I looked up at her, and my panic turned into pleading as I whispered so that the universe couldn’t hear me and expose this as all an elaborate prank, “We're going to be mothers... how can we raise a child in the city? Don't you know how dangerous this city can be?”
Mom's gentle, knowing chuckle carried a heavy dose of, 'now you know how I feel' in it as my detective moved over to hold me. “Yes, we are. And New York City is nothing to fear, didn't you conquer it on your first day here a few years back? If anything, the big city is afraid of you, Finnegan Temperance McLeary-May.”
I smiled at the tone in her voice which brokered no arguments, and I asked, “You think?”
“I think.”
Mom chimed out the window, “You'll do great girls. If not, you know where a pro lives.”
I looked up to the love of my life and smirked, nudging my chin toward mom. “And she's modest too.”
My girl snorted and said, “Winnie is many things, but modest doesn't even hit the top ten list.”
Then my mom got her snark on and whined out in her best impression of me, “I'm sitting right here, girls.”
I returned the 'now you know how I feel' look back at her, wondering if it was a patent pending look that was genetically imprinted on us May girls. Probably not, since Rebecca has started using it too. So it must be passed on by proxy to any of the May women. Poor Gar is going to be in trouble once little Alyx started using it.
It was a long drive home as excitement seemed to be increasing with a harmonic resonance that just kept building upon itself. My mind was everywhere yet nowhere, fractured in branching, nonlinear paths. And I blinked and looked up when I saw mom texting in the back seat, no doubt to the mysterious Sam.
I turned to Jane. “How long have you and the Bobbsey Twins been following the Broken Leash network?”
She didn't answer until my eyes boring into her made her crack. “Gah! You're exasperating, pipsqueak.” Then she smirked and refused to look at me, instead of watching the road intently, eyes forward. “Jess and Kerry may have sweet talked one of your new recruits at the rescue to cough up the text group you dog walkers use. The girl seems to have a thing for tall lesbians, so it isn't her fault, those two can charm the panties off of almost anyone, looking like sex on two legs like they do.”
She smirked at the windshield. “I may or may not have asked them to keep me apprised if anything regarding you ever popped up again.” She stopped any dissension I may have offered up by adding, “In our defense, it was only after you were kidnapped, then chased through the city by another person that we did it.”
I grumped, “I'm not that bad!”
She looked back at mom and mom started counting off on her fingers, “Your dog rescue broken into, your apartment door kicked in, you being threatened by two miscreants in an alley...”
I muttered, “Shut up. Maybe it's a little like that.” Then I screwed my face up to look back at mom, “Miscreants? Who talks like that?”
“I do.”
“Fair point.” By the holy tug rope, I wasn't going to win, was I? Rhetorical question, smart ass, I don't need any lip from you too. Just sit back and let me finish, would you?
I sighed then giggled and told them as I crinkled my nose, “I'm gonna be a mom.”
Jane said, with an odd touch of wonder in her tone, “Me too.”
Mom was all smug grins. I sighed heavily and stated the obvious, “And yes, you'll be a grandmother again, smug woman.”
She broke and leaned forward with a smile. “This is so exciting,” her fingers flying on her cell and a mischievous glint in her eyes.
I sighed even more heavily being dramatic, then grinned at the response as we headed home. I got all sorts of suspicious when Jane didn't drop mom and Killer off at her place. We parked the SUV then did a quick walk in the park for the pups and headed to our apartment. Once the ground floor door closed, mom set Killer loose to chase Calvin up the stairs. It was fun to watch the little one go almost tipsy with each stair leap as I gathered our mail.
I prompted mom, “How's his training going? Is he safe to be off leash yet?”
She shook her head and her face contorted to one of exasperation. “He's still too excitable but is following commands well enough to corral at least, but I wouldn't trust him off leash yet like you do with your clients when you play with them in the park.”
I nodded as we went upstairs. The door was open, so the girls must be home and let the dogs in when Calvin scratched.
