“PTSD. I get that Devon, we all do. Our careers in the military, the things we saw and did meant all of us brought that shit back with us in some form. Some of us suffering more than others.” His eyes went to Booth, then Steel. I wasn’t completely uninformed about people with prosthetics, I had spent a lot of time in hospital and saw patients with lost limbs. It hadn’t taken me long when I first arrived at the compound to realise Steel had one.
“It is understandable that you suffered from recurring nightmares, but why so hard on the men,” Steel enquired.
“Losing mum, the backbone of the family on the same day of my diagnosis. My injuries weren’t life threatening but they were bad enough. Dad sort of retreated from life, he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as me most of the time. Him leaving, the boys had to step up. They are much older than me, Mitchell felt the heavy load the most, being the oldest.”
As I spoke of my families struggle, the answers why they acted so coldly towards me began to make more sense.
“They didn’t get to grieve mum like they should have had I not gotten sick. There wasn’t time, with my illness and the weight of it on them.” I guessed.
“Everyone needs to grieve a loss sweetie,” Shiloh said gently. “Not everyone does it in the same way. Some people openly show their grief, and some people retreat from it and pretend it isn’t there. And some people carry the burden of that grief until they can’t take it anymore.”
Shiloh fingered the bracelet she wore on her wrist, the pretty rose gold jewellery that caught my eye on the first day.
“I don’t understand,” I said perplexed when everyone stared at Shiloh with sadness.
Shiloh leaned forward in Zander’s lap until her arms were resting on the table, a sudden bright smile replaced her sadness.
“Dev, let me tell you about my Uncle Jason and my bodyguard Darf.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
GABRIEL
The turn off for Ballarat came into sight finally, flicking my indicator on, I veered left not taking my foot off the accelerator. Since the telegram from Shiloh arrived, my mind raced with so many scenarios, by the time we landed in Sydney after a quick stop in Germany to refuel, I was ready to run back to Ballarat.
I endured another military flight back to Melbourne, my team going with me until we reached Melbourne where I then convinced them to go back to the base. Bastian of course refused and rang a mate to borrow a car so we could make the trip quicker than waiting for a hire car filling out the paperwork or grabbing a bus.
“You can slow down Tank, we made the hour and a half trip in fifty minutes,” Bastian scoffed at me. “Damon will be happy to know that his car can definitely reach one hundred and sixty kilometres with no worries,” he added dryly, but I wasn’t interested in the car or how long it didn’t take me to get here.
All I cared about was getting to Devon.
At the military airbase in Sydney, while waiting for the transport to get ready to take off, my dad called to update me on what was going on at the compound. He didn’t give me much, just that Devon was in the comfort and warmth of the Flock and listening to stories about the club’s past.
Why that was important to know, I was yet to find out, but if dad thought it was something he needed to tell me, then I accepted that. Vincent Booth never said anything trivial; he said what was needed, what he was allowed to offer. I took that to mean what Devon had to say had to come from her and not anyone else.
“What could she not be telling me, mate? I don’t fucking understand this shit at all,” I muttered, easing the speed of the car when the first set of lights came into view, the turnoff that led to the compound.
“Don’t know Gabe. I talked to dad when you were on the phone to Booth, all he gave me was it wasn’t as bad as first thought but he did say you might be pissed at Devon.”
I turned to look at Bastian, my ire bugged, hearing what he said.
“What in the fuck does that mean?” I shouted, hitting my fist on the steering wheel. Frustration rolled through me like an unwelcome visitor, agitated at Shiloh also for sending me the message in the first place.
“Shiloh needs a talking to, what the hell was she thinking? She knows better for fuck’s sake.”
Everyone knew the dangers a soldier faced on deployments. Outside interferences taking the focus off the mission could be the cause of a deadly mistake. As fate had it, I was out of the country and on the plane, my team safe, and the objective achieved.
