The pain in his eyes hurt to look at, and I almost told him what he wanted to hear.
"I want you in my life too, but I don't know how to do that. When I'm hurting, I go to you or Sam, but this time you were the one that hurt me." I said with tears in my eyes.
Nikko squeezed my hand.
"I hate that I'm the one that hurt you more than anything else. If it was some other guy, I would kick his ass, but I can't kick my own ass." He said, angry at himself.
I laughed at what he said, and he looked at me like I was cruel.
I held up my hands, “The mental image of you trying to kick your own ass is hilarious. You have to admit.”
He realized what he said and smiled, allowing himself a small laugh too.
"Thank you," He said, looking serious again.
“For what?” I didn’t know.
“For talking to me. You didn’t have to.” He said.
"I know," I said, and I almost leaned into him.
His vulnerability was playing my heartstrings, but I held myself back. I had decided to move on, and I couldn't let myself fall back into what was comfortable, ignoring the issues.
“I should go. I’m sure your Guardian is foaming at the mouth right now.” He said and stood to leave.
I stopped him and hugged him. I couldn’t help myself. I loved this man regardless of the hurt he caused me. I couldn’t stand to see him in this much pain and not do something about it.
He squeezed me tight, and I thought I heard him crying. In fact, I knew he was crying by the wetness I felt on my shoulder. I relaxed into him and took a deep breath of the man I loved so much it hurt. My love had changed, though. This was no longer the man I could trust without hesitation. I had to be on guard with him, and not leading him on would be important.
"I need you to understand something, Nikko," I said and pulled out of his embrace. "We are not in a relationship anymore, which means you can't just show up like this again. I need you to ask permission to see me next time. Can you do that?" I asked.
He looked down but nodded his head.
“Say it,” I said softly.
He looked into my eyes, "I understand and will ask permission to see you next time. I'm sorry…" he turned to go, but I stopped him.
"Hey, it's okay," I said, then let go.
He nodded, but I could tell he was still crying. My heart broke again, watching him walk away. He was my best friend, and it hurt to let myself feel his loss, but it was necessary. I couldn't let him past my guard anymore.
"You are too kind to him," Marek said, stepping out from the shadows.
I didn't think he would let me be so close to Nikko without being there to supervise. I knew Nikko still had Guardians, too, which meant that Marek would be aware of his movements. I had felt him there but hadn’t acknowledged him.
"He's already hurting I don't need to add to it by being cruel. I don't have it in me." I said, looking back at Marek.
He was in his usual black leather jacket and dark jeans. The darkness of the night softened the edges of his face and made him look more handsome.
“You ignore your own safety for his feelings.” He sneered.
"No, for mine," I said and turned away from him.
Before I knew what was happening, he had dragged me inside then he grabbed my arms. The look on his face was intense.
"Do not gamble with your life. You have been training and have improved, but you are not yet ready to handle a werewolf on your own." He was shaking, and his fingers were bruising my arms.
“You’re hurting me,” I whispered.
He winced and dropped his hands but didn't back up. The bond between us came to life, and I gasped at the feeling. It was intimate, and as he brushed against my mind, it ignited my desire to be closer to him. I stepped into him and lifted my hands up to his chest. When I touched him, I felt every part of him.
The link between us was stronger than it ever had been. I grabbed onto it out of instinct, and Marek growled, but it was a sound of pleasure. It was almost a purr, and I loved how it felt so much I pulled harder on the bond. In an instant, Marek's lips pressed against my neck, and his tongue found my pulse.
As the vein jumped against his tongue, I could feel his desire to bite me, and I wanted him to do it. I wanted him to sink his teeth into me and pull my blood into his body making. I pressed my hand on the back of his head and pulled him closer. His teeth scratched my skin.
"I cannot resist your commands much longer, Ember. If you do not stop, I will bite you." Marek warned me.
The words made sense, but I couldn't stop pulling him closer, trying to push his fangs into my skin. I needed him to bite me more than I needed air to breathe.
“Bite,” I demanded and pulled as hard as I could on the bond.
His teeth sunk into my flesh a moment later, and I moaned in pleasure. Every pull of my blood into his body had an answering tug between my legs. He drank greedily and the pleasure built with every swallow. I could feel our bond growing and take over. The feeling was so intense it was all I could think about. I didn't want this feeling to end.
I felt Marek pull away, and he locked eyes with me. He was breathing hard, and his eyes were dilated. He cradled my face in his hands. He was shaking.
“Milaya moya, a mating bond cannot be unmade. Do not push me to do something you do not want.” He said.
I could feel the desire coming from him and his hesitance because he wasn’t sure I knew what I was doing. My brain wasn’t so clouded that I didn’t understand it, but I also didn’t care.
"I want it," I said.
“Your desire is clear, but you will be walking away from everything in your human life. Can you live with that decision? Could your friends, your family?” He asked.
My head cleared enough to think straight, and I wondered if I really wanted the bond or if I just wanted the feeling. Maybe it was the same thing…
"Do you want it?" I asked, knowing the answer but needing to hear it.
