She snorts. “That’s putting it mildly.”
“Listen, I understand that everything is against us, but I like to be around you.”
Her smile gives me hope. The same hope she gave me months ago when Persy was on the phone with her. I want to hold on to it, on to her. I don’t want to let her go just yet. “What if…?”
I don’t know how to finish that sentence. We have options, but which one is the right one for her, for us?
Her chin lifts, and she perks up. “If?”
“We both want this, don’t we?”
She nods in slow motion. “Yes, but…”
My heart thunders inside my chest. She wants the same thing I do.
“We keep it between us. I’ll make sure we find time to be together, and no one will ever know about it.”
She sucks on her lip. Seconds pass, though they feel like minutes, even hours. My heart beats fast, waiting for her to reject me or, if God is good to me, agree.
“Okay.”
I pull her into an embrace and kiss her, sealing our deal.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Autumn
What did I get myself into?
My brain begins to short-circuit when Zach St. James is around. I lose my fucking common sense. When he proposed we have some super-secret affair, the answer was no.
No.
It’s pretty simple, Autumn. An N followed by an O.
N. O.
I’m too busy to entertain a relationship. My yes isn’t something set in stone. I should just say, “On second thought, let’s forget about this and just be friends.”
Before I gather some courage, he asks, “Are you sure you don’t want us to pick up Matilda?”
“I appreciate your offer, but there are one too many reasons it’s a bad idea.”
He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “Name at least two.”
“For starters, you have a two-seater. The second reason is that her car seat doesn’t fit anywhere.”
Though his attention is on the road, I can see his scowl. “I never thought about it. Next time, I’ll take the Land Rover.”
Of course, he has a Land Rover.
“That’s just one reason, and we can drive back to change cars.”
“We agreed to keep this between us,” I remind him of the most important thing. “If she sees us picking her up together, she’s going to get the wrong idea.”
“Right. I just…it’s a long drive. You didn’t rest much last night.”
Surprisingly, I did, but that’s beside the point that he’s trying to make. Though, his worry and the fact that he’s trying to take care of me melts my heart. Breaking things off with him is going to be too hard. He might make it impossible.
“That’s a sweet offer, but we have to be careful with her. I don’t want her to be a casualty of us, okay?”
He mumbles something that sounds like a yes. He’s almost pouting. I’m never going to have the courage to break things off with him if he’s going to be all swoony and pouty.
We arrive at Silvermoon. He parks his car and walks me toward the underground garage where the employees park their cars. I’m glad my car isn’t the only one. I feel less self-conscious. Before I can open the passenger door, Zach is already doing it for me and extending his hand.
I want to hug him, rest my head on his chest and absorb his heat before I leave. I don’t want to leave him. Now, who’s making things awkward? To lighten up the moment, I say, “This is a weird walk of shame.”
He pulls me toward him. “There’s no shame in what we did.”
He kisses me. I’m starting to get used to his lips, his arms, and his scent. I’m going to miss him tonight. I loved being in his arms. No borders between us. His hard body next to my soft curves. Just two people—two lost souls making sense of this lonely life.
Okay, I might not break this off today. I can wait a few more days or weeks.
He rests his head on my forehead. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, why?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers, and I’m losing you. We’re going to see each other again. Aren’t we?”
“Yes. We’re okay,” I assure him.
“Text me when you arrive home, so I know you guys are safe.”
I caress his cheek. “Thank you for caring.”
I give him one last kiss and walk toward my car. I glance at Zach and find him standing beside his car, watching me. He reminds me of a puppy left behind. It takes all of my power not to ask him to come with me.
I don’t want to second-guess myself, but I’m not sure if I made the right decision. My body says yes, let’s keep doing it, but my soul is unsure about my choice. The logical side of me is yelling that I stop the nonsense. I guess I’ll have to push away my common sense.
Matilda is ready to go when I arrive at Mom’s. I’m guessing spending time with Grams isn’t as fun as it used to be when she was younger.
“How was Grandma’s?” I ask as we drive to the grocery store.
“It was okay.” Her voice sounds deflated.
“Uh-oh. What happened? Did she forget to put chocolate chips in your waffles?”
She doesn’t answer. I glance in the rearview mirror, and she’s pouting.
“Matilda?”
“Her book club friends came over. They were noisy. Today, Mr. Blanch dropped by for a cup of coffee. She didn’t have time for me. There were no waffles.”
“What did you have for breakfast?”
“A bagel without spread. She only had salmon.” She scrunches her nose and makes gagging noises.
Oh, Mom. She swore she canceled her book club meeting. I think she only changed locations to her house. There’s nothing I can say about breakfast. Next time, I might drop off some food, so Mom doesn’t have to cook. Salmon spread is an acquired taste. Mom’s the only one who acquired it in the family.
“I’m sorry, pumpkin.”
“It’s okay. Next week I’m staying with Uncle Aiden and Aunt Miranda.” I adore this kid and her reasoning. She’s always looking for that silver lining or looking forward to the next fun thing.
