I pull myself out of my own head and once again focus on the body in front of me, and that I don’t seem to be in a hospital. I smile as I think about the fact he listened to me but I suck in a sharp breath as I feel the skin on my lips crack open.
Caleb sits forward and looks down at me. I can see the worry etched into his face as his eyes focus.
“Are you okay?” he asks in a panic.
“Yeah. You looked after me,” I state.
“Well who else was going to?”
“Hmmm.” That’s a good question. I’ve been so wrapped up in work that other than the odd hook up—and I really mean odd—my only friend in London is Caleb. Yes, my colleagues are great, but they’re not really my kind of people—not to hang out with regularly, anyway.
“What happened, Tay?”
I look into Caleb’s concerned eyes and fight the need to lie about what happened. I’m just about to make something up about getting jumped on the way home when there’s a light knock at the door.
“Come in,” Caleb calls and in a second Lilly’s smiling face appears around the door.
“I heard voices. I wanted to come and check on you. You’ve been asleep for almost thirty-six hours!”
“I’m okay,” I say as I attempt to pull myself up to a sitting position. I just about get my arms under me before Caleb starts to help. Fuck, I feel useless. He really did a number on me. How I don’t have anything broken is beyond me.
Lilly walks over and squeezes her skinny arse on the bed next to me. She leans forward and gives me a very gentle hug, followed by a kiss to the forehead.
“It was him, wasn’t it?”
“Lilly,” I warn but it’s pointless because I know she won’t stop until she knows the truth.
“Don’t Lilly me, Taylor.”
“Yes, it was him.”
“Who’s him?” Caleb asks from next to me, but neither Lilly or I respond.
“Why? What was his excuse this time?”
“I was trying to help her, Lilly. I thought she meant it this time. I thought she was going to leave him for real. She rang me a couple of weeks ago after he’d gone to the pub. She was a state; I can only imagine what she looked like. She told me it was the final straw this time, that she was leaving. I told her I’d help in any way I could to get her away from that monster, so I booked her a train ticket to come to London. The train should have arrived yesterday afternoon,” I admit sadly.
“What happened?”
“He found the ticket. I don’t know how. I’d set her up a new email and I was the only other person with the details. I told her I’d meet her at the station and I was going to put her up in a hotel for a few days. As I went to leave, I found him stood at the other side of the front door. He was on me before I even knew what was happening. He was spouting all the usual shit about how all I ever did was get in the way, that my dad should have taken me with him when he disappeared. You know how it goes,” I say with a shrug because Lilly knows all this already.
His words haunt me. I’d hoped that as I turned into an adult they wouldn’t cut me quite as deep as they did when I was a child, but nothing’s changed and everything’s my fault. It was always my fault he beat Mum up, it was my fault he lost his job…the list goes on. It’s exactly why I got out of there as soon as I could. Mum may be too weak to leave but I certainly wasn’t, although it killed me, knowing I was leaving her there.
Over the years, I’ve given her mobile phones so she could contact me if she needed to, but I either haven’t heard anything or I’ve discovered via his fists that they’d been discovered.
“Do you think she was actually going to go through with it this time?” Lilly asks.
“I guess we’ll never know now. I dread to think what he did to her when he found out.”
“Taylor, I know it sounds awful but you need to stop getting involved and trying to help. If she truly wants to leave, she’s going to have to do it herself. If you force it, she’ll only go running back to him.”
I know all this stuff. I’ve said the same thing myself over the years. “But she’s my mum,” I say sadly.
I’d forgotten Caleb was next to me because he hadn’t spoken a word since I started telling Lilly what had happened. The sound of him letting out a long breath reminds me he’s there.
I feel the warmth of his hand on my shoulder before he says, “Your stepdad did this to you?”
I nod once. He doesn’t need any more than that. He just heard everything loud and clear.
“And he’s done it before?”
“A lot,” Lilly answers for me.
Chapter Three
Taylor
“I’m going to leave you two to it,” Lilly says when she finishes the coffee she brought up for both of us about thirty minutes ago. Lucas may be in charge of the twins, but I can see Lilly twitch every time the sound of their cries carries up here.
“Thank you,” I say. “For taking me in.”
“Always,” she says before disappearing behind the closed door.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of that?”
“Why would I? It’s not like I enjoy talking about it.”
“I get that, but you could have told me. I could’ve helped.”
“How?” I ask.
“No idea. But I’d be willing.”
“You shouldn’t be. No one needs to get in the middle of this. He did this to me,” I say pointing at myself, “Someone he brought up almost as if I was his own child. I can’t even imagine what he might do to someone he doesn’t know.”
“I’m so sorry, Tay.”
“What for? None of this is your fault. I should be thanking you. You looked after me, brought me here when I demanded you do so.”
“Of course,” he says, but I’m distracted from his eyes when I feel his hand touch mine.
When I look back up, his expression has changed. His eyes are darker and he’s biting down on his bottom lip. A bolt of electricity rushes though my aching body and suddenly my bruising is long forgotten.