“Oh, don’t worry, dad had plenty to say on that. Anything you have to say to her will not compare to the dressing down she will have gotten already from the club members,” Bastian said with a laugh.
I could only imagine what Deck and my old man had to say to the young president, and though I had some things I wanted to lay on my friend, my first and only priority was talking to Devon.
I turned onto the road where the club was located at the end of a long quiet industrial street, geared up and made it to the gate in record time, which thankfully Seb was manning so I didn’t have to waste time waiting for someone to answer the call button.
Parking the car in the first spot I found, I shoved the car into park then looked quickly at Bastian.
“Go mate, I will take care of everything,” he assured me, waving me off.
“Thanks, Bast.” I acknowledged him with a chin lift then jumped out of the car and sprinted across the car park to the main door. I must have been seen in the security footage because before I got there the wooden door opened up and my father appeared. His tall well-built frame filled the space, but it was the smile on his face that calmed the turmoil running through me.
If dad is smiling it can’t be all bad.
“Gabe.”
“Where is she dad?” I asked as soon as I got to him.
“Mum just settled her in your room. The Flock have been with her, they laughed, they cried a bit but all in all everything is okay,” dad reassured me, confusing me why the need for a message in the first place.
“There is something she has to tell you, should have told you long before now. But I get why she didn’t and I also get why Shiloh overreacted and why I did at first. Old ghosts came into play with my reaction and for that I apologise son.”
I opened my mouth to ask what in the hell he was talking about, this talking around in circles was doing my head in more.
“Go talk to Devon, Gabe, and listen to her okay.”
Gritting my teeth, all I could do was nod, he wasn’t going to give me more. Obviously, Devon had all the answers I needed.
I walked at a fast clip through the compound’s main room, the men were all milled around the pool table shooting the shit, my mum and her Flock on the couches watching TV. Life seemed to be going on as normal as far as I could tell. The only indication that something might be up were the red blotches on my mum’s face. From crying? Normally when I got back from a mission I took time to give mum a hug and let her see for herself that I was whole. This time all I gave her was a nod and a tight smile as I strode passed her, later I would spend some time with her, let her do her mum thing and fuss over me like she wanted.
“How you doing Tank?” Mannix asked me.
“Fucked if I know, Mannix,” I replied and kept going, not interested in small talk right then.
Coming back to the family fold after going overseas, Bastian and I, and sometimes most of the team would sit in the war room with dad and the original members and quietly chat about the things that we could talk about. It was always easy to talk to dad and my uncles, them being ex-military, though a lot of things had to remain unspoken, as was the code in the army. The old Team Five were as experienced as my team but they were out now, so they couldn’t be privy to much detail. The only time a mission and its objective could be spoken about was if a life was lost. If we lost a mate in battle then we honoured him by talking about what went down or wrong. But only to soldiers, past and present. Unfortunately, telling Devon about my active time in the army would onl
y happen if I ever decided to discharge.
My feet moved quickly getting me to the end of the hall where my room was, the door was ajar slightly, the dim light from the bedside lamp the only indication anyone was in there.
“Pixie,” I called out when I walked into the room and found it empty. The bed was messed up like she had been in it, but she wasn’t.
“Devon!” I yelled louder, and was about to again when the door to my bathroom opened and Devon appeared wearing a short pair of sleep shorts and a thin tank top. Her breasts were free from a bra, and her nipples straining against the white material. Her beautiful black hair was damp.
“Gabriel,” she breathed, and tears instantly leaked from her already red-rimmed eyes, gutting me.
“Fuck baby,” I rushed out, relieved to finally see her here in my room. Her obvious upset state worried me, the message from Shiloh confused me. What was behind her sending it scared the crap out of me, but getting eyes on my Pixie, calmed some of the reeling worry since Germany.
I moved at the same time Devon ran to me, her small body flew at me, luckily my arms were already out to catch her. Devon’s huge out of control sobs vibrated through me as I held her tightly, one hand around her back the other clutched the back of her head.
