by Azzi, Gina
“Let me make love to you, Zoe.” His breath in my ear causes goosebumps to skate over my skin.
My hands are splayed wide against his shoulder blades, pulling him closer as his hand picks up the pace between my legs.
I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones, the stupid amount of time I’ve gone without his touch, or the moment, but an orgasm rips through me, more intense than anything I’ve ever experienced. Waves of pleasure travel throughout my body, flooding my senses like a waterfall.
“You’re so beautiful, baby,” Eli’s voice fills my head as my body pulses against his hand.
Before I have time to gain my bearings, he slips inside me and I tremble, the pleasure almost too intense to bear. Eli’s hand cups my cheek and I force my eyes open, falling headfirst into the green pools of his eyes. I watch him intently, in awe of the man he is, startled that he really is mine.
His skin is hot against mine, his movements slow but deliberate, like he’s savoring every single touch, each whispered word. I yearn for him, clinging to his frame until the space between us ceases to exist.
Our breathing syncs, inhales and exhales, yearnings and longings.
The world stops spinning as Eli’s body shadows mine. His movements confident, his eyes honest, his soul pouring directly into mine, filling me up with so much love, I wonder how I survived this long without it.
Every moment is infused with lightness, each second igniting my body with a slow burn and illuminating my heart with an inextinguishable glow. Everything is different from anything I ever experienced. I never want this feeling to end. Ever.
Eli kisses me with absolute reverence, his body becoming one with mine, until we both crest and shatter, breaking into a thousand wishes and hopes and dreams that all came true.
* * *
“Are you nervous?” I bump Eli’s hip as Charlie fiddles around near the dessert table.
He crumples his forehead, glancing at me in confusion. “Why are we doing this again?”
“Because gender reveals are all the rage!” Charlie calls over her shoulder, winning the award for best eavesdropper. She winks at me.
Eli grumbles under his breath and I grin.
That’s right. We are doing all the things. All the frilly, over-the-top, exciting, soul bursting, baby things. Now that I’ve got my miracle, I’m letting myself embrace it. Fully, completely, and with abandon.
“This is almost worse than participation trophies,” he mutters under his breath, tossing an arm around my shoulder and kissing my head. His hand shadows my stomach. “You feeling okay?”
“Honestly?” I don’t miss the flash of concern that darkens his irises. “I’ve never felt better.”
“You’ve been talking with Dr. Salinas?”
“Every week. My last round of blood work and imaging came back normal. Dr. Salinas is monitoring me closely and is in direct contact with my OB-GYN. Honestly, Eli, this may be the only chance we have at this.” I press my hand over his. “I’m going to do both surgeries after I deliver. I know that. For now, let’s enjoy this.” I glance back toward Charlie, who’s pinning a banner to the mimosa bar.
Dad’s sitting in a chair, overseeing her progress. “A little to the left, Charlie,” he calls out. She snickers, playing along.
“I know,” Eli agrees, turning my face for a quick kiss. “I just worry about you.”
Ever since that night in his bed, we’ve been making up for lost time. It’s been wonderful and glorious and everything a woman could yearn for between the sheets. Now, it’s not just our bodies that are in total sync, but our hearts and minds.
“Harlow should be here any minute with the cake.”
“I’m happy she was able to come.”
“Me too,” he grins. “Although knowing her, she was desperate to leave L.A.”
“She was only back a week.”
“A week’s too long with her mom. Besides, something’s up with her and Connor.”
I pat his shoulder. “If it’s taken you this long to work that one out, I’m a bit worried if we’re having a girl.” I leave him looking confused as I make my way toward Charlie.
“Need any help?” I offer.
“No. You’re not even supposed to be here,” she scolds me, folding napkins.
“I know, but I wanted to take it all in.”
Charlie squeezes my wrist. “This is going to be one lucky baby.”
“The luckiest,” I agree, my eyes cutting to Eli, now sitting next to Dad. The two of them are engaged in some type of serious conversation that I bet actual money pertains to football.
