’ll never come back.’ Broderick pulled in his lower lip between his teeth. ‘She was more sinned against than sinning as I see now. I’m not one of those that is blamin’ her for Hannah’s going; there’s many things that helped towards Hannah’s going. She was a strange woman was Hannah.’ He nodded his head. ‘A strange woman, but a fine woman; a strong woman, but strange. Me life’s finished without her, the pin’s gone.’
‘It’s early days yet, Broderick.’
As Hughie finished speaking the sound of soft footsteps in the hall made him start towards the door, but before he reached it Rosie pushed it slowly open and Broderick gaped at the figure for a full minute before realisation came to him, and then he lifted his hand and covered his face.
‘I…I thought I heard your voice, Da.’ The words were uneven and thick as if they had their shape coming over her lips. ‘l thought you might go without…without…’ She didn’t finish because Hughie’s voice cut in, saying, ‘I’m sorry, Broderick, I…I thought it best.’
Broderick took his hand from his face but kept his head lowered as he moved forward, and as his hands groped for hers, he muttered brokenly, ‘Aw, lass. Aw, lass!’
‘Oh, Da.’
‘Your face…your poor face. Aw, my God, lass.’
‘Don’t worry, Da, it’s all right, it’ll…it’ll get better.’ But even as she said this she didn’t believe it ever would get better. At least not so that she would be able to recognise herself as she once was. But through the trembling hand that held hers she realised that her father was in need of comfort much more than herself at this moment. And as his shoulders began to shake with the compressed weeping within, she whispered, ‘Aw, don’t, Da, don’t. It’s all right; I tell you it’s all right.’
He drew away from her and rubbed his face with his hand, and as he looked at her again his eyes focused on her mouth and he muttered, as if he could almost feel the agony of the moment they had been knocked out, ‘Your teeth, lass. Oh, your teeth.’
She said brokenly, ‘Don’t worry, Da, please.’ Then, ‘Come and sit down for a minute, Florence’ll be back soon.’
‘No, lass, no, I’ve got to go. I’ve…I’ve business to see to…’
As he said this his eyes were drawn to Hughie and he answered the message in them by omitting to state the type of business that called him away; instead, he said to Rosie, ‘What are you thinkin’ of doin’ with yourself, lass?’
It was Rosie who now looked towards Hughie, and when she turned to her father again she did not lower her eyes as she answered his question, in a minimum of words, ‘I’m going with Hughie, Da.’
The effect was to startle Broderick, bringing his mouth agape, and his back straight as if the words had injected him with aggressive life. As he turned towards Hughie it was as if Hannah herself had entered into him, and for a moment Hughie thought he was going to be attacked, at least by a spate of words, accusing, derogatory, spiteful words. Then as Broderick, drawing in a deep breath, turned from him and looked at Rosie again the spirit of Hannah seeped out of him and he asked, quietly, but tersely, ‘You know what you’re doin’?’
‘Yes, Da.’ She cast a glance in Hughie’s direction, not towards his face but to him as a whole.
Broderick, turning towards the sink, gripped its edge and let his body fall towards it, as if to rest for a moment; then straightening himself, he said in a hopeless tone. ‘I’d better be off.’
‘Da!’ The appeal brought him round to her, and after looking at the face that had filled the last twenty-three years of his life with pride and on which now there was left not one recognisable feature, he clamped his teeth down on his lip and, thrusting out his arms, drew her to him.
‘Oh, Da! Da!’
‘There now, there now.’ They stood close for some moments, then, after passing his hand over her hair, he pressed her gently from him, saying thickly, ‘Wherever you go, lass, I pray that you have peace…and…and happiness. Goodbye now.’ He lifted her hand and held it to his face for a m
oment before pushing her away.
Silently, and with her head deep on her chest, she turned from him and went out of the kitchen; and when she was gone Broderick moved towards the back door, and he stood facing its blankness as he spoke to Hughie. ‘I’ve got nothing against you, Hughie,’ he said. ‘I never have had, but I’ll say straight to you now, I wish from the bottom of my soul this wasn’t happenin’. But as it is, it’s thankful to God I am she’s where she is at this minute, for if she’d known of this there’d have been more than one burial the morrow. Rightly or wrongly she would never have suffered it. Her first daughter an’ her last. No, she’d never have suffered it in this world.’
