Josie’s eyes narrowed. “How did you know?”
She told her about the picture.
Josie made no comment.
Taryn could hardly stand to ask her next question. “What about – Ricky’s mother?”
“They never married. She left and took Ricky with her.” Since Taryn knew as much as she did, there was no harm in filling her in on some of the small details. “John’s been trying to find him for the last year.”
“I can’t believe he never said anything. You’d have thought he’d have at least mentioned him.”
"There’s a lot to the story that John has to tell you himself, Taryn.”
“But he has a son.” An unwanted tear slid down her cheek. “Why would he keep his son a secret? It wouldn’t have made any difference in the way I feel about him.”
Josie didn’t say anything more. She knew Taryn’s heart was hurting because her own was filled with the very same pain. She was relieved when her phone rang and she saw Ted’s number on the caller ID. Excusing herself, she slipped off the seat and walked away for some privacy.
Taryn kept thinking of the picture. Suzi had described it in detail, how John, even though he was totally unkempt in his appearance, looked so happy on it. The little boy was grinning from ear to ear. At one time, they had been together, Taryn thought, and had shared their lives. Had the mother been there then? Was she the one who snapped the picture? Had John been in love with her? Why did she take Ricky away from him? Josie said John had been searching for him for a year.
Why had he never once even mentioned the fact that he had a son?
∞ TWENTY ∞
TWO WEEKS PASSED with no change in John’s condition. During that time, Taryn visited him three times, twice with Josie and Ted and once by herself. John’s parents invited her to spend the night with them anytime she needed to before returning home and she took them up on their offer after her trip alone. As she got to know them better, she saw the deep love they had for their two children, and she became very fond of them. She hoped she was right in her assumption that they shared her feelings.
As she walked into the hospital on her fourth visit, the second week in March, she felt more tired than usual. A lot of new orders had come in for the business and she, Sharris and Marna had worked non-stop on them all week. On Friday morning, when Josie called to let her know she wouldn’t be going to see John because she had to work, Taryn wasn’t sure if she was up to making the drive alone or not. The desire inside her to see John again wouldn't let her stay away. What if she didn’t go and it happened to be the day he opened his eyes? She couldn’t help hoping she’d be there when it happened, that her face would be the first one he would see, that it would prove to him how very much she cared, just by being there.
She entered the now familiar room where he lay asleep on the high white hospital bed, the monitors attached to the tubes in his body beeping every so often as proof they were keeping him alive. Sitting down in the chair beside him, she looked at him and forced a smile she didn’t feel.
“Your hair’s getting a little long,” she said, touching the dark locks that were beginning to curl around his neck. “If you stay here many more days, I’m going to have to bring a pair of scissors and trim it. I’m glad the nurses keep your face shaved. At least I don’t have to worry about doing that. I feel a lot safer working on your hair than your face.”
The doctors had told them all that it was thought to be true that comatose patients could hear what was being said to them and an important factor in bringing them back sooner. Each time she’d been there, she’d talked and talked, always making sure she said happy things. Just in case he could understand. If he really could hear her, by now he knew all about her childhood, her school years and every stupid thing – as long as it was comical – she’d ever done in her life. As well as heard a lot of silly songs.
This time, she felt melancholy, as well as out of anything to say. After the comment about his hair, she sat there quietly for several moments, holding his hand and watching him.
The longer she remained quiet, the more the emotions inside her began to churn. She loved this man. It didn’t matter that she’d known him such a short time, she truly loved him. When a tear ran uninvited down her cheek, she didn’t try to wipe it away. Instead, she raised his hand to her lips and kissed it, then put it down again.
“I love you,” she said very softly. “I never loved another man in my life, do you know that?” She paused briefly. “I never had a lot of confidence in myself and stayed mostly to myself.” A soft chuckle. “I never let ‘myself’ say or do anything that would hurt me.” She sighed. “That probably sounds really stupid. Seems like I’ve always been afraid of everything and falling in love with somebody that couldn’t love me back was one of those fears. So I rarely ever even dated. There never was a man I felt comfortable with. Landon was as sweet as he could be, but I never knew what to say to him. I never had that problem with you. Almost right away, I found myself talking to you like you were my best friend. I never felt like you were looking at me and thinking that I was too fat. My weight has so much to do with my being shy around people. I always find myself comparing myself to them and their pretty figures and I find myself lacking and I wonder why any man would fall in love with somebody like me. But, for some reason, I feel like maybe you can love me the way I am, John.”
She paused and more silence ensued before she continued. “I wasn’t always like this. I was a pudgy little girl but I grew out of it and I had a pretty figure. But – I still had an inferiority complex. I’m going to tell you a secret that nobody else knows. I was always jealous of Marna and Sharris, especially Marna. She never met a stranger because everyone became her friend on sight. Sharris had a lot of friends, too, but not like Marna. Sharris was very choosy about who she liked or didn’t like, but Marna liked everybody and everybody liked her. She started dating this guy named Shaun. She never knew what a crush I had on him at the time. The more they fell in love with each other, the more envious I became. Then the explosion happened.” She swallowed, remembering. “And Marna was hurt so very badly. John, I’m so ashamed to admit it, but what happened to Marna affected me even more than losing my parents. I knew they were in heaven, but Marna was suffering so badly. And I felt so guilty. All I could do was keep remembering how jealous I always was of her – of her personality, of her friends, of her boyfriend - and now she would be scarred for the rest of her life. It made me feel like the explosion was my fault, that it had been ignited from a spark of my pent up envy.”
