by Reis Asher
"Did you have a nightmare again?" Conrad asked.
"You knew I was having nightmares?"
"You cry out sometimes in your sleep. I want to help you, but I don't know how. I never know if I'm pushing too hard, or not enough, or if I'm taking advantage of you…" Conrad shook his head. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so I try to give you space, and then I find out that you think I don't want you…"
"You shouldn't want me. I'm bad for you. I've ruined the peace you had in your life."
"Peace? Ave, I haven't had a moment's peace since Abby died, unless I'm doing coke or getting drunk. It's the only time my thoughts leave me alone. My job makes me see the worst of people on a daily basis—broken love affairs, violent stalkers. Then I look in the mirror and see myself—a slaver, now, and I realize I'm no better than any of them. No, I'm worse than them."
"I don't see a wicked man when I look at you. I see a man who saved me from certain death. A man who gave up financial security to fund my treatment. A man who wants to give me what I want, if we could just find a way to navigate our hangups."
"What do you want, Avery? Tell me," Conrad pleaded.
"What I want is impossible. There's no use talking about it anymore." Avery turned away. Conrad sensed a moment slipping away from him. He followed Avery across the room and grabbed his shoulder, turning him around so their eyes met. Avery was so close he could feel his breath on his cheek.
"Tell me," Conrad demanded.
"I want you to love me," Avery whispered. He leaned forward and captured Conrad's lips. Conrad's resolve slipped away as their kiss became hungry and desperate, tongues battling for supremacy in a relationship that could never be equal. Conrad broke away gasping for air, his heart hammering in his chest so hard he could have sworn he'd done another line of coke.
"Fuck, Ave." He wanted to speak, wanted to list the thousand and one reasons why they couldn't have a relationship, why they couldn't afford to fall in love, but his brain had gone beyond the point where it could form coherent sentences. Avery hovered so close, his lips tantalizing, his mouth open slightly. He seemed so vulnerable and the urge to protect him flooded through Conrad's veins like fire. A sudden yearning filled him, and he closed his eyes, trying to put his world back on its axis. He opened his mouth and closed it again. How could he speak, when he didn't even understand what he was feeling? How could he make promises when the next set of dues would end everything? He wanted to run outside and scream at the moon about how unfair it all was, but instead he captured Avery's mouth with his own, wanting, needing more of Avery's sweet lips on his. The world seemed to fall away when it was just him and Avery, the noise in his head calming to a low hum.
Avery's hand reached down between them, tracing the outline of Conrad's hard cock through his pants. Conrad moaned into their kiss, sure he would fizzle and dissolve away if Avery didn't stop.
Avery pulled back. Their ragged breathing was the only sound as they composed themselves. Conrad adjusted his cock, leaning back against the wall for support.
"I want you," Avery whispered.
"We can't," Conrad protested. "You need to reduce your viral load and get rid of the other infections. I need to get tested and talk to my doctor about this PrEP thing I read about. A drug to make things less dangerous for us."
"You've been using that computer again, huh?"
"I want you to get well. I don't want those bastards to kill you slowly with what they did to you."
"I can still suck your cock." Avery sank to his knees while Conrad whispered a curse beneath his breath. "Please. I want to do this."
"I promised myself I wouldn't. I don't want to use you like those other men."
"You're nothing like those other men." Avery unzipped Conrad's pants, tugging them down around his knees. Avery freed Conrad's cock and ran his tongue up the length of it, holding it in his hand like a precious object. "You've wanted this from the first day you met me."
"Yes," Conrad moaned.
"You wanted this on the bus."
"Fuck. Yes." Conrad stroked Avery's hair as Avery engulfed his length in sweet, burning heat. Conrad lingered on the visual before closing his eyes, afraid he was going to cum just from the sight of Avery's face impaled on him. The guilt only seemed to make it sweeter, writhing through Conrad's gut like a venomous snake as Avery worshipped his cock with his mouth, brushing his tongue across the sweet spot beneath the head. Conrad's fingernails peeled the wallpaper as he dug in. It wasn't his house any more, anyway, and it didn't matter. Avery was worth it. If this one blowjob was all he could have, it was worth everything he owned and more.