When no word came from Hughie, Broderick raised his head and looked back at him, saying, ‘I’m not blamin’ you, I’m not blamin’ you. As a man I understand. Nevertheless, you must grant it’s an odd situation.’
‘I do grant it, Broderick, but in me own defence I’ll say what I’ve said before. Karen wasn’t really my doing; if ever there was a rape that was it. But with Rosie, well…I’ll admit to you now, I’ve sat in the corner of your kitchen for the last few years just so that I could look at her, or be there when she came, and that’s the truth. I’ve always said to meself that I didn’t make the break because I hadn’t any guts; the other excuse was that I wanted a family, to be a member of a family; but what I really wanted was to be near Rosie…But’—he lifted his hand towards Broderick—‘I never had any hope, don’t think that. Not in my wildest dreams did I have any hope of one day having Rosie, that would have been too fantastic, and she wouldn’t be coming with me now but she’s in a jam, at least that’s how I see it. I’m not going to hold her to anything, Broderick.’
‘You’re not marrying her then?’ The question was sharp.
‘Not unless she wants it. When she gets on her feet again it’ll be up to her.’
‘You’re a strange fellow, Hughie, a strange fellow. Are you staying in the country?’
‘No, Broderick, I’m going abroad as I planned.’
‘To stay there?’
‘Aye, to stay there.’
‘Then I don’t suppose we’ll meet again, and I’ll never see her again.’
‘You never know, I can’t tell you that, Broderick. Anyway, you might decide to take a trip.’
‘Not this side of the grave…One last thing…what if she finds out her mother’s dead and how she died? The world’s a small place; a chance word and she’ll know it.’
‘I’ll meet that emergency when it comes, Broderick. In any case, she’ll be in a better state of mind to face up to it than she is now; but if I can help it she’ll never find out.’
Broderick opened the door, and pausing before he stepped into the street, he said, ‘It’s a queer business…Well, there’s nothing more to say then. I wish you goodbye, Hughie.’
‘Goodbye, Broderick.’ Hughie waited for the old man to extend his hand, his own was half wavering forward, but when Broderick made no move in this direction Hughie said, ‘I’d like to say thank you, Broderick, for the kindness you’ve shown me over all the years.’
Broderick now looked straight into Hughie’s face and he kept his concentration on him for fully a minute before he said, ‘I could say that you’ve shown your thanks in an odd way, Hughie, but when I’ve time to reflect I might be thinkin’ it’s the best thing that could have happened to her, for God knows when a lass takes one step down the ladder there’s plenty of willing hands to help her to the bottom. Goodbye, Hughie.’
‘Goodbye, Broderick.’
Not until Broderick had disappeared round the corner of the street did Hughie go in and close the door, and then he stood with his back to it, his eyes tight shut and one hand inside his collar gripping it hard. He felt exhausted, as if he had been struggling physically with an opponent; and he had, and not only during the past ten minutes, but for years past. But now he had won. No, no, not quite. Perhaps it would be months ahead before he would know for sure, but he’d be content to wait. He was used to waiting, he’d had a lot of practice. But this period of waiting would be different. He’d be waiting as a man waits, not as a mouse in the corner of a kitchen. The thought brought him from the door straight upright on his feet. He squared his shoulders and lifted his head and went out of the room.
It was ten o’clock the following morning and they were ready to go. Everything that had to be said had been said. Now, with brotherly awkwardness, Dennis held Rosie to him, saying, ‘Forget everything, as I said, and enjoy your life, Rosie.’ He bent his head forward under the deep fur hood which covered her face, and gently he put his lips against her discoloured cheek.
‘Thanks, Dennis, thanks for everything.’ Her voice was unsteady.
Now Florence was standing before her. Her hands adjusting the hood, she said, ‘This is the very thing, you can hardly see your face at all.’ But if anyone gets curious, just do as I said, tell them you were in a car accident.’
‘It’s so good of you, Florence, I’ll send it back.’
‘You’ll do no such thing. But when you can get about yourself get another coat; this’—she touched Rosie’s sleeve—‘would fit three of you. I was mad to let him go shopping on his own.’ She cast a tender glance towards Hughie. Then putting her arms about Rosie, she pressed her close as she whispered, ‘God bless you.’ They were strange words coming from Florence, who didn’t believe in God, only in man.