“I’m here,” Harlow announces her arrival and Charlie hurries to help her with the door.
“Hi! I’m so glad you could come.” I take the cake box from Harlow’s arms before Charlie yanks it away, shooing me to go sit. I toss my arms around Harlow, an embrace she returns.
“You look radiant, Zoe,” she beams. “Positively glowing. I can’t wait to see if you and Eli are having a boy or a girl.”
“I know. I’m so excited.”
“Mimosa?” Charlie calls to Harlow, waving a glass from the mimosa bar.
“That’s my cue,” Harlow says, passing me her coat and starting off toward the champagne. She stops quickly to greet Eli and Dad, before she’s clinking a glass against Charlie’s and drinking to my good health.
I take a moment to drink in the scene—the beautiful flowers Charlie arranged in mason jars tied with twine and lace, the tiny signs naming every dessert written in gold flourish, the games set up around the space, and the people I love most in the world, all under one roof. I can hardly believe how blessed I am.
It’s rare, to know in the moment that it’s more than just a moment. Sure, it’s fleeting, but the feeling I have right now, this bursting with pure happiness, is one I’ll never forget.
“We’re here,” Evan announces as Ollie runs through the door, throwing his arms around me.
Over the next thirty minutes, I greet our friends who have become like family, meet Eli’s parents who pushed up their trip to be here for the gender reveal, and allow myself to be fully present in all the moments.
It’s one of the best days of my life, and I know it’s only going to be sweeter once we learn the gender of our miracle.
* * *
“My friend James’s parents had a cake. If the inside was pink, it’s because he’s having a sister. And if was blue, he’s having a brother. It was pink.” Ollie wrinkles his nose.
“One of my friends had her husband wear a white T-shirt and she sprayed him with paint from a water gun. It was pink,” Harlow supplies.
“Wait, you have friends who are girls?” Evan jokes and Harlow flips him off with one hand while pointing to Charlie and me with the other.
Evan laughs. “You could do it the old-fashioned way and just wait and see. You know, when the baby is born.”
“Evan, where’s the fun in that?” Eli’s mom, Mary, scolds her son. “In my day, you had to wait months to know the gender. There were no blood tests that could determine it in the first trimester.” She’s practically bouncing on her toes with excitement. Every time she glances at Eli, her expression softens and her eyes glow, as if she can’t believe he’s about to become a father. That she’s about to become a grandma.
Every time our eyes catch, she offers me a soft, knowing smile, as if she can’t wait for me to become part of her family.
“What are we doing, kid?” Dad asks, snacking on all the chocolate-dipped Oreos. “Cake, water gun, balloons?”
“Well, that’s up to Ollie,” I grin, raising my eyebrows at my favorite little kid.
His eyes grow wide as saucers as his gaze darts between Eli and me, his mouth open. “Me?”
“Yep,” Eli steps forward, holding out a cupcake and a balloon. “Take your pick, little man. Want to bite into the cupcake or pop the balloon?”
Ollie glances back at Evan, who’s grinning at him so hard he no longer resembles the badass criminal def
ense lawyer he’s rumored to be. Charlie’s expression practically melts from the heat in her eyes as she drinks in Evan and Ollie’s exchange like a desert wanderer.
“Balloon,” he says finally, stepping forward. “Hey Zoe, can I name the baby too?”
“Simmer down, little man,” Eli interjects, passing Ollie a pin to pop the balloon.
Everyone laughs, the room radiating with warmth and joy, as we huddle closer together. Mary reaches for Derek’s hand. Dad sits perfectly straight. Charlie nibbles her fingernails while Connor grips his beer. Eli and I hold the balloon in front of us as Ollie grins at his audience. “On the count of three,” he instructs.
My smile feels so big, my face may disappear. Nerves zing up and down my arms as I clench the balloon, feeling like the greatest wish I’ve ever had is about to come true.
I’m having a baby.
