He shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. “Kinda wanted to show you something.”
Show me something? “Like?”
“Part of the reason I don’t ever take those business cards.”
“I thought it wasn’t your story,” I say suspiciously.
“It’s not. But this is only one part of it. It’s a two-parter. Only one is up for grabs tonight,” he tells me, rocking back on his heels once. Then a small smile forms. “Plus, you’re apparently my manager, so I figured you had the right to know.”
I laugh at this. “Do you have a manager?”
He shakes his head. “Nah. Never needed one. But feel free to keep pretending. You’re a natural.”
“Are you gonna pay me if I do?”
“Not a chance,” he says on a chuckle. “So?”
“So what?”
“Is it a date? Tonight after work?”
My heart rate picks up at the mention of a ‘date,’ and I’m not sure why.
Either way, it shouldn’t.
“Not a ‘date,’ but yes. I get off at eleven. Is that cool?” I ask.
He gives me a full smile now. “Yep.”
I turn around and start clearing off the table, assuming our conversation is over. But I assume incorrectly.
“You okay with me staying here? Or is that too stalkerish?”
I want to laugh at his not-so-subtle reminder of my bitch attack the other day, but I don’t. Because having him stay here for the next two hours makes me nervous as hell.
And again, it shouldn’t.
But I find myself nodding an affirmative anyway.
“Cool. I’ll be over there.”
I turn to see where he heads off to and quickly move toward him, placing my hand on his arm. He turns at my touch, coming mere inches from bumping into me. He looks down to where I’m touching him and then back up at me. I notice how different his eyes are. Darker, deeper, and somehow more beautiful.
Removing my hand, I take a step back.
“Um, you don’t want to sit over there. Clarissa’s working tonight,” I tell him quietly.
Clarissa is…well, she’s a bitch. For no reason. She’s mean and spiteful. And she’s a huge flirt. Like going home with a different guy each night and sometimes not making it out of the parking lot. Okay, so she’s more than a flirt, but I’m not into talking trash about people.
Last year when I met Tanner, Tucker, and the gang, Clarissa would not shut the hell up about them. She would constantly go on and on about how hot they all were and how they all wanted to “fuck her so bad” each chance she got. She’d occasionally include Hudson in this little spiel of hers when she knew Rae was into him. But she didn’t care. Each time the guys came in we’d have to secretly divert her attention so she wouldn’t end up with their table since there aren’t sections here at Clyde’s. It’s all first come, first serve. And that’s crap news when you work with a horndog like Clarissa.
Tucker visibly shudders because I’ve more than once heard her “offer” herself to him. And I’ve heard him refuse her each time. Can’t say that it didn’t make me happy.
“Ick. Thanks for the warning. Can I take the table you’re clearing off, then?”
Odd, because he could sit at the bar, but I don’t see him offering up that option.
“Sure. Let me grab the last few things and wipe it down. Go ahead and claim it, but don’t touch anything yet.”
I speed walk past him to the bar, grabbing a dish tub to dump the dirty ones in and a rag to wipe down the filthy table.
When I get back, Perry is sitting with Tucker.
“Per Bear,” I say happily.
“Hey, Maurie. Hope you don’t mind if I sit here with Tuck.”
“Me mind you, Perry? Never,” I tell him, throwing a grin his way.
I feel Tucker’s eyes on me, and I grab the few remaining dishes and clean up the mess made by the table’s previous occupants.
Perry’s already scoping the place out for potential “friends” as he calls them.
“What can I get you boys?” I ask.
“I’ll have a Coke.”
“Put Jack in mine,” Perry answers.
I want to frown at this because as happy as I am to see Perry, I think he’s starting to develop a bit of a problem. With drinking. And his friends. And partying. It’s annoying and disconcerting all in one.
Lately he’s been visiting Clyde’s more and more. That part is okay though. Perry is the last person who needs to be all wrapped up in himself all the time. He has a not-so-pretty history with depression.
