“Oh, my god,” I giggled, the mood lightened. Wolfe laughed along with me.
“You must be feeling better, brother,” Wolfe said.
“A little,” he said. “I miss Diana, though.”
“Who’s Diana?”
“Diana is only the prettiest little filly this side of the Mississippi,” Slade replied, his voice slurred. “And also the mother of my lovely son, and my darling partner.”
“Oh,” I said. “She must be very special to be with a man like you.”
“Indeed she is!” he shouted, his words carried away by the wind as he broke out into song again. “Hey, y’all, sing with me! Well, it’s not far down from paradise, at least it’s not for me, and if the wind is right you can sail away, find tranquility…”
I rolled my eyes and turned to Wolfe. “Dinner?”
“Sounds good,” he laughed.
“I’ll cook, maybe you should keep an eye on your drunken sailor,” I said.
“Will do,” Wolfe said, winking.
I headed downstairs, my heart swelling with happiness that Wolfe seemed to have found a tribe of his own. The family we’d formed together so long ago had been blasted to smithereens and I was so glad to know that he’d found others to bond with after he was freed.
He was a good man, who’d surrounded himself with other good men, and I was thankful for that.
Maybe I’d not ruined his life completely after all.
A sense of relief washed over me and a little bit of regret fell away. I didn’t know if there was a future for us, but at least I knew Wolfe would be okay, no matter what.
And that was enough.
Chapter 19
LEO
Looking out into the night sky, it felt peaceful, for the first time since we’d left. Once it started getting dark, Dad anchored about a mile offshore, and now that he was asleep, and all was quiet and still, I was amazed at how beautiful it was.
Dad said we came on this trip to bond, but it was obvious he wasn’t interested in that. From his conversation I’d overheard, I knew that was a lie. He was only doing this to piss off my mother.
It was cruel.
But I wasn’t surprised. Dad never seemed to do anything to make her happy. I was convinced they didn’t love each other, and I wasn’t sure why they were ever together.
I guess it was because of me.
But that didn’t make me feel any better.
In fact, it made me feel worse.
I just wanted to get home with Lucy and have this whole thing be over, but I didn’t even know how long it would be before we turned around. Dad said we were going ‘up to the Strait’, but all I knew was that it was near the Canadian border and he wouldn’t tell me his plans after that.
I snuck into the wheelhouse and spotted the radio, grabbing it and saying a little prayer that we were close enough to shore for me to call for help. Dad would be pissed, but I didn’t care.
None of this felt right to me and I just wanted to go home.
It didn’t matter, though, because all I got was static.
“Hello?” I whispered, pressing the button, waiting, hoping for a voice to answer me.
I tried again, a few more times, but all I got was static and silence.
I placed the radio back in its holder with a sigh and headed out to the deck. Dad kept his cell phone in his pocket while he slept, so even if it had reception, it probably wouldn’t work this far out.
I stared up at the endless stars, sparkling in the deep black sky, the moon hanging bright off in the distance.
I couldn’t help but worry about my mother. She must be worried sick herself. It just wasn’t fair.
I thought back on the day and how awful it was. Dad only seemed interested in drinking and yelling at me. Maybe they went hand in hand, but I wouldn’t know because all he did was drink these days. I couldn’t even remember how he was when he wasn’t drinking.
I spotted his cooler in the corner and walked over and opened it. It was full of beer and half empty bottles of liquor. With a smile, I grabbed each bottle, one by one, and poured the contents out over the side of the boat, the amber liquid sparkling in the moonlight. By the time I was done, there was one beer left and a bunch of empty bottles.
I put them in the recycling bin and Lucy and I headed back to bed.
Maybe tomorrow would be better now.
Chapter 20
DECEMBER
After anchoring for the night so Storm could rest a few hours, we had dinner and divided up the space so we could all crash.
The boat had three small bedrooms and a bigger master bedroom that the guys insisted I take, but I hated the thought of sleeping alone. As I was washing my face and brushing my teeth, I wondered what Wolfe would say if I asked him to sleep with me.
Was it wrong?
I wanted so much from him, so much that I really couldn’t even think about right now, but mostly, I just needed to be held. The pain and worry about Leo had exhausted me and as grateful as I was to have the help of these amazing men, I still felt alone and sad.
Wolfe had stayed close to me all day and I wasn’t ready to let that go.
I decided I’d ask. The worst he could do was say no.
Slade, Wreck and Storm had already gone to bed and I found Wolfe in the kitchen drinking a beer.
“Hey there,” I whispered, not wanting to wake up anyone else. The boat swayed gently, as if it wanted to rock us all to sleep.
“Hey,” he whispered back. “Ready for bed?”
“I guess,” I said.
“I know it's hard to stop for the night, but we’ll make good time tomorrow.”
“I know,” I replied. “The hard part is sleeping alone. Will you sleep with me?”
I blurted the words out and instantly regretted it. His eyes widened and I tried to take them back.
“Nevermind, I shouldn’t have —.”
“December.”
“Yes?”
