by C. J. Welles
I cry as tears thunder down my face. “I failed my babies and my fiancé. I hated myself, I hated my body and I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Bryson kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault, that it was something I couldn’t prevent.”
I thrust my hands in my hair as I scream out. I scream and cry as Carmen holds me tight. “Honey, it wasn’t your fault. These things happen.”
“I know that now. But back then… Back then, my head was all fucked up.”
***
Chapter Sixteen
Casey
I SMILE AT BRETT as he walks into the coffee shop. He stops at the counter and orders his coffee then comes to sit down.
“You’re looking good,” he says as he pecks my cheek then sits down.
“I feel good,” I answer with a true smile.
In the past month, I’ve changed a lot when it comes to my lifestyle. I now only work five days a week and no more than ten hours a day. I eat home cooked meals every night and I call mom once a week.
I didn’t realize how much it was wearing me down by not talking about Bryson or the miscarriage until I unloaded everything to Carmen.
Carmen. She has been like my fairy godmother. She checks in on me regularly, every Sunday we have a cooking day where we cook and freeze meals for the week.
“That’s fantastic.” He looks around the coffee shop before his gaze settles on me. “Your boyfriend isn’t here?” he asks. “I don’t think he likes me and didn’t think he’d let you meet me without him.”
“Bryson?” I question with a laugh. “We’re not together.”
“He didn’t act like it.”
“I know and I should have put him in his place. He’s just… protective.”
“Protective,” Brett repeats but I know he doesn’t believe it.
Bryson was acting like a dog marking its territory, and I’m not shy to admit that I liked the attention he was showing me.
“How have things been with you?” I ask him.
He rolls his eyes. “Dad’s frustrating me when it comes to the Country Club. If I knew that he didn’t need me, I’d quit and get a job somewhere else.”
“Is he still considering handing the Club Manager job over to you?”
“Who knows. Last week he didn’t want to, but then this morning he was introducing me to the two new board members. He introduced me as Brett, his son who will be taking over Willow Bank Country Club.”
“Hopefully he’ll make up his mind soon.”
“Yes, hopefully.” He sits there fiddling with a torn sugar packet as he keeps his eyes trained on his coffee cup. “I met someone.”
“You did?”
“She’s really nice. Her name is Annie. She’s a Club member and began coming with her mom two weeks ago.”
“I happy for you.”
He shakes his head. “It won’t go anywhere. Dad shot it down. He said I can’t date anyone who is a member or is staff.”
“Why not?”
“It’s frowned upon and is unprofessional.”
“It’s not breaking the law.”
“No, but it’s a bad look for the club,” he replies with a sigh.
“I don’t see how it is. As long as she is of age and you both want it, there shouldn’t be a problem. You can’t help who you’re attracted to or who you fall in love with.”
And don’t I know that. If I could have a say over my heart, I would have said yes to Brett’s advances. But my heart is already taken.
Brett stays quiet and looks lost in thought. “Just see how it goes,” I say quietly as I reach over and give his hand a reassuring squeeze. “And follow your heart. Trust me.”
For Brett’s sake, I hope he stands up for what he wants instead of bowing down to his dad’s orders.
*
WHEN I ARRIVE HOME, Jolene’s car is parked in the driveway, which means I have to park out on the street. Heading inside, I find her asleep on the sofa with my blanket tossed over her.
God knows what she was up to last night, for her to be asleep at two in the afternoon.
Grabbing my laptop, I sit in the armchair and begin to sift through my work emails. I know I’m not meant to work on Sunday’s anymore, but I’m sure it won’t matter. And what am I supposed to do when my sister is sleeping on my couch.
By the time four o’clock comes around, I’ve cleared my inbox of any unopened emails and am sick of sitting here. I walk into my bathroom and pull out a medicine dropper from my medicine cabinet then fill it up with water. Heading back to Jolene, I pull the blanket off her before I squeeze out a drop of water onto her forehead. She swipes her hand at her forehead, knocking the water droplet away. Another droplet falls on her nose and she mumbles. She flicks her head to the side and the water rolls down her face.
“Wake up,” I say as I squirt the rest of the water, which is not a lot, onto her face.
She lets out a squeal and sits up. “What the hell, Casey?”
“What are you doing asleep on my sofa?”
“I came to visit you and was tired after driving here by myself.”
“Well, it’s good to see you.”
“Same. It’s been ages since I last saw you.”
“I know. Next time I visit mom and dad, I’ll have to make sure you’ll be home.”
“Now that I’m not gallivanting around the country, I’ll be around home more often.”
“You’ll have to show me some of your articles. I’ve been busy and preoccupied and haven’t been keeping up.”
“You haven’t read my article on the championship?” I shake my head. “I interviewed, Rowan, the first-place rider and my interviews were on the front page in the Texas Times and page two in Bull Riders Star.”
“That’s amazing. You’ve done fantastic for yourself. I bet mamma was proud.”
“Yes, she was. But it was dad who bought several papers and magazines. He’s framed the front-page story and it’s now hanging above the fireplace in the living room.”