“Caleb?” I question, but it’s the wrong thing to do because he blinks at hearing his name and moves away from me. “I need to shower,” I say, attempting not to make a big deal out of whatever just happened.
Caleb moves so he’s sat on the edge of the bed with his back to me. He puts his head down in his hands and lets out a huge sigh. I roll over on to my side and place my hand on his back.
“What’s wrong?”
“You. You’re what’s wrong. You have this ability to mess with my head.”
Thankfully, he’s facing away from me so he can’t see the shit-eating grin that spreads across my face at his admission.
“Is that so?” I say as I run my hand slowly down his back. I don’t miss the goosebumps that prick his skin before he jumps up and away from me.
He turns slightly as he heads towards the bathroom, and my eyes lock onto his tented jogging bottoms. My smile widens again.
He manages to play it so cool almost 100% of the time, but there are these little moments where he allows me to see what it is he really wants but is too scared to admit.
When Caleb re-emerges from the bathroom, he seems to have himself in check a little. It’s my turn now to be sitting on the edge of the bed, which I’m grateful for because it means I get a chance to have a good look at him.
The waistband of his boxers sits well above the low hanging waistband of his jogging bottoms. His chest is perfectly smooth and tanned with muscles and lines in all the right places. I run my eyes up over his chest until I reach his face. His hair is flopping forward over his forehead. It brings back memories of when I found him half dressed before going out in London. He grabs his t-shirt from the chair in the corner of the room but looks up at me before putting it on.
His stare is intense, but I don’t get a chance to try to figure it out because he speaks.
“Do you need help…you know…getting to the shower?”
I ache like a bitch but I’m sure I’l
l be fine. A little bit of help might be nice, though.
“That would be good; thank you.”
I watch as he drops his t-shirt back to the chair before walking towards me. I make trying to stand up look harder than it actually is and lean on him a little more than I need to as we walk slowly towards the en suite.
I let go of Caleb once we’re in the bathroom before stepping away from him and dropping my boxers. I can’t help but laugh to myself when I hear him clear his throat behind me.
I muster up as much energy as I can and turn around. I can see him fighting to keep his eyes on my face. It’s amusing as hell but after a few seconds he loses the fight and his eyes drop.
“I—” he starts but continues staring.
I take a few steps backwards until I’m in the shower and reach behind me to turn it on. By this time, Caleb has regained his composure and is backing up towards the door.
“You’re welcome to join me,” I offer just as he’s about to run.
“Don’t,” he warns. “Don’t tempt me,” he says quieter, and I can only assume it was a volume he wasn’t expecting me to hear over the water. I heard it, though—loud and clear.
I make quick work of the shower and in no time at all I’m hobbling my way out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist. Much to my disappointment, the room is empty.
I find the bag Caleb packed in the middle of the bed. I sit down next to it and pull out some fresh clothes, but the second the smell of bacon hits my nose, I throw them on as fast as my body will allow I head out of the room in search of fried food. After sleeping for days, I’m fucking starving.
I come to a stop just out of sight by the kitchen doorway. Lilly and Caleb are both sat at the table in the centre of the room with steaming mugs in their hands.
“Look,” Lilly starts, “tell me to mind my own business, but you like him, don’t you? What’s stopping you? Taylor’s besotted with you; he has been for a long time now.”
“He’s a whore who’s only interested in one thing,” Caleb says. Hearing him say it out loud hurts. I think I’d rather take a beating from that arsehole again than hear Caleb give his excuses for why he keeps himself at a distance. I’m not stupid, I knew the reason for his constant knock backs, but he’s never been quite so blunt to my face.
“Yes, he was when we lived together, but that was then. I can only go on what he tells me but I get the impression that’s changed since moving to London.”
“He has his moments,” Caleb says more light-heartedly.
“I’m sure he does, but doesn’t everyone? Surely you haven’t been celibate?” Caleb doesn’t respond but his gaze suddenly becomes very fixated on the table. My heart thuds in my chest as the thought of him being with someone else settles into me. I really fucking hate how it feels. I’d never really thought about what he’s been up to. He’s never brought anyone back to the flat, but he’s away a lot and I have no idea what he’s doing then. I guess I just presumed that because he keeps spouting the meaningful, long-term relationship card, he wasn’t seeing anyone. Maybe he’s been doing the same as me and not doing it right under my nose. “So what exactly are you saying here?” Lilly asks, pulling me from my thoughts and bringing my focus back to them. “That Taylor has to keep it in his pants to prove to you he can change his slutty ways while you’re out there getting your rocks off?”
“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Caleb admits quietly.
“It’s a bit hypocritical, Caleb. Taylor is who he is, and his past is his past. None of that is anything you can change. But like I said, he’s different with you. You might just need to stop making excuses and take a leap of faith.”
I watch as Caleb lifts his mug to his mouth slowly, clearly lost in his thought. I wish I could read his mind.
“That smells amazing,” I announce as I round the corner, making my presence known.
