by K. C. Wells
A closed door was not a good sign.
Luc went over to it and knocked gently. “Kel? You in there?”
There was a muffled sound, followed by a sniff. “Yeah. Did you want something?”
Okay, now he was concerned. “Are you all right?” When Kel didn’t respond immediately, Luc tried the handle. The door wasn’t locked. “I’m coming in, okay?” No objection came, so he pushed open the door.
Kel was lying on his side on the bed, curled up. In his hand were a couple of sheets of paper. Luc approached him slowly. “Hey,” he said softly.
Kel gave him a weak smile. “Hey.”
Luc sat on the bed, his hand resting on Kel’s hip. “What’s going on?”
“I got a letter from someone I don’t even know. Greta. She used to live around here, she says, and she and my parents were great friends for about four years before she moved to Ohio.”
“Why was she writing to you?”
Kel sniffed. “She wanted to share some stuff about my parents. She just heard about them, and it got her thinking about the old days. So she wrote it all down, all the things she remembered.” He swallowed. “At first, it was like she’s describing two strangers. I never knew my parents could be like this. They went to movies together, out to dinner, even on vacation together. She writes about the laughs they had, how funny my mom was.” Kel stared at him with wide eyes. “My mom? Funny? And then I got to thinking. You know what? She’s right. I can remember fun times, happy times. Summers at the lake, fishing with dad, swimming… It was like my brain blocked all those memories. I could only recall the times when we argued, when I disappointed them.” His eyes glistened. “But I don’t want to remember those times. I want to remember all of it. I want to hold on to all the memories.”
Luc didn’t hesitate. He got on the bed behind Kel and curled up around him, holding him in his arms. Luc buried his face in Kel’s neck and breathed him in. They lay like that for several minutes, Luc cradling his boy, Kel content to be held.
“Tell me about some of the happy times,” Luc said softly.
Kel cleared his throat and began talking, hesitantly at first, but with growing confidence. He talked about their vacations, the time his mom blew up the microwave, how his dad was handy with tools. And through it all, Luc held him, until an hour or two had passed, and both of their stomachs were growling.
Luc kissed Kel’s head. “How about we go downstairs, and I fix us some lunch?” He stroked Kel’s hair. “Then we can spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want.”
“Can I show you some photos?”
“I’d love that.”
Kel rolled over to face him, his face pressed against Luc’s chest. “Thank you.”
Luc wrapped him in his arms, enjoying the connection. Then Kel’s belly gave a loud rumble, and he chuckled. “And on that note…”
As they went downstairs, it occurred to Luc that he had never felt this close to another human being in his life.
It was about time.
Chapter Sixteen
The news finally came through from the lawyer: the house was officially Kel’s, and with the rest of his parents’ estate, he had no money issues. The bills got paid, and Kel started contributing to his upkeep at Luc’s, once he’d gotten Luc to agree to take his money. And when fall arrived, he’d finish his MBA, and then start thinking about his next move.
Not that moving factored into his thinking. There were times when he reflected on the strangeness of his situation. His own house sat empty, with Kel going in occasionally to dust, while he lived next door. He couldn’t think of his parents’ house as home, even though it had been for eighteen years. To Kel, home meant warmth, and security, and happiness—which, coincidentally, were all the emotions that surfaced when he thought about Luc’s house. In three months, it had become more of a home than his own had ever been.
Isn’t that what they say? ‘Home is where the heart is’?
Right then, he was extremely content. He had a comfortable place to live, his days were occupied with a creative task, and now Luc had turned out to be the best roomie ever. Because you have to love a guy who never says no to sex, right?
Two weeks of sex. Talk about heaven. As far as Kel was concerned, it was Christmas and every other holiday he could think of, all rolled into one. He’d snuggle up to Luc in bed every night, whisper “Can we?” and that would be all she wrote. Of course, they’d had to add condoms to their weekly grocery list, because sometimes once a night just wasn’t enough.