Avery drew his pleasure out, sucking him off with a rhythm that brought him to the edge and eased off again. Conrad's knees felt weak as Avery took his entire shaft, his head penetrating Avery's tight throat.
"Avery!" With a strangled, breathy cry, Conrad came. Avery swallowed his seed greedily, and Conrad kept the sight of a droplet of cum on the side of Avery's mouth burned into his memory for all time.
Avery let Conrad's cock slip from his mouth with a smile. Conrad knelt down and took Avery in his arms. "I'm a shameful human being," he whispered. "I promised myself I wouldn't."
"You love being shameful," Avery replied. "I love it too. I love breaking down your defenses. I love watching you give into your desires. It makes me feel powerful."
"Let me touch you," Conrad hissed. He reached for Avery's cock, massaging it through his pants. "I've wanted to for so long." His own cock was hardening again as he unzipped Avery.
"Why?" Avery asked. "Why would you want me? I've been fucked so many times I don't even remember."
"I don't give a crap." The timbre of Conrad's voice was low and deep, almost a growl as he wrapped his hand around Avery's cock. "Those monsters didn't appreciate your beauty."
Avery gasped. Conrad leaned in and kissed his neck above the collarbone. He listened to Avery's moans grow ragged and more desperate as he fucked into Conrad's hand. His whole body ached with yearning. He wanted to be inside Avery, fucking him, claiming him, erasing all the dirty deeds that had been thrust on him as a slave and replacing them with his love.
"Conrad!" Avery came, great jets of semen covering his body and Conrad's hand. Conrad smiled, admiring his handiwork, saving that memory too for the days after Avery was gone. A pang of sorrow stole his afterglow. He took Avery's flushed face in his hands and kissed him, desperate to forget that he was going to lose Avery in the end.
He remained seated on the floor long after Avery had gone back to bed, staring at the beams of moonlight on the carpet and wondering what the fuck he was going to do.
Avery
Avery woke to the sound of the phone ringing downstairs. He got out of bed and tiptoed to the shower. Conrad was speaking to a client on the phone, arranging a time and place for them to meet. Avery wished he could go with him, but he hadn't left the house since the day he'd gone to the clinic. His collar had drawn more stares than Conrad had seemed comfortable with just on the drive to the clinic.
He showered, letting the evidence of last night's tryst wash away. He smiled, remembering Conrad's reaction to him. The kisses they'd shared. What they'd done was more than he'd done for any Master. The intimacy was so intense that he shivered to think of it, though it terrified him too. He closed his eyes, washing away the soap. He grabbed his towel and stepped out of the shower, drying himself off.
"Avery."
Avery nearly leapt out of his skin when he pulled the towel away from his face to see Conrad standing in the doorway, admiring him with hungry eyes.
Conrad smiled and looked down at the floor. "I came to ask you if you'd like to come meet a client."
"I can't." Avery gestured to the collar. "You don't want to explain this to your client. I know you need the money. It's a risk we can't afford to take."
"I had an idea. It's kind of laughable, but I don't want to keep you as a prisoner here." Conrad walked across the landing to his study and pulled out a neck brace. "Got stuck with
this a few years ago after a car accident. You wear this and it'll cover the collar nicely. I just tell the client my partner had a nasty accident. Nothing garners trust like a little pity."
"Your partner?" Avery fought the smile that threatened to give his delight away. "Oh, so I'm a prop."
"Sort of. I'm not going to lie, I've worked with this client before, and I know this strategy will soften him right up. He's probably stalking another ex-boyfriend."
"You fucked this guy?" Avery raised an eyebrow, a tiny smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth.
"Oh, hell no. Way too possessive for me. I think he likes me though. Another reason to have you there, so I don't have to beat him off with a stick." Conrad grinned, his toothy smile charming Avery to go along with the plan.