Eli shifts his fingers to wrap around mine.
We’re having a baby.
“One! Two! Three!”
Ollie pops the balloon and— pink confetti tumbles out, decorating the floor and swirling around as our family and friends gasp and shriek and cry out in joy.
Eli’s hands are on my face, melting into the curves of my cheekbones as he presses his lips against mine.
Shocked, dazed, and so happy I don’t know how to process it, I close my eyes and let him pour his uncontrollable bliss into my mouth. I hold onto his wrists before I wrap my arms around him and melt into his frame.
“We’re having a girl,” I breathe out.
Eli’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. His face is the most open I’ve ever seen it.
Unguarded. Trusting. Beautiful.
“I love you so much, Zoe Clark. Just knowing you has made me a better person. I can’t wait to meet our little princess together.”
“I love you too, Eli,” I say back, arching up to kiss him again.
Our lips barely touch before we’re pulled back, me into Dad’s embrace and Eli into Mary’s. Then, they switch.
“Oh darling girl. I’m so very happy for you,” Mary beams at me.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I tell her truthfully. I hope my baby and Mary will have the type of relationship I had with my grandma before she passed.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She moves my hair behind my shoulder. “May you and Eli always be this happy.” She steps back as Charlie and Harlow hug me on either side.
Over the next hour, Eli and I are swept up by the happy chaos unfolding in Dad’s living room. Brimming with laughter, bursting with love, we offer our little one a future worth embracing.
* * *
“You’ve got confetti in your hair,” Charlie musses my unkempt mane hours later as confetti swirls to the floor.
“It’s everywhere,” I laugh, looking around Dad’s trashed—in the best way possible—living room. After the party, we sent him to Shooters with Connor, Eli, and Evan so we could clean up his house and move everything back to its original place. Mary and Derek were delighted to spend time with Ollie and whisked him away to a movie.
“Thank you for today,” I tell Charlie, who rolls her eyes and pulls me into a hug.
“You know I’d do anything for you,” she says sincerely, her eyes dropping to my stomach. “And you, baby girl. Even all the things your mama tells me not too.”
I laugh, reaching for the dustpan, but Harlow’s toe kicks it away. She plops down next to me and announces, “The cleaning service will be here in ten.”
“What?” I ask, looking around at the mess. “We can’t—”
“Eli already paid for it,” Harlow reaches into her purse and pulls out a bottle of champagne and a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine. “Now, the girls celebrate the impending arrival of Baby Girl Holt.”
“You girls really didn’t have to do all of this.” I shake my head, in awe of the effort my friends put into today.
Harlow waves her hand. “Please, we wanted to.” She pops both tops while Charlie grabs teacups from the kitchen cupboard.
“All the glasses are dirty,” she says by way of explanation.
Sitting on Dad’s living room floor, surrounded by pink confetti and big bows and a ridiculous amount of desserts, my friends and I toast to my miracle and talk.
We laugh over Eli’s expression— disbelief—at learning our baby’s a girl. We joke about Ollie being a big cousin. We discuss nursery themes and baby names. We enjoy being with each other and having this moment, this day, of friendship, which is one I’ll never take for granted.
Around us, an incredible cleaning crew bustle around to put Dad’s house back together.
Above us, a picture with Mom’s radiant smile shines down, blessing me with her presence.
26
Eli
“Keep ‘em closed,” I tell Zoe, keeping one of my hands pressed over her eyes as I guide her up the long path.
“Where are we going?” she asks, excitement heavy in her tone.
“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”
“I hate surprises.”
“You lie, Zoe Clark. Charlie already told me they’re your favorite.”
“She’s the worst,” Zoe grumbles but her lips are curled upwards in a smile.
I position her right where I want her before I take a deep breath.
This is it.
“Open your eyes,” I say, dropping my hand and moving to Zoe’s side so I can see her reaction.
Her mouth falls open before she looks at me, confused. “It’s beautiful,” she says slowly, her eyes swinging back to the house.