When Luc made a remark about stocking up on vitamins, Kel teasingly suggested that he take an early night to catch up on his sleep, because people Luc’s age needed all the sleep they could get. That had gotten him an ache in his ass that had lasted a whole day. He was never gonna underestimate Luc’s stamina again, that was for damn sure.
And since that first night in Luc’s bed, he hadn’t slept in his own room. Night would come, they’d go upstairs, and Luc would lead him by the hand into his room. Which was fine as far as Kel was concerned, because spending the night in Luc’s arms was bliss. Not that they slept the whole night through all the time. There was something so hot about waking to find Luc in a similar state, reaching for him, and claiming his mouth with languid kisses that didn’t stay languid for long.
Luc had joked that Kel was addictive, and Kel had snorted, because pot… kettle…
Except there was more to Luc than sex, and Kel knew it. Luc was the most caring man Kel had ever met, and that care was still evident in the bedroom. The way he made sure to meet Kel’s needs, the tenderness that always followed sex, the orgasms that just kept coming….
But Luc also proved his worth again and again outside the bedroom. Kel valued his opinions. More than that, he knew he could rely on Luc for comfort, encouragement, support, and yes, even discipline. Luc steadied him, guiding him with a firm hand, but always in a way that let Kel know he genuinely cared.
Yeah, everything in the garden was rosy. And yet…
Kel didn’t know what was niggling him, but something sure was. Whatever it was, it was to do with Kel. What is wrong with me? I don’t want for anything, but…
It was the ‘but’ that concerned him.
Kel hadn’t said a word to Luc about this. Because to voice any kind of dissatisfaction would be like spitting in Luc’s eye. The man had gone out of his way to help Kel, he didn’t say a word about Kel’s sexual appetite—which even Kel freely admitted was voracious—and he wanted nothing in return.
Maybe I’m just a terrible person. Kel intended to do nothing but wait and see if whatever eluded him came to light. Because it had to, sooner or later.
Everything always did, secret or not.
Luc should have been the happiest man alive. The fact that he wasn’t, only confirmed what a bastard he really was. Who could fail to be happy with what amounted to sex on tap with a younger lover?
Not that he was under any illusions as to what was wrong. He’d known what ailed him just over a week after they’d first hit the mattress together. There was a remedy, he knew that too, but not one he could even contemplate. Not with Kel.
I’m breaking my own rule. All those times he’d hooked up with younger guys, the one thing he’d made absolutely sure of before they took one step down the road toward fucking, was that their sexual interests were compatible. Because if they weren’t? It was never going to work, and it would be a waste of a night.
But when it came to Kel, the boy was a blank canvas. He had no sexual interests, beyond a love of getting fucked. Sure, it was wonderful to see him growing more confident when they had sex, to the point where he’d initiate it, but that wasn’t voicing anything more than ‘fuck me, please?’
Except Luc knew he was being unfair. He’d kept sex on a strictly vanilla basis, taking care to be gentle each time they made love. Kel was only now getting used to the idea that sex was okay. Luc wasn’t going to scare him by getting even a little bit rough, no matter how much he longed for
that.
Luc was sure of one thing—he wasn’t about to go elsewhere to get his needs met. He wouldn’t do that to Kel. The boy meant far too much to him. So that left one option, which called for subterfuge and stolen moments.
Luc really didn’t like himself right then. He was breaking another rule, the one about secrets, and that spelled trouble.
Kel folded the shopping list and tucked it into his back pocket. “Are you sure there’s nothing else we need?”
Luc added their lunch dishes to the dishwasher, straightened, and narrowed his gaze. “I’m not sure I can trust you to shop by yourself.”
Kel gaped in mock innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Luc snorted. “Oh really. Let me be more specific then. Can I trust you to come home with what’s on the list, without resorting to buying your favorite snacks and eating them on the way home so I won’t find out?” His eyes gleamed. “And don’t bother denying it. You think you’re really good at hiding the evidence, but these eyes miss nothing. That includes the packaging that you stuff into other more innocent bags and boxes.”