I may or may not have screamed when we stepped inside, and my roommates and my brother and sister in law yelled out, “Surprise!” And blew little plastic party horns.
I was panting and trying to get my pulse under control as I read the big banner stretched across the living room which said “Congratulations!” with a cartoon baby carriage on it. I narrowed one eye as I tried to push my heart out of my throat when I noted that Jane's hand never even twitched toward her weapon, telling me she knew this coronary inducing sneak attack was imminent.
Then I spun on mom and pointed at her shoulder bag. The rat had texted the others to let them know we had secured representation for our future adoption. She chuckled and placed a hand on my arm as she shut the door behind her. “As I said, baby girl, this is exciting news, and your family wants to celebrate it with you.”
Ok, I may or may not have turned to gushing mush at that, but I refused to accept her unspoken apology until, “Somebody better baby me up here, or I'm going postal and am going to get my labeler out and label you all!”
Rebecca chuckled and deposited one baby shaped Alyx on my hip. Much better. I smiled at them all and then watched Calvin and Killer as they reintroduced themselves to my brother's silly wiener dog, Oscar.
Then I whispered to the group, “I'm going to be a mom.” Then I moved to the couch and bounced my super niece on my knee as the cheers erupted in... in our home, again. By the seven canine lords of Nebula B, I love my family.
Epilogue
I was running frantically and screaming as projectiles burst all around me. Mom was laughing at me as she pulled me behind a plywood tank, saying with a smirk on her face, “Tempe, there's no screaming in paintball.”
I corrected her. “Oh yes there is, mom. They're shooting at me.” I pointed across the course and a paintball splatted the plywood near my exposed hand to punctuate my point.
“They're supposed to. That's sort of the point, sweetie.” She stuck her head out low to scope out the approaching enemy and popped off a couple of shots of her own from one of the two fully automatic guns she carried.
Rick called out from behind a plywood tent cutout a couple yards away. “I'll lay down cover fire, get to the pit!”
I nodded at the old sergeant. I was so happy that he had been here when Jane and I invited our family to the final weekend before Hudson Valley Paintball shut down for the winter season. The teams were pretty evenly matched when we started, with some of my prior team on my side with Garrett and mom.
Our team was named... by Jane, the Original Mays and Company. I retaliated by choosing their name, Jerk Cop's Dirty Dozen. Her team consisted of some of the other regulars here and Jess and Ker-Bear. Rebecca was waiting in one of the observation booths with Alyx. She and Gar were taking turns between rounds.
We were down to just five people per side. I hear a twap and Kenny squealed out, “Aww maaaan,” from beside Rick. He had fluorescent purple paint on his chest plate right over his heart. Ok so now we had four.
Rick's weapon was scanning the perimeter. We all knew Kerry was out there somewhere with that paintball sniper rifle, but we've not been able to pin her location down yet. That was her third kill. Kenny trudged off to the "dead pool” with his weapon held above his head, to join the rest of the fallen soldiers from both sides.
The silver-haired soldier dove into a trench and a paint pellet exploded on the plywood where he had just been. Then he was opening fire at one of the tall po
les at the end of the course where there were platforms.
I just caught a glance at someone almost sliding down the tree trunk sized pole and slipping into the shadows as the paint pellets hit the platform she had probably been laying on this whole match. Kerry was scary good, like Jane.
Rick held up three fingers and counted down to one before he and Dennis stood and laid down cover fire for mom and me to get to them. I squealed as projectiles exploded on the ground around us before I jumped, being caught by the two men, while mom just sort of cartwheeled in, one hand on the sandbags of the trench.
I grinned at her. “Show off.”
She said, “Its ok Tempe. Gar got my aestheticism, you got my...” She paused and then said, “Eyes.”
I rolled said eyes, and muttered, “Gee thanks mom.” Then I smirked. “And Garrett was the first man in the dead pool, so a fat lot of good it did him.”
She snickered and said, “I think Kerry was just proving a point, sweetheart. Garrett was talking a lot of smack before the match began.”
