Endless Mercy

by Tracie Peterson

  John nodded. “Now you’ve got it.”

  “But how do I do this? How can I be forgiven and put God in charge?”

  “The Bible says you need to believe.” John smiled. “Sounds ridiculously simple, I know, but Romans ten says, ‘That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.’”

  The words washed over him. Words of absolute truth. “I do believe Jesus is Lord and that He died on the cross for my sins.” Daniel’s eyes dampened, and he let the tears fall. “I believe that He rose from the dead—that God raised Him.”

  John smiled. “Amen.”

  Daniel froze. It was gone. The enormous weight he’d been carrying inside . . . was gone.

  God had already freed him.

  He bowed his head, and for the first time he could feel God’s presence. It was wondrous.

  I’m yours, Father. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. I’m sorry I let the world stand in between us. I’m just so sorry. Please forgive me.

  Warmth rested on his head, and Daniel had to look up.

  The sun had just broken through the clouds.

  After supper that evening, Granny stacked the supper dishes to one side and eased back in her chair while Dad took up his Bible as he always did.

  “We’re reading from Luke fifteen this evening.” Dad flipped through the pages.

  Daniel spoke up. “Dad, I have something to say before you read tonight’s verses.”

  Dad put the Bible down and nodded. “Go ahead.”

  “First, I want to say thank you for never giving up on me. I know you’ve worried about me for a great many years, and I’m sorry that I put you in that position. I’ve listened to the things you’ve said, and I’ve taken them to heart. Today John Roselli helped me make myself right with God.”

  Granny’s eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Daniel, that’s wonderful!” She reached across the table to squeeze his hand.

  Dad wiped at his cheeks. “You’ve brought us great joy, son. But the even greater joy is God’s and all of those in heaven. You’ll see what I mean when I read our passage.”

  He picked up the Bible again. “‘What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.’”

  Granny took out her handkerchief and wiped her eyes, while Dad closed the Bible and looked to Daniel with great love in his expression.

  “Heaven is rejoicing with us tonight, for the lost has been found. Welcome home, son.”

  Madysen finished milking one of the sheep. She wasn’t very good at it yet. Thankfully their workers were better, because without milk there wouldn’t be cheese.

  She carried her buckets into the kitchen and sighed. Surely she’d get the hang of it in time.

  “Just the person I was looking for.” Daniel came into the room, a spring in his step. What was he so pleased about? “It’s snowing great huge flakes out there.”

  “That’s why you came looking for me?” Madysen grinned. “To tell me it’s snowing?”

  “No, actually, I came to tell you something of great importance.”

  There was something different about him today. He seemed—what? Younger? Lighter? She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, only that he was smiling with his whole being, and it made her smile right along with him.

  “I wanted to share it with you yesterday, but you were nowhere to be found.”

  “I’m sorry you couldn’t find me. Yesterday afternoon I gave Bethany a cello lesson.” She placed her buckets on the counter.

  “I am found.” His grin widened. “Like that little lamb in the manure pit, I’ve been pulled out and cleaned up.”

  “We aren’t supposed to mention that.” She chuckled. “Wait—say that again?”

  “I made my peace with God.”

  Her eyes widened. “You did? Oh, Daniel, that’s wonderful.” She ran to him and wrapped him in her arms. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “I’m happy for me too.” He returned the hug. “Nothing has ever felt so right.”

  She pulled back to look into his eyes. “What convinced you?”

  “You. John. Granny. Dad. God.” His expression grew serious, but he didn’t let go of his hold. “I was so blinded by my sorrow . . . by the certainty that God no longer cared. Now I can see that was Satan’s ploy to separate me from the only One who truly did care.”

  “I’m so glad you saw the truth of it.”

  “I went to talk to John yesterday, and he helped me to get things straight, but you, just living your faith, convinced me as well. Granny’s never-ending prayers for me and Dad’s Scripture readings and encouraging words about God . . . all of it worked together to show me the truth. I just want to say thanks for not turning away from me when I spoke so angrily against God. Thank you for caring enough to keep being my friend.”

  “I will always be your friend, Daniel.” She rested her hand against his chest. It felt right to be in his arms once again. Like she was home. And safe. Buddy gave her gifts, but Daniel gave her comfort.

  Their lips were only inches apart. Was he going to kiss her? She certainly wanted him to––

  Goodness! Where had that thought come from? This was about celebrating Daniel’s coming to God, not him kissing her.

  She eased away. “I’m so thankful for our friendship and all that you’ve taught me.” She smiled. “This is one of the best days of my life! I’ve never been a part of someone coming to God. It humbles me and thrills me all at the same time to know that God would use me like that.”

  “You’re an amazing woman, Maddy. I hope you know that.” He was looking at her the way John had looked at Havyn on their wedding day. Maddy’s heart began to pound so hard, she could hear it. “There’s something else I want you to know.”

  “Madysen!” Bethany’s call drifted to them. “Madysen!”

  Oh, how she didn’t want to answer. But she had to. “I’m in the cheese kitchen.”

