“I watch them together and I don’t know how to do what has to be done. My mom, she’s slipping away. It’s happening so much faster than I thought it would.”
“I know.”
“And now we have Dixie, and I don’t want her to become me, another young girl caring for the people who should be taking care of her.” She dropped the last burger on a plate and turned on the kitchen faucet to wash her hands.
She sniffled and the sound undid him. He wrapped his arms around her from behind. She leaned back into his embrace.
“I make a habit of doing the wrong things. But I’m here. I want to help.”
“Thank you.” She reached for paper towels on a wooden spindle on the counter and tore one free to wipe her eyes. “I hate being emotional. I’m strong. I can do this.”
He moved next to her so that they were side by side, their shoulders touching. “You can do anything you set your mind to.”
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me?” she asked, knowing the answer. The verse, one she’d memorized years ago in Vacation Bible School, had never been forgotten.
“You can, and you will.” He slipped his arm around her waist and she leaned into him. He wanted her there forever. “And I’ll be here for you.”
She looked out the window and he watched with her as Opal and Dixie played with the kitten, then Dixie carried it back inside the barn. Just as she’d described, the swallows came swooping down, chasing her back to the yard.
“She’s having fun,” he said.
“I know.” She remained in the circle of his arm. “And my mom loves having her here. I promised my grandmother I’d always take care of my mother. I feel like putting her in the nursing home is betraying that promise.”
“Maybe it’s time to talk to Carson about options?” He longed to ask who took care of her. But he knew the answer. She took care of herself. Barely.
For a few months, it could be his job to take care of her. If she would allow it.
Chapter Five
Sunday morning Colt woke early and headed for Mercy Ranch. He’d gotten a text the previous evening from Isaac. His dad, Jack West, was home. It was time for Colt to take his prodigal self back to the ranch he’d been avoiding for the past twenty years. He headed up the paved drive with the sun still tingeing the eastern sky pink and orange.
The ranch, no longer an old farmhouse and tumbledown barn, took him by surprise. The old farmhouse was still there, still a part of the landscape. But a new home had been built, a great log structure with big windows. The stable was a big metal building with an attached arena. Jack had done well, rebuilding his family ranch so that it was better than before.
He parked near the barn and got out, to be greeted by a nearly perfect spring morning. The air was cool and crisp but with the promise of warmth. The grass was emerald green with a sprinkling of yellow dandelions. An Oklahoma spring.
As good as it felt to be back, he also had a lot of memories that weren’t so good. The last thing he needed was a trip down memory lane.
Colt headed for the stable, a massive building with the name Mercy Ranch emblazoned above the door.
Mercy Ranch. The name said it all. His dad believed in mercy and forgiveness. Colt had a difficult time accepting the ranch of his childhood—poorly managed and falling apart—with this gleaming and modern horse facility.
Plus he could hardly believe that the Jack West he’d known was the same man described in magazines as a gentle, kindhearted philanthropist who wanted nothing more than to provide a place for wounded veterans to heal.
He guessed he and his father could both fit into the prodigal role. Both had been down some hard roads, made mistakes, had regrets.
As he walked the spotlessly clean center aisle, he pulled back in surprise. Jack was sitting on the seat of his walker, waiting. As Colt approached, Jack looked up, tremors obvious in his head and arms. Parkinson’s was taking its toll.
“Good morning,” Colt said as he came to a stop in front of his father.
“Good morning to you, too.” Jack grabbed the handles of the walker and pushed himself to his feet. “It’s been a long time.”
“Twenty years.” Colt felt every single one of those years and he saw them in the lines of his dad’s weathered face.
Colt held out a hand for his father to shake. It seemed like the right way to start. Jack took a step closer and gave him a hug instead, his arms trembling all the while. Colt stood there for a moment, unsure, then he put his arms around his dad.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Jack’s voice wavered as he sat heavily on the seat of the walker. “How long will you be in town?”
“I’ll be here for a good six weeks or so. I need to finish healing up, and I need to help Holly get settled with Dixie.” Colt took a seat on the bench next to his father.
“I—” Jack stopped himself and merely shrugged. “There’s coffee.”
“That isn’t what you were going to say.”
“No, but I reckon I don’t have the right to give advice.”
“I think you’re probably right about that.” Colt leaned back against the wall behind him. “This isn’t the way I want the conversation to go.”
“No,” Jack said. “I think we have plenty to talk about, but tearing chunks out of each other isn’t going to fix anything. I know I don’t have a right to interfere, but I do know a thing or two about making mistakes.”
“I agree with that,” Colt managed to say with humor in his voice.
“I’m sorry,” Jack spoke softly, his voice raspy. “I hope someday you can forgive me.”
Colt nodded.
When he’d been in the hospital, facing an unknown future, he’d had time to think about his life. With a tube down his throat for the better part of forty-eight hours, he’d spent time talking to the only one who could hear him: God.
He had continued the conversations even after he’d gotten out of the hospital. Those talks with his maker had been long overdue. He’d come to terms with his life, the mistakes he’d made and the people he’d hurt. Holly had been at the top of the list.