What’s harmful about him coming into Clyde’s is what he orders. Again and again and again. And sometimes again. It’s always the same thing—a Jack and Coke.
He flirts for hours with women and drinks the entire time only to leave alone and thoroughly disappointed at the end of the night.
Normally Rae would say something to him, but after finally getting a job in the city, she doesn’t work here full time anymore, so she doesn’t see it as much as I do. Plus, she hasn’t been herself lately either. She’s so happy with Hudson and Joey that I think she’s become oblivious to what’s happening with Perry. Can’t blame her though, because I’ve been equally distracted with all that’s going on with Tanner. Both of us should be there for him.
I acknowledge their orders and head to the bar to get Benny—our regular bartender and unofficial bouncer—to fill them.
“Can I get a Coke and a Jack and Coke? But make the JC light. Like extra light, please,” I say to the big bear.
You wouldn’t think a guy with arms so enormous or a scowl that sends grown men cowering to the corner would be the sweetest, most giving person ever, but Benny definitely is.
He shoots me a look. “Extra light?”
I subtly nod my head toward where Perry is seated. Benny flicks his eyes toward the table and then glances back at me nodding.
“I’ve noticed too. It’s been picking up these past couple weeks. Wasn’t so bad before. Now it’s starting to become a little too much. Ya dig?” he says in that slow drawl of his.
“Oh, I dig. Rae say anything?” I ask him.
“Nah. Not yet. Not sure if she’s seen it.”
“Not sure if I’ve seen what?” Rae asks, magically appearing next to me. “Can I get two shots of tequila, Big Ben?”
I flick my eyes toward her. “How’d you know we were talking about you? And why are you here?”
She shrugs. “I’m psychic. Duh. And I picked up an extra shift.”
I snort. “Think you’ve mixed up psycho and psychic again,” I mutter. She whacks me with a bar rag. “Ew! That’s so gross!”
“Shut it. It’s clean, you freak.”
“You notice anything new about Perry lately?”
“Oh, you mean his drinking problem? Yeah. We’re having words about that shit later.” She turns to Benny and points a serious finger at him. “Don’t you dare put any Jack in that drink. He’ll have to power through a night without it.”
“Dibs on not dealing with that shitstorm you’re brewing over there,” I tell her. Because I have a feeling that the executive decision Rae made won’t go over too well with Perry. Not with how dependent on the booze he’s been lately.
“Please. Like his ass will dare defy,” she says confidently while loading up her tray. She glances at Benny again, an intimidating scowl crossing her face. “He makes a scene and he’s out. Got it?”
Benny’s eyes go wide at the look on her face, and he furiously nods his head like a child getting dealt a punishment.
As she turns around and begins walking away, I lean across the bar to Benny. “Guess someone’s been laying down the law with Joey.”
Rae is a person who never ever wanted to be a mother after all the issues she had with her own. She always claimed she hated kids and didn’t know how to deal with them. Enter Hudson: sexy and a single, devoted father. She fell hard and fast for him. And his kid.
“Heard that!”
Rae throws over her shoulder. I start to roll my eyes at her when she adds, “And don’t you dare roll your eyes at me, Maura Ann!” It’s a bad habit of mine that she constantly picks on me for.
“See? She’s a natural at this mother stuff,” I whisper to Benny on a wink.
He chuckles at us and moves down the bar to continue filling drinks.
I load up my tray and make my way back over to Tucker and Perry’s table.
“Here you boys go. Did you want to get something to eat? You know the kitchen never closes here.”
“I’m good for now,” Perry says.
I look to Tucker. “Fries? With cheese?” he asks.
“You got it. I’ll be back to check on you in a few.”
Turning to put my order in, I hear Perry’s voice. “You forgot my Jack, Maura!”
I don’t turn around to shout, “Take it up with your cousin, Per.”
“Fuckin’ Rae,” I hear.
I’d smile if I weren’t so concerned about him.
Tanner: You’re a horrible promise keeper. I’m heading to bed. Got a long day tomorrow. I love you. Have a good night.