Kel stilled. “Aw crap. How long have you known about that?”
“Oh, since the first time you thought you’d gotten away with it.” Luc wagged his finger. “You have to get up very early in the morning to get one over on this guy.” He waved his hand. “Bye. Have a nice shop. I’m gonna take a nap, so if I’m asleep when you get back, please don’t wake me.” His lips twitched. “I need all the sleep I can get, remember?”
Kel guffawed. As he grabbed the shopping bags and headed toward the front door, Luc called out, “Won’t you need these?” Kel peered into the kitchen to find Luc dangling the keys to Kel’s car from his index finger.
Kel rolled his eyes. “I swear I’d forget my head if it wasn’t stuck on so well.” He grabbed the keys and walked out of the door to his car. Luc insisted on using Kel’s car when they shopped to keep the battery topped up: Kel did very little driving.
He threw the shopping bags in the trunk and got in behind the wheel. It was a beautifully sunny, mid-July day, the temperature already in the low eighties, so he cranked up the AC and turned on the radio full blast. Walmart was only eight or nine minutes from the house. Kel sang along to Taylor Swift’s Ready For It, feeling relaxed and content. It was only as he approached Chick-Fil-A, virtually within sight of Walmart’s, that he had a sinking feeling. He pulled into the parking lot and quickly patted his pockets.
Damn it. His wallet was back at the house in his room. Me and my memory. Kel turned the car around and headed home.
As he turned the key in the lock, Kel remembered to be quiet. He smiled to himself. I want him well rested tonight. Kel crept through the house and up the stairs, determined not to wake Luc. But as he got to the upper floor, he heard voices coming from Luc’s room.
So much for taking a nap. He’s on his phone. Then he caught words that made him freeze to the spot, hardly daring to breathe.
“Oh yeah, Daddy, fuck your boy.”
“You gonna take what I give you?” [loud smack]
[moans] “Yes, Daddy. Please, breed my ass.”
[growl] “Gonna fill you with my load.” [groans] [slaps of flesh against flesh] “My boy.”
“Oh fuck, I can feel it. Daddy, I’m gonna come.”
“Not till I say.”
Kel had heard enough. He crept into his room, grabbed his wallet, and made his way downstairs as silently as he knew how. Once he’d closed the front door, he hurried to his car, got in, and sat there, stunned.
It wasn’t Luc’s voice, he knew that. From the sound quality and the volume, Kel assumed it came from Luc’s laptop. So that left one obvious conclusion.
Kel’s lungs constricted and his stomach felt hard. One question hammered into his brain. Why does he need to watch porn? He’s got me in his bed. Isn’t that enough?
Obviously not.
But warring within him was the acknowledgment that those words had lit a fire inside. His skin felt hot and cold all at once, and his breathing came out in staccato bursts. Is that what’s been eluding me? He couldn’t deny the sounds of rough sex, so far removed from Luc’s tender lovemaking, called to him, igniting a need buried deep inside. He loved how Luc was with him, but…
The thoughts only confirmed what Kel already knew about himself. Because what kind of person listened to someone being fucked so roughly, and wished it were them on the receiving end of those smacks?
Can’t think about this right now. He had groceries to buy, especially if he was to make out that everything was normal. But one thing was certain. Once Kel had worked out the best way to approach the subject, Luc was going to be on the receiving end of some very pointed questions.
Because Kel wanted answers.
Chapter Seventeen
By the time dinner had been eaten and the dishes cleared, Luc was convinced.
He’s got something on his mind.
At first he’d thought his own feelings of guilt were making him see what wasn’t there, but as the evening wore on, little things gave Kel away. He avoided making eye contact, seeming almost to shrink in on himself. He kept his hands by his sides and sat still, a surefire sign that all was not well—Kel could never sit still.