I chuckled then took a second to peek over to the players in the dead pool, drinking sodas and joking as they watched our teams slowly chew away at each other. My bother was smiling and making silly moose ears toward the little observation shed where Becky and Alyx were. He was such a good father. Our dad would have been proud of him, I know mom and I are.
I ducked down when like a gazillion shots started hitting around the sandbags. I squealed and raised my weapon up and fired off some pellets blindly toward the incoming fire before cowering in a ball in the pit.
Rick sighed and informed me, “It works better when you aim, Finnegan.”
I informed him with a scrunched nose, “You shoot your way, I'll shoot mine. I have one kill today.”
He chuckled at me and pointed out, “By complete accident.” Then he asked mom, “Is she always so obstinate?”
Mom nodded then looked back at one of the two forts on the field and nudged her chin. It was similar to the one we fought our way to when Jane and I played the first time, this was on the opposite side of the course, and it looked like a two-story castle.
Rick nodded and said, “Dennis, escort Fin to the castle. Use the moat ditch for cover, the drawbridge is a target in its own right so stay off until you are across the pit. We’ll lay down some cover...”
Splat!
Dennis just blinked and looked down at his chest. Lime green. Jane! He looked at mom and me and said, “Farewell fair maidens, parting is such sweet sorrow.” He called out, “Dead man walking!” Then held his weapon over his head and headed toward the dead pool, calling back to me, “Are there more chocolate chip there?”
I nodded. I decided that since I was baking for the trip and the players, I may as well stock the dead pool with cookies. I think one or more deaths may have been self-inflicted when the dead men were calling out how good the cookies were.
What? Don't look at me like that, the dead need goodies too.
Rick looked at me and then prompted, “Finnegan, run!” Then he and mom popped up in the pit, firing as they bellowed out challenges. Mom's dual automatics spewing out twin streams of pellets. I heard footsteps right on my heels as I screamed my way to the moat and jumped in.
Two thuds followed, and mom and Rick were there, with savage grins on their faces. The old soldier said to mom, “You can fight at my side anytime, Miss May.”
Mom winked at him, and I blurted, “Eww, eww. Stop flirting you two.” Then I pointed at mom and asked, “What about, Sam?”
She countered with, “You're spoken for Fin, yet I see you flirting with men and women all the time, so shush.” Grr, why did she always have to use logic on me? But still, eww, don't flirt with my mom... it's just... she's my mom! Whatever.
The silver-haired retiree just smiled crookedly at me and said, “Your mom, is scary good.” Then he asked her, “You sure you don't have military training?”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Better, I raised two children... twins.”
He nodded in appreciation, and I rolled my eyes. Mom was just good because she's a badass, plain and simple.
He popped his head up for a moment to survey the approaching enemy, and his goggles were instantly covered in purple paint. “Well, son of a bitch.” He held his weapon above his head and said, “Sorry ladies, I got too cocky there. Now it looks like things are going to go FUBAR.”
He opted to lay down on the rim of the moat instead of heading to the dead pool. He says he likes to observe the end game.
Mom exhaled loudly and said, “Five vs. two with your childhood friend god knows where picking people off one at a time. Looks like this is it, baby girl.”
She looked at the drawbridge by where we crouched and said, “Get in the castle. Shoot anyone who steps inside the door.”
Then my eyes widened, “Mom, no!”
She yelled out, “Go!” Then stood and started roaring out in defiance as she opened fire with both weapons. I saw the two boys with Jane go down, covered in a half dozen splats of orange each.
Jess was yelling out, “Jesus!” As she dove to the side.
Jane wasn't moving as she aimed carefully, the stream of paintballs bursting all around her as she exhaled. Splat. Mom muttered, “Well poo.”
She held her guns up then laid down in the moat. I moved over to her and crouched. “You didn't need to sacrifice yourself, mom.” Then I stood, and with a plink, armed and threw one of the two paint grenades our team had, over the lip of the moat.
Jane yelled, “Grenade!”
I was just able to see them both dive into a trench a moment before the grenade slung paint everywhere, while I scrambled onto the drawbridge and ran into the castle. Well drat, they were too fast.