“Hey baby, baby, calm down Pixie,” I begged her. My heart was cracking at her distress, but until she calmed and told me what the hell was bringing this breakdown on I was powerless to help her. Any problem in the field thrown at me, I deduced, overcame and fixed. I wasn’t that smug that I thought problems in relationships was that theoretical but I will be fucked if I was going to let anything come between me and Devon.
Devon tightened her grip on the back of my fatigues, her short nails digging into to my skin, her hold on me that ferocious as if she didn’t want to let me go—scared that I was going to let her go.
“Devon, I need you to breathe baby because right now you are scaring the shit out of me,” I told her being honest. I was scared silly that my first deployment was too hard on Devon. It was only five days away, a quick in and out, hell most of that time was spent in planes.
“I li—lied to you Gabriel. I lied and because of that Shiloh got in tr—tr—trouble,” Devon wailed into my shirt.
I opened my mouth to ask what the hell was she talking about, but remembered this was Devon and she probably wasn’t finished.
“Your dad got really, really mad and your mum nearly cried. The—then Deck told me a sad story and Shiloh told me a sadder story about Darf and his woman who he didn’t claim,” she rambled through her tears. I understood what she was saying, the words at least but the meaning behind them was a little fuzzy.
“Why didn’t he claim her?” she asked, her fists shaking the back of me like I had the answer to something that happened before I was even born. Biting the inside of my cheek I willed myself not to laugh, at her cute rambling and that she used the name Darf.
Bloody Shiloh.
“Ah, Dev, honey, what the hell are you talking about?” I finally asked completely baffled by the whole bizarre goings on. And what did she mean when she said she lied? About what? How she really felt about me, though those fears where now less compounding simply because of the way she was clinging to me. And while that made me happy, I still needed to get to the bottom of the issue, and fix it.
Deciding to take control of the conversation, I walked Devon backward until she hit the end of the bed, sitting her down on the edge. Her sleep shorts rode up her shapely tanned legs taking some of my focus away, but I was human after all and it had been five days and a handful of hours since I got a feel of those sexy legs wrapped around my waist.
I ignored my stirring dick, choosing to kneel in front of her instead of sitting next to her.
“Pixie, I have flown across the world and back again in five days. Shiloh sends a weird as fuck message about bringing you back to the compound to stay. Then my dad tells me to get home, sounding all ominous and shit. So please focus and tell me what happened and why you are upset, because I swear to god if you are breaking up with me then you can forget—”
“When I was five I was diagnosed with cancer, Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia or ALL,” Devon blurted out over the top of my command, shocking me speechless.
“What?” I rasped not believing what I just heard.
Devon’s hands reached out to mine which I automatically grabbed and enveloped her small ones in mine.
“I am so sorry I never told you on our first date. We were getting to know each other and I loved that I wasn’t that girl with you. From the very first second I laid eyes on you, I felt this zing of attraction, no, more than attraction, it was an immediate connection. Pure chemistry. I wanted to explore it more before I told the cancer story.” Devon slid off the bed landing in my lap, her hands now had a death grip on my upper arms.
“For the first time in my life, I wasn’t the girl that saw her mother die, nor the girl with cancer. Or the poor girl whose family blamed her for everything going wrong in their lives. I was finally just Devon, the girl a hunky soldier wanted to go out with.” Her rushed rambling desperate and less entertaining.
“No one would give me a job because of my health, and my brothers grew up to resent me. My dad just hates the thought of spending any time with me. I have been so alone for so long, just dog walking going through the motions of living. Then, you were there on the dune, and I knew in those beautiful grey eyes of yours, I saw my future,” Devon cried, hiccupping and making a general mess of her pretty face. The most beautiful face I had ever laid my eyes on in my life.
My mind took a moment to process what exactly all she said meant, and it really didn’t take long to figure out what I thought of her so called lying.
