by Ella Hickson
NIBS. Really big and strong babies, yeah!
MICHAEL drops to his knees.
JOHN. Michael, you have to fight!
MICHAEL (puts his hands over his ears and closes his eyes). Hydrogen, helium, lithium beryllium boron.
The PIRATES laugh.
JOHN. Stay back!
JONES. Or what?
NIBS. We’re not afraid of you.
MURT. You sure? Rah!
SLIGHTLY, in response, punches MURT square in the face and he goes down. No one is more surprised than SLIGHTLY.
SLIGHTLY. Gosh I’m terribly sorry I /
SWAIN. / Attack!
TOOTLES the bravest attacks first.
TOOTLES. I AM BRAVE!
The LOST BOYS and the PIRATES clash. It’s a fair match – what the LOST BOYS lack in sword skills they have in speed. JOHN throws MICHAEL his sword and they all get involved. The BOYS have the upper hand for some time – until – the PIRATES overpower them. The PIRATES pack up the BOYS – bind them tight, sling them over their shoulders, and march off, whistling and cackling as they go.
ACT FOUR
Scene One
The Jolly Roger draws into the lagoon. HOOK stands mournfully at the prow.
HOOK. The sun is setting – the evening of my life draws in, how cold it grows, Smee – how cold.
SMEE. Oh no, now I think that’s just popped behind a tree, that’ll be out and blazing again in no time.
HOOK. My hair is starting to grey /
SMEE. / Captain – it’s distinguished.
HOOK. I am the husk of what was once the promising corn of youth! If Peter is dead what else is there?
SMEE. We should be celebrating! We should be singing from the rooftops. It’s no time for a pity party – it’s time for a Piña Colada!
HOOK. I should have put my sword through him – why didn’t I kill him when I had the chance, Smee – why didn’t I?
SMEE. But he will have taken the poison and died a horrible death anyway.
HOOK. But it wasn’t by my sword!
SMEE. But he’s still dead.
HOOK. It’s not the same.
SMEE. Listen – listen to me, you’ve won – this is what we’ve always wanted – Neverland is all ours – just think about it, we can get a little cottage – just the two of us. I’d got some swatches, you see – waffle for the carpets and elephant’s breath for the walls – and how about a cosy little open fire and /
HOOK. / What’s that noise? Can you hear it? It’s wailing? Crying like /
SMEE. / It’s the Lost Boys – the dogs have got the Lost Boys!
The PIRATES bring the LOST BOYS onto the ship.
HOOK. Bring them aboard! Bring them aboard!
SMEE. We’ve got ’em all, Captain! We’ve got ’em all!
HOOK grabs MARTIN.
HOOK. Martin.
MARTIN. I was never a pirate! I knew it.
HOOK. Traitor. I’m gonna skin you.
HOOK grabs JOHN.
Is he dead – tell me if your Captain is dead.
JOHN. Good God you’re ugly up close.
HOOK. Have you seen his body?
TOOTLES. Not telling you anything.
HOOK. Spit it out or Davey Jones’s locker has got your name on it!
NIBS. Surely it’s got Davey Jones’s name on it?
HOOK. Lower the plank! Lower the plank! We’ll scare it out of you.
PETER enters – swooping in from the auditorium, carried by SHADOWS.
PETER. Woohoo! I’m pretty sure I’m still alive!
HOOK. Old friend! Get him – get him on board – I want to fight him!
PETER swoops and crows around the boat. The PIRATES try and shoot him out of the sky.
Don’t shoot him – I want him alive.
HOOK grabs TOOTLES by the scruff of the neck and holds his hook to his throat.
Come and fight, Peter, or the boys get it. Or are you going to let them die just like you left Wendy to die?
TOOTLES. What?
MICHAEL. You left Wendy to die?
JOHN. My sister?
PETER. No – no – I /
HOOK. / Your brave Captain –
SMEE. I had a knife to her throat and he ignored it – completely.
HOOK. He just stood and watched.
MICHAEL. Where is she? Is she – she can’t be?
JOHN. Coward!
TOOTLES. Peter?
HOOK. She’s somewhere at the bottom of the ocean, I’d imagine – if the crocodile didn’t eat her entirely.
PETER. Liar!
PETER lunges at HOOK. HOOK tries to throw JOHN overboard but JOHN scrabbles back on board and tries to hold SMEE off with a pathetically useless object. PETER scampers up onto the top deck, dodging PIRATES as he goes.
