by Ryan Michele
My eyes were as haggard as I felt.
The entire way here I went through questions, scenarios, and possible solutions to what my life had become in the course of a couple days. Each one different, and I really couldn’t figure anything out until I talked to my dad.
The thing was, I wasn’t ready to. As much as I needed to know, there was a huge part that didn’t. It had nothing to do with the club and everything to do with my dad and me. The questions needed answers, and me putting it off did nothing but prolong the pain. The talk needed to be done. Luckily Goldie had Van so she wouldn’t be there. Hell, my kids had other grandparents, uncles, and aunts. My head shook.
Coming out of the bathroom, I found myself grabbing my cut and putting my boots back on. Rylynn appeared stunned at my change, but covered it quickly. It made me want to go in the bedroom, tuck her under my blankets, and not leave for a week.
My gut was talking to me though, and it was telling me to go and talk to my dad.
“Sorry, Ry. Look, I’ve gotta go talk to my dad and get shit sorted. Anything you see here you’re welcome to it. Take a shower, eat the food, dress in my clothes. Whatever. I’ll be back when I can.”
Moving to her, I planted a very fast kiss on her lips. I wished I had the time to show her my home, my life. I simply didn’t. The past needed answers. Whatever the outcome it needed to be settled so I could move on and deal. I didn’t need another problem and this current one was mammoth. There wouldn’t be a solution overnight, but it would be a start. That was better than nothing, and at least I’d hear my dad’s side of things.
“It’s cool. Don’t worry about me.” She gave a soft smile, like she understood but didn’t want me to leave her all in the same. The pull was so strong.
I pulled her closer into me. “For some reason, I just can’t stop.” She sucked in a sharp breath as I gave her a last kiss and left.
If I’d been in my right mind, I would’ve paid attention to how she looked standing in my door, shoulder to the frame, face a mask of concern. She cared. Deeply. She felt my hurt just as I did and was trying to be the strength I needed. Never in my life had a woman become my rock, someone I could depend on who gave a shit about me. Sure the cut got women, but that was nothing but cheap thrills that now didn’t seem so great.
Rylynn though. She gave everything freely.
My feelings for her were growing by the second and put into hyper drive, but after my bike fired up I had to leave her in my home and deal with my reality.
Dad didn’t live far, the drive nowhere near long enough to put everything in perspective, but neither was the trip here from Sumner.
My nerves were shooting all over the place, and it was a feeling a man like me didn’t have often, if ever. All of this left me so confused and off kilter.
In the driveway was a red Mazda. Kara’s car. Killing the bike, I went up to the door, knocked twice then turned the handle. It opened with ease. No matter how many times I told the old man, he never locked the damn thing. He needed to.
“Dad?” I called in to see Kara on his lap riding him like the cowgirl she was. Fuck me, this wasn’t the first time I’d walked in on them, but watching my dad get his piece never sat well.
“Son. Shit.”
“Told ya to lock your damn door.”
Kara smiled up showing off her tits and no doubt willing to do the both of us at the same time. That would never happen. Not only did I have sweet pussy waiting for me back at home, there were some lines there was no way in fuck I’d cross. “Get gone,” I ordered to her, going into the kitchen, opening the fridge, and getting a beer. This wasn’t a conversation that needed an audience. Hell, I didn’t want to be in it, but deflecting would only make it worse.
Rustling came from the living room, and the front door opened then closed. My father came into the kitchen buttoning up his jeans. “What’s goin’ on, son?”
I took a pull from my beer. His answer mattered to me, and controlling my reactions was going to be difficult. “Got a call from Cruz. Wanted me to take a ride to Sumner.”
My father went to the fridge and pulled out a beer of his own then motioned me into the living room. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t freeze. Nothing in his demeanor said he had a clue about the bomb I was about to drop. Cruz calling me to Sumner didn’t faze him in the least. He sat in his reclining chair while I sat on the couch and took another pull from my beer. Bourbon would be better.
“Do you have any idea why he would call me to Sumner?” Probing questions to him was a necessary evil because I needed to know if he knew the truth and hid it from me all these years. There was so much hope inside me that he didn’t know. All the while that result would hurt him more. It made me a bastard of a son.
“Got some club business? Or that woman you bunkered down with when you had the run, she was from Sumner?” He took a pull from his beer then held it by the neck. His face didn’t change. There was no strain to his features. Not even an extra blink to his eyes. No, he didn’t know, or he was that settled into his lie that it had become his truth.
I tried a different tactic. “There wouldn’t be any other reason?”
My father looked me straight on, not a flinch or even a hint that he knew what I was about to drop in his lap. “Just spit it out because I don’t fuckin’ know what you’re ramblin’ on about. But I can see it in your eyes, Crow. You got somethin’ on your mind, give it to me.”
Part of me felt relief, but I didn’t know if I could trust it yet. Was I just clinging to some strange hope and seeing shit that wasn’t there? The other part of me hated the words that came pouring from my lips, knowing the anger my father would feel and not being able to cushion the blow because there was no way.
Rylynn was right. It had to be like a Band-Aid and see where we went from there. “Cruz says he’s my biological dad.”
My father bolted upright faster than I’d seen him move when I was younger. Red covered his face. “What the fuck did you just say?” Anger bounced off the walls. He didn’t know. Had no fucking clue anything about it. His eyes were contained fury and pain. A pain I knew and had felt myself. While I was happy he didn’t keep it from me, I hated that he had to know now. The ball was already rolling, and he deserved the truth.
“Cruz. Showed me DNA results.”
He glared and crossed his arms over his chest, the same way he did when I got in trouble when I was younger, which was a lot. “How the fuck did he get your DNA?”
I shrugged, but gave him the answer Cruz gave me. I wasn’t about to lie to him or sugarcoat any of this shit because I had too much respect for the man in front of me. “From the system. Remember when I stole that shit when I was like thirteen or so? They swabbed my mouth then, but fuck if I remembered it, but I intend to find out who it was. That shit was illegal as hell.” The documents Cruz gave me didn’t have a name on them, but did give a date which coincided with the theft.
My dad said nothing. So I continued.
“But you know the kind of man Cruz is. There would be no way in hell he’d come to me with this and not be one hundred percent sure it was completely true.”
Anger bubbled in my father’s eyes, and I couldn’t take that hurt, rage, and confusion away. I felt it too. That slicing in the gut and heart that we never knew if it would heal or not.
“That fuckin’ bitch,” he growled, throwing the bottle of beer clean across the room where it crashed against the wall and shattered everywhere. “She told me you were mine. She’d come from the Sumner guys with another bitch. Fucked her and she ