Despite the contractions, the labor, and all of the controlled chaos that comes with giving birth to a baby, that same peaceful tranquility stuck with me throughout the entire process. When our son was laid on my chest and I was able to see all his little fingers and toes as he screwed his angry little face up and wailed at me for the first time, all I could think of was that he was a gift straight out of heaven. My boy. “Thank you,” I whispered to the spirits that helped guide him home to me safely.
Ever
The stone felt cold to the touch as I placed the little toy motorcycle there. I was sure he would love it even as it made me supremely sad to know I’d never get to see him ride again. I would never get the chance to let him know how much I appreciated all the things he’d done for me over the years. There were so many bitter times for us before he passed, and now the worst pain of all was the regret for all the lost time between us. The things we could have known about one another, but would never have the chance again, stood sentinel just as much as the tombstone did thanks to its unique markings.
I leaned down and traced my fingers over the etching of the tattoo I had done for him. I hadn’t known until it was put here that he’d requested it be done before his death. Having been one of the six, the fool had a Last Will and Testament drawn up with the words in it that would etch our shared pain in this stone for as long as it stood sentry over his dead body. I still didn’t understand why it was important for him to put it there, but it set my heart to aching for both the painful memories, and the beautiful moments we were allowed before he passed, thanks to that tattoo giving us another start. My hand shook as I pulled it away and looked up into the equally saddened eyes of my husband. He startled a bit as his phone began to ring, and he passed our niece to me. I stood; bracing the tiny little girl on my hip as Deck spoke into the phone quietly, and then glanced at me, his lips tipping up into a slight smile. Good news then.
It was fitting we receive good news while standing here mourning the anniversary of the loss of our fallen family. My life had taken on a crazy balance over the years. For every horrible thing I had endured, I had also been given its equal and opposite. I lost my mother, who had been a hard woman to love. I ended up gaining another who was as warm as they come. I lost years to misery a club brother cost me that I never wished to endure again, only to be given insurmountable peace by another. I once thought that every eight years, give or take a few months, I would experience a horrible change in my life. I knew now that the overwhelming change wasn’t always a terrible thing. This year, things would change for the better. As I stood with my niece in my arms, honoring the fallen, and watching my husband take his call, I knew without a doubt that things were not going to fall apart again. Especially when in our time of mourning and remembrance, there was news that put a smile on my husband’s face again.
As he hung up and turned his full attention back to me it took him a moment to speak. In that time of quiet reflection he watched me with my niece, a pensive look etched in the fine lines on his face. “We’re welcoming a new family member today. We need to get to the hospital.” I tipped my head in a slight nod as I shifted my darling niece’s weight a bit. I was a tad queasy and carrying her this way wasn’t helping. “This is a natural look for you, Ev. I can picture it clearly one day when it’s not our niece you’re holding, but our own little one.”
“So, you want to have children with me someday?”
“As soon as you’re ready, babe,” he answered which made me smile. I took his hand in my free one and grinned up at him then.
“How does about seven months from now sound?” I watched as his eyes grew wide, and his smile followed. His hand released my own and he clasped my non-existent belly with both of his palms splayed out to encompass where I would grow full and round with his baby soon.
“It sounds perfect.” Deck glanced back over at the tombstone again, his smile dimming just a smidge. “You hear that? We’re adding to the family too. I promise you, they will know all about you, as if you were never gone from us.”
A tear trickled down my cheek as I leaned into Deck for support, my knees having gone a bit weak with his promise. He took our niece from my arms, and we walked back over to my car in order to head to the hospital to welcome another cherished member to the Aces High family.
By the time we got to the hospital everyone was already there. I was surprised to see my sister standing there with her husband. “Momma!” My niece, Tabby, shouted the minute she saw her. I put her on the ground and watched her run her rambunctious butt to Anna. She would be three-years-old in just a couple of weeks. I couldn’t believe how fast time had flown by. “We didn’t expect to see you both here.”
My brother-in-law, Joker, just grinned at me. “Someone called and mentioned the baby was coming. I couldn’t keep her away.”
“What?” Anna asked innocently. “Babies are so tiny and sweet, and,” her lower lip started to quiver. “After everything,” she tried again, but this time tears began to spill over onto her rosy cheeks that were glowing moments ago.
“Oh shit!” I laughed while swiping at my own tears then. “Little sister, I think you have some news to share with the rest of us,” I teased her.
“What? How?” She narrowed her gaze on Joker menacingly, as if he had spilled all of their secrets.
“Wasn’t me,” he told her with his hands in the air. Then he grabbed hold of his precious daughter and moved to go stand over by Merc and Tiger Lily who were very obviously amused by the rest of us.
“Well, what are you crying for, then?” Anna finally asked me as she huffed out each and every word. She was angry I had stolen her thunder, and now she was going to steal mine too. Damn it.
“She’s just mad because she has the same news to tell everyone,” Deck – my betraying husband – told her. He did it loudly too.