“Are you okay? The cancer?” I asked through the sudden lump in my throat. She fucking had to be okay, I would not accept any other answer.
Devon almost did a double take, her mouth hung opened as if she wasn’t expecting me to ask that question first or at all.
“Ah, yeah I am fine. Been in remission since sixteen, thorough yearly check-ups. Nothing is left but me,” she answered eagerly, her blue eyes lighting up with hope.
“And there is nothing else you haven’t told me, no inner demons waiting to kill me in my sleep? Your head doesn’t do a complete three-sixty when the moon is full in the sky? I asked her deadpan, then laughed when she pinched my bicep hard.
“Don’t be a dick!” she laughed melting against my chest, taking in a shuddering breath. “I have been so worried that Shiloh caused an international incident sending you that message.”
I nodded grimly, still unhappy with that shit myself. The cancer still needed to be spoken about, I wanted to know everything from the diagnosis to her remission. I needed to do some research of my own, just to put my own mind at ease. I had no idea about leukemia or any other types of cancer. Being informed about future symptoms that may appear, or if she needed a particular diet to keep her cancer free and here with me was imperative information.
That conversation was going to happen, but first Devon had a little more explaining to do. Quickly, I maneuvered us around so I was leaning against the end of the bed still on the floor, with Devon secured on my lap wrapped in me.
“Why did Shiloh carry on and not let you stay at your house?” I asked quietly, letting myself relax for the first time in eighteen hours.
Devon shook her head, then she looked up at me with a genuinely bewildered expression.
“My brothers were home when we arrived. They went all kinds of crazy when I got out of the car, ranting and raving at me. Carrying on about not having the right to leave without asking them first. It was truly bizarre and totally unexpected,” she said with a sigh of frustration.
I didn’t like what I had heard so far about the Mercy men, and now I understood why. Devon didn’t really like talking about her family, and she was worse when it came to her father. It wasn’t in my nature to let shit lie, I certainly wasn’t going to let Devon deal wi
th their crap on her own. She had to understand that her problems were now mine, my shoulders were more than big enough to take any load. Family drama didn’t worry me, nor was it going to drive me away.
“And that is why Shiloh thought it best to bring you back to the compound? Seems a little over reaction to me, and Shiloh doesn’t overreact,” I pushed, the soldier in me knew there was more to this than Devon was making of it.
“No, that would be because of Kyle,” she admitted grudgingly. “He stood by the front of the house and just… stared at me smoking a cigarette. It really was chilling; his eyes were full of hate but he had this snarling grin going on. Shiloh was right to not leave me there, I am just sorry it caused such a stir amongst your family.”
“How so?” I asked.
“Well, your dad got pretty riled up when he heard that I hadn’t told you about my cancer, then he went off about not letting you go through what he did, carrying guilt and all kinds of things that didn’t make sense at first.”
“Then what changed?”
“Darth, Vegas and Jason.”
I wasn’t expecting to hear the names of the two former members of the club and Shiloh and Bastian’s uncle. Darth’s legend was known all around the club, Jason who was a patched member and a senior detective was married to a clumsy but lovable character. Kelsey was the town’s greenie and a perpetual ray of sunshine. They had two sons, Thomas was twenty-three and a member of the club. Justin their youngest was three years younger and so far, he showed no interest in liking the club life in anyway. Jason and Kelsey had to practically force him to attend family get togethers, and when they managed to convince him, he stood off from everyone with looks of distaste every time a brother walked passed him in a cut. Not many of the Soul kids got along with him, only putting up with his surliness for the sake of Jason and Kels.
I still was a bit out of the loop why Darth and Jason came into things, and I was totally baffled about Vegas. I never knew her, and to be honest she didn’t get spoken about all that much. There was a picture of her in the main room, alongside Darth’s so all I really knew was she had been a blonde knock-out.
Gabriel (The Wounded Sons Book 1) Page 14