I stare at the text, which I’ve ignored for the last thirty minutes, and only feel mildly guilty about it.
It feels like ever since I voiced my break-up plan to Rae a few days ago, I’ve been less inclined to answer any of Tanner’s calls or texts. Now that it’s out in the open, it feels more real, and I’m so scared of blurting it out to him. Tanner doesn’t deserve that.
“You ready?”
I nod at Tucker, who’s holding the door open for me, and follow him out to the parking lot. We climb into his car and set off down the road.
I’m confused because we’re not heading anywhere I’ve never been before. In fact, it seems like we’re heading straight for Pembrooke, which is where Hudson lives. I want to ask him what we’re doing, but he has the radio up loud and is staring hard at the road.
I watch him silently, observing the way he carefully steers the car. Like everything else in life, he drives with a false sense of calm. Which is what anyone else looking at him would see. Hell, it’s probably exactly what I would have seen last week.
But not now. Not after I’ve witnessed what’s under that mask of his. I see an edginess to him now, an extra layer of worry that he carries around. I have no idea what causes it, but I want to.
As I guessed, we pull up to the curb beside Hudson’s house. Tucker rolls down his windows and shuts his car off.
We’re quiet, listening to the faint sounds of crickets and breathing in the fresh night air.
“I met Hudson when I was fifteen, you know,” he speaks up. “We had recently moved into the worst house on the block, and I was getting picked on a lot for it. But not by Hudson. Actually, I’m fairly positive he befriended me because of my shitty house. I think he felt bad for me.” He laughs lightly at the thought. “Anyhow, he helped me stick up to the bullies. That day was not only a turning point in my life, but also in our friendship.”
“We were young. And when you’re young, your friends are all you have because no one listens to their parents at fifteen. So when Hudson did that for me, stuck by me through the torture and then helped me overcome it, it was a moment for us. I decided that day that I’d do absolutely anything for him. I’d lay down my life for him if I had to.”
Tucker pauses and takes a deep breath. I can see him struggling, and I’m silently begging for him to tell me more.
“When Joey came along, that’s basically what I did,” he continues. “I’ve wanted to be a musician for as long as I can remember. From the minute I picked up a guitar at seven, I knew. Music was—is—it for me. I’d always planned on hitting the road once I graduated. But the day that Hudson came to me and said he was going to be a father at sixteen, I realized that he needed me more than I needed the music, so I put it aside for him.”
“I was there for him every step of the way. We waded through all the bullshit together, graduated early side-by-side. And like I thought, the time came when he needed me, having to move into my place for a few weeks because Joey’s mom sucks ass. I took them in, helped them through their rough patch, and by the time all the useless drama was over between him and Joey’s mom, I was becoming partner at Jacked Up. So I pushed my dream back, promising myself to still play gigs around town. It fulfilled me for a while. Then it didn’t and became a thing I wanted more of. But the timing was shit again.”
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. Tucker’s done a lot more for other people than I thought.
“Why?” I manage to ask.
“Tanner signed up for the Army. I couldn’t leave then. My family would’ve finally blown apart.”
Huh? “Wait, what?”
“Tanner didn’t tell you?” I shake my head because I have no idea what he’s talking about. Tucker laughs a humorless laugh. “Of course he didn’t,” he says quietly. He sighs loudly and clears his throat. “The reason Tanner signed up is…deceitful. My parents were on the brink of a divorce when we moved to Wakefield. He knew that if he joined, they’d end up staying together to lean on one another. So he lied about the severity of his job and played up the deployment part of it all to drum up sympathy. It worked. Oh God, did it work. They didn’t get divorced, and shit got better.”
“Well, that’s good, right? Are they still together?”
“Something like that,” he mumbles, so low I can barely hear it.
Tucker’s confession shines a new light on Tanner. I never saw him as a manipulative guy, but what he did—no matter his good intention—was downright devious. I get that he didn’t want his parents to get divorced; no kid wants that. My problem is with how sneaky he was about it, lying about things, pushing his parents further than he should have. From the way Tucker sounds, it’s still not all okay, and maybe worse.