(As he reaches the deck.) Too slow!
HOOK. Look, there’s Wendy!
PETER turns to see if it’s her and misses a beat. SMEE clobbers him over the head from behind. HOOK laughs. PETER, dazed and confused, staggers. The PIRATES heft PETER up to the crow’s nest and tie him up.
SMEE. Go on. Get up there! Tie him up.
HOOK. I’m going to make you watch as each one of your precious little boys plummets to their death – and then I’m going to feed you, piece by piece to the /
JONES. / Um – C-Captain – there um –
HOOK. Shut up, Jones, I’m having my moment. Piece by piece to the croc /
MURT. / Captain!
HOOK. I said – be quiet, Murt, I’m having my moment!
SMEE. Captain!
From the sky is the tremendous trio – WENDY, flanked by TINK and TIGER LILY, in full battle gear.
TIGER LILY. Booooooooooom tang!
TINK. ’Ello, boys!
WENDY swings in and lets out a death-defying ROAR – it’s unimaginable such a big sound has come from such a little person. The girls land, whoop and charge. WENDY quickly fends off two pirates – swoosh, swoosh – with the sword.
WENDY. Raaaaah! John, catch!
WENDY throws JOHN a dagger.
PETER. Wendy! Untie me!
WENDY. Just relax, Peter. Unwind.
PETER. Tink – help me!
HOOK. Shoot that fairy!
WENDY. Don’t you dare shoot my friend, it’s bad manners!
MARTIN. Arrrgh!
The ship breaks out into a brawling mob of PIRATES and LOST BOYS. WENDY, a brilliant swordswoman, clashes valiantly with SMEE. TIGER LILY takes HOOK and keeps him on the back foot. TINK oversees from the air. In amongst the clatter of swords and thunk of punches, NIBS, SLIGHTLY and CURLY are hustled into the cabin by PIRATES. Meanwhile, TIGER LILY and MARTIN hold HOOK, SMEE and the PIRATES away from WENDY, whilst WENDY gathers MICHAEL and JOHN at one end of the boat for a conspiratorial team meeting.
WENDY. Got it, Michael?
MICHAEL. Yes. Wendy, I am so glad of you.
WENDY. Tink will guide you. Tink?
TINK’s light appears and MICHAEL jumps into the water. He swims off with TINK leading the way.
Swim, Michael, swim! Tootles?
TOOTLES. Roger that, Captain.
TOOTLES takes a piece of netting and sets off up the ladder toward the crow’s nest. TIGER LILY turns, handing HOOK over to WENDY.
WENDY. Martin – keep those pirates busy, I’ve got to deal with an old friend.
HOOK. Did you say old?
WENDY. You want the truth?
MARTIN. You can’t handle the truth!
MARTIN launches himself in a pack of PIRATES and fights with new fury. WENDY fights HOOK – it’s fast and savage. JOHN and TIGER LILY join forces and help MARTIN. Suddenly, in the midst of the fight, TIGER LILY and JOHN go to hug in celebration of a little victory but stop, suddenly bashful.
JOHN. Oh hi.
TIGER LILY. Hey.
Love happens.
TINK flies in.
HOOK. SHOOT THAT FAIRY!
All the PIRATES grab their guns and shoot just as TINK launches back up into the sky. A cannonb
all is fired. It zooms across the audience, bouncing once, twice – and finally zooming up into the rig where it explodes, blacking out the theatre. When the lights come back on, TINK is up high – holding the cannonball.
TINK. I got it!
Cheers.
WENDY. Michael, now!
Fighting continues on the ship as MICHAEL swings in from the galleries – followed by a cloud of fireflies. He’s directing them as he goes. The PIRATES are dazzled.
JOHN. He’s flying.
MICHAEL. I found my happy thought! I found my happy thought!
JONES. It’s every bloody firefly on the island!
MICHAEL. Photinus – go left! Luciola – right!
DOC SWAIN. I’m blind! I’m blind!
MICHAEL. Phausis reticulata – hold your position!
HOOK. Shoot them out of the sky, God damn it – shoot them!
WENDY. Tootles – now!
TOOTLES, up in the crow’s nest, releases the sail and it comes billowing down over the PIRATES. The LOST BOYS wrestle the sail around the PIRATES. MARTIN, TIGER LILY and JOHN cover the PIRATES with the net and push them off the boat. They celebrate. HOOK breaks free and aims his gun at WENDY. TIGER LILY sees it.
