“We’re still not proposing, right?” I jokingly ask.
“Nope, sorry,” she says, scrunching her nose up. She pushes her empty bowl away from her and leans forward, practically humming with excitement. “Okay, now you do me.”
I give it a second because I know what she just said is going to sink into that crazy head of hers eventually.
Her eyes go wide and her pale face turns a bright shade of red. Ah, there it is.
“Yeah, so not what I meant. What I really meant was, ‘Please, Hudson, give me questions to answer. Do so quickly because I obviously have no control of what comes out of my mouth.’ So, let’s just pretend that’s what came out, okay?”
I laugh. “Deal. So, do I have to come up with new questions? I kind of suck at this shit.”
Rae shakes her head. “Nah. Okay, first answer.” She clears her throat. “Believe it or not, and as embarrassing as it can be at times, I actually like that I don’t have a filter half the time. I feel very…honest,” she confesses, shrugging. “Silly, I know, but it’s true.”
“No, I kind of get it. I mean, I’m sure it has put you in weird situations or gotten you into trouble a time or two, but I get it.”
“Phew! Glad I’m not a total freak.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I tease.
She laughs it off, and I love that she laughs it off.
“Moving on before you completely shatter my ego,” she says. “I would have to say my sixth birthday party is my favorite memory. All my friends were there: my mom, cousin, aunt, uncle, everyone. My mom, Erin, painted me this beautiful ocean sunrise scene. She was so talented. The painting was flawless, so detailed it looked real, like you could step into the canvas. I used to stare at it every night until I fell asleep and would pretend I was out floating in the ocean. It was a comfort for many years. The only thing that comes close to giving me that feeling now is sitting out at Lake Quannapowitt at night.”
The way she describes the painting makes me sad. There is longing and pain in her voice. Something big happened.
“Damn, Rae,” I say on a loud swallow. “I have to ask, though—you said ‘was’…what happened?”
“Oh, the painting was…destroyed. I don’t have it anymore,” she answers, avoiding my real question.
We let our mutual avoidance of the past hang between us until I clear my throat.
“What are your cousins like?”
“Cousin,” she corrects. “I just have one. And what do you mean? He’s a cousin—well, more like a brother in my case, but I’m sure most cousins are the same.”
“I wouldn’t know. Neither of my parents have siblings, so I don’t have cousins. Always wanted one, though. I’ve heard they cause trouble.”
She laughs. “Oh, do they ever. We get along like siblings, so it makes it even more interesting.”
“So, third and final question, what’s your answer?”
Rae perks up significantly at this. “This one is easy. Colleen Hoover.”
I raise my brows, confusion covering my face. “Who?”
Her face drops. “What.”
It comes out as more of threat than a question. Truth bomb: I’m not even close to scared. “You heard me, lady.”
“Ugh! She’s only the world’s most amazing Instagram video-maker ever! She’s hilarious! A genius! And don’t even get me started on her books. They. Are. Flawless. And Will Cooper? Be still my beating heart! That man is a god. Sorry dude, but you have some serious competition when it comes to him.”
No-Bullshit Hudson: Who the fuck is this “Will Cooper” guy and how in the hell do I kill him?
Logical Hudson: Wait…she said books. Dude, he’s fake. Down boy.
“Oh, come on. The guy can’t be that great. He’s fake.”
“Do you write poetry, Hudson? Do you stand up on a stage and pour your heart out to strangers for a girl? Did you give everything up to take care of someone else when they couldn’t take care of themselves? Will Cooper did all that and more. That’s why he’s amazing.”
I do my best keep a straight face even though I’m internally freaking out because she just hit way too close to home and she has no idea. I don’t write poetry or perform on a stage, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t give up everything in my life for Joey, and it’s something I’d do again in a heartbeat.
“Then why do you not want to meet this Will Cooper character instead?”
“Because the panties would come off if that were to happen,” she says with clear mischief in her eyes. “Honestly though, he’s the brainchild of Colleen so I feel like it’s her that I need to hug for him. Plus, she has a kickass Texas accent I’m dying to hear in person.” She shrugs like it’s the only answer.
“So, let me get this straight, you love her for her accent and Instagram videos?”
“And her words. She gives good word.”
“Fair enough.”
“Are you a reader, Hudson?”
“Only at night. I’m more of a music person.”
“Ah, yes—our mutual love of Transit. You ever see them live?”
I scoff. “We live thirty minutes—at most—outside of Boston. Of course I’ve seen them live.”
“I haven’t,” Rae confesses shyly.
“No!” I gasp.
She shakes her head. “It’s true. I’ve never seen them. I’ve always had to work when they play.”
“We’re fixing that. There’s no way you can live a full, meaningful life if you haven’t seen a live show of theirs. It’s…amazing. The lead singer is so theatrical. I love it.”
“You’re on,” she replies, her eyes lighting up. Then they quickly dim. “However, I’m probably gonna have to bounce. I have a hot date with Maura tomorrow before work and I’ve agreed to come in a few hours early.”
I’m a little disappointed by this, not because I was expecting her to stay over or anything, but because I’m enjoying spending time with her so much.
I frown. She frowns back.