I grin. “Actually, I have next weekend off.”
Her face brightens. “You do?”
“Yes. We’ll have a lot of fun.”
She claps. “You’re the best mom ever.”
I’m glad Aiden and Miranda are coming back today. Hopefully, they’re home. I doubt Matilda will be able to stand another torturing night at Grandma’s. I make a mental note to text them a reminder that I need them to babysit tonight until eleven.
This is payback for having a night off from my real life. It’s five thirty, and neither Miranda nor Aiden have arrived. I’ve been texting them since noon, and neither one of them has answered. I check on their flight to make sure they’re alive. The plane took off from Cozumel an hour ago, so they won’t get here until midnight. It’s too late to try to find someone to cover for me at the Silvermoon, and I don’t want to call and ask for PTO. I use that time when Matilda has an emergency or when she’s sick.
I’m desperate. At this point, I might ask Mom to come and pay for her ride since she doesn’t like to drive late. When my phone rings, I answer right away, hoping I’m wrong and Aiden is home.
“Hey, where are you?”
“At home? Was I supposed to be somewhere else?”
I look at the caller ID. “Oh, Zach.”
“Ouch. I wasn’t expecting such a warm greeting, but the disappointment in your voice stings.”
“It’s not you. I’m glad to hear your voice.” I try to sound happy, but I’m really desperate and about to have an internal meltdown.
“You don’t sound good. What’s happening?”
“Aiden and Miranda were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago. They aren’t back from their weekend getaway.”
Matilda turns to look at me with concern. “I don’t want to go back to Grandma’s.” She pouts.
&n
bsp; “Are they okay?” Zach asks. “Is Matilda okay? She sounds distressed, like you.”
“From what I could see, they’re fine. I checked the flight information, and their plane was delayed. I was hoping it was wrong, and he was calling to say he’s on his way.”
I exhale harshly. “Fuck.”
Matilda glares at me. “You said a bad word.”
I hear laughter on the other end of the phone.
“Sorry.”
She points at the kitchen counter. “You have to put a dollar in the piggy bank.”
The laughter continues on the other end of the line. Once he composes himself, he says, “She’s tough. I’m glad they’re okay. Now what’s happening with my favorite girls?”
“I’m about to cry.”
“I can feel that; the question is why and what can I do for you?”
I fidget with my lip as I try to think of a solution. I have nothing. “I have to be at Silvermoon in less than an hour.”
“Do you have a backup babysitter?”
“Nope. I’m doomed.”
“Send me your address.”
As much as I’d love to see him tonight, I have more pressing matters. “No. I have to work.”
“I understand. If you send it over, I’ll babysit for you.”
“She doesn’t know you.”
“We met once. I helped at the party. If you think I’m not capable enough or you don’t trust me, I can bring Teddy with me.”
If Teddy comes, she’s going to figure out that her brother and I are together. Adding another person to the mix sounds like a recipe for disaster. The fewer people who know about us, the better. I look at Matilda. She likes Zach, but she wants a dad like Zach. This is a bad idea. “I trust you, but…”
“Not with your kid.”
“Not exactly.”
After a long silence, he says, “Hey, I get it. You might’ve met me years ago, but you don’t know this version of me. We’re just getting to know each other again. What if I bring a couple of cameras that you can connect to your phone so you can watch us?”
“That sounds crazy, but maybe?”
“Send me your address, babe. We’re losing time, and I don’t want you to rush to get to work.”
“Let me see what she thinks,” I say, hesitantly. “It might be best if I call in sick.”
“Pumpkin, Uncle Aiden and Aunt Miranda haven’t arrived from Cancun. Is it okay if Zach comes to keep an eye on you?”
Her eyes open wide, and her smile appears. “Maybe. Can I show him the drawings of my elephants?”
“Tell her I have pictures of Emma.”
I sigh. This is a bad idea. “He has pictures of Emma,” I repeat.
She eyes me suspiciously. “Okay, but only if we have pizza for dinner.”
“Are we negotiating?” he asks. “I can offer cookies too.”
“Pizza? Maybe, but not cookies. Keep your sweets away from this house.”
“I want cookies.”
“They’re for tomorrow.”
Matilda pouts. “I don’t know.”
“Tell her yes to the pizza. I have the ingredients to make it. We’ll have fun cooking.”
“You can make your own pizza with Zach,” I concede.
She smiles. “Okay.”
“Thank you, you’re a lifesaver,” I say, feeling relief and worry at the same time. Tomorrow I’ll reassess this situation and maybe break up with him before my kid gets attached to him.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Zach
After hanging up with Autumn, I head to my room to change and grab some clothes for tomorrow. Maybe I’m looking too much into the situation, but if I’m lucky, I might be able to stay with her tonight. As I reach the first floor, Burke glances at my duffel bag and then gives me a look that says what are you up to, asshole? No, it might be more like what are you hiding?
“Where are you going?”
I don’t know how to answer his question without giving away that I’m secretly dating Autumn Wickerton.
He shakes his head. “Who’s Matilda?”