I’m not sure how what he did sits with me. I grew up in a house full of manipulation, and I despise the people responsible for it. My stomach turns at the thought of Tanner being one of those people. It now makes me question how genuine my favorite parts of Tanner are.
“You’re a good guy, Tucker,” I tell him.
He shrugs. “That’s what I’ve been told.”
“But you regret staying, huh? That’s why you never take a card. You’d feel guilty if you left.” He doesn’t say anything, so I continue. “You’ve hoped for a future in music so many times, and it’s let you down, right? That’s why you don’t hope either.”
His nod is barely perceptible.
“That’s…that’s admirable, Tucker. Brave. Selfless. All of the above. You truly are a good guy, and I don’t think you hear that enough.”
We’re quiet again. Tucker stares at his lap, and I stare at him. He doesn’t move, and his chest barely heaves. I can tell he’s lost in thought, but I want more from him.
“Why’d you bring me here?” I ask, breaking the silence.
Looking over at me, he nods toward Hudson’s house. I follow his direction and peer up the home. It’s large, beautiful, and exactly what the neighborhood is full of. Pembrooke is a wonderful community. Family friendly and a little on the upscale, rich side of life. But it’s a humble type of rich. It’s not flashy and in your face. You know when you drive by that these people living in these homes have good financial fortune in life, and you’re genuinely happy for them. You don’t get that much these days.
“He has all this. The house his grandparents used to own, a brand new car. And now that he’s met Rae, he has the family he’s always wanted. I’m part of it,” he says proudly. “I don’t give the suits the time of day because I don’t want to not be here to watch Joey grow up or Hudson get his happily ever after finally.”
I smile at the joy I hear in his voice, but my smile wavers because I hear hesitation too. “That’s ama—”
“Wait,” he interrupts. “Let me finish?”
I nod.
“I would do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant Hudson getting all this
, there’s no denying that. This is the one thing I’m proud of. However, I can’t help but wonder where I’d be now if I had taken a card or made a phone call. I’m not stupid. I know my talent. I know I can crook my finger and get at least five different contract offers.” Tucker clenches his hands on his knees, the frustration he’s feeling almost palpable. “I can’t believe I’m admitting this out loud, but I need to. I feel like I’ve done myself a disservice by staying, even if taking one of those cards years ago would have meant Hudson losing all this. And a small part of me wishes I had, just to see where I would be now. But that’s not right, ya know? I should be satisfied, but I’m not. I want to be able to look at this and not feel that guilt of not being satisfied, of wanting more, of still wanting to chase the music.”
He glances over at me with this look in his eye that borders on hope but doesn’t quite reach it. “I finally think I’m ready. I want to do something for myself, for my talent. Until last night, I never thought I’d be able to admit this or truly consider leaving. Not by myself, anyway,” he says. “Thanks for unintentionally pushing me. Watching you insert yourself into the conversation and taking charge, it made me want to do that. It made me want to take action for once. It gave me hope.”
I tilt my head and look at him.
“But you think that if you leave, it will fall apart.” It’s not a question, and Tucker doesn’t answer. He sits there and stares at me, mask free.
And I can see it. I see the weight it’s put on him, how desperately he wants that chance to shine but how he feels like he can’t. He thinks he still needs to be here for Hudson and Joey. And something else. But he’s not telling me that yet. I can tell it’s huge, but I don’t want to push.
I see it all clearly. He’s letting me have that piece of him.
But why? Why me? Why his brother’s girlfriend? Why not someone else? Does he realize that I feel like I can never have what I want either? Is that why he’s showing this side of himself to me? He sees a kindred spirit in me. He sees the struggle I have to be everything my parents force me to be. He sees how much I want to be liberated from all this weight I hold. Only it’s in a different way.
Here's To Box Set (Complete Series) Page 31