‘Michael? He’s your—’
‘Oh, he’s no one. Just a friend.’ She shrugged off the memory and tried to focus on something else. ‘But it put me off owning a bike forever after that.’
The memory still played away at her. It wasn’t just that Michael was angry about the time it took to get to the pub they’d planned to have lunch at, or that the navigation was a nightmare when you could only turn one way. She remembered a distinct look of shame in his eyes. Who knew that being good at something so trivial would be so important to somebody?
Thankfully, Claire noticed her discomfort and changed the subject. ‘When I was little there was a girl down the street who had one of those bikes with a basket on. She’d carry around everyone’s belongings for them as if she was some kind of courier service. It was ever so cute, and I always thought that I’d have one of those baskets when I was older. In my mind, the basket was the sign of a grown-up.’
‘Definitely,’ Heather agreed. ‘In fact, I still think I believe that to a certain extent. I love my bags, I really do, but there’s something just so understated about a woman who carries a basket. She hasn’t got a care in the world.’
‘She’s not rushing around on the phone all the time, that’s for sure!’
It was an aesthetic Heather had always loved. In one of her favourite Grace Kelly movies, there was a scene that she loved, where they go on a picnic date in the country. Her character had one of those bikes with basket. Together with a beautiful rockabilly skirt, neck tie and cat-eye sunglasses, it was a look she’d always associated with relaxation. Just what she needed right now – and probably why she put so much care in her wardrobe and styling her outfits each day. If you felt like a grown-up in what you were wearing, then of course the feeling must follow in everything else you do that day?
She told this to Claire, who heartily agreed. ‘I bet Grace Kelly never spilt coffee down her top too!’
Ruby had been sitting on the bike for all this time and Heather wondered whether she actually knew how to ride a bike. ‘Are you going to give it a little test drive?’
‘If that’s OK with you, Henry?’ Claire said, looking to the man, who nodded.
Claire gave Ruby a little push and she steadily rode a few meters away, pushing the peddles so slowly that Heather was sure she would fall off. But she didn’t, instead deciding to stop of her own accord and fastidiously rearrange the flowers on the handlebars. She really was a girl after her own heart.
‘If only you had one like that to complete your look,’ Claire said. ‘You know, it could be an Instagram thing, where you just have it for the photos. I definitely think that’s where Ruby’s mind is right now!’
‘Insta-what?’ Heather asked, knowing that she should really remember which social media site she was referring to. She stayed away from them, smugly knowing how much anxiety and unhappiness it caused for her friends in London. But she didn’t say any of this to Claire; only: ‘I prefer an older style. I used to have blackout room in my studio to develop the negatives from my Pentax twenty-four. It was a very soothing process.’
‘I bet it was.’ Claire smiled, watching Ruby as she made her way back to where they stood. She had dismounted from the bike and was walking it towards them as if it were a prize pony – something to look at and not touch.
‘But you’re right,’ Heather continued. ‘It would certainly be a great accessory to the collection.’
She thought back to what Benny had said on the way over here, about how difficult it was to maintain the bus into town. Having a bike may not be so much of a bad idea. She’d have a lot more freedom and she could go where she wanted whenever she wanted. Of course, she’d still have to figure how to make those right turns, but in a town so quiet you could probably do cartwheels down the centre of the smaller roads if you wanted to. Maybe it was the perfect time to try again.
There was a little niggle in the back of her mind. A Michael-shaped hole telling her she couldn’t do it. She wasn’t good enough. But unlike many, it was things like this that spurred her on.
Just you watch, Michael, she thought. I’ll prove you wrong.
‘Henry?’ she said to the stall owner. ‘Where did you say those adult bikes were again?’
As they walked towards the car that Henry had directed them to, Ruby sadly and longingly pining for the little turquoise bike as if it were a friend, Claire filled Heather in on her family.
‘Richard’s been working away so much, he’s very rarely in the house. He works so hard and he brings in a really good income. We’ve never gone without and I’m not at all ungrateful, but…’ She stopped and gazed off into the distance for a moment. ‘Well, you know. Raising children can be hard sometimes.’
With Ruby’s boisterous energy, she didn’t doubt that for one second.
‘We have this young man – he’s really a child, actually – well, he comes round every so often to clean the windows, mow the lawns and the like. His mum wanted him kept busy to save for college or university. Well, he was around the other day and I was thinking to myself: Ruby sees him so much more than she ever sees her father. How can that be? It’s silly, huh? Ruby has a better relationship with Nathan from down the road, who wasn’t even alive when the Take That were first popular! And she really dotes on him too, which is ridiculous. He’ll be moving away to study very soon and I’m more worried about how that’s going to affect her so much more than I am whether Richard will be back from Hong Kong any time soon.’ She sighed.’ His contract just got extended. I thought he’d be back this weekend, but sadly not. It’s going to be another two weeks.’
‘That must be difficult,’ Heather said, both sad for her but on a level, a little pleased that she was confiding in her so quickly. It would be nice to have a friend here, she thought to herself.
