“I know,” I whispered. “I know.”
“I can’t live through —.”
“Shhh, don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “You won’t have to. I promise.”
I reached up, wiping a tear off her cheek with my thumb. Her eyes were glued to mine and I felt the connection that had always been there between us reappear and we both smiled at the same time.
“I missed you so much,” she said.
I nodded slowly. “Me, too, December.”
We gazed at each other for a few moments, but I knew that this time, time was not on our side and not to be wasted.
“Now, listen. I need you to tell me everything, okay? Don’t leave anything out.”
“Okay,” she nodded, pulling herself out of my arms and sitting up, leaving me feeling an unexpected emptiness. “It’s not good, Wolfe.”
“I gathered as much. Don’t leave anything out.”
She steeled herself, biting her lip before beginning and I fought off a feeling of deja vu as I focused on her every word.
“Shane never stopped being Shane. After we left the store that night, we drove up and down the coast until the sun came up. I must have cried the whole time. He was silent for most of it. Just driving. At some point, I fell asleep and when I woke up, we were parked off in the woods and Shane was burning his clothes. He’d washed himself off with some water we had in the back of the car. When he got back in, he told me we needed to get our stories straight. It was my birthday, you probably remember, so he said we’d say we wanted to be alone and that we spent the whole night at the beach alone. I agreed, and then he just started acting like nothing happened. He drove me back home and the cops were there telling my parents that Leo had died and you’d confessed. Shane and I stuck to the story and that was that. Nobody even asked us any questions.
“After a few weeks, I told him I was pregnant. He was pissed, at first. But he came around after a while and apologized. With both you and Leo gone, I felt like I had no choice. I needed him. Or so I thought. Turns out, I’ve done most everything by myself anyway, so I didn’t need him to help raise Leo after all.”
I took a deep breath, pushing away the feeling that I’d done all that time behind bars for nothing. Shane had not stepped up in the way I hoped. That much was obvious.
“After that, things just fell into place, I guess. Not with me and Shane, we never really had much of a relationship. But I just kept going. Leo was a delight, so I had him and that was enough, I guess. But after Shane became a cop, he got even worse. He started…”
She stopped, staring at me with hesitation.
“What?”
She broke our gaze, looking away.
“Our arguments got worse. He was pissed, because I started taking classes at the community college in Lincoln City,” she shrugged.
“That’s great,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m going to be a nurse,” she said, pausing before continuing. “But Shane hated the fact that he had to watch Leo for me while I was gone. So, we argued, constantly. He’d take it out on me, but also on Leo. One night, it got particularly bad. First, he started spanking Leo, which upset me and when I tried to get him to stop, he turned on me.”
“He hit you, too?”
She nodded, tears springing to her eyes again. “Yeah. I’d already kicked him out. But since then, he’s gotten angrier and angrier and I’ve been so scared to let him see Leo, but I didn’t have a choice. He would pick him up after school without telling me, scaring the shit out of me. After a while, I realized it was just easier to let him visit regularly, as much as I hated it. I made him promise never to lay a hand on Leo again. But now he’s done this. I never should have let him near him.”
Rage bubbled up inside of me that I struggled to contain. I rose to my feet, walking over to the fire and looking into the flames. I didn’t want her to see how angry I was. My chest rose and fell, as if the fury pulsed through the very air I was breathing.
“Tell me about the email.”
Slowly, I turned around, smiling gently at her, to the best of my ability.
“He’s crazy, Wolfe. He didn’t bring Leo home when he was supposed to, so I called and called, but he never answered. I went to the police station, but they blew me off. After that, I got an email saying he’d taken Leo away and because I’d gone to see the Sheriff, and humiliated him, he was taking Leo away and never bringing him back, to punish me.”
I nodded, taking it all in. Shane was a sonofabitch and fantasies of ripping his fucking head off were dancing through my head.
“Is that it?”
“No.”
“What else?”
“It was his words. Here, I’ll read it to you,” she said, jumping up and grabbing her laptop. She pulled it up and started reading, her voice shaking. “December, you’ve gone too far. Reporting me to the Sheriff was your biggest mistake. Were you trying to humiliate me? You’ve only hurt yourself. Leo’s mine now. I know he’s the only thing you care about. So, consider him lost at sea. Have fun drowning in your sorrows, you ungrateful bitch. Love, Shane.”
She closed the laptop and looked over at me.
“What a prick,” I said, my teeth grinding together.
“I wasn’t sure what he meant, until I broke into his house and found this.” She pulled a folded-up piece of paper from her pocket and gave it to me. I opened it up and saw it was a title for a boat in Shane’s name.
I handed it back to her, my mind spinning.
“I think it’s time I told you a little about what I’ve been doing the last few years,” I said.
She looked at me with a curious glance and smiled.
“Okay,” she said, settling back on the cushion. “I’m all ears.”
Chapter 7
DECEMBER
He wasn’t anything like I remembered.
Even when I’d seen him in jail, he resembled something of the young man I once knew, but now?
It was like his soul had inhabited a completely different body.