As far as Luc was concerned, this was a backwards step. Today’s Kel was much more confident than the young man who’d spoken to him over the property boundary back in March, and Luc wasn’t about to let him stew in whatever was bugging him.
“Want a beer?” he called out to Kel in the living room area.
There was a pause. “Sure.”
Luc removed two bottles from the refrigerator, popped the caps, then took them through. Kel was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV screen. Luc handed him a bottle, before inclining his head toward the TV. “Is that any good?”
Kel shrugged. “I wasn’t really watching.” He took a mouthful of beer.
Luc sat next to him, his feet propped up on a low cushioned stool. He picked up the remote, switched off the set, and turned to face Kel.
Before he could say a word, Kel got there first.
“Why do people watch porn?”
Luc stilled. He knew Kel well enough to know that something specific had prompted the question, and considering how Luc had spent some of his afternoon, he had a pretty good idea of what lay at the root. He knows. How, I’m not sure. And for whatever reason, he’s not happy about it. So let’s see where this goes.
Luc cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something? Have you ever watched porn?” He had a fairly good idea what the response would be.
Kel swallowed. “Once or twice. To be honest, I didn’t feel good about watching it. All I could think of was…”
“How your parents would feel about it if they knew,” Luc concluded. Kel nodded. “I’m guessing it made you feel guilty.” Another nod. Luc sighed. “Okay. First thing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching porn.”
“Next, you’ll tell me it’s a valuable activity.” Kel’s expression was impassive, but Luc doubted he was that calm underneath.
“Some folks make out that porn is an educational tool. It’s not. Porn is a fantasy, where people can explore things that intrigue them.”
“But if you’re in a relationship, you don’t need porn, right?”
Luc knew where this was going. “Just because you watch porn, does not mean you’re dissatisfied with a partner or a relationship. It can be a way to get ideas, to find something new to try. And yes, it’s true some people do become addicted to it, but that’s only because they lose the balance between what’s real and what’s fantasy. There is nothing wrong with having fantasies.” He cocked his head to one side. “Wanna know what’s really hot? Watching porn together.”
Kel blinked. “Seriously?”
Luc nodded. “Think about it. Two guys jerking off while they watch guys fucking on the screen. They get turned on. Pretty soon, they’re jerking off each other. Next thing you know, they�
��re all fired up and fucking on the living room rug.”
“On the—” Kel widened his eyes.
Luc put down his bottle and shifted closer. “We could watch porn together, if you like,” he said quietly. “So you can see for yourself.”
Kel shivered. “If we do… I wanna watch what you were watching this afternoon when you thought I was out of the way.”
And there we have it.
Luc rolled out a heavy sigh. “Ask what it is you’ve been dying to ask all evening. Luc’s golden rule, remember? Full disclosure, open and honest.”
Kel studied him for a moment. “Why do you watch porn? You can fuck me any time you like. Hell, you already do. So why do you need to watch porn too?” His expression was so earnest, it tugged at Luc’s heart.
He took a deep breath and bared his soul. “Because I have needs that can’t be met by what we do in bed.”
Kel opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. He cocked his head to one side. “You didn’t say these needs couldn’t be met by me… If what you’re watching is what you’d like to do with me, then why don’t we try it?”
“It’s not as simple as that!” The words burst out of him.
“Tell me,” Kel demanded. “Why can’t we try it?”
There was no way out of it. “Because,” Luc said, enunciating carefully, “the way guys are on the stuff I watch? I could never be like that with you.”
“Then how are they?” Kel shifted onto the floor, sitting back on his haunches and gazing up at him imploringly. “Come on, Luc. You talk about open and honest full disclosure. Well, that’s a two-way street.”
“They’re not gentle, all right?” Luc swallowed. “I like rough sex. I like to throw a guy around the bed. Or the couch. Or wherever we happen to end up fucking.” He took another breath. “Be honest. How would you feel if I pulled your hair while we were fucking? Smacked your ass? Shot my load all over your face? Fucked you standing up, pinned to the wall?”