"Let me take my meds and I'll be right there." Avery went downstairs and walked into the kitchen, grabbing his pill organizer from the scratched wooden table. He took each pill with water, offering silent thanks that he struggled to express in person. How could he say thank you for his life when he knew what they had was fleeting at best? The two of them lived in a castle of sand, waiting for the tide to wash it away.
He put the neck brace on and adjusted it. It was tight, pushing the collar against his throat, but the pressure was bearable. It was a small discomfort when it meant he could go outside again. He could sit with Conrad and pretend for just a few hours that he was a free man. But he couldn't forget—couldn't afford to forget—that he was not. That all this would end, and he would once again find himself back in a life filled with abuse and rape.
Maybe he'd find another way out when that life came calling.
*~*~*
Contrary to the airy feeling he'd expected at freedom, the leaden skies overhead seemed to weigh down on Avery. Even the overcast grey was too bright for a man who'd spent most of the previous ten years indoors, and the wide open spaces of the street perched him on the edge of complete panic. This wasn't like sneaking out to the night bus. The daylight world was respectable and he no longer understood how to live in it.
"Are you all right?" Conrad asked.
"I'm not used to being outside. I'll be okay. Let's do this." Avery breathed a sigh of relief as he sat in the front passenger seat of Conrad's beat up old car and closed the door, but heavy thoughts consumed him the entire way to the diner where Conrad had agreed to meet his client. He spent the journey in pensive silence, watching the scenery blur by outside the window and wondering if he'd ever really belong to that world again. He could hardly grasp the tattered memory of the cocky twenty-one year old he'd been, son of a CEO, set for a life of comfort and privilege. One signature had turned him from predator to prey.
But then he'd never been the big dog, not really. The idea of taking over his father's business had terrified him, deep down. He'd seen the long hours his father worked, with even his leisure time dictated by business trips and social gatherings. He spent his entire life massaging friendships and contacts so that if trouble came calling, he'd have access to loans.
He'd often wondered how his father and the business were doing since his disappearance. Avery Tulano was legally dead. Had his father crumbled, or simply thrown himself into his work to escape his grief? Probably the latter. In the early years, when the deal had first turned sour, Avery had fantasized about his father's men breaking down the doors of his prison and coming to his rescue. His father bringing down the Circle single-handedly after searching every inch of the world for his beloved son.
It had never happened. The world had moved on without him. A news broadcast spied on a Master's television through an open door was the only reason he knew of his own death—a news story had blandly covered the declaration of his death and the release of his assets.
The world hadn't fallen apart, like he'd once imagined it might. The realization that he wasn't as important as his father had always told him he was hadn't exactly come as a shock after several years of slavery, but it had led to the complete collapse of his ego. He'd become nobody, just a body to do his Master's bidding, and he'd remained that way until Conrad had walked into the auction with two-hundred dollars and treated him like a human being.
Avery barely noticed the car come to a stop until Conrad killed the engine. Conrad sat quietly in the driver's seat, watching him with concern in his eyes.
Avery bowed his head. "You're too good to me. I'm not sure I can take it," he whispered. "It was easy being a nobody. I could drift through each day's horrors. I adapted to serving my Master's needs, no matter what he asked of me. I didn't think—it was so much easier if I didn't."
"I'm sorry," Conrad said. "I'm not the kind of Master the Circle wants, I know. In their eyes, you're nothing but property. I don't see what they see when they look at you. I don't see just a hole to put my cock in. I see a person. Someone with hopes and dreams that have been crushed, yet you're still here. You still exist. They haven't destroyed your soul."
"It can't last," Avery said. "We both know it. The more you open me up, the more you ask me what I want from life, the more you treat me like a human being and make me believe it, the harder it's going to be when they come for me."
"I won't let them take you back," Conrad growled.
"You can't stop them. The Circle is more powerful than you can imagine. What chance does a washed-up private detective have against an international people-smuggling organization? I know you have good intentions, but it doesn't matter, Conrad. They'll kill you and destroy me."
"I've signed your death warrant, haven't I?" Conrad turned his face away from Avery to look out of the window. "It might have been kinder for you to find another cruel Master."