His eyes burned with the intensity of his emotions. He wanted it more than anything.
“You know I do.” He said through clenched teeth.
What he didn't say was that he didn't want it right now. He didn't think I was ready to commit my life to him, and that was the reality of the situation. I would have to leave everything behind to be his. I fought the pleasure of the bond long enough to decide.
"I don't want to force it just because it feels so good. I'm probably not ready for the consequences." I said, letting go of the bond.
Marek visibly relaxed then pulled me into his arms. He was glad I hadn't forced him, but he longed for the day it would happen. It wasn't just my power that Marek wanted. He wanted me.
"You knew I may not be able to stop, but you did it anyway." He said, stroking my back.
“I did,” I said.
"Why?" He asked, pulling back so he could look at me.
“You know why,” I said.
"No, I can feel what you are feeling, but it does not explain it." He said.
I thought about it for a moment before responding.
"When we connect, it isn't like anything I've ever felt. It is more intimate than sex, and I want it more each time I feel it. You've been blocking me, and I hate how that feels more than anything. I needed to feel you.” I admitted.
“And the blood exchange?” He asked, going still as if afraid of what I might say.
My body throbbed, remembering the feeling I got when he took my blood, and when I took his. It was near orgasmic just thinking about it.
"I don't want to like it, but I do," I admitted.
"There is nothing to be ashamed of, Ember. You are drinking pure power when you take my blood, and you are feeling my pleasure when I take yours." He said.
“Why do I think I hear a but coming?” I said.
“We can exchange blood anytime you want, I give my blood to you freely, but you cannot wrap the bond around us, or it will become something more. I have said it before
, but I will remind you again that you do not want to tie yourself to me permanently without thinking it through. If we were mated, you would be mine, and no one else could have you." He said.
“I think it will happen,” I said.
He thought for a moment, then asked, “Is that the vision you had?”
“That must be what it was. There isn’t another explanation for it.” I admitted.
"How did you feel in your vision?" He asked, hesitantly.
“Happier than I have ever been in my life,” I admitted.
He smiled and pulled out his pocketknife. He put it to his neck and made a small incision. His blood bubbled up into a small dome.
"Drink," He said, pulling me into him.
I latched on like an addict and downed the magical concoction that spoke to my soul. I could feel the bond snapping with energy, and I longed to grab it and pull it tighter to me.
"Resist it," Marek said, knowing what I wanted to do.
I didn't grab the bond. Instead, I sucked harder on his neck, making more of his blood flow into my mouth. His body became rigid, and I could feel his pleasure.
“You are mine with or without a bond.” He said into my mind.
The bond surged with energy having been fed with our blood. It felt extraordinary, and for the first time, I could see tendrils of the dark vampire energy mixing into my power. It both excited me and terrified me.
The wound on his neck started to close, and I forced myself to pull away. I felt a drop of blood on my lower lip and ran my tongue over it, not wanting to waste it. Marek stared at my tongue as it moved across my mouth, and I knew he wanted to kiss me.
I leaned into him and that was all the invitation he needed. He pressed his lips against mine, and the familiar velvety feel of them had me kissing him back with twice the intensity. He responded in kind with a thrust of his tongue into my mouth. He crushed me into his chest, and I was lost in the pleasure of him.
I dragged my tongue against one of his fangs, drawing blood, and he gasped in pleasure as he sucked it down. He returned the favor, and I sucked his blood down, feeling the ecstasy of his kiss combined with his blood. I wanted more than just his tongue inside me, and that's when I realized that I really did want him, not only the blood.
Nikko had my brain tied up in knots, but when I was with Marek, it all dropped away. It wasn’t just Marek’s power or the pleasure of his blood. He was the strongest person I had ever known, and I was drawn to that strength.
I could feel the bulge in his pants pressing into my stomach, and I wanted to climb his body so that it pushed into just the right spot between my legs. I wondered if all of him would feel like velvet. I was already melting from his kiss and wanted to know what sex would be like with him.
He pulled back, and I gasped for breath feeling lightheaded.
Marek traced my jaw with a finger and whispered, “I can read your every desire then match it without you ever saying a word.”
"And what is it that I desire?" I asked, looking into his blue eyes.
“You wish to drown the pain by taking me to your bed.” He said softly.
The words stung and tears filled my eyes.
"You're an asshole," I snarled.
"Your emotions are still raw from Nikko. Now is not the time to jump into another's bed," he said, then leaned in and kissed me.
It was a softer, much gentler kiss. It promised love and caring, not just sex and lust. That kiss was everything I desired and more.
“Tell me this isn’t a lesson,” I said, hoping this wasn’t one of his torture Ember sessions.
“It is not a lesson,” He assured me.
"You are the perfect man," I said, leaning my head against his chest.
“I am not a man,” He reminded me.
I smiled, but a tear trailed down my cheek. I had to get my love life in order. Marek was right, I couldn't use him to drown the hurt. Throwing myself at every attractive male in my sight was reckless. I had to get my head straight and worry more about my sister and less about my love life.
He kissed the tears away and wiped the wetness from my face.
“When you are ready,” He said.
I nodded.