The conversations had included the relationship with his parents. Jack had been a broken man when he’d returned from Vietnam. He’d had brief moments of being the best dad around, alternating with moments of being the worst. After Colt’s mother had left Jack and taken him and Carson and Daisy with her, Isaac had moved in. For some reason, Isaac’s arrival had brought about change. Or maybe his wife leaving had started the changes.
“I forgive you,” Colt said. The words were long overdue.
“Thank you.” Jack’s head shook as he looked at Colt. “I’m glad you came home.”
“It isn’t my home anymore,” Colt said. “It’s just another stopping place.”
“Maybe,” Jack said. “Maybe not. Life has a way of changing when we least expect. I know you have plans, but make sure you’re following God’s plans, too.”
“I’m not sure if I’m ready for theological discussions with you.”
Jack laughed a little. “Too soon?”
“Yeah. Let’s work up to fatherly advice.”
“You’re a dad, too. Soon you’ll be doling out your own fatherly advice from time to time. Sometimes it will be solicited and sometimes you’ll just give it.”
Colt jolted at the word dad. He hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking of himself that way. Dad. The word meant something. It required something of him. For eleven years he hadn’t been anyone’s dad. Dixie had been Becky’s child in every way that counted.
“When do I meet my granddaughter?” Jack asked, breaking through the silence.
“At church today. I’m going to pick them up.”
Jack pushed himself to his feet. “I’ll expect you all for lunch, so make sure you give Holly the invite. Opal is welcome, too. Maria is making por
k tenderloin.”
Maria ran the house at Mercy Ranch and was possibly the love of his father’s life, if rumors were to be believed.
“We’ll be here.”
“I’m glad. I’ve got all three of my boys close by. It feels good. Now if I can only find a way to bring Daisy back.”
“That’ll be between you and Daisy,” Colt said.
Colt watched the once tall and powerful Jack West make his way slowly down the aisle and out the door of the stable. He paused from time to time to rest but didn’t quit. He had truly reinvented himself. He was the man everyone said he was: calm and quiet and thoughtful. A father a man could be proud of, but definitely not the father Colt had grown up with.
Colt had to figure out for himself what the word father meant for him and Dixie. He didn’t want to just be the person who picked her up and dropped her off with Holly.
He didn’t want to be the one who let her down.
No, he wanted to be the man who was there to make sure the boys behaved when they took her on a date. He wanted to be the man who made sure she knew her worth.
He wanted to take her to church, someday walk her down the aisle, all of the things a father did for his daughter.
A few minutes later he headed down the road toward Holly’s farmhouse at the edge of town. When he pulled up to the house he spotted Holly on the patio, a cup of coffee on the table in front of her. She glanced up, frowning when she realized it was him.
She didn’t get up to greet him. Instead she just sat there as he parked, headed her way and sat down across from her.
“What are you doing here?” she finally asked.
“I’m here to...” He cleared his throat, finding it harder to say the words than he’d imagined. “I’m here to be a dad.”
“Oh, okay.” She blinked, clearly puzzled.
“I want to take my daughter to church. I thought we might go as a family.”
“A family.”
“I know this is unexpected.” He pulled a chair up next to hers. “I saw Jack today. He’d like for us to join them for lunch at the ranch.”
“That is unexpected,” she agreed. “It isn’t that I don’t want to go. I’m just not sure how to take Opal to church. I have a lot of memories of going as a child, not all of them good ones. Opal didn’t always make life easy.”
“I know.” He got it. At times their childhood issues had run parallel. Her mother had been addicted to pills. His father had been an alcoholic. Neither of them had the best childhood memories.
She let out a jagged sigh. “I can do this. I’m an adult. I’m the mother. It’s just not easy to suddenly put on the hat and remember that it isn’t about me.”
“You’re the least selfish person I know, Holly. Even the adoption came about not because you were selfish. It was because you were selfless, choosing what you thought was best for her.”
Holly remained silent for a moment, then said, “I’ll get us all ready but it might take a few minutes.” She pushed her chair back from the table but her expression had grown serious. “We can be friends, Colt. But that’s all I can give you right now.”
“I understand.” That was probably for the best. He should have told her that he’d rethought his proposal. He had his own set of fears. What if he let them down, her and Dixie? What if he couldn’t be the dad his daughter needed, or the man Holly needed?
One step at a time.
* * *
Holly had never seen herself as a coward but as they pulled up to the Hope Community Church, she felt an awful tightening in her gut and a real desire to run in the opposite direction. It made no sense, because she loved this church and the people who attended. She always volunteered when they had special events. And she did her best to support her community.
But showing up today with Colt, Dixie and her mother was a lot. On any normal day she could walk through the doors and greet everyone with a smile. She might have once been “that poor little Carter girl,” but now she was a respected business owner. People grew up and overcame their pasts.
Except today her past had come to church with her. And Opal had woken up in her own version of the past, unsure of who Holly was and convinced that Dixie was her daughter.