  Bethany ran inside huffing and puffing. “Havyn said to tell you to come to breakfast. Oh, and Papa’s back.” Bethany gave Daniel a quick wave then turned and disappeared. The dear girl was probably anxious to see her father again.

  But Madysen wasn’t. She was far more anxious to know what Daniel wanted to tell her. What that tenderness in his face meant. Was it just gratitude that she’d helped lead him into a relationship with God?

  She wanted there to be more.

  She looked at Daniel again. “You were saying?”

  He smiled. “It will wait for another time.”

  TWENTY-TWO

  Madysen swallowed down her disappointment. “I guess we’d better go in for breakfast.”

  Daniel shook his head. “I should leave. I can come back later when—”

  “No.” Goodness, that was rude. What had gotten into her? “I mean, you’re already here. There’s no sense in taking the long trip back to town just to repeat it later today.”

  “Are you sure?” Daniel cocked his head to one side. “I’d think you’d want some time with just your family now that your dad is back.”

  “You’re practically family.” It was true. And it put another huge smile on Daniel’s face. Madysen squeezed her hands into fists to keep from reaching for him again. “You’re here almost every day, and you’ve helped with the sheep, and we really owe you so much and . . .” She was jabbering on like a magpie. “Just come on.”

  He saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.”

  She stuck her hands on her hips. “Are you calling me bossy?”

  “
I would never do such a dangerous thing.”

  She loved his tone of voice and the glint in his eye. She chuckled. “Smart man.”

  They walked out of the cheese kitchen. Dawn brushed the sky with pink light. The days were getting shorter and shorter. Fall was brief in Nome. Soon, the deep freeze of winter would set in. The sun would appear for mere hours. Madysen breathed in the crisp air, the faint scent of cinnamon announcing that Havyn had been baking this morning.

  John opened the door to the house and stepped onto the porch. “I need to talk to you for a moment.”

  “Which one of us?” Madysen climbed the steps.

  “Both.” John waited for Daniel to follow Madysen onto the porch before drawing them away from the front door. John rubbed his index finger under his nose. “Whitney is having a bad morning.”

  Oh no.

  Daniel looked between her and John. “I’ve noticed she hasn’t seemed like herself lately. Is she sick?”

  John raised his eyebrows and looked at Madysen, a question in his eyes. “I think we need to tell him. He’s practically family, don’t you think?”

  Madysen would have laughed at the repeat of her identical assertion a few minutes ago but couldn’t get past the worry to do so. Whitney had said she only wanted family knowing she’d been attacked. Madysen winced. If the mere thought of what happened to her sister made her heart hurt, how must Whitney feel?

  John raised his eyebrows a fraction higher, a silent repeat of his earlier question.

  Madysen nodded.

  He turned his attention to Daniel. “I told Whit that the men on the farm needed to know so we could protect her. She was hesitant, but she agreed.” John paused and his jaw clenched. “Please make sure that no one else hears of this, all right? Last week, Whitney was attacked by a man.”

  All the light went out of Daniel’s face. “Who?”

  Madysen almost shivered. She’d never heard that hoarse tone from Daniel before. Rage—pure and simple.

  John shook his head. “She’s asked us not to identify him. It was someone she knew and thought was safe.”

  “It’s made her leery of all men.” Madysen put her hand on Daniel’s forearm. His scowl eased a fraction. “She might lash out at you, or she might ignore you completely.”

  John lifted one shoulder. “Or she might be very pleasant, if a little cold.”

  “I get the idea.” Daniel covered Madysen’s hand with his. “Are the ladies safe here? Or do you think he might return?”

  Her heart warmed at both his question and his touch. God, what do these feelings mean? Should I stay here? My family needs me, and I’m beginning to think I want more than just friendship from Daniel. But what about Buddy? Hadn’t she accepted his gifts and courtship? How did she really feel about him? She felt heat creep up her neck. She focused her attention back on her brother-in-law, who had continued talking while she was praying.

  “. . . the other reason I wanted you to know.” John jutted his chin toward the cheese kitchen. “When you’re here, I need you to look out for anyone who doesn’t belong on the farm.”

  “Of course, I will.” The hard edge was back in Daniel’s voice. He’d once told her he’d done things when he was over in the Yukon that he regretted. For the first time since she’d known him, she saw a glimmer of the man he’d once been. But he’d changed, and he was a new creation in Christ.

  Why was it so easy to see Daniel as forgivable but not her dad? Or Garrett Sinclair? The easy answer was that Daniel had never hurt her or someone she loved. But she felt God nudging her to go deeper. If only life would slow down so she could catch her breath and think.

  “We should go inside.” John gestured for Madysen to precede him into the house.

  She took her hand off Daniel’s arm, regretting the loss of his warmth. She went straight to the kitchen to help Havyn and Whitney carry plates of eggs, sausage links, and cinnamon rolls to the dining room.

  Bethany and Eli were speaking one after the other, telling their dad about their adventures on the farm. Granddad looked happier than Madysen had seen him since before his stroke. But she noticed Ruth’s face was pale, the chords in her neck visible over the high collar of her gray dress.

  After Madysen set down the plate of cinnamon rolls, she took her place between Whitney and Ruth at the table.