TIGER LILY. Wendy? No!
HOOK shoots at WENDY– TIGER LILY leaps in the way and takes the bullet.
WENDY. Tiger Lily!
TIGER LILY staggers – the wound is fatal.
JOHN. No.
TIGER LILY. I am off to see my family. Thank you for being my – (Smiles at her.) fwend.
TIGER LILY dies. Those on board stop and stare. WENDY, in a fit of passion, tries to grab HOOK’s gun from him but fails.
WENDY. No! No – you’re a bad person!
HOOK. Now, now, Wendy, you’re being irrational.
SMEE appears from the cabin holding another two guns. HOOK holds his gun at WENDY and SMEE holds his at the BOYS – suddenly the pair owns the deck and have everyone held at gunpoint.
Why don’t we all just calm down?
JOHN. Wendy?
WENDY. Do what they say or they’ll shoot. I won’t lose anyone else.
MICHAEL. Wendy?
WENDY. Be brave, Michael.
SMEE (closes on the BOYS). Into the hold, all of you.
SMEE opens the hold doors and out come NIBS, CURLY and SLIGHTLY. There is the promise of rescue for a second before the BOYS see SMEE’s gun, scream and head back into the hold.
JOHN. Some rescue party.
SMEE. Into the hold!
JOHN, MICHAEL and MARTIN are cowed into the hold by SMEE, who shoots a single shot into the air. The BOYS hurry in.
Get into the hold, you moaner.
TOOTLES unties PETER. PETER jumps down onto deck.
PETER. Thought I’d drop in and say hi.
HOOK. So kind of you – but I’m afraid you’re a little late.
SMEE has grabbed WENDY and is holding her out over the water.
SMEE. Stand down – now – or she goes in the drink.
WENDY. Peter.
PETER stands torn between the two.
HOOK. Oh, Peter – fight Hook or save Wendy? I seem to remember this doesn’t go very well for you does it, Wendy Darling?
WENDY. Peter – the crocodile is right there!
HOOK. Imagine your future, Peter. Imagine what she’d make of you; every day the same suit, the same office – so tired, so serious. All that responsibility. Never having any fun – always doing things you don’t want to do – king of no one, prince of nothing.
PETER. But I don’t want – I don’t want /
HOOK. / Of course you don’t.
WENDY. Save me, Peter!
HOOK. You’ll be a grown-up.
WENDY. Peter! Please?
PETER leaps for WENDY.
PETER. Wendy!
HOOK. No! No!
SMEE pushes WENDY overboard. PETER dashes forward and grabs WENDY in the nick of time – it’s heroic. He hauls her back onto to deck and lifts her up to safety. PETER turns, WENDY in one arm, and fights SMEE off.
WENDY. Thank you.
PETER. Any time.
HOOK. Raaaaah!
PETER turns on HOOK and SMEE. PETER lunges at HOOK but SMEE sacrifices himself and leaps in the way of PETER’s blade. SMEE starts to fly up – up – into the sky.
PETER. He’s flying?
WENDY. Sacrificing himself for Hook is his happy thought.
SMEE. See you in the cottage, Captain – I’ll stoke the fire and put the kettle on!
HOOK. Oh, Smee – I never knew.
HOOK draws his sword. PETER turns on HOOK – the old rivals go head to head. HOOK jabs at PETER and nearly gets him. PETER stumbles backwards. PETER goes for HOOK and knocks his sword out of his hand. HOOK goes forward to pick up his sword but stays bent a little too long.
PETER. You’re tired? You can’t be tired, you’re Captain Hook.
HOOK. I’m getting old, Peter.
PETER. No.
PETER can hardly stand it. PETER picks up HOOK’s sword and throws it to him. HOOK goes for PETER and misses. PETER drives HOOK right to the end of the plank. The CROCODILE appears, large and unctuous – with its ‘tick-tock, tick-tock’ getting ever louder. PETER and HOOK teeter nervously on the plank.
Pirate-killer, prince of the seas, demon of the skies!
PETER crows loudly – he is youth, he is brilliance. He swipes at HOOK one last time – the blade goes right through his middle. The LOST BOYS cheer. HOOK grabs PETER’s hand before he retracts his sword and holds him – eye to eye – as he teeters on the end of the plank.
HOOK. Tick-tock, Peter – tick-tock.