“What?” Tiger Lily shrieked at the same time that Anna did. Only, my sister started hopping up and down as her eyes widened in surprise. She grabbed my hands in hers and said, “Oh my Gosh, we’re having babies together!”
“What? Are you serious?” Tiger Lily asked again. I nodded my head and then both Anna and I were engulfed in a hug. “I need to call your momma!” She squealed.
“No!”
“Please, don’t,” I said quickly, reiterating Anna’s, ‘No!’ as well. “We want them to enjoy their time away.” My parents had gone on a cruise to the Virgin Islands. It was a much-needed getaway for them, and neither my sister or I wanted to ruin it for them. “We’ll be able to tell them over family dinner when they get back, so long as no one spills the beans before then.”
Tiger Lily pretended to zip her lips shut. “I think Lucy and D would love that.”
The double doors that separated the waiting room from labor and delivery slammed open and Kane came bounding out with the biggest grin on his face that I had ever seen. “It’s a boy! All 9 pounds, 6 ounces of him.”
Rounds of congratulations were shouted to him. “How is Gretchen?” I asked.
Kane smiled down at me before pulling me into a hug. “She’s doing just fine. My woman is one tough momma.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling again. “I’m so happy for her. Can we go back?”
Kane
Watching Gretchen sleep after giving birth to our son was surreal. She hadn’t complained once through the birthing process. Obviously, she was in a lot of pain, and still, I swear the woman smiled the entire time. Well, when she wasn’t grunting in pain that smile would slip right back onto her face as if it had never gone anywhere. I’d never seen anything like it, and I had made the mistake of Googling natural childbirth and watching videos after I found out she was pregnant. Those women in the videos did not make it look like something I even wanted to be in the room for. With Gretchen, I didn’t want to miss a single second.
I had everyone give us a little time together with the baby before they started coming back to Gretchen’s room to visit. Once they started, it was Ever
and Deck who showed up first.
“How did everything go?” Ever asked in a nervous tone.
“It went so smoothly. No complications, she didn’t yell at me, and my son is perfect. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience for any of us,” I bragged.
Deck looked relieved when I mentioned it being the best experience, but then he kept glancing over my shoulder almost as if he didn’t believe me. Finally, it got to me. “What’s up with that,” I asked him while I circled my finger in front of his face.
“We came here from the cemetery since it’s the anniversary of T-Bone’s death.” He glanced back towards the room where I had left Gretchen sleeping when they knocked on the door.
“Fuck!” I yelled, pissed at myself for not realizing the importance of the day sooner. “You mean to tell me that my woman just gave birth to our son on the day she lost her other child and Toby?”
“Oh no!” Ever cries out. “I didn’t even think of it like that when we were on our way over. Do you need us to get anything special?”
“No, I just need you to get your asses inside the room,” Gretchen called out from the other side of the door.
“Oh Gretchen!” Ever said as she moved right to my woman and hugged her. “You know he’s with your other little one, and now they’re looking out for your son, making sure you both have the happiness they were denied. I bet they’re both over the moon for you.”
Gretchen broke down bawling on Ever’s shoulder. “I felt them today. At first, I was scared and freaking out about not being able to do this today and then suddenly, it was like warmth and love filled me up and just blanketed me the whole time.”
“That sounds like something my brother would do,” Ever told her as they hugged once more before Deck bent down to take a look at our boy who was sound asleep in the rolling bassinet they had brought in.
“So, what’s his name?” Deck asked.
“Nathaniel Tobias,” I told them. A sad smile slipped over my face as I thought about all the ways that Nate and I wouldn’t be here if Toby and Gretchen’s first child had survived. I gave thanks to their memory even while still feeling guilty for doing it.
“That’s beautiful,” Ever told me before leaning over and kissing the cap that helped to keep the heat in on my son’s head. “Sleep well, little Nate. When you’re ready to come home, Auntie Ever is going to offer up some babysitting services so we can hang out and I can get some more practice in with a little one again.” Deck smiled at his woman before Gretchen’s question stole their attention.
“Practice?”
“We’re expecting,” Ever informed her.
“This turned into the best day,” Gretchen told her, and the smile on her face was one of pure, genuine happiness when she did. Fuck! I had to thank Toby all over again for making my woman happy. I didn’t mind one bit. I could share her with his ghost since his sacrifice brought us here.
THREE YEARS LATER
Kane
I had just finished painting the Haint Blue on the porch ceiling when I heard the roaring engine of Joker’s truck. Just behind the truck was my woman’s car. I wished I could see her face already. Merc, Double-D, Deck and Joker were all standing around in front of the miniature replica of the house Toby had planned to build for Gretchen on this very land. When we ended up building our own house she insisted that she didn’t want what Toby planned because that was meant for another life, and it wasn’t fair to me to have to live with another man’s ghost every day.
What she didn’t realize was Toby’s spirit and I had already come to an understanding. Don’t worry, I haven’t gone completely fucking crazy. The man gave his life for hers. I owed him. I owed him in making sure that she lived the best fucking life possible. I owed him for our son and the daughter we had on the way. Giving this little memory to her, allowing our children and our nieces and nephews to crawl around in a house their uncle imagined, that was part of my repayment to him for the life that I was gifted with. For Gretchen, for my family, for everything he had to miss out on so that she didn’t.