I watched through a slit beside the door that would have been for arrows in medieval times but was for paintball gun barrels here. Jane and Jess popped up, ran in a zig-zag pattern to the moat, Jane calling out as they jumped in, “We're coming for you Finny.”
I gulped and grinned.
Jane patted Rick's shoulder and gave his corpse a fist bump. I grinned, he was pretty animated for a dead guy. Then Jess walked over to mom who was lying face down. “You ok, Winnie?”
Jane's eyes flew wide as she yelled, “Jessie, no!” As Jess turned mom over. Then with a plink, the grenade I stuffed under mom armed and... thump! Jess was a mass of yellow paint. Mom was grinning up at her, looking like a yellow slime monster herself. The corpse of Rick was chuckling at the corpse of Jessie as she grudgingly laid down.
My detective was chuckling too and calling out to the castle. “Good one, love. But I have you now, two to one so your little tricks won't work this time.” She snickered. “And besides, I know you're out of grenades, pipsqueak. Even cops can count to two you know.”
It was just Jane and me now, with Kerry out there somewhere, just waiting. It was bound to happen, and I suppose I should be happy that I lasted as long as I did. All the guys on my squad again protected me to the end, with mom. It was like having a platoon of Garretts out there being big brothers.
I watched her carefully back out of the moat to start walking across the drawbridge in a cautious, sideways, foot over foot gait, both weapons drawn. She had one trained at the ramparts above, the other at the door. I slid my barrel out the slit, closed my eyes, and fired off a ball. I heard the splat of the ball impacting wood. Drat, I missed.
Her footsteps turned from the steady thud thud thud of her ominous approach to a full run, then a thud as she flattened her back against the castle wall outside the door. I grinned as I asked in a tiny voice, with only a thin sheet of plywood separating us, “Truce?”
There was a definitive smile in her tone as she called out, “Come out unarmed where I can see you, and we'll see, you frustrating dog walker. I swear you have nine lives.”
I had to grin at that and wondered how Puddles, Calvin, Killer, and Oscar were enjoying being pampered at the doggy spa in town while we
went about bombarding each other with paint.
First I slid my weapon out through the doorway onto the drawbridge, then said, “Ok, I'm coming out.” I placed my hands on top of my head then stepped out, one eye squinted, waiting for my wife to assassinate me with green.
She was looking at least twenty kinds of smug, with a touch of hunger that had me hoping I'd be her squeaky toy tonight. She holstered one gun, then twirled the barrel of the other around lazily as she said, “If it isn't Mrs. Finnegan Temperance McLeary-May, hard target. Are you offering an unconditional surrender?”
I cocked my head at her to admire the tall, well-toned amazon, with her black hair tied behind her head in a ponytail, and her well-sculpted face and eyes behind her goggles which held just a hint of Asian heritage. God did I want her.
I made bunny ears with my hands over my head and said with an evil Finne-grin, “No.” A moment later, with a wet splat on the back of her head, I cackled, “Checkmate.”
She looked at me incredulously and placed her hand back to touch her head then pulled it forward to see purple paint. She spun around calling out, “What the hell, woman?” To Ker-Bear who was jogging up to us from the perimeter with that wicked looking sniper rifle.
Ker stopped in front of us and shrugged, “Sorry Jane, but Fin offered to take me to get another batch of that Apple Cinnamon Decadence back in town before we go home.”
My girl shook her head as she chuckled, asking, “She turned your allegiance with apples on pudding?”
Ker nodded as she shouldered her weapon and grinned toothily.
Rick and mom were chuckling as they stood. Jane asked them, “You knew about this?”
They shook their heads, and mom said, “Of course not, Jane honey. I wanted to splat you myself.”
My copper said to her with a predatory grin, “You're good, lady. Well maybe before the day is over, we can do a one on one.”
Mom nodded and raised her weapon and shot Jane's chest-plate, “I win. Where do we log the scores?”
Case of the Yorkshire Pudding Page 14