‘And then when he gets home, he’s so stressed, and he just wants to unwind, but – you know – life goes on, and I need him to do all these things that have been waiting. Documents from the bank or permission slips for Ruby’s school… And then Ruby herself, too. She’s so pleased to see him, and she just doesn’t understand that he needs his time to unwind, that it’s not that he doesn’t want to see her, it’s just that it’s not the first thing he wants when he gets home.’ She quickly rearranged her hair with her free hand as if suddenly realising something, and said, ‘But I’m talking so much about me. You’ve just got here. How are you finding it? It must be quite the adjustment.’
‘It is,’ Heather said, not saying much because she wasn’t sure if Claire still wanted to talk about her husband.
She evidently didn’t as she followed up with, ‘And you must know what I’m talking about with the long distance. It sounds like this Michael friend of yours may be a little bit more than that?’
Heather must have made a surprised face as Claire then said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I said too much. I didn’t mean to, sorry. I spend so much time working at home in the office, I don’t tend to see people that much – well, people I want to speak to anyway!’
‘It’s fine. Fine to ask and fine to have the chat. I’m really enjoying it actually. It’s funny, I never expected to meet so many nice and welcoming people here. London’s not the friendliest of places…’
‘Oh, don’t I know that. I did my time there myself. And that’s what it was – a prison sentence. I’m so much happier ever since we’ve been here.’
Heather wasn’t sure why, but she detected a touch of hesitation on the word ‘happier’. Sure, Claire was a busy and stressed mom, but it felt as if there was something else going on; her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. But she didn’t press it.
Chapter Nine
As they walked over, Heather had become more and more convinced that this bike was a good idea. If only to prove a point to Michael, who she was sure would scoff if he knew what she were planning. And she mused on what Claire had said about instagram as well. Lots of her friends had pointed out to her that her hobbies and fashion sense would make for a pe
rfect account. She had never properly considered it until now, but she did agree; it did make sense. And it might be a nice way to keep in touch with all her London friends.
A gasp from Ruby brought her out of her musings. She looked behind her to where she had been and was startled to see that she was no longer there. Panicked, she looked at Claire, who was calmly smiling and holding her hand to her cheek.
Heather followed Claire’s gaze to find Ruby, attempting to climb on a bike that was at least three sizes too big for her.
Heather’s heartbeat began to race. Not because she was worried for the poor girl’s safety – though she was fairly certain that if she carried on like she was she would fall over pretty soon – but because of the bike she was trying to sit on.
It was the one.
The one from the film, the one that Heather had been dreaming of and envisioning in her mind since she was a little girl.
And it seemed that Ruby recognised this too, the way that she was looking at Heather with a yearning expression on her face.
‘We can be matching, Auntie Heather!’
Auntie Heather. The name brought a smile to her face as she appraised Ruby’s half-stance on the bike that she knew would soon be hers, no matter how much it cost.
It had a curved turquoise frame, totally reminiscent of the fifties posters she used to have plastered all over her ceiling. The frame sat quite low to the ground and curved up to where the seat stood proudly with a delicate coral seat that perfectly matched the colour palette. The wheels had a beautiful off-white colour and looked surprisingly new considering its years: perhaps the owner had taken some time to recondition it, she wondered. But her favourite part of the bike, the one thing she had daydreamed about on many an instance, was the basket. Perfect wicker, intertwined together in such a way it looked as if it had grown out of the handle bars. It was completely natural and made the bike whole. It was deep enough to carry her Cambridge satchel, yet not too large that it would obstruct her view and cause her to fall – though the idea of her falling was pretty guaranteed but she pushed the thought to the back of her mind. If she owned this bike, she could do anything. She knew it. It was almost as if it was giving off this power, one that told the world that she was invincible. Don’t mess with me, it screamed.
Heather was taken aback. After all the months of grieving for her failed relationship, of wondering what had gone wrong, what she had done wrong, of praying that Michael might one day see sense and come back fighting for her, she no longer cared. For the first time, in what felt like ever, Heather didn’t think she needed a man, didn’t need a relationship.
She had never been one for materialistic things, but to her, this bike was a promise that she could be all that she wanted to be. All by herself. And on her terms.
‘I’ll take it,’ she said with glee.
Chapter Ten
Ten minutes later she was wheeling Teal Beauty – as she had nicknamed the bike – back down the lines of cars and towards the exit.
It was almost as if Claire also shared in her revelation, as she too walked with a spring in her step, the worries of their earlier conversation evidently having passed.
Ruby held on to the handlebars as they walked, as if her touch also gave her some ownership over the beautiful contraption.
‘And you promise you’ll bring it to the café so I can see it?’ she asked? ‘I have some flowers we could put in the basket. And maybe Minnie can sit in it too if there’s space.’
‘Ruby, I don’t think Heather will have room for Minnie after she puts her bag and her shopping in,’ Claire said gently and then turned to Heather and whispered, ‘Shelley is her bunny toy. But these days it’s almost like it’s her best friend.’
‘I heard that,’ Ruby piped up. ‘And Minnie is not my best friend. I have Heather now.’
‘That’s very sweet of you to say,’ Heather said. ‘And I’m sure we can find a little space for Minnie. As long as she travels light.’ She gave her a wink.