“What? Were you hoping for a sleepover? I know my unquestionably amazing ability to quote Step Brothers is a huge turn-on, but I don’t put out on the first date, Hudson.”
“Well…technically it’s our second,” I tease.
“Don’t push it, mister. It’s so not happening.”
“Oh, sugar, if I wanted you to have a sleepover with me, you would,” I say, winking to let her know I am teasing back.
Her mouth drops open.
“Did you just fucking wink at me?” she says incredulously.
“Uh…yes?” It comes out as a question because I’m not sure that’s the right answer.
“Winking isn’t really a thing, you know. They do that in movies and romance novels, not real life.”
“I’m sorry?” Again, not sure if it’s the right answer.
“It’s okay, but only because you look a little cute when you do it. Now, you gonna walk me out or what?”
I laugh and grab our bowls off the table, rinsing them out while she collects her things.
I meet her at the door, slipping on my shoes. “After you, my lady.”
“Thank you, kind sir. Such a gentleman.” She almost sounds like a real lady.
I lead her out the door and find her car in the parking lot. She spins my way once we stop in front of her red sedan. Sticking her hands in her coat pockets, she rocks back on her heels. I mirror her pose.
“I had a lot of fun tonight, Hudson. Thank you for dinner and ice cream.”
“So did I. It’s not often I get nights like these. I usually spend most evenings at my mom’s with Joey so this little break from my routine has been nice. Thank you for that. Can we, uh, can we do this again sometime? Soon?”
She nods and takes a small step forward that may or may not have been intentional.
Of their own accord, my hands reach out and place themselves on her waist. My muscles move on their own and pull her close to me. A small gasp leaves her lips and she grabs my biceps. I swear I feel her squeeze
them, so I squeeze back, pulling her in closer.
I rest my forehead on hers and stare into her eyes. Even though it’s dark out and our bodies are casting shadows upon one another, her eyes are bright. Her small chest is moving a mile a minute, pressing tightly against mine. Our breaths mingle together as we continue to stare, our heartbeats falling into similar rhythms.
Then carefully, oh so slowly, I lean in, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. I continue to kiss a path along her jaw to her ear, lingering a little too long just under her lobe.
“Goodnight, Rae,” I whisper.
Letting her go, I turn around, shove my hands in my pockets, and race back inside my apartment, fighting with myself the entire way.
I almost turn back—twice.
14
Rae
My knees stop working like knees should and I have to catch myself on my car.
What in the actual fuck just happened?
I just experienced the most intimate and sensual kiss I’ve ever received in my entire life, and it was on the fucking cheek!
Truth be told, I’m not even mad he didn’t kiss me for real, because that kiss? That was incredible.
Do I want to feel his lips on mine? Of course—who in their right mind wouldn’t?—but I’m okay with waiting, especially if his cheek-kisses do that to me.
This man…he’s doing something to me, and I don’t mind one bit.
“Hey, you’re back!”
I scream. “Holy fuck! You scared the shit out of me, Hales!”
I flip a light on. She’s curled up on the couch in those damn lime green sweats again with all the lights off, reading on her e-reader.
“Sorry, Rae,” she says in a way that tells me she really isn’t. “How’d it go? Did you get you some D?”
I laugh and flop down happily on the other end of the couch. “You really think I’m going to put out on our first real date?”
She shrugs. “I would.”
“True, but that’s not me. I did get kissed, though.”
“WHAT!” she screeches. “Details!”
I recount the best kiss I’ve ever experienced, and Haley has this look on her face that says I’m officially crazy.
“He kissed you on the cheek and you’re happy about this?”
“Extremely.”
“You’re fucking high!” She’s suddenly off the couch, waving her arms around manically.
I laugh hard because she totally just quoted Step Brothers unintentionally.
“Why are you laughing? Is this a joke, Rae?” she says in a motherly tone, her hands finding her hips.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You just quoted Step Brothers and it’s funny because that’s the movie we watched tonight.” Her face screws up. “Hey lady! Don’t knock it until you’ve actually stayed awake through it.”
“Whatever. That’s not even the point of this. The cheek, Rae! You’re happy about a cheek-kiss on what is kind of your third date. You two should have already rounded third base by now! Your next date is home, Rae. HOME PLATE!”
She’s way off track. That’s not even close to what this is about. Everything about Hudson is…more.
“Haley,” I say seriously, looking her directly in the eyes because she knows my eye thing too. “It’s more than that. So much more. I know we’ve only been on one real date, but I can tell he’s something special, and I like him a lot. So, I’m perfectly okay with a cheek-kiss.”
A look of understanding falls over her face. She sits back down.
“Wow.”
“Yeah, wow.”
She looks at me with worry. “Please be careful, Rae. That’s all I’m going to say. Well, that and keep an open mind. I know how you can get.”
I nod and get up. “I’m heading to bed. I have a date with our favorite blonde-haired babe tomorrow. Night, Hales.”
“Night, Rae-Rae.”
I make my way into my bedroom and close the door behind me. Taking off my shoes, I throw myself onto the bed with my clothes still on and a smile plastered on my face.