I chuckle. “Dad always has been proud of us. Remember that time you got first place in the skipping competition in first grade? Dad called up nan and pop as soon as we left the school. Then your first-place ribbon was hanging on the fridge for at least six months.”
“I know. He’s embarrassing sometimes but I wouldn’t have him any other way.”
“Me either.”
Jolene raids my fridge and finds the ingredients to make strawberry daiquiri’s and I make up a plate of cheese and crackers. For the rest of the afternoon, we drink too much and eat too much but we share many memories.
***
Chapter Seventeen
Casey
“CASEY, DAD’S ON THE phone,” Jolene calls out the following Thursday night while I’m relaxing in the bath. “I’m coming in.”
I swish around the bubbles to make sure all my bits that my sister doesn’t want to see, are covered up. “What’s happened?” I ask as she walks in.
“Mom tripped over a log of wood this morning and has broken her ankle.”
“Is she okay?” I start to sit up but remember that I’ll flash Jolene if I do.
“She’s doing okay. It’s fractured in two places and she has to keep it elevated for a few days. After that, she’ll be able to walk around but will have to use crutches so that she doesn’t put any weight on it.”
“Can I talk to dad,” I say as I hold out my hand for the phone. “Hey Dad,” I say.
“Hey, princess,” dad replies. “Sorry to ruin your relaxing time.”
“It’s fine, mom is more important. How is she feeling?”
“Good, she’s just a little out to it from the painkillers.” Mom is one of these people who go loopy just from taking Tylenol.
I look to Jolene and catch her eye. “Hang on a moment dad,” I say to him then cover the phone. “I know you were going to stay here for another week, but I think we should head to mom and dad’s and help mom for a while,” I say quietly. I know dad will never expect us to help an
d he wouldn’t ever ask to, but mom is going to need help with little Lexi.
“If we leave tonight, we can be there in the morning,” Jolene replies.
“Dad,” I say as I uncover the phone. “Jolene and I are going to drive down overnight and spend some time with mom and Lexi.”
“No, girls, you don’t have to. We can manage just fine. I only called to let you know.”
“We want to. It means you don’t have to take leave from work and one of us girls can fill in for mom at her job.”
He’s quiet for a little while. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, dad. Its what families do for each other. How many times have you and mom looked after us when we’ve been on the mend after hurting ourselves.”
“Okay, but please don’t drive down tonight. Get some sleep and leave in the morning.”
We agreed with dad then hang up so we can start packing.
*
“I LOVE THIS SONG,” Jolene squeals as she turns up Springsteen by Eric. “When I think of you, I think of seventeen,” she sings along to the song.
I’m not usually much of a singer but listening to Jolene sing and tap away to the tune has me singing as well.
“Do you miss this?” Jolene asks when she turns the music down after the song finishes. “Going on road trips?”
I smile as I think back to when we were younger. “Yes. We had some good times.”
“Remember the time you, Bryson, Nath and I piled into Bryson’s truck and just drove with no plans. We ended up in Mobile.”
“I’d forgotten about that trip. It was spring break, your first year of university. It took us four days to get to Mobile after we’d stopped at every town we went past, just so Nath could get a beer koozie from every bar and gas station.”
Jolene bursts out laughing. “He had at least fifty of them and still has them in a box sitting under his bed.”
“I’m sure he does. What about the time Ryan and Bryson went to every coffee shop in Austin, in one day, just so they could get a sugar packet from each place.” By the time I finish talking, Jolene is laughing so hard that tears have formed in her eyes.
“What’s worse is that we all followed behind them,” she says before she begins laughing again. “And Nath was the idiot who bought a coffee at each place because he felt bad about the other two taking all the sugar packets.”
“I miss those days.”
“Same,” Jolene agrees. “The next place I want to visit is Montana. With everywhere I’ve been, I’m yet to go there. You should come with me.”
“Work out a time and I will. Not before the end of the year though. Between the last time, I visited mom and dad and now this next week, I’ve got hardly any leave left.”
“I was thinking of going in March for my birthday.”
“That sounds good. At least it won’t be freezing cold and snowing.”
“Hey, I like the snow. It was my favorite part when we went to Lake Tahoe.”
“Yes, but you’re strange,” I say as I give her a cheeky smile.
She pokes her tongue out and throws a pretzel at my head that bounces off and lands in my lap.
This trip has cemented one thought in my head. I need to move back to Midway. I’ve spent enough time away from my family and friends, as I was trying to run from demons. Demons that didn’t exist outside of my head.
***
Chapter Eighteen
Bryson
DAD WALKS INTO THE den just as I place the pool cue back on the rack. “I have to head out to move a few of the cattle into the east pasture. Your mom has left a bag of items for Robert to pick up, they’re on the bench. When he gets here can you give them to him.”
“Okay. Do you want me to help you once I’ve finished here?”
He shakes his head. “It’ll only take an hour. I just want to get it done before the rain comes, so I don’t have time to wait for Robert.”
“Alright.” I follow dad out to the kitchen where the bag is sitting. “What’s in here?”