He went out the patio door and disappeared. He didn’t go far; I could still feel him outside. He was waiting for James to get back before he left.
"Shit," I said under my breath.
I’m going to have to tell James.
Chapter Twelve
The delicious aroma of coffee filled my lungs as I watched a barista prepare drinks. It is a smell that speaks to me all day long, not just in the mornings. James stood next to me as I ordered a vanilla latte for me and a mocha for him. He came into the office with me this morning to finish up some of our research and accompany me while I reviewed a project Bob Manetti requested me to review.
Bob called last night to make me an offer to return to work. Instead of coming back to full-time, I compromised and agreed to do piece work for him. It was a perfect arrangement that let me choose which projects I committed to and which ones to pass up. I would retain an office at the firm but also have access to work remotely. It would keep my bank account from going empty and still let me prioritize finding Natalie.
Since I was still under Guardian protection and because Marek made it clear not to go anywhere without James, James and I came in together. People in the office were starting the think he was my assistant, which made me giggle. Needless to say, it didn't make him happy at all.
James selected a table near the counter and sat while I stood near the pick-up area, waiting for our coffee. I was feeling impatient this morning. I wouldn't be able to sit for long. Something was bothering me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was an allusive flutter pinging around in my brain. I expected a vision, but one hadn't come.
I also wasn't in a hurry to sit down with James to chat. Up to this point, I had avoided telling James about what happened with Marek, and I was hoping to prolong it even further. I was starting to agree with Marek about how I was using him and James to avoid my feelings.
While I waited, I pulled up the summary that Bob emailed me of the project on my phone. As I scrolled through, a man walked over and stood next to me. I looked up and met the sparkling green eyes of a middle-aged man. He had dark hair with a slight grey at the temples. He smiled when our eyes met, and I smiled back.
“Hi, do you work in this building?” the man asked.
I looked up to see he was speaking to me, and I replied, "Yes, I work at the law firm on the 5th floor. You?”
“I have business here and thought I’d grab some coffee.” He said vaguely.
I gave him a polite smile then looked away, but he kept talking to me.
"Is that your boyfriend?" He asked, pointing toward James.
"Uh, no, not really," I answered.
I fidgeted, hoping James was paying attention in case this guy was a creeper. I looked over at James, but he wasn't looking at us.
“Does not really mean you are single?” He asked and smiled.
He had a charming smile. I thought he might be flirting with me, so I matched his smile.
"Um, I guess so. Why do you ask?" I said.
“I’m just curious.” He said.
He smiled again, and it felt forced this time.
"Who are you meeting?" I asked, curious if he was a client of the firm or if he was going to one of the other businesses.
"Right now, I'm meeting you. I'm Asher, by the way. What's your name?" He asked, reaching his hand out to me.
I froze. What were the chances this was the guy Marek had mentioned? Asher looked at me, expectantly.
“Sorry, I’m Ember. Nice to meet you.” I said and reached out to shake his hand.
That was a mistake. When I touched Asher, I felt a rush of power move up my arm and into my chest. It made my lungs feel like hardened steel. It quickly became hard to breathe. I tried to push back but only succeeded in delaying the process for a moment.
> "You're Guardian isn't very good, is he?" Asher whispered, smiling an evil grin.
Not only was he holding me immobile somehow, but he was also crushing my hand in his. I tried not to buckle under the weight of the spell he had on me, but it was taking all my effort.
“Release me,” I bit through clenched teeth.
“But we’ve only just met, and you have something my client needs.” He said and pushed more power into me.
He pushed me into a chair. Then my body froze in place as his power flowed over me. It was like being turned to stone. I couldn't turn my head to see where James was or if anyone was looking at us.
"Don't worry, Ember, my employer doesn't want you dead, or you wouldn't be breathing. Now tell me, what makes you so special?" Asher said, pulling my hand into his.
If someone saw us, they would probably assume he was my boyfriend holding my hand while talking. Of course, if they looked hard enough, they would see the terror in my eyes.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I bit out defiantly.
“Oh, come now, you have a full Elite Guardian team trailing you plus this guy.” He motioned toward where James was sitting. Not that I could see him.
“The Council doesn't waste resources on powerless creatures. I can feel the vast amount of power you have, so be a good girl and tell me exactly what you can do." He insisted.
I held my tongue, not giving him anything. That only pissed him off.
“Don’t make me hurt you,” Asher said. “I might enjoy it.”
The look on his face made it clear that he could back up the threat, but I didn't think it would be wise to give him what he wanted, either. I decided to hedge a bit and see how far I could push it.
“I can do something,” I offered.
"Well, that is a start," Asher said distractedly. "Now, don't go anywhere, my dear. I have to take care of your Guardian. He is trying to interrupt."
He let go of my hand, and I instantly felt relief but still couldn't move. I heard a scuffle behind me, but I couldn't see a thing. From what I could tell, no one in the cafe had any idea what was going on either. Asher must have been able to make people not see things. I thought that was unique to vampires, but apparently not.
Ember's Shadow - Into the Darkness (an Ember Summers novel Book 2) Page 11