"Yes, and yet…I can't find it in myself to regret the time we've spent together."
"Me either."
Avery blinked back tears, cursing his weakness. When had he become so vulnerable? Where was the Avery with an edge, the man he'd once been as the CEO's son? The man who relished danger?
Conrad had undone him with his lips, with his tender touch. He'd exposed the core of his being—a frightened, vulnerable man, lost and broken, and there was no stuffing it back in its box now that he'd been opened up.
Avery cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything, Avery."
"When the Circle eventually comes for me, would you shoot me?" Avery pointed a finger at his temple. "I know you own a gun. I know you've killed before."
"Don't be melodramatic." Conrad's face contorted into anger, and Avery shriveled into himself. "I have things under control. I told you I won't let you go, and I mean it." Conrad shook his head. "How do you know I've killed before? You're just assuming things."
"You have predator's eyes. Cold, grey, emotionless steel in your gaze. At first, it made me afraid of you, but beneath all that, there's a tenderness I never would have imagined…"
"Yeah, well, don't tell my clients that. You'll destroy my reputation." Conrad smirked. Avery felt some of his darkness slip away when he focused his eyes on that smile. There was a grim, yet charming confidence beneath that grin, a sense that Conrad would do whatever it took to get the job done. Avery could almost believe that Conrad did have a plan that involved more than paying his dues for as long as he could afford them.
He loved belonging to this man.
"Let's go inside already," Conrad said. "We'll have plenty of time to talk on the inevitable stakeout tonight, and I don't want to keep our client waiting. He's liable to get bitchy if I'm late."
Avery opened his car door, adjusting the neck brace slightly so he could breathe against the tightness in his throat. He followed Conrad inside and took a seat at a booth opposite a flamboyantly dressed man. The client wore a Hawaiian shirt and jeans, along with a straw hat (ostensibly to cover his completely bald head) and a neatly-trimmed goatee.
"Good to see you finally made it," the client said. "My coffee's cold by now and the waitress is giving me an odd look. She thinks I've been stood up, obviously. You're harming my reputation, old
man."
"Watch who you're calling old," Conrad replied, but his sharp edge had a certain mirth to it. Avery buried himself in the myriad menu choices, trying to stifle the smirk that was spreading across his lips. These two eccentric queer men were nothing like the Masters he'd spent time with. They possessed a warmth he'd not seen in years, a humanity he'd thought had died along with romance. "So, who are you stalking this time, Garth?"
"Your honesty wounds me," Garth said, placing a hand over his heart. "Do you always have to be so cutting?"
"I must be hangry," Conrad said. "How about you order up for us, and then we'll talk?"
"Cheap as ever. Haven't even introduced your friend yet. Tsk, no hospitality at all."
Avery lowered the menu as Conrad gestured to him. "This is Avery, my partner."
"I hope you mean bedroom partner, or I'm asking for his number." Garth shook Avery's hand. "With all apologies, sweetie, what do you see in this old stick-in-the-mud?"
Avery smiled, a genuine smile that he couldn't have imagined wearing after the heavy conversation in the car. "He's got a certain…rogue-ish charm." Heat raced to his cheeks, and he shuffled in his seat. Embarrassment? He'd been fucked in every hole at once, but talking about Conrad made him blush like a schoolboy?
"Oh, you like the rough-around-the-edges, disheveled look. Don't be fooled, kid. That's not a style choice on his part. Conrad's just not good at taking care of himself."
The waitress came by, and Avery was grateful for the break in conversation. He ordered a mere two eggs over toast for himself, afraid to owe a debt to some stranger. Conrad, by contrast, reeled off a long list until Avery was sure Garth's eyes were going to pop out of his head. Garth ordered an omelet and a refill of his coffee, and they lapsed into silence until the waitress was out of earshot.
"So, Avery, what did he do to you that has you all tied up in a neck brace?" Garth asked. "I know he likes things to be a little dangerous. I hope you didn't come to harm in a scene."
"It was a car accident," Avery said.
"Don't let your imagination run away with you," Conrad growled. "I don't get off on pain."