Colt parked, and the four of them sat in his truck for a few minutes. That’s when she realized he was nervous as well. He tossed her a quick look as he pulled the keys from the ignition.
“Second thoughts?” she asked.
“And thirds and fourths.” He grinned, as if that smile would convince her he was fine.
“Are we getting out?” Dixie asked, leaning over the seat.
“We are definitely getting out.”
“Are you chicken?” she continued. “I mean, here we are. What do we call ourselves? The Carter-Wests?”
“You’re making this more difficult.” Colt shot her a look over his shoulder.
“I’m trying to keep the mood light.” She reached for the door handle and climbed out, helping Opal down and leaving them to follow.
“She takes the bull by the horns, doesn’t she?” Colt said it as a matter of pride. “A lot like her ol’ dad.”
“Oh, please,” Holly said. “You’d turn tail and run if she weren’t already out of the truck.”
He laughed and she wasn’t about to admit that running had been on her mind, too. His laughter eased something inside her, making her feel more comfortable in the moment. She’d missed their friendship, even though it had been years since they’d truly been friends. During their difficult childhoods, they’d been each other’s support.
“I missed you,” she admitted as she got out of the truck. He was still behind the wheel and she stood there looking in at him, trying to figure out the crazy swirl of conflicting emotions that made her want him as a best friend, yet told her to guard her heart against him.
But he couldn’t have her heart. He’d already broken it once. There was no way she’d let him do it again. She made a quick search, saw Dixie and her mother nearing the church entrance. Isaac and his wife, Rebecca, were with them.
“I forgive you,” she said as he started to slide out of his seat. He stopped and gave her his full attention. “I’ve needed to say those words for a long time. I prayed I could forgive you and I’ve worked on it, but I think I need to say it out loud in order to make it real. I need to say this so we can find a way to raise Dixie together. I forgive you for hurting me. And you did hurt me. I loved you. I trusted you. But that’s in the past. Today we have to find something to build on for Dixie.”
“I’m going to do my best for you both, Holly.”
“I know.”
It wasn’t perfect, but it was a starting point.
They walked toward the church together. The slow walk gave people time to look their way, whisper, speculate. She scanned the crowd, spying her mother first, standing with Carson and Kylie West. Then she focused on Dixie, who seemed to have found a friend in Rebecca West’s daughter, Allie.
Holly reached for Colt’s hand and gave it a squeeze.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’m okay. I just wanted to say thank you, for bringing her here.”
The church bells rang, keeping him from responding, and she was thankful. The sound of the bells carried across the countryside. Cars were still pulling into the parking lot. Families walked up the steps together and entered the building that had been a fixture in Hope for more than one hundred years. Dixie hurried to Holly’s side, taking hold of her hand.
Together they walked up the steps, the four of them, an odd, makeshift family. Once inside the church, they were joined by the West family. Holly was taken aback by the way the family circled them, drawing them in with hugs and warmth.
For a woman who had spent most of her life on the outside of such circles, it was overwhelming and more than a little uncomfortable. Holly moved to
the side as Colt’s family made a fuss over Dixie. They hugged her, laughed as she told them funny stories. Like Colt, she knew how to charm people. A skill Holly had never developed.
“How are you doing?” Kylie West, Carson’s wife, asked as she sidled up to Holly.
“I’m good.” She smiled as she said it.
Kylie gave her a long look. “Of course you are. I mean, this can’t be easy, right? Having your child show up...”
Holly interrupted. “It’s absolutely the best thing that could have happened.”
“Of course it is,” Kylie continued in her therapist voice that Holly knew well.
“It was a shock but I’m not at all sorry that she’s here.”
“Colt, on the other hand...” Kylie teased, putting her friend hat on once again.
“He’s a trial,” she agreed. Just then, he glanced her way, winking as he flashed her his dimpled half grin. He’d left his cowboy hat in the truck and his dark hair was slightly messy.
“Yes, a trial. That’s how I would categorize the West men, trials. They will try your patience, try your heart, try you every which way.”
Kylie had been Carson’s childhood sweetheart and when he’d returned to Hope, a widower with two small children, the two had reconnected. And fallen in love all over again.
Holly wanted to tell her friend that even though it had worked out well for Kylie and Carson, she and Colt were not going down that road. Holly knew all too well that Colt had wandering eyes and feet. He wouldn’t stay put for long. And the idea of losing him again wasn’t something she wanted to think about.
Today wasn’t about him; it was about finding the best way to build a relationship with Dixie.
Fortunately, Pastor Stevens had stepped behind the pulpit, signaling the beginning of services. Holly found her mother sitting with Jack and Maria. The pew behind them had been left open for the remainder of the large West clan. Holly slid in next to Dixie, and then Colt was there, next to her.
She had memories of the two of them as children in this church. Colt was definitely no longer a boy of eleven with toads in his pockets and dirt-smudged cheeks. As much as she wanted to deny there could be anything between them, it mattered that he was there next to her as they attended church together as a family.
The Prodigal Cowboy (Mercy Ranch Book 5) Page 6