She stopped, unable to go on because of her tears. She’d never bared her heart like this to anyone. For three years, she’d kept it buried inside her and tried not to ever let herself think about it.
“Sometimes I would dream about it,” she finally continued. “In the dreams I was standing outside the house. It was all in flames and I was just standing there watching it burn. I would hear the screams and I wouldn’t move at all.”
Again, she stopped. Why was she saying all this? She was supposed to be talking about happy things. “I was so shaken when I woke up that I actually prayed for God to forgive me for having the dream because I’ve always heard dreams can be the result of the thoughts that are in the back of a person’s mind. I would never have wanted my parents to die or for Marna to be so badly hurt. If I’d been there, I would have done anything to try to save them, if I died in the process.”
She rubbed the back of his hand. “I knew I didn’t cause the fire, and I knew there was nothing I could’ve done if I’d been there, but I still couldn’t shake the guilt. I felt like it should’ve been me, the least desirable of the three sisters. Why Marna, the very best of us all?”
She paused, then spoke again. “When Marna had to spend all that time in the hospital, it was the worst time of my life. Sharris and I had to bury our parents. So many times when we visited Marna, she would be screaming in agony. Many times I heard her begging God to let her die because she couldn’t
stand the pain.”
She stopped for a very long time before going on. “Shaun left her. The minute he saw her face, he took off running like a scalded dog. I wondered if he would’ve been true to her if she hadn’t been hurt and they’d gotten married, or if he’d have left the minute something came up he didn’t like. And I’d been jealous of their relationship! I couldn’t shake my self- loathing or my guilt. So I started eating to make myself feel better. But I started gaining weight and the more I gained, the worse I felt. I just thought of something. Since I met you, I’ve lost a good bit of weight! I haven’t been paying that much attention, but I have. The truth is, I’ve spent more time in prayer than I ever did before. I used to overeat when I was worried. Lately, I’ve prayed instead. John, you’re going to be so proud of me when you see me again.”
She couldn’t believe the warm feeling that was suddenly running through her body – the feeling of relief! It was so unexpected that she found her eyes widening and she actually laughed softly. Was it because she had faced the truth for the very first time, because she had actually voiced it?
She raised her eyes heavenward. “Lord, just now, You’ve allowed me to share all these things that I’ve kept buried in my heart and worried about in secret for the past three years. I’ve prayed to you about them, but I don’t think I ever truly believed You forgave me. Suddenly, I know you have! My burden has lifted, Lord. Oh, God……”
She didn’t move for a very long time, but kept thanking the Lord over and over for the blissful emotions surging through her. When she finally looked again at John, she said, “You’re going to be okay. I just know it. And you’re going to find Ricky.” It was the first time she’d said anything about his son. “I know about your son, John. I don’t know any of the details, but I have no doubt you love this little boy and that he loves you. Somewhere, he’s waiting for you to come to him and that’s exactly what you’re going to do. I want to be with you when you see him again. I can love him, too, because he’s a part of you.”
Silence ensued for another few moments as she gently rubbed John’s hand. “I feel free, John. I feel like I’ve finally risen above the fear that’s weighted me down for so long, and whatever’s happened in your life, you’re going to be free, too. You’re going to become a minister and be one of the best tools the Lord has! You aren’t going to die. God has too much work for you to do.”
He never moved or flickered an eyelid. Just the same, for some reason, she was sure he’d heard every word she’d said.
“But in case you missed anything at all,” she whispered, “there‘s one thing I need to repeat. I love you.” Standing up, she bent over and kissed his lips very lightly. “The next time, you’re going to kiss me back.”
∞ TWENTY-ONE ∞
BEFORE SHE LEFT THE HOSPITAL, she visited the chapel. For a long time, she sat on the front bench of the quiet, empty room, meditating and praying. She felt so enlightened and it was such a good feeling that she wanted to keep it as long as she could. In God’s timing, He was going to work everything out. All she had to do was wait and trust Him, and believe with all her heart that anything that happened would be what He knew was best for everyone concerned.
She didn’t hear anyone else come in and was surprised when someone began to play the piano very softly. She sat very still, listening and savoring the moment. It was so beautiful and touching that she closed her eyes for a moment and sat there with a smile of reverence on her lips. When it stopped as suddenly as it had started, she couldn’t help being disappointed. Looking over toward the piano, she was surprised to see there was no one there. Where had the music come from? She smiled. It didn’t matter. For some reason, it had been there, just for her.