Fuck, he heard my conversation. I hope he didn’t catch much.
“What are you talking about?” I play dumb.
He touches his ears. “I’m not deaf. You were on the phone with someone, and though it wasn’t a romantic conversation, it sounded intimate. Are you dating someone? Mind sharing with the class.”
“No. I’m doing a favor for a friend.”
He glances at the ceiling and leans on the wall. “Really? What’s this friend’s name? I doubt it’s Matilda. Is her name A…Amber?”
“What’s with this inquisition?”
“I want to know about your friends.”
“Sorry, Dad, I didn’t know I needed permission to have friends.”
He eyes me suspiciously. “You brought someone home last night. Is it the same friend?”
How does he know? Is he fishing for information? Nope, he stated that I had brought someone. He’s sure. Well, it’s time to play offense. “You bring a lot of someones daily, and I don’t complain.”
“I haven’t brought anyone since the Pookie Boo incident.” He shivers. “Just admit that you got lucky last night, and you’re on your way to see her.”
“As I said, I’m helping a friend.”
He rolls his eyes. “Fine, you don’t want to confide in me. That’s okay. I know what I know. There was a condom wrapper on the couch.”
Fuck, I mouth.
“Okay, so I brought a friend.”
He grins. “Just a friend? She wasn’t just a friend.”
“Drop it!”
“You fucked your best friend’s little sister. Does he know about it?” His taunting voice makes me want to punch him. “Did you take her virginity when we were in high school?”
“What? No. I didn’t touch her in high school, and how the fuck do you know it’s her?”
He shrugs one shoulder, and using his most arrogant voice; he answers, “I have cameras in the garage and the entry.”
“Fuck, I hate you!”
“Nah, you don’t. I’m glad you finally broke your celibacy. So, you’re making pizza for two, but who is this Matilda person?”
I shake my head and walk toward the kitchen, where I start packing the ingredients to prepare the pizza.
“Ignoring me isn’t going to get you off the hook. I have to make sure you’re not screwing yourself up. The last time you started dating, you married the woman. You can’t just go and marry someone you just met. Autumn is kind of like a friend of the family, so that means you might not wait three months to get hitched.”
I turn around and glare at him. “Listen, this isn’t any of your business.”
“You’re my business,” he reminds me. “If someone fucks you up, I get fucked up too by proxy—and not in a good way.”
I told him about my agreement with Autumn. Then add to the mix Matilda.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Fuck, she has a kid. That’s going to end up in disaster. Listen to me. You can’t have a casual relationship with a single mother.”
I glare at him and shake my head. “It’s not casual. I’ve been entertaining this since last fall when I heard Matilda call Persy asking for help. There are three or four shows where…never mind.”
He’s not going to understand it—or me, for that matter. I have to leave. Autumn needs me.
“Rewind and explain yourself or at least give me the SparkNotes.”
“I’m running late. Can we discuss this later?”
He sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t approve one bit.”
“The day you decide to stop playing around and take someone seriously, I’ll be there for you. Not judging.”
“I’m not judging. I’m trying to understand what’s happening with you. Is this serious?”
“No. It’s fucking complicated. I’m in a relationship with her, but we’re keeping it between us because it’s easier for both of us.”
He nods. “You’ve got my
support, but think about the kid.”
This time, I drive my SUV, and I’m glad that I bought a car seat for Matilda earlier today. I’m not taking her out, but it’s good to have it in case of an emergency. On my way to Autumn’s place, I call Teddy. She has more experience with children than all my brothers and me combined.
“Hello?”
“Are you busy?”
“No. I’m at home watching mindless television while eating popcorn.”
“I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or serious.”
“Ugh, you need to learn how to speak sarcasm. I’m bitter. I should be resting, but instead, I’m at home working because some people just don’t care about quality or doing their job right.”
I consider hanging up before she bites my head off. Instead, I offer my help. “Do you need any assistance?”
“No, but I appreciate the offer. What can I do for you?”
“I just called to say hi.”
She chuckles. “Sure, and I’m about to board a rocket to the moon.”
“Why don’t you believe me?”
“I adore you, but you’re not the kind of guy who calls and checks on others. You’re the text guy, and you already checked on me today. So…what do you need?”
“I offered to watch my friend’s daughter. Other than preparing pizza, what else can I do? I don’t want to bore her to tears.”
“How old is this kid?”
“She’s seven.”
“Hmm. Drawing…? I wish you had called me earlier. I could’ve gotten you some cool nail polish color so she could paint your nails.”
“Mine?”
“Yep. She’s going to think it’s hilarious.”
“I can see if Autumn has any nail polish.”
“Autumn? Is that your new girlfriend?”
“Ha! No, squirt. She’s a friend. Remember Aiden and Autumn Wickerton?”
“Of course, I do. I was hoping you’d surprise me with something like, ‘I have a girlfriend, and she’s adorable. You two can be best friends.’”
I ignore her and ask, “Any other ideas?”
“Ooh, we’re diverting the conversation.”
Until Next Time Page 14