‘I don’t like cats.’
‘And I judge you for that.’
‘I know. Look, I can’t explain it. I’m just… I don’t want stuff that takes work, you know? I like my life as it is. I’m okay.’
‘Okay or happy?’
Jess looked over to Jay’s desk. ‘I was happy…’
‘What’s changed?’ Matt peered at her over his mug as he drank.
‘Ha! Well… oh god…’
‘Come on, spill it. Have you met someone? You’ve met someone! Finally, maybe a shag would loosen you up a bit!’
‘Who says I’ve not been getting any, just ’cause I’m single.’
‘Eurgh, yes, well, whatever, I don’t want to think about that. So let’s, for the purposes of the court, suggest you’re not short on sex. You love your job. You don’t have a cat. You have friends who want to meet up with you and you should be happy about that. I promise you, you won’t regret it. So what else has gone wrong?’
‘Jay.’
‘What about him?’ Matt knew everything about Jay. He’d known all about Jay before Jess went travelling and was there to pick up the pieces when Jess got back. ‘What’s up?’
‘I have a new work colleague.’
Matt’s mouth fell open.
‘He started this week.’
‘No.’
‘Yes.’
‘Oh.’
‘Exactly. He is the new Head of Advertising. We are supposed to be working alongside one another.’
Matt paused, studying his little sister’s face. ‘Which I guess is going to be totally fine because you are well and truly over him, yes?’
‘You’d think right, after all this time. Yes, totally fine. Or maybe no. Not fine at all. In fact, awful, horrendous. It’s a whole new level of torture that I entirely did not see coming.’ Matt’s eyes widened. ‘I have to share an office with the man I thought I wasn’t in love with any more, Matt. I have to share clients with the man I thought I’d stopped dreaming about having children with. I effectively sit next to the man I thought I’d got over wanting to spend the rest of my life with, all the while knowing he has a beautiful, positively lovely wife and two utterly gorgeous children.’
‘Jess—’
‘Not only is it horrendous, it is possibly the end of my career because how on earth can I possibly spend—’
‘Jess—’
‘—every day of my working life beside the only man I’ve ever truly loved. A man I am nowhere near as over as I thought I was. It’s been forever, how can this still be?’
‘Jess!’ Matt had his head in his hands. When he looked back up, Jess had paled in the knowledge she was probably not alone. Matt took on the look of pity, the one where you wish you could fix something for someone you love but you know that there is literally nothing you can do. And Jess wondered just how long Jay had been standing behind her.
Emily
With her eyes shut, the setting sun glowed orange behind her eyelids. She let her hand fall open, loosening her grip on Jackson’s letter. But as she did, something cold and wet thrust into her hand. ‘What the!’ She jumped up, terrified.
‘Colin, come here!’ said a voice. ‘Sorry, he’s very friendly!’
‘Mac! Hi!’ Emily crossed her arms and wished she didn’t feel her skin prickle with embarrassment. She bent down to fuss the dog. He was wet and sandy and it took all her resolve not to recoil at the wet dog hair that left its mark on her hand where she’d fussed him. And was he really called Colin?
‘You feeling better?’ he asked, grabbing hold of Colin’s collar, stooping slightly as he talked to her. ‘You look better than the other day.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Oh, I didn’t mean you looked terrible… Though you did look sort of green. Sorry, I should probably just have brought you the fillets. I didn’t think.’
‘No, no. It’s fine. I don’t know what came over me. I was just… it’s fine. I’m loads better.’
Mac turned to stand beside her, throwing a stick for Colin to chase into the sea. ‘How beautiful is this,’ he said.
‘Stunning. It’s so nice to be back.’
‘Where were you before?’
‘New York.’ Mac didn’t look at her, but she saw him raise his eyebrows. ‘I’d been there a few years. L.A. before that.’
‘Right.’
Emily smiled to herself, usually when she told people that, they wanted to know everything. Where had she lived, what had she done out there. What was it like? Or they’d tell her stories of when they’d visited and places they’d been, shows they’d seen, food they’d eaten. Mac had nothing to say. She liked his disinterest.