‘Heather, are you sure you don’t need a lift back? There’s probably space in the car for the bike if we put one of the seats down.’
‘Oh, don’t mind me,’ she said, looking her Teal Beauty up and down. She couldn’t wait to try her out – and the hills back to the house were mainly downhill now. What could go wrong?
‘Are you sure? The weatherman did say that it was going to rain this afternoon…’
Heather looked up at the sky which was still a beautiful blue. The small scattering of clouds to the east were hardly menacing and they seemed fairly white and fluffy. There was no way they’d be full of rain, she thought.
‘I think I can take my chances. It seems a little silly for me to buy a bike and then not even ride it.’
Ruby nodded her head vigorously in agreement.
‘Well, alright then. But do give me a call if you change your mind. We’re going to pop into the market to grab a few bits for dinner so we’ll still be around.’ She handed Heather her phone – a fancy new smartphone that Heather had no idea how to use – and ushered her to enter her number. She avoided the awkwardness by reciting the digits instead and asked Claire to send her a text, rather than phone, so she also had her number. She didn’t want to have to take out her phone to cancel the call and show just how out of touch she really was.
She gave Claire a short hug and waved goodbye to Ruby and began to make her way back to her nan’s cottage. She wheeled the bike all the way to the end of the lane until she was out of sight of any prying eyes. It had been over a year since she’d last sat on a bike and knew that she’d need to find her sea legs before she was confidant riding in public.
It was lucky that the route home was completely devoid of human life. She’d have the whole afternoon to master the craft. She’d sail into the front drive of her Nana’s, maybe one hand on the handle bars and the other adjusting her sunglasses in a casual fashion, the way a seasoned bike owner would. Nana would be so pleased with her purchase, she thought.
She pushed the bike over the little bridge that led her to the field in which she had earlier encountered Mr Russell and couldn’t help but let a little noise of discomfort escape her lips at the thought of him. He too would be impressed when he saw how debonair she would be, riding the Teal Beauty.
Once on the flat of the grass, she took a step over the where the seat was and tried to find her bearings, holding on to the handlebars with her feet firmly planted on either side of the bike.
It felt good. It felt powerful.
She pushed herself forward a couple of metres and ran along with it, to check how it might feel when she set off.
It also felt good. She was confidant.
She adjusted herself so she was sitting on the seat now. He feet grazed the grass beneath her. It was at this point she felt a little unsteady. Her feet didn’t quite reach the ground comfortably enough that she could hold herself still, and she danced from tiptoe to tiptoe to maintain her balance.
But that was fine, she thought. After all, she’d be cycling with her feet on the pedals, so it didn’t matter whether she could keep upright with her feet on the floor.
She tried a tentative step on the pedal and immediately regained her balance. A good sign. And – perhaps, confidant with this new realisation – she took a big push and took off. Her other foot didn’t quite find purchase on the other pedal though, and as she tried to find some kind of momentum, she felt her body lurch – that feeling when you rapidly descend a rollercoaster – and next thing she knew, she was toppled on the grass, her hand landing in something wet and soft, something she desperately hoped was just mud.
She groaned and pushed herself up off the ground. She had imagined she’d be bad at this, but perhaps not that bad. But, to be fair, the ground was bumpy and a mix of damp grass and soil. It was much different to the smooth tarmac of the Camden canal passages she was used to.
Never one to give up, she got up and tried again. She prided herself on her tenacity, and this was no except
ion.
But five more attempts later and not much further down the field, she found herself on the floor yet again. Maybe this had been trying too much too soon. But she didn’t want to give in and admit to Claire that she needed to take baby steps. She didn’t know why, but as her only friend in town, Claire’s approval meant a lot to her, and she wasn’t ready to let her see how incapable she was at simple tasks.
Incapable. Michael’s word rang in her head. That was one that he had said often, along with ‘incompetent’ and ‘useless’. She shook the words out of her mind and moved to get up once more. She’d given him far too much rental space in her mind of late. He didn’t live there. It was time for him to move out.
‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ she said aloud and took the bike by the handles.
Climbing on, she decided not to try to use the pedals this time and just coast down the hill – it was a slight decline; she was sure she could just let gravity do its work.
She wasn’t sure if it was her new outlook, wanting to mentally run over Michael, or if it was the new action plan, but something about it worked. The bike slowly began to move, the wheels turning over the soft grass and her feet dangling slightly above. Heather let out a slight yelp of triumph, before realising she needed to concentrate. Starting was only the beginning, she needed to steer and make sure she didn’t end up in a lump on the floor again.
And my, how wonderful it felt. As the bike picked up pace, she could feel the soft wind in her hair and imagined herself looking like Grace Kelly did. She was fairly certain she did not – the mud on her skirt was testament to that – but she let herself revel in her fantasy. She glided down the hill, having eventually found some kind of momentum, and thankfully, she had just reached a walking path, which was fairly smooth.
It’s not that bad, she thought to herself. Sometimes in life you just need a little push.
She thought back to Ruby’s attempts in the car boot, how her mother hadn’t needed to guide her. She had the brazen confidence of a child and that confidence paid off. Well, Heather didn’t need someone to guide her either. She’d done it herself. And how much more empowering was that?
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