She spent the night with Mandy and John Sr., and enjoyed the time with them. She couldn’t help hoping they would say something about John’s son but the subject never came up, just as it never had the other time she’d stayed there. She told herself she had to be patient, that John himself needed to be the one to tell her all the things she wanted so badly to know. In her mind she had already determined that, no matter what the circumstances were that had forced him to keep Ricky a secret, she would not judge him for what he’d done. She would pray for understanding and tenderness. She had a feeling he’d had enough condemnation already from his own conscience, as well as his heart.
Saturday morning, she decided to do a little shopping, then visit with John again before she went back home. It was unusual for Taryn to want to go to a mall, or even a small department store alone, but she found herself looking forward to it. She wanted to get some kind of small appreciation gift for John’s parents, for making her feel so welcome in their home, and she wanted to get something for John. The first came easy when she spotted a lovely potted plant just starting to bloom. As for the gift for John, she couldn’t find a thing and left empty-handed.
She’d no sooner started out of the parking lot than she noticed a black truck close behind her. She was sure it was the same one she’d seen earlier, when she was headed to the mall. She became anxious. Was someone following her? She told herself it was just a coincidence. There were a lot of black trucks on the road. This was probably a completely different one than the one she’d seen earlier. Even if it was the same one, it didn’t mean anything except that it just happened to be there. Just the same, she made a quick turn and watched in her mirror to see the truck do the same thing. She made another turn. Again, the truck did the same thing.
It was following her. What should she do? She decided the best thing was to stay in traffic and not allow herself to wind up on any empty stretches of highway where she might be alone with him. Why would someone be following her? All kinds of thoughts ran through her mind and not one of them was reassuring. So many things happened to women traveling by themselves.
Should she continue on to the hospital, go back to John’s parents’ house or go to the police station? She’d planned on taking the plant to Mandy and John Sr., but it was very secluded at their place. She wouldn’t want to lead anyone there who might have harmful intent in mind. She had no idea where the police station was. What if she went to the hospital and it turned out there wasn’t anyone else in the parking lot when she got there? It was a two-hour drive to go back home. What if he followed her the whole way? Worse yet, what if he came up beside her on one of the less traveled stretches and forced her off the road?
Her mind was running a mile a minute, with the beating of her heart not far behind it. She could dial 9-1-1 and ask for the police. That would probably be the best thing to do. Whispering ‘help me, Lord’, she reached into her purse for her phone and glanced once again into the rearview mirror. The truck was pulling into the other lane. She watched, never lessening her speed, as he pulled up alongside her and passed her up. Her mouth flew open, as he quickly disappeared from sight.
A huge sigh of relief washed over her entire body. He was gone. He was just someone else on the highway headed to some destination, the same as she was, who happened to be going in the same direction. Why on earth had she been so frightened?
It was late afternoon before she arrived back home. A quick glance at John’s truck sitting in Josie’s driveway brought on a sigh. How she’d missed hearing it roar to life in the early mornings for the past two weeks. “It won’t be long and I’ll hear it again,” she told herself, smiling at the thought. “It won’t be long.”
She pulled into her spot in the garage and had just stopped the engine when she heard Josie calling her name from next door. Getting out of her car, she waited as Josie ran across the two driveways toward her. Taryn’s heart jumped. Josie was smiling. Did she have news of John?
Josie grabbed Taryn the minute she was close enough and hugged her. “He just woke up!” she gasped. “I just got a call from Mom and Dad. They’re on their way to the hospital.”
“So am I!” Taryn cried. It didn’t matter that she’d been on the road for two hours already. There was no way she wasn’t going right bac
k!
Tears were running down both their cheeks as they kept hugging each other. It was Josie who first pulled away. “Please wait and take me with you,” she said. “I just got in from work an hour ago and the baby sitter is already gone. As soon as I can get her back, I’ll be ready to go. Oh, how I wish Ted hadn’t had to go back to work yesterday!”
Neither had heard Sharris enter the garage from the house. “Suzi can stay with me,” she said. “This is wonderful news.”
“I want to go see Uncle John,” came the unexpected voice of the little girl, who seemed to appear from nowhere.
“And you will,” Josie told her, never losing her smile, “but not right now. I’ll take you as soon as he’s a little stronger.” Her mother had given no indication of John’s condition. All she knew was that he was awake and alert and asking for his family.
▬ ▬ ▬
IN THE PARKING LOT of the hospital, the tall, dark-haired man with the bushy moustache opened the door of his black truck and slid onto the seat. Finally, this assignment was going to be over. He’d been in the hospital long enough to witness the commotion and happy excitement of the nurses and doctor when John Winston regained consciousness, as well as long enough to feel certain he was going to make a full and complete recovery. With a huge sigh, followed by a deep, throaty laugh, the private investigator pulled out his phone and dialed. He’d been waiting a long time to make this call, several months, to be exact, from the first time he’d started on the case. From the very beginning, as he followed John’s friends and questioned a lot of them, he couldn’t help wondering what the outcome would be.
As the phone on the other end rang, Thomas Mott chuckled. John Winston was in for the biggest surprise of his life. He hoped he was prepared for it.
∞ TWENTY-TWO ∞
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