‘I bought the cottage years ago, from some money I got for a show that flopped. Before it flopped… when they thought it would be a big hit and were investing in its future.’ Mac nodded. ‘I wanted to know that I could pop back whenever I had time, that I’d have somewhere to go. A home from home.’
‘Nice for those who can.’ Second homes were a sore subject for the locals, Emily knew and understood why. ‘I know, I know. It’s alright for me, etcetera. But I’m here now, ready to work… well, not work straight away but I will. When I decide what I want to do.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah. Definitely. I guess I can do anything, right?’
‘If you can do anything anywhere, Cornwall is the place to do it.’
Emily smiled. The sea sparkled. ‘I think you’re right. I feel like I’m home now. Like I belong.’
Mac took a few steps forward, meeting Colin who’d brought the stick back and was waiting excitedly for him to throw it again. ‘I know what you mean,’ he said, launching the stick back into the sea. ‘Wouldn’t be anywhere else.’ He turned to face her, the breeze whipped up his hair and he had to move it aside to see her.
‘Have you ever lived anywhere else?’
Mac shook his head. ‘Nope. No need. I have all I want here, on the doorstep. Gorran Haven born and bred and quite happy to keep it that way.’
Once upon a time, Emily thought that unambitious. When her Cornish friends had no aspiration to leave, no dreams. At least, not the kind of dreams that her dad thought she should have. The dreams to be a lawyer or an accountant. Something solid and important in the world. A job you could get work anywhere doing.
‘I have all I need here, and all I’ll ever need.’
‘Which is?’
‘The sea. My family. My friends. Enough work to put food on the table and enough free time to enjoy life.’
‘I’m realising that’s probably all any of us need.’
Mac stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‘It’s a shame more people don’t see it.’
‘I didn’t, for a long time. Upbringing, the world I worked in, I don’t know. I think it’s time I broke the cycle,’ she said.
‘The cycle?’
‘Living to work. Needing all of the money. The stuff. You know? I left New York because all that wasn’t right any more… well, that’s not the only reason I left, but it was one of them and I guess…’ She looked down at the letter, still in her hand. She ripped it up, stuffing it in her bag. ‘I guess it’s time to make some changes.’
Mac nodded, beginning to move on. ‘Well, I’d better leave you to it. I’ve a few jobs to do. Get the dog back.’
‘Right.’
‘Oh, by the way, I noticed some of the tiles had come off your roof. Just a few, but they’ve loosened some others, and it might be worth sorting them before it gets worse.’
‘Oh, right. I didn’t…’ Emily had no idea.
‘I can always pop up and do it.’
‘Oh, no. There’s no need.’
Mac took the stick and threw it again. ‘It’s fine, it wouldn’t take me long. Unless you’d rather get someone else?’
‘What? No! That’s… I mean, if you’re sure! I’d pay you for it.’
‘No, no. It’s fine. Won’t take two minutes.’
‘Maybe I can cook something for you,
I don’t know, pay back some other way.’ Emily wondered if Mac looked at her as if he didn’t believe she could cook. Which wasn’t entirely off the mark.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll sort it. It’s fine.’
‘Okay, thanks. Thank you.’
‘Glad you’re feeling better.’
‘Thanks!’ Emily said to his retreating back, but she wasn’t sure he heard her. Or cared whether she answered or not. And that was strangely comforting.
Jess
‘Shit! Shit! Shit, shit, shit!’ Jess was stood, hands on head, stamping her foot and spinning on her heels, none of which changed the situation whatsoever.
‘There’s nothing you could have done, Jess,’ said Matt, his face up close to the screen. ‘Calm down, breathe.’
‘How can I breathe? For god’s sake, Matt! What the hell? I thought he’d gone. He HAD gone. He left with Vicky.’
‘You weren’t to know he’d come back.’
‘I should never have mentioned it. I should have kept it to myself.’
‘Yes, because keeping things bottled up always works out well. Jess, you didn’t know. It’s not your fault.’