“Of course, I will sleep with you. I know how hard this is. I’d do anything you asked of me.”
“Anything?” I asked, bemused.
He grew serious, his eyes peering deeply into mine. I saw the desire there, and I felt it, too, but making love to Wolfe for the first time on a boat with a bunch of other guys wasn’t how I’d imagined it.
And, oh, how I’d imagined it over the years.
By the look in Wolfe’s eyes, I was sure he’d imagined it too.
“Thank you,” I whispered. I turned and headed down the small hall towards my bedroom and I felt his eyes on my back as he followed.
I couldn’t help but smile. All I wanted was to be wrapped up in Wolfe’s arms, relish in the comfort he provided, and his agreement left me breathless.
I kept my clothes on and crawled into bed, scrambling under the covers. Respectfully, almost too much so, Wolfe stayed on top of the covers as he pulled me into his arms, wrapping me up in the comfort I so desperately needed.
Words unnecessary, we lay together in the silence of the swaying boat, our breath falling in sync as we drifted off to sleep, exhaustion settling in as the light from the full moon poured through the window and bathed us in her glowing light.
Chapter 21
SHANE
The bright morning sunlight shot through my brain, sending searing jolts of torturous agony through my head. I groaned, stumbling to the bathroom.
When I came out, Leo was on the deck, staring out at the water with Lucy sitting by his feet.
“Morning,” I grumbled.
“Hey,” he mumbled.
Lovely. Another day with this asshole, I thought to myself. He was so ungrateful. Not a humble damned bone in his body. All he did was sit around and sulk, and he never thanked me once for bringing his sorry ass into this world.
I thought back to the moment December told me she was pregnant. I was already scared out of my fucking mind that Wolfe would change his mind and tell the truth about what happened that night at the convenience store.
> Not that he knew the real truth, anyway, but if he told anyone I was there, his confession would be useless and they’d come after me in a heartbeat.
It had been a few weeks since it all went down and I’d considered going to try to visit Wolfe while he was still in County but I figured staying as far away from that scene as possible was the best thing for me.
We were never close in the first place, so going to visit him would only stir up suspicions. But, for that few weeks after it all happened and before December dropped the baby bomb on my ass, I’d been planning my escape.
I didn’t want to leave too soon, for the same reason I didn’t visit Wolfe. I didn’t want to seem like I was doing anything unusual. So, I was waiting for the right time, but I’d been socking away as much money as I could and figuring out where the hell I could go and start over.
There was nothing to keep me in Depoe Bay.
Certainly not December. All she did was cry and cry, going on and fucking on about losing Leo. Goddamn, she was almost catatonic. It was maddening and I was quickly growing bored of it all.
Leaving was looking better and better everyday.
Until she decided to throw a wrench into things.
“I’m pregnant, Shane,” she’d finally confessed through tears. “I don’t know what to do.”
Well, fuck.
Everything changed after that. I tried to get her to get rid of the kid, adoption, abortion, whatever, hell, I didn’t care. To be perfectly honest, I thought about doing something myself to help it all along.
But I’d already tempted fate and I didn’t need another death on my hands.
So, out of guilt, I stayed.
Goddamn, I wish I’d bailed.
But one thing led to another and I ended up being a cop, so I guess life works out the way it's supposed to, in the end. Of course, I couldn’t have the kind of freedom I’d always dreamed of, not saddled with a fucking kid and an old lady.
But I did my best, I guess. I had a good time, to the best of my ability.
But now? Now that the brat was about to turn into a full on teenager, with the entitled attitude to go along with it?
No, thank you.
I was ready for this whole shit show to be over with.
I knew the only remedy for the relentless throbbing in my head was the hair of the dog that bit me, so I sauntered over to my cooler for my morning medicine. Alcohol had been my only friend through all this shit. It blurred the edges of reality just enough to make it tolerable.
I threw open the lid and stared down at the empty cooler in confusion. Next to it was a crate I’d been throwing my empties in, and it was filled with empty bottles. Beer bottles, and my liquor bottles, all completely empty.
“What the fuck?” I mumbled under my breath, attempting to remember just how much I’d drank the night before. It was fuzzy, super fuzzy. And my head did feel like a Mac truck was running through it. I looked over at the boy, my eyes squinted in suspicion.
Did he have the balls to drink my stash?
No way. I shook my head. He didn’t have that kind of courage. He’d have known what kind of hell he would be unleashing on himself and he’d never do that.
Luckily, we were still anchored only about a mile offshore, so replenishing my stock wouldn’t be too much of a chore.
I walked over to him, sizing him up as I went along.
He didn’t look drunk. Or hungover. I was still doubting whether he’d done it or not, but I figured it was important to address the situation, no matter what.
“You drink my booze?”
He looked up at me, his eyes, so much like December’s, defiant and angry.
“Why would I drink that shit? It’s disgusting.”
I lifted an eyebrow at his language. Maybe he was getting a little hair on his sack after all.
“All my shit is gone, every last drop.”
“Yeah? Maybe you drank it. Which makes you disgusting, too.”