HOOK falls back into the open jaws of the CROCODILE – they exit. PETER stands and watches him go. The BOYS celebrate. TINK lands back on The Jolly Roger. WENDY looks a little sadly at PETER.
NIBS. We’ve got The Jolly Roger!
SLIGHTLY. We’ve got Neverland!
TOOTLES. A ship? A whole blinking pirate ship!
CURLY. And grog! We’ve got grog! Loads of grog! All to ourselves!
MARTIN. And booty.
TINK (smiling wryly at MARTIN). Oi, you! Hook’s dead, looks like we got a party.
The LOST BOYS and TINK all ‘AAAAARRRGGGGGHHH’ together.
MICHAEL and JOHN have found their way to the poop deck. JOHN looks, musing, out to sea.
MICHAEL. Do you know I never thought I had it in me to be a pirate-killer. I thought you would just do all the running and fighting and I would just watch. It’s funny, isn’t it? Imagining you might be quite different to what you always thought.
JOHN. Hm.
MICHAEL. Are you all right?
JOHN. Well… strangest thing, just whilst we were fighting there – I – I ended up allying with that Tiger Lily for a little moment and – I had this sort of – vision – of her ironing my handkerchiefs and listening to me tell her some very interesting things. And I can’t tell you how pleasant it was. And then – she’s – gone. Terribly confusing; think I need a jolly good ball game to sort me out.
WENDY approaches PETER.
PETER. Hello, Mother, how are you? Have you had a very hard day? They boys all seem well even after such an eventful time, they will sleep well tonight, won’t they? We should sit by the fire and talk of our day – I shall read to the boys as all good fathers do.
WENDY looks at PETER a little quizzically a moment.
WENDY. Is that what you really want to do, Peter?
PETER. I – I don’t know.
WENDY. I want to find Tom.
PETER. Follow me.
WENDY. Where are we going?
PETER. To the stars.
PETER guides WENDY round to the plank and, as he does so, a cloud lowers from the sky.
Close your eyes, biscuit face.
PETER takes WENDY’s hand for the first time. WENDY opens her eyes. They both step onto the cloud, which lifts up, up into the sky. PETER wickedly stands up – the cloud starts to rock. WENDY, terrified, grabs onto the cloud.
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WENDY. No, Peter – look, it’s not funny – I haven’t got any fairy dust – I can’t fly without it – (Suddenly stops panicking and looks up and the sky around her, captivated.) Oh, look – it’s – amazing.
They look at each other a moment. PETER points to the button around WENDY’s neck.
PETER. You’ve still got my kiss.
WENDY. I’ve kept it, all the time, ever since you gave it to me. Have you kept mine?
PETER. Oh… um, no I – I – (Checks his pockets.) No I don’t think I have. I must have /
WENDY. / Forgotten it.
PETER. Yes – somewhere. I suppose.
WENDY. You just forget everything – just like that and it isn’t fair because I remember everything – every last detail – all the time and /
PETER. / Well don’t.
WENDY. What?
PETER. You should try not to because remembering is mean.
WENDY. No it’s not. It’s forgetting all the time that’s horrid.
PETER. Remembering is old and heavy and it feels all ugh inside.
WENDY. Forgetting is cold and heartless and awful and /
PETER. / I do know. A bit. I was lost once.
WENDY. You had a family? A mother – a /
PETER. / Yes. I went back to see my mother – I flew right up to her window so I might look at her for a little while, just to see, just, well – I was remembering and I missed her. And there she was – and my old bedroom, my cot – and it was so lovely to see her face but –
WENDY (gently). But?
PETER. There was a new boy, a new baby in my cot where I had been and there was Mother and Father laughing and playing and dancing with big smiles on their faces.
WENDY. Peter, that’s awful.
PETER. No, Wendy – don’t you see? It’s wonderful. It’s the best thing ever. They were so happy.
WENDY. But that must have hurt so much.
PETER. Look at the stars. What are they made of?
WENDY. Um, Michael knows, it’s dust and fire or something.
PETER. No – look. Really look at them.
WENDY squints and looks at them.
WENDY. That’s strange – it’s like they’re shimmering – like they’re made of – water? Pools of water?
PETER. When a boy gets lost, I come and collect him.
WENDY. You took Tom? You were in our bedroom – you /
PETER. / And I take him up into the night sky and he becomes the newest smallest star. Look – like that one, just there.