Jess dropped down into her chair, her hands in her hair. ‘I know it’s not my fault, Matt, but fucking hell, he clearly heard every word and I have to work with him! I have to face him tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that and even if I hand my notice in, I still have to work with him for another three months and all the while he knows. He just looked at me, Matt. He just stared.’
Matt grabbed hold of his iPad. ‘If I could grab hold of you right now, I would. I’d grab hold of you by your shoulders and say for god’s sake, you’ve got to calm down because nothing good can come of the drama.’
‘The drama!’ she shrieked. ‘The fucking drama! He just walked in to find out that I am hook, line, and sinker still in love with him, despite the fact that we have to work together. What was I thinking? I’m just going to have to leave.’
‘Why should you?’
‘Why shouldn’t I!’
‘Because that’s your job. Your career. You love that job, you’ve worked hard at it. You’ve built up that client list, you’ve supported that team. You’re the reason he has a job at all, from what you’ve said to me. If you weren’t doing what you do, there’d be no job for him. Walking away is not an option. If anyone has to go, he should.’
‘He can’t leave, he’s only just got here!’
‘Then it won’t matter if he goes. He can just get another job.’
‘Yes, because there are a million jobs like this, paying this salary, in Cornwall. It’s literally as easy as walking out of here today and into a new office tomorrow. He’ll be fine.’
‘He’s not your concern.’
‘It’s not his fault.’
‘It’s not your fault either, Jess. Do not fall on your sword over something like this. Do not let a man ruin your career!’
Jess groaned, leaning back in her chair. Panic and fear taking over.
‘Oh, sis. No! Don’t cry! You’re too far away from me to do that! Please, I hate it when you cry.’ That was true. Matt had always hated it when Jess cried, right from her being born, apparently. She’d cry as a baby and he’d run to her, stroking her cheek until she calmed down. If she fell over, when she was little, he’d be there before their mum or dad, taking her hand and pulling her up. When she had her heart broken aged twelve, he was the one to hold her until she stopped sobbing. He hated her crying but he was always there when she did. Until he moved away. ‘Right, I’m coming down.’
‘No, no! You can’t, don’t be silly.’
Matt looked at his laptop, she knew he’d be googling train times. ‘I could be there tomorrow.’
‘What about ’Chelle? She won’t want you up and leaving to come to me!’
‘She won’t mind, if I told her—’
‘No! You can’t tell her anything.’ Matt knew everything about Jess and Jay, even from before tonight. But only on the basis that he swore he’d never tell his long-term girlfriend Michelle and Jess was positive that he hadn’t told her. She couldn’t bear the idea of her knowing anything about this. It wasn’t that Michelle would judge or sneer, it’s just that she was so bloody successful at everything… ‘Don’t worry. I’m fine. I’ll work something out.’
‘You need to talk to him. If he won’t leave and you can’t leave, you need to talk to him and clear the air.’
‘I can’t do that, Matt.’
‘Jess, you have to. You’re a grown-up. This is shit, but you can deal with it. I know you can. You’ve just got to tackle it, then move on. And for god’s sake, go see the girls on Sunday. It’ll do you good. Get some focus in your life, something that’s not work or Jay Trewellan. Okay? Seriously, before it becomes a real problem. You were fine, you’ve been fine for ages. You’d moved on.’
‘Apparently not.’
‘Okay, if not moved on exactly, you were at least doing fine. You need to continue doing fine. This is a blip, a minor interruption to doing fine. Get back to that place and get yourself out there. Meet somebody!’
‘Maybe I don’t want to meet somebody.’ She sniffed.
‘I’d believe that if I didn’t think it was because you were frightened of getting hurt. He moved on. He met somebody. You left them to it. That he is back in your life changes nothing. It’s time for you now, Jess. You’re forty. It’s time to take stock. Make some life changes. Start with the girls, see where it takes you. You are stronger and more brilliant than you seem to realise. It’s time to live that.’ Jess sniffed again, half nodding. She loved her big brother. ‘Look, I’m going. You should go home too. Call me this weekend. When you’ve had time to breathe and realised I’m right. Tell me how you’re going to spin things around. Be strong. Stand your ground. You can’t help how you feel, but you can totally help how you act.’