And now Florence was enfolding Hughie in her embrace and was crying unashamedly; then pushing him abruptly from her she said, ‘Go on, get yourselves off, this could go on all day. We won’t come to the car, the less attention drawn to your going the better.’
Hughie and Dennis were now gripping hands in the open doorway. Both were evidently deeply disturbed and Hughie had difficulty in speaking. ‘We’ll all be together again and before very long, I know. Anyway,’ he moved his neck upwards out of his collar, ‘you’ll be hearing from me later in the day.’
‘Aye, aye,’ said Dennis, ‘phone us from the airport.’
‘Oh, maybe afore that. So long, Dennis.’
‘So long Hughie. You know what I wish you.’ The hands gripped for the last time, and then Hughie, holding Rosie’s arm, led her to the waiting car, and before they reached it the door of the flat closed behind them.
Hughie hoped that Rosie hadn’t noticed this for it might set her wondering at the peremptoriness of it. It might appear as if they couldn’t get rid of her quickly enough. But Dennis and Florence were now, he knew, scurrying into their clothes to be ready when the taxi called to take them to the house for the funeral.
But apparently Rosie hadn’t noticed anything unusual. Getting into the car, she settled herself down, and as it began to move cautiously forward she did not turn and take one last look at the flat, but from the depth of her hood kept her eyes directly ahead. She was so full now of a mixture of emotions that she felt the slightest move would cause her to break down. There was on her mind an oppressive weight. Oddly enough the weight did not seem to be connected with what had happened to her in London. Strangely she found she wasn’t thinking of that any more. Somehow it had been wiped out by the blows her mother had showered on her; it was, she knew, the thoughts of her mother that were weighing on her, encasing her. And she felt sad, so terribly sad with the knowledge that when she left this town she would never see her father again. She had no regrets about never seeing her mother again.
Hughie was talking now, rapidly, nervously. ‘It’ll be better when we get on the main road, it’ll be clearer. We should be at the airport in two hours, but I’m giving meself four just in case. It was lucky about the booking, wasn’t it? That’s because there’s not so many travelling across this time of the year. I’ve got to make a call before we leave the town, Rosie. I’ve got to go to the bank. I might be five or ten minutes. You won’t mind?’
‘No, no, Hughie.’
‘Look,’ he was nodding to the road ahead, ‘how would you like to sit in the caravan while I’m in the
re? You could lie down, the curtains are drawn. How about it? You’re supposed not to ride in the caravan, but what odds?’
‘I…yes, I think I’d prefer that, Hughie.’
‘We’ll stop at yon side of the road. You know,’ he made an effort to laugh, ‘I only want an excuse for you to see inside. You’ve never seen it yet.’ He glanced towards her and saw the movement of the hood. She did not turn her face towards him.
They stopped on a quiet road at the top of the park and Hughie unlocked the caravan door, and when Rosie entered, her surprise brought the first touch of lightness to her voice. ‘It’s wonderful, wonderful, Hughie. I never thought it would be like this, it’s…it’s like a house.’ She turned to him now, saying, ‘Oh, Hughie,’ but he did not look at her. Instead, going to the settee opposite an actual fireplace in the middle of the caravan, he said, ‘Lie on this one, will you, it’ll make the balance better. The end one there,’ he inclined his head, ‘might tip it up at the back a bit and…and I’m not yet used to the feel of her.’
When she sat down saying, ‘I’ll just slip me boots off,’ Hughie said, ‘Oh, don’t bother about that.’
‘Oh, but I must, they’re dirty.’
As she took her boots off and laid them aside he smiled at her. It was an appreciative smile. She would look after nice things, would Rosie. When she was lying down he put a rug over her; then squatting on his hunkers and bringing his face level with hers he said, ‘Do you know what I’m going to do?’ He sounded excited, like a young boy. She made a small movement with her head. ‘I’m going to see the bank manager. I’d arranged with him to send the cheque to Dennis the morrow but I think now it’s too long to wait, so I’m going to have him send it by special messenger. He’ll do that for me. I’ve never given them anything, in kind I mean, not a thing, and being human they might just wonder, so I’d like to do this afore we go!’ He raised his brows at her. ‘There’s one thing I’m sorry for, an’ that is I won’t see their faces when they get it. Anyway it’ll be nice to think of the bairn being born in a nice little house, their own house.’
Hannah Massey Page 23