He was huge, first of all. His arms were as big as my thighs. Ripped and slathered in tattoos, he moved through my house with the confidence of a lion.
His tight Levi’s clung to his muscular ass and the black leather vest he wore, with patches on the front and back, made him look like he’d just walked off the silver screen, some mysterious character with thrilling stories to tell. His black hair was peppered with generous amounts of grey, making him look older than he was.
When he wrapped those massive arms around me, I’d never felt safer in my entire life.
His somber eyes held those stories, deep and dark, and I wondered at the depths of what he’d seen, what he’d lived through.
And he’d done it all for me and my son. It was almost too much to take. That’s why I’d let the distance fall between us over the years. I’d never be able to repay him and truth be told, I’d regretted that he’d done it.
Maybe if he had let Shane take the fall, like he’d deserved, things would have worked out differently between me and Wolfe. Maybe I’d have felt safe every night since, falling asleep in his arms.
But I’d never know.
The cards had fallen and there was no going back now.
“After I got out, I joined up with a group of bikers. Outlaw bikers. The Goddamned Gentlemen. I think I mentioned in a letter that a buddy of mine was already a member, so I prospected for them and moved up the ranks pretty quick. It was hard work. It was dangerous. I did shit that I easily could have been thrown back behind bars for, but I was never caught. Unfortunately, shit blew up for the club’s president and the whole thing fell apart. But that’s where things actually got good.”
“What do you mean?”
“Most of my club joined up with another club. The Gods of Chaos. They aren’t like other clubs, December. They’re outlaws, sure, but they’re good guys. And they’re not just guys, there are women involved, too.”
“Women bikers?” I asked, intrigued.
�
��Sort of,” he said, smiling. “You’d love them, December. Grace and Ryder, they’re our leaders, they started this organization — it’s called Solid Ground and all of the Gods are a part of it. They do all kinds of things, but their mission is to help people out of situations when they can’t find help otherwise.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, like Lacey. She was sold to the Mayor of Seattle by her mother when she was a young teen. He kept her prisoner, made her do things nobody should have to do. But, because of his power, she couldn’t call the cops. So, Solid Ground helped her get away.”
I nodded, drinking it all in.
“We get all kinds of jobs, though. Sometimes, it’s an entire group of people we have to help. It can get dangerous, at times. But it’s worth it. And, if we can help the survivors get a little closure, maybe even a little revenge, then it’s even more rewarding, in my opinion.”
“Wow,” I replied, sincerely impressed.
“I’m really glad I hooked up with them,” he said. I could see the satisfaction in his eyes and I realized that the confidence I saw in him now was most likely tied to the Gods. He was doing good work and he was happy with himself.
“I’m happy for you,” I said, the tightness in my chest loosening just a bit. I’d been weighed down by guilt for so long, it was nice to see his life wasn’t completely ruined because of Shane, or me and Leo.
“I’m telling you all of this because I want you to have the confidence that I do that we’re going to find Leo.”
“What do you mean?”
“The Gods have a world of resources at our disposal. Riot, our computer guy, is a goddamn genius.”
“Do you think they’ll help me?”
“I know they will,” he said, his blue eyes shining into mine. “All I have to do is make a phone call and the full force of the Gods will be unleashed upon Shane. He’ll never know what hit him.”
For the first time since I read Shane’s email, a glimmer of hope lit up inside my heart.
I desperately wanted to believe him.
“I’m so glad I called you,” I said, tears springing to my eyes.
He pulled me into his arms again and I felt like I could live there forever.
“So am I,” he whispered, his arms tightening around me.
Chapter 8
SHANE
“She’s crazy,” I said, pressing the phone to my ear, struggling to hear the Sheriff over the wind coming off the ocean. “We’re fine. Just fine.”
“That’s what I figured,” he replied, with a laugh.
“The thing is, Chief, she’s been neglecting the boy. She’s always off at school, and I’m pretty sure she’s stopping off at the bar after her classes. She doesn’t get home till late, and he needs more than that, you know? Sorry for just running off like that without telling you. We just need a few days away, a little father-son bonding time, you know? Taking the boat out for the first time. Gonna head up North.”
“Of course, of course, Shane,” he said. “Take a whole week, Shane, you’ve earned it! Take care of your boy. Don’t forget to send me your float plan, though, just in case. It’s not the best time to be on a boat in the Pacific. Cold as hell…”
“Sure, sure,” I said, smiling and nodding, even though he couldn’t see me. My plan was working just fine. December could try, but she’d never succeed in bringing me down. Nobody would ever believe her over me. Since joining the force, I was seen as an upstanding member of our community. My reputation was stellar and when I did slip up — like that one time I got caught in a hotel room in Portland with a hooker, or that time I wrecked my truck after a few too many at the pub — my colleagues helped me sweep it all under the rug.
That’s just what we did for each other.
None of us were perfect, but it was important that those on the outside certainly thought so.
“Thanks, Chief,” I replied, hanging up the phone.
When I turned around, Leo was standing there looking at me.