‘Love you.’
‘Love you too. Call me, okay.’
‘I will.’
‘Make sure you do.’
Amanda
Amanda jumped at the sound of a knock on her front door. Since sending the message back to Jess, she’d been panicking. Maybe it was best that they left things in the past, something lovely to look back on. What if their conversation was a car crash or they’d all grown so far apart that it made Amanda feel like she’d epically failed in life? Had she epically failed in life? She didn’t feel it, but she wasn’t exactly living the kind of life most people enjoyed. Enjoyed or endured? Sometimes it was hard to tell. The doorbell rang out, urgently.
‘Coming, I’m coming. Sorry!’ She jogged down the hall and opened the door. ‘Oh.’ She turned and walked back down the hall, leaving the door open. ‘It’s you.’
Pete, Amanda’s ex-husband, followed her into the house. ‘Lovely to see you too.’
‘Shut the door behind you.’
‘I did.’
‘I meant with you on the other side of it.’
Pete let out a laugh. ‘God, you’re a spiteful cow. It’s no wonder I left.’
‘I kicked you out. Because you had sex with that girl.’
‘That girl had a name. We were together fifteen years, Amanda, it was hardly a fling.’
Amanda had never worked out if that fact made it hurt more. ‘Yeah, I’m not interested. Now what do you want and do you need a drink?’
‘If it’s red and in a glass, I will have one. Though it will have to be quick.’ Pete pulled out a stool to the breakfast bar, perching, relaxed.
‘Some things never change,’ she said, eyebrows raised.
‘You’re not funny.’
Amanda reached for a bottle of red from the shelf. ‘This is all I have so don’t get snobby about it.’
‘As if I would.’
Amanda poured two glasses, clinking Pete’s before he’d had the chance to pick it up. ‘What do you want?’
Pete sipped at his drink. He made a noise that suggested he wasn’t sure where to start and Amanda could feel her
hackles rise even further than they already were. She was always on edge when he rocked up. Her mate Karenza told her it was a defence mechanism, because she still loved him, that the edge and spite she portrayed whenever she saw him was to ensure that they never rekindled their relationship and she didn’t have to get hurt again. Amanda had never been entirely convinced but was aware that however she felt about him leaving her, and the rows they’d had since, he was the father of her child. She did, on some level, still have feelings for him. Not that she’d let that on to him.
‘Zennor told me she saw you out the other night.’
‘And you’re here to tell me off for being out on a school night.’
‘I’m not here to tell you off for anything. It’s just that she was pretty upset when she got home. I found her sobbing in the lounge at two in the morning.’ Amanda’s heart ached. ‘She said you were talking to Billy Harvey.’
‘And?’
‘And? Seriously?’
‘Pete, I was out having a few drinks. I was chatting to some bloke who started chatting to me. I am allowed to go out, you know. I’m allowed a life.’
‘Of course you are, but not with Billy Harvey!’ Amanda looked at him, confused. ‘Billy Harvey is Zennor’s…’ He paused, searching for the right description. ‘Zennor and Billy, they’re like… you and me…’
‘Shit, she’s pregnant?’
‘No! No, she’s not pregnant.’ He took a sip of wine. ‘Christ, I hope not anyway. No, I mean, she loves him.’
‘I never loved you.’
Pete looked at her. ‘Right. And I never loved you either.’ They stared at each other for a moment. ‘She’s a bit broken, right now. She’s hurting. He’s been a shit to her, made her feel all special and important and like the only girl in the world and then, as she fell head over heels for him, he decided he wasn’t sure any more and shagged one of her mates.’
‘Hardly a mate.’
‘Well, no, we know that, but she’s…’
‘Broken.’
‘Like I said.’
Amanda let out a sigh. ‘Shitting hell, I really didn’t mean to… I was just having a drink. I should have realised something was really up from her reaction.’
Her Best Friend's Secret: A gripping, emotional novel about love, life and the power of friendship Page 9