Lilly smiles brightly but Caleb flinches and looks up like he’s seen a ghost.
“Hey,” I say, smiling at him as I walk in and take a seat at the table next to him.
His lip twitches up in response but he doesn’t say anything. His eyes bore into mine like they’re trying to figure something out. It makes me wonder if the conversation he just had with Lilly might make a difference, or if he’s just curious as to whether I heard any of it or not.
“Lilly, that was incredible,” I announce with a hand on my belly after polishing off not only a full fry up, but also her famous homemade pancakes topped with fresh fruit, syrup, and cream.
Caleb adds his praise for her cooking before falling quiet once again. He’s barely said anything since I walked in the room. I wish I knew where his head’s at.
* * *
“We should probably head back soon,” I say to Caleb a while later. We’d been sat in Lilly and Lucas’ conservatory, overlooking their very well kept garden as we chatted about life. No more was said about what happened Friday. Lilly knows better than to keep on about it. This isn’t the first time she’s dealt with the aftermath of something like this. And Caleb? Well, he’s too lost in his own head right now.
“I need to get back for that shoot tomorrow, but I think maybe you should stay for a few days. Chill out, recover, spend some more time with Lilly,” he says sadly.
“I’ve got work,” I add, reminding him that life doesn’t stop just because I’ve got a few bruises. Plus, that shoot he’s talking about is an underwear shoot for a pretty well known designer Caleb and a leggy blonde he often works with have landed. It’s a pretty big deal for him. Him telling me all about it excitedly the day he got the call isn’t the only reason I know all about it. I may just have managed to convince everyone at work that it would be a great high profile job for me to assist with, so that means I get to spend tomorrow afternoon, and probably the day after, basically staring at Caleb in just his teeny tiny undies. Is there a better way to spend a day? Probably not!
Not only do I have no intention of missing that opportunity, but I also don’t want to allow him to go home without me. I feel like something changed between us this morning, and I can only hope and pray that Caleb’s conversation with Lilly also helped. I’m not risking him going home alone, overthinking it and possibly changing whatever decision it is he might be coming to.
It doesn’t ever escape my attention that I call his flat home. I’m more comfortable there than anywhere I’ve lived before. I thought the flat with Lilly in Cheltenham felt like it but Caleb’s is different…better. I guess that’s another reason I’ve never left or made any attempt to.
* * *
11 months ago…
Living and working in London has always been a pipe dream. I want the opposite of the small village I grew up in. I want hustle and bustle. I want vibrancy. I want to not be the only gay in the village—even though knowledge of that fact was kept a hushed secret because my wanker stepdad is not only an abusive arsehole, but also homophobic.
I’d been researching possible photography jobs in London for a long time in the hope something would appear at the right time for me, but it wasn’t happening and I was beginning to get disheartened. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Then, I went to spend the night with Caleb and remembered why I loved London. I remembered everything I’d said I wanted and I knew I couldn’t give up getting there. I’d be perfectly happy living in a shithole flat like he was just so I could say I was living my dream. I may have taken the piss out of where he was living, but I totally understood what he was doing.
I got chills the second I looked at the photographs he’d left out on the coffee table. It wasn’t only because he looked incredible, but the style of the photographs just spoke to me. Yes, I was excited about looking at Caleb laid out on that decorating table in only his underwear, but in that moment, I felt a renewed belief that I could do it; that I could find my way to a life where I would be taking photographs like that.
I continued staring at the array of photographs laid out before me but Caleb soon rushed
over and scooped them up. I could tell he was embarrassed by them; the thought made me laugh. He never needs to be embarrassed of looking that good. Before he took all of them, I managed to get a good look at the back of the one he dropped. I needed to know who was taking those photographs and I needed to get in touch with them.
* * *
“Can I speak to Mr Bentley-Cox please?” a very polite woman asks when I put my phone to my ear.
My hazy eyes focus on the alarm clock next to my bed and alert me to the fact it’s only just gone 9am. Who the hell rings me this early in the morning?
“Yes,” I manage before clearing my throat. My mouth feels like the bottom of a bird’s cage. I knew those shots last night were a bad idea.
“Mr Bentley-Cox, it’s Carly calling from Capture Photography about your recent application.”
Suddenly, I’m wide-awake and sat bolt upright in bed.
“Yes.”
“Unfortunately your application for junior photographer hasn’t been successful—”
All the breath I was holding in hope comes out in one big rush as the disappointment settles in. I knew it was a long shot. I’ve got no real experience, so this was what I was expecting.
“Okay, well, thank you for letting me know,” I say, disappointment obvious in my voice. “Goodbye.” I go to hang up but my name being called down the phone stops me.
I put it back to my ear. “Yeah?” I ask.
“Please, let me finish. Your application for that job was unsuccessful, but…” I feel all my hope bubble back up to the surface with that one ‘but’. “Paul and Nancy were really impressed with you. They would like to offer you an assistant job to get you the experience you need to hopefully progress in the future.”
Falling For Caleb (Falling Book 7) Page 3