The cars came to a halt, and the moment the women stepped out where we could see, I knew that they all knew just how important this little playhouse was.
“Damn it,” Double-D grumbled. “You made every damn one of them cry. Bad enough to see just one doing it, and look at that!” He pointed to his wife, daughters, Gretchen, and Tiger Lily as they all stood awed by what we managed to accomplish today.
“Kane!” Gretchen called out as she ran to me. Well, she did a weird sort of pregnant waddle-jog, but still. “What did you do?”
“Gave the kids a piece of the man who made everything possible, Sweet G. That’s all.”
“That’s all?” She whispered as she smiled through her tears, and damn if it wasn’t all worth it.
“Where are the kids?” Ever asked as she sniffled into a tissue.
“Prospects have them over there playing in the mud,” Deck pointed while laughing at the poor men who wanted into the club so badly they were currently being fed mud pies by his girls.
All five children came running to us then once they realized they’d been noticed by their mothers and grandmothers. Tabby, being the oldest, was leading the younger ones around like a good mother hen. Then there was my boy who looked at Tabby like she was the best thing in this world. Jesus, that boy already had it bad. Just beyond him, were the three hellions consisting of Ever and Deck’s twin girls Amber and Ashton along with Joker and Anna’s son, Devon.
“Can we go in yet, Uncle Kane?” Tabby asked me.
“How about we give the paint a little more time to dry? Let’s go get some food and then we’ll all take a look, okay?”
“Okay,” she answered back. Tabby was a sweet girl, a people pleaser, and so much like her mom that we often tormented Joker about what was going to happen the minute she hit her teen years. I don’t think it was a coincidence that he had a mighty fine shotgun collection. Grandmas Lucy and Lily rounded all the kids up to take them into the house to grab some food while the girls moved in closer to take a look.
“Thank you for keeping my brother alive,” Ever told me as she hugged me so damn hard I thought she might crack a rib. She was immediately replaced by Anna whose hug was sweeter as she managed to wipe her tears and maybe some snot off on my shirt. Then my woman was in my arms, her eyes teary and smile wide.
“You’re the best man a woman could ask for, Kane Youngblood.”
“That’s because you’re still my everything, Gretchen Youngblood.”
“Always will be.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
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Reviews help other readers find books, they help with getting books seen in newsletters, and page placements in online bookstores. They also help us to be able to advertise our books (as we need to have so many reviews and an overall rating that looks decent too), and they help get us on board to meet you at signing events! I bet you never knew reviews mattered so much, huh? As an author, they also help determine which books get written next!
Thank you to each and every one of my readers! I appreciate you all.
A special thank you to those of you who chose to take a moment to review the books you read. Reviews are important to everyone!
Thank you to my daughter, and assistant, Bella Hickman, who has managed to keep my schedule mostly on track while filling in the gaps in places where I just didn’t have enough of me to go around. She has been my savior this year. Many of you have been able to get to know her over the past year as well! Thank you for everything you do, my fierce, amazingly talented, wonderfully organized daughter!
Thank you to my other children as well for their patience with me, and their ability to share their mom with the book world! Sometimes, it isn’t easy because there isn’t enough of me to go around. That they remain proud and supportive means the world to me!
Thanks to Barbara Gordon �
�� she always has my back, and if I’m headed to a book signing near you, she is probably to thank since she points them out to me. I owe her a huge story, and I’m not sure how the hell I’m going to pull it off, but I will!
Thank you to all the wonderful authors, personal assistants, photographers, event organizers, and book lovers we have met along the way! I’ve learned a lot, met some great people, and have been able to share my craft with some up and coming authors who I can’t wait for you guys to discover! We’re doing book discussion events in my reader group two Sundays a month (most months), and one will always be about discovering newer authors or showing some love to more established ones! Check that out, and expand your reading horizons in our Facebook reader group: Read a Book, Fall in Love with Christine Michelle. It’s a mouthful, but we have the best people there!
A special thank you to people who are constantly pimping out books!
Heather Brown, Tiffany M. Foster, Christy Sears, Carolina Young, Jamie Ellis, Linda Brashears, Brianna Maddox, Fabiola Cadet-Destil, Peggy Darrow, Mihaela Niculae, Zara Teleg, Erin Osborne, Darlene Tallman, Amy Smith, and so many more. If I missed you, I will probably catch you in another book! ;)
Thank you to the lovely lady who is working her magic on the Aces High MC – Charleston Audio Books, Sarah Puckett! I can’t thank you enough for all the time, energy, and patience you have put into this series! You are amazing, and I wish you all the best in your career moving forward. I am so happy that I found you, that you were my top pick, the only narrator I approached for these books, because you just fit! Then you went above and beyond and helped find the people who could tell the other side of the stories too! Thank you!
Thank you also to the male narrators of the Aces High MC – Charleston Series:
A Twist of Fate Page 20