  John waited for Havyn to sit next to him before taking her hand and saying grace.

  Amens echoed around the room, then food flowed as freely as conversation.

  It came to an abrupt halt when Granddad lifted his left hand. “Do you . . . have . . . news?”

  Ruth went stiff.

  Madysen put down her fork and took Ruth’s cold hand. The poor woman. If Dad had found her husband, he should have told her by now.

  “Not really. I thought I had a lead. I talked to a man who actually knew Stan. Said he’d been working the area next to his mine, but he hadn’t seen him in about six months.”

  “Did he have any idea of where he might have gone?” John placed his elbows on the table.

  “No. Looks like he helped out at various mines. Doesn’t have his own claim. I checked that first thing.” He looked to Ruth. “I just wish I had better news.” Dad wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I’ve searched up and down the beach, asking anyone if they’ve seen him. I even talked to that Reynolds guy at the freighting office to see if maybe Stan had taken a job with him. He hadn’t, but Reynolds gave me the idea to check the outgoing passenger lists to see if Stan had headed home and we missed each other. He hadn’t. So I’m at a loss of where to look next.”

  Ruth sniffed. “He’s got to be here. Where else could he be? What if something has happened to him?” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I appreciate you looking for him. I’m determined to remain hopeful.”

  Madysen couldn’t imagine what it must be like to face the unknown like that.

  “He can’t care much about you if he hasn’t been in touch for all this time.” Whitney’s words were soft and ruthless.

  Ruth broke into great sobs, got up from the table, and ran toward the door.

  “Whitney! Where’s your compassion?” Dad’s yell made Madysen jump.

  Eli and Bethany didn’t move.

  Whit took a sip of water. “If I’m lacking compassion, I learned it from you.” She plopped her napkin over her untouched plate of food, stood, and walked slowly down the hall.

  Silence engulfed the table for several moments. Madysen looked around the table and stood. “I’m sorry for Whitney’s comment, but she’s suffered a lot the past few days. I’m sure she didn’t mean it.” She turned to her dad. “You had no right to scold her like that. You have no idea what she’s been through. And the upheaval that all of this has wrought on the family. If you’ll please excuse me.”

  As she walked away, she heard Havyn explaining that their elder sister had been injured. Madysen wanted to defend Whitney, but the truth of the matter wasn’t pretty. How would their younger siblings feel if they knew Whit had been attacked?

  Attacked. The very word made Madysen cringe. That was something those kids didn’t need to hear.

  She went to Whitney’s door and tapped. “Whit, it’s me.”

  Nothing.

  She tried the knob and it turned. Entering as quietly as she could, she looked at her sister and then closed the door.

  Whit’s face was drenched in tears. “I’m so ashamed. I should have never said anything like that to Ruth. I don’t even know what came over me for such awful words to come out of my mouth. Ruth has been nothing but kind to me. I actually like her.”

  Madysen moved to her sister’s side. Whit was someone who needed to talk things out, so Madysen would give her space and be content to listen.

  But Whit didn’t move a muscle or say a word.

  Madysen moved closer and put an arm around her sister’s shoulders.

  Whit stiffened. “I’m so full of anger. I can’t believe the way that man put his hands on me. I feel used and dirty and
hurt. Why didn’t I see it?” Strong, stoic Whitney collapsed onto Madysen’s shoulder. Deep sobs shook her. “If the dogs hadn’t been with us, I don’t know what I would’ve done. All I want is love and acceptance, but now I’m going to think that every man I meet intends to take advantage of me.”

  Madysen struggled to keep her composure. She needed to stay strong. How many times had her older sister sheltered her, comforted her, and held her up when she was hurting? Too many. It was time to return the favor. But how? All she wanted to do was curl up and cry right along with Whit.

  She wrapped her other arm around her sister and let her cry. Lord, give me the words to say, because I don’t have any.

  Whit sat up straight and sniffed. “I hate men.” She reached for a hankie. Her face hardened and was streaked with tears.

  “But all men aren’t like that, Whit. Just look at John.” Madysen put her hands on both sides of Whit’s face. “Just because one man did this doesn’t mean that they are all bad and deserve your hate.” She pushed some of Whitney’s curls off her face. “What about Daniel? And Mr. Norris and the old guard at the Roadhouse? If they knew what Sinclair did, I shudder to think what they would do to him.”

  A few more tears escaped Whit’s eyes. “Then I wish they knew. I just want him to suffer like he’s made me suffer.”

  “Whit, you don’t mean that. You’ve never wished harm on another person like that.”

  Whitney leaned back on her bed and put her hand over her eyes. “The sad thing is . . . I do mean it.”

  Madysen studied her sister. How could one man inflict so much pain and instill such fear and hatred in Whit? “There are good men who love you and who would protect you with their lives. I’m sure there are even some good ones who would protect you even though they don’t know you. Not all men are given over to such vile actions.”

  “I used to believe that, but teaching my heart to accept that now seems impossible.”

  There were no words that could mend the wound. Madysen took Whit’s hand. “Why don’t we ask everyone to go outside and do chores, and you and I can play one of Mama’s favorite pieces together?” It had always helped in the past.