The back of my hand was slamming into his face before I even had time to think about it, sending him flying from his chair. Lucy jumped, then growled at me, jumping between us like I wouldn’t hit her, too.
Dogs are so fucking stupid.
Leo looked up at me with hatred in his eyes. I stared back at him, reflecting the disdain we had for each other like we were looking in a mirror.
“I fucking hate you!” he shouted at the top of his lungs, before scrambling to his feet and running down to the cabin.
I laughed, shaking my head, as I began to pull up the anchor and head towards the shore to find more booze.
Chapter 22
WOLFE
December fell asleep right away and I laid awake all night.
She snuggled in my arms like a long-lost lover and yet we still hadn’t kissed. I wasn’t counting the one when we were kids, because did that really count at all? No. What counted was the present, and that meant we were starting from scratch. But somehow, even that thought didn’t feel right.
But December? Lying in my arms all night? The feel of her heartbeat linking up with mine, as if they’d been connected all these years in some fateful way?
Yeah, that felt right as rain.
At some point, after the sun rose over the horizon, I finally fell asleep despite my best efforts to stay awake. I had no idea what dawn might bring with it, and I’d learned a long time ago not to take anything for granted. This might be my only opportunity to hold December like that. I didn’t want to miss a second.
My body finally betrayed me, though, and I did fall asleep fast and hard — so hard that I had a familiar dream. When I woke up, I was hard and hot and throbbing and I knew if I didn’t untangle myself from December’s still slumbering body — then I would either make a complete fool of myself or peel those sheets back and find out if what I’d been dreaming of all these years lived up to my imagination.
So, I left her there, hating myself for being so weak in the moment. I went to the bathroom and ripped off my clothes, turning on the icy water and immersing myself.
It was no use.
My body wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so I had to find my own relief, my eyes closed as I relived my delicious dream, my hands sliding over December’s hips, gripping them firmly as I slammed myself inside of her warmth. I shuddered in pleasure, finally finding the empty substitute that would have to suffice for sustenance.
At least for now.
A small glimmer of hope had found its way into my boarded up heart somewhere between when December fell asleep in my arms last night and when I woke up from dreaming I was literally inside of her.
Instead, she’d gotten inside of me.
Hell, she always was.
No matter what happened today, as we were getting closer and closer to finding Shane and Leo, I knew nothing in the world would ever change that.
What happened in the future was still unknown, but that hope that had taken residence deep inside of me was high.
I pulled on my jeans after drying off, and avoided December’s bedroom all together, joining the guys in the kitchen.
It was obvious I’d spent the night in December’s bed, but I wasn’t trying to hide anything, either. The look Slade gave me as I walked in the room did not go unnoticed, but I didn’t acknowledge it either.
Luckily, he kept his mouth shut, which wasn’t like him at all, which actually worried me.
“You okay, man?” I asked.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Feeling much better.”
“That’s good,” I said.
He shook his head, “I mean, I don’t think I’m as good as you, though, brother,” he smirked, gesturing toward December’s room.
“There it is,” I said. “I thought we’d get through the morning without your snide comments.”
“Never, man,” he said, laughing as the other others joined in. “I’ll never be that fucking sick.”
Chapter 23
DECEMBER
After changing clothes, I walked o
ut of my room and stopped short when I saw the guys in the kitchen laughing. They were all gorgeously stunning men, but it was Wolfe that left me reeling.
He stood with his back to me, half-naked in just a pair of jeans. He turned when I walked in and the laughter faded away, as I stood staring at him in awe.
I hadn’t seen Wolfe’s half-naked body since he was a boy when we were swimming and even then I couldn’t help but stare. But now, all traces of the boy I knew were gone and the man standing in front of me had my mouth watering.
“Hey,” he said, flashing me a smile.
“Good morning,” I replied, forcing myself to look away.
“Hungry? The guys made breakfast,” he said. “Storm’s upstairs and we pulled anchor hours ago.”
“Good, yeah, I’m hungry,” I said.
I walked over and grabbed a plate, as Slade moved out of the way and flashed me a friendly smile. “Morning, mama.”
“Good morning,” I replied. “Are you feeling better?”
“Absolutely, totally ready for a kick-ass day!”
“Isn’t everyday a kick ass day for you, Slade?” Wreck asked, laughing.
“If it’s a good day, then that means I kicked some ass, you fucking bet!” Slade replied, walking over to Wreck and throwing his fists up. “Let’s fucking fight, bro!”
“Not on the boat!” Wolfe said, shaking his head. “You goddamned maniac.”
Slade put his hands down, shaking his head with disappointment. Wolfe looked over at me and smiled. “He loves to fight.”
“I gathered that,” I said, not able to do anything but laugh along with them.
“Well, today’s the fucking day, I can feel it in my bones,” Slade said. “Can’t wait to break a few bones myself.”
“Let’s wait till we’ve accomplished our mission,” Wolfe said.
“Or, maybe during the mission? I mean, that’s the fun of it all, isn’t it?”
FOREVER DECEMBER: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK 15) Page 8