I know Haley is right, that I need to keep an open mind but be cautious. I can’t blame her for being worried.
My feelings…they’re escalating at a rapid rate, and I can’t seem to stop it. Every time I see Hudson, everything clicks. He gives me this weird inner peace I had no idea I was missing. Well, I had an inkling of an idea, but I guess I never knew it was so bad until I found what was missing.
Is it crazy how he makes me feel even though I’ve only known him for less than a month? Yes, that’s just nuts, but I can’t explain it even if I tried. It feels like he…belongs, in my present, my future, my heart…everything. He feels right in my world.
My eyes grow heavy with sleep and I’m almost pulled under the blanket of sleep when something runs through my head.
Who’s Joey?
“So, how’s it going with Tanner?”
Maura sighs. I can’t decide if it was the cheeseburger she just took a bite of or thinking of Tanner that caused it. We’re currently sitting at Vern’s, a local diner with the best root beer floats ever, having cheeseburgers and gossiping.
“He’s amazing,” she says around a mouthful of food.
“Really?” I hate that I’m so skeptical of the guy, he just seems like a total sleazeball.
“Really, really. He’s so damn sweet, Rae. He’s funny and goofy and incredibly hot,” she says, fanning herself. “Like really hot. He has an eight-pack. Like, a legit eight-pack.”
“Of beer? I thought those only came in six- or twelve-packs. Weird.”
She throws a fry at me. “Har, har. Very funny, you brat.” Naturally, I eat the fry she just threw. “I mean it. I know he comes off a just another ‘bro’ but he’s not.”
“You mean that.” It’s not a question, because her tone is serious in a way I wasn’t expecting. She just nods. “Well…good. I’m glad.”
And I am. I was worried the Tanner I’ve seen is the same Tanner she gets when no one is around. I had hoped not, but if I’m being honest, it wouldn’t have surprised me in the least if he were.
“We have another date this weekend,” she says quietly.
At first, I don’t understand her sudden shyness. Then, it hits me. This weekend is a Maura plays at perfect daughter with her parents in the city weekend. That means if they have a date this weekend, Tanner’s going to meet the evil parents.
Evil isn’t an exaggeration on my part. Maura’s parents are assholes. The girl didn’t even get lucky enough to have one of them be just a part-time asshole. Instead she has two full-time horrendous parents and one cool as hell aunt that used to have to sneak the poor girl off for a day at the mall, which she needed more than anything. Her parents mentally tear her down, calling her names, questioning and correcting every little thing she does. It’s disgusting. The things they’ve said to her baffle me.
I have no idea how Maura is the way she is—strong, confident, carefree. There’s no way I would’ve been able to put up with those two like she did all those years—or one weekend a month like she does now.
“No. No fucking way.”
She nods. “Way.”
I clear my throat. “Don’t you think that’s…?”
I’m not trying to be a bitch or judge her because I have no room to do that—not when I’m in so deep so quickly with Hudson. I’m just genuinely concerned for her. Her parents are crazy for Cocoa Puffs and they will eat Tanner alive.
“I slept with him, Rae.” She covers her hands with her face, hiding from the words she just spoke.
I laugh. “Ha! Good one. Payback for the eight-pack joke.”
A look of unease spreads on her face and her eyes flit about the diner. That can only mean one of two things: she’s fucking with me, or she’s embarrassed about it—and if she’s embarrassed, she really did sleep with Tanner.
Even though Maura’s been dating this past year for the first time, she’s still—was still—a virgin. On top of her parents being the captains of the
crazy train, she was very sheltered.
She came close to something serious and having sex with her last boyfriend, Aaron, but discovered his ass— literally—mid-cheat.
So, I’m a little shocked she had sex with Tanner so soon. They’ve only really been together for a little over a week, but who am I to judge her? No one.
“Well, was it good?” I ask with a smile.
She beams. “It was awkward at first for me, and it hurt, but I liked it. He was so sweet about the whole thing, but you think I’m a total slut, don’t you?”
“What? No! Everyone has needs, Maura. There’s no right or wrong amount of time to wait to sleep with someone. Only you know when you’re ready, and I trust your judgment.”
She exhales strongly and meets my serious stare with her own. “I really like him, Rae. Like, really like him.”
I get it, I really do, because I like Hudson—like, really like him—and I know it’s way more than I probably should, but it’s not something that can be helped.
“How long is he home for?” I ask. We know he’ll eventually leave and Maura seems attached, so I kind of worry.
“Just another few weeks or so. He had a lot of leave time saved up and used it all at once. Lucky me.”
I wince. “That’s it? Then what happens?”
“Then he goes back to his base.”
“And?”
“And hopefully we continue our relationship long distance, or we split. I’m hoping for the first option, though. We haven’t talked about it much.”
“I hope so.”
“It’ll all work out. If it’s meant to be, it will happen,” Maura says confidently.
“Word.”
“Your confidence in me is inspiring. Thank you.”
I laugh because oddly enough, she means what she just said. My “word” is my word. It’s my agreement of all agreements, at least with Maura.
“And what about you? Didn’t you have a date last night? Are you two engaged yet? When’s the wedding? Dibs on maid of honor!”
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