“Do you really like it?”
She nods, her throat working a swallow as she glances between me and the house.
“Good. Because my mom’s moving here and—”
“Oh.” Zoe’s expression flinches before she smooths it out.
“You’re ridiculously good at being diplomatic.”
“What?”
“I’m joking with you. Baby, it’s ours.”
“What?” her eyebrows dart up.
“This house. It’s for us. For our family,” I sweep my arm out. Zoe stares in disbelief at the contemporary, four-bedroom, beautifully landscaped home in front of her. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“Freaking Charlie.”
“But I didn’t want to be too far off-base with what you like. So, your dad helped me.”
“My dad?”
I nod, enjoying how blown away she is by my grand gesture.
Buying a house is no joke. But buying a house to surprise the woman you love is a lot of pressure. Some may even argue it’s harder than choosing the perfect ring. Don’t worry, that’s coming next.
Not today, though. I can’t give her all my surprises in one shot. But soon.
Because now that I have my Violet, there isn’t a chance in hell I’m letting her go.
Not ever.
“He told me how much you loved this area as a kid. That your mom used to take you—”
“To the park around the corner,” she finishes, her fingertips pressing into her lips. “It has big trees with a lot of shade.”
“You used to have picnics.”
Zoe nods, her eyes brimming with tears. Of course, I know it’s partly from the hormones wreaking havoc on her body, but it doesn’t stop the swell of pride from expanding in my chest.
“Joe gave me a list. Natural light. Four bedrooms. A backyard with a garden.”
She furrows her eyebrows. “I don’t garden.”
“He’s planning on planting tomatoes.”
Zoe snorts, rolling her eyes. “Eli…I can’t…this isn’t…I don’t know what to say. I mean…wow. This is gorgeous. Amazing. More than I ever dreamed.”
“You’re more than I ever dreamed,” I admit, placing my hand on the softest swell of her abdomen. “Make a home with me, Violet?”
“Always, Eli.”
“Come on,” I take her hand. “Let me give you the grand tour. Charlie’s waiting for your go-ahead rega
rding nursery paint samples.”
Zoe tips her head back and laughs. It’s the sweetest music I’ve ever heard.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe I got the girl, never mind the whole goddamn dream. Sometimes, the fear of losing it all eats at me, keeping me up at night with concerns I can’t quell and scenarios I don’t want to consider.
When we step into the nursery, Zoe’s eyes widen. She circles the room slowly, her fingertips trailing across the wall. She pauses at the window, sunlight filtering through the big leaves of the robust oak trees in front of our new home. Her hand pauses over her belly and my heart swells with the knowledge that my miracle, my once-in-a-lifetime, my constant light and brightest spot on any given day, is standing before me.
Watching my Violet own her impending motherhood with courage and grace, excitement and beauty, is the greatest honor I’ll ever know.
* * *
“What’d she say?” I ask nervously, feeling my jaw tick as I watch Zoe’s face for a sign.
Next to me, Joe Clark stiffens, his entire being in tune to his daughter.
Her face, a mask of careful neutrality blossoms into a beaming smile. “All clear! Nothing has changed since my last set of tests.”
“Oh thank God,” Joe murmurs under his breath as Zoe wraps her arms around his neck.
After she presses a quick kiss to his cheek, she falls into my lap and hugs me, snuggling deep. “Dr. Salinas says we can test again in another three to six months.”
“Let’s make it three,” Joe and I say in unison. Zoe laughs.
“Well, now that we got this good news out of the way…” Joe stands from his kitchen table and maneuvers over to his liquor cabinet to grab champagne flutes.
Zoe furrows her eyebrows at me but I grin, standing so she slips off my lap. I open the sliding doors to the back porch and grab the bucket of ice containing a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
Zoe rolls her eyes, “All of this because of test results.”
“No, no,” Joe shakes his head, placing the flutes down on the table. “We just didn’t want to upstage you.”