“Why did you say that about Mom?” he demanded. He was getting older now, and he was growing his own little set of balls. I was almost impressed he had the courage to stand up to me, but he should know better than that.
“You shouldn’t listen to my phone calls,” I said, instantly irritated. I opened a browser on my phone and started filling out the float plan to email to the Chief.
“Well, I did,” he said, his hands on his hips, his stupid dog wagging her tail next to him. The two of them were inseparable and had been ever since I brought her home. I’d done it out of a misplaced sliver of guilt after having a one-night stand with a girl from the bar I was working at and regretted it ever since. The dog ate too much, she peed on everything, and to be honest, she was a little bitch. We did not get along. “So?”
“Look, Bud, just go read your book, okay?”
“I don’t know why you’re lying about Mom. You’re the one at the bar all the time and always out late.”
He was getting on my last nerve. Hell, everything was these days.
“Sometimes you don’t even come home at all!”
I closed the distance between us, getting in his face and ignoring Lucy’s growl.
“Shut up, Leo!” I seethed. “Go read your fucking book — now!”
He sighed and turned to walk away, the dog following, but not before glaring at me over his shoulder.
Let him be mad, what did I care?
His mother spoiled him. I trusted December to take care of him and teach him how to respect his elders and he thinks it’s okay to talk to me like that?
Fuck both of them!
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a beer, popping it open and walking out of the cabin and onto the deck of the boat. The sun was setting in the distance and the waves gently rocked the boat. It was beautiful, if I could only relax enough to enjoy it. We’d docked for the night near Pacific City, after traveling all day.
It felt good to be away from the bullshit of my day-to-day life. Being a cop had perks, but it was also a pain in the ass. I always had to watch my back and keep up appearances and it was fucking exhausting. Sometimes, I just wanted to let myself go, have a few beers, invite over a couple of chicks, turn up the music, do some blow and just let loose.
Not that I could do any of that now, not with the boy so close by. He watched me like a fucking hawk.
Not for long, though.
Soon, I’d be done with the suffocating responsibility of being a father and December will be as miserable as she’s made me all these years. And then, I’ll be free as a fucking bird.
Revenge was going to be so sweet.
Chapter 9
LEO
Lucy snuggled into my side as I curled up in bed. I pretended to read, just in case Dad came in but I couldn’t concentrate at all.
I hated being on that stupid boat.
Maybe it would have been fun if Mom was there. I was worried about her, and after hearing Dad lie to the Chief like that, I knew something wasn’t right.
Things haven’t really been right in a long time, though. Maybe they were when I was really little, but I can barely remember that now.
All I really remember is Mom being sad all the time. The only times she really smiled was when she was talking to me, or talking about my Uncle Leo.
I’m named after him, but I never got to meet him. He died before I was born. He’s my Mom’s twin, so I bet I’d have liked him a lot. Is it possible to miss someone you never met before?
Mom talks about him so much, that sometimes it feels like I did know him. She talks about her friend Wolfe, too. She says we went to meet him once, but I don’t remember. She has a picture of all three of them that she keeps in her wallet, and they all look so happy.
I wish I’d been alive back then, because it sure sounds like they had a lot of fun.
Lately, I haven’t really had much fun at all. I keep getting shuttled back and forth between my house with Mom and Dad’s new apartment. I’d rather just st
ay home, but I guess I don’t have a say in it.
At least not for a few years.
Mom told me once I turn eighteen, I won’t have to go to Dad’s anymore, if I don’t want to. Six years seems like a long time to wait to have an opinion on what I want to do and it just doesn’t seem fair at all.
It’s not that I don’t love my dad. It’s just that he’s not very nice. I wish he was. I wish a lot of things, though, and not much of anything ever comes true.
The older I get, the more I learn how sad life is, you know?
I wonder if it will ever get better.
Chapter 10
WOLFE
I hung up the phone and turned back to December. She stood in the kitchen listening, carefully sipping her wine. My conversation with Riot had gone well and I was confident he was going to get the ball rolling. I’d given him December’s address and all the information he needed about Shane. In the morning, a few more Gods would get on the road and join us.
“They’ll be here tomorrow,” I said.
“They?”
“He’s sending a few guys,” I shrugged. “Strength in numbers.”
Her eyes widened as she looked around. “I don’t have a lot of room, but —.”
“No worries, we’ll get hotel rooms.”
“Oh. Right,” she nodded. She took a sip of wine and I walked over to her. She looked tired and incredibly stunning, all at the same time. The urge to protect her and reassure her was something I couldn’t ignore. I grabbed her arms and peered into her eyes.
“We’re going to find them, I promise,” I said.
“Thank you,” she replied, her voice a soft whisper in the quiet kitchen.
“You’ll be amazed at what Riot, and all of the Gods, can accomplish,” I said.
“I trust you, Wolfe,” she confessed, my heart swelling with pride at her words. Her trust meant a lot to me.
“In the meantime, it’s getting late. When’s the last time you ate?”
FOREVER DECEMBER: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK 15) Page 5