“Melanie broke her ankle yesterday and has to rest for a few days. Your mom is giving her some wool and knitting patterns so Melanie can keep busy.”
“How did she do it?”
“Tripped over a log of wood.”
“Call Robert and tell him I’ll bring it all over to them. Then he won’t have to leave Melanie.” Dad agrees and calls Robert before he heads out to move the cattle.
Picking up the bag and my keys, I go out to my truck then drive over to the Hart’s house. As I pull up on the side of the road, Jolene’s car turns in behind me and parks in the driveway.
She jumps out then walks over to my truck. “What’re you doing here?” she asks as she leans in my window and smacks her lips to my cheek.
“Just come to drop off some things for your mom.”
She steps back and smiles. “Come in.”
As I jump out of my truck, I see her standing next to Jolene’s car. Apart from the nervous smile on her face, she looks good. When I visited her, she looked tired and worn-out. But now she looks like the old Casey.
“Hi,” she says before she walks to the trunk and pulls out a large suitcase.
“Hey,” I reply as I stop next to her. “I’ll get that.” I reach in front of her and pluck the case from her hands. I feel her body shiver as my hand grazes her arm. “You’re looking better.”
“Yes, well, I was a bit of a mess last time I saw you.” She looks to where Jolene is walking inside then back to me. “Thank you for calling Carmen. We talked… I told her everything.”
I stop and settle my gaze on her face. “That’s good.”
“I didn’t think that talking about it would make me feel better.”
I nod my head and I work out the right words to say. I lost count of the times I told her she needed to talk to a professional about it all but I know Casey wasn’t in the right headspace back then. In the end I say, “I’m glad it helped.” Because I am. I don’t want Casey suffering. I never wanted her to suffer.
“Are you two coming in?” Jolene calls out as she stands in the doorway.
Casey gives me another nervous smile before she slips between me and the car then walks past Jolene into the house. As I walk past Jolene, she places her hand on my arm. “You still love her,” she says.
I neither agree or dismiss her statement because, yes, I do love her. But I don’t know if love will ever be enough to repair us.
“Just be careful with her heart. She tries to cover it, but she is still fragile.”
“Yes, she is fragile, but she is a lot stronger than she has been.”
A big smile forms on her face and she gives me a knowing look. “It’s good to have you here.”
I walk past her but pause before I reach Casey’s old room. “Jolene, tell your boyfriend to call me.”
“How do you know?” she asks with a puzzled frown.
I grin at her before I deposit Casey’s suitcase on her bed then walk out into the living room, where I find Melanie sitting on the couch with her leg elevated.
“Thank you for bringing it over,” Robert says as he claps his hand on my shoulder. “Now that the girls are here, I’m going to work.” He shrugs into his jacket and places his hat on then looks to Jolene and Casey. “Thank you for coming down. I’ll be home just before daylight.”
“You know us girls would do anything for any of you,” Casey says.
“Even me?” Lexi asks.
“Especially you, little one.” She smiles and rubs her nose against Lexi’s which makes Lexi giggle.
Robert gives his girls and his wife a kiss then leaves, leaving us all sitting in the living room.
“What are you up to these days?” Melanie asks me.
“Just helping dad until the bull riding starts again. Dad wants me to cut back with the bull riding and only do it for fun instead of competing, so I can help him around the ranch more often.”
I know the manual labor is knocking dad’s body around, but I’m not ready t
o give up bull riding yet. I know that sounds selfish but I’ve worked my ass off to get to where I am. If Jervis hadn’t of bucked me off, I would have taken home that championship cup.
“I’m sure your mum would be happy with that. I even worry that you’ll get injured, I can’t imagine how Caroline feels.”
“She’s told me once or twice that she doesn’t like it.”
“Bryson’s good, ma. I’ve watched nearly all of his rides from the ringside.” Jolene looks to me. “You’ve been giving a fellow reporter some hell when it comes to interviews.”
“I didn’t realize you follow the circuit. Who do you work for?”
“I freelance but Bull Riders Star and I have an agreement and if I have a good article, they’ll publish it.”
“Ah yes, I’ve heard that name a few times. Whoever the journalist is, they are persistent.”
“Daryl, he sure is. But he’s good.”
“You know they only want you so bad because they want to know about Krystal.”
I grind my jaw but I don’t give away that hearing her name still affects me. “I know. But her life is private and I don’t want anyone picking it apart. It’s not fair to her.”
“I can do it if you want. I already know all of it but out of respect for you, I haven’t.”
“Krystal, she was your girlfriend?” Casey questions and everyone in the room goes quiet.
I guess no one has mentioned Krystal to Casey. “She was.”
“What happened between you?”
*
Casey
“SHE DIED.” HIS WORDS ring around in my head. My eyes are trained on Bryson and I can tell his body has gone tense. This isn’t something he wants to talk about but I want to know.
How come none of my family told me? It’s not just some little thing.
“How?” I ask quietly.
“Cancer,” he replies after a long uncomfortable silence.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Bryson and I sit on opposite sides of the room with our eyes locked. There are so many thoughts running through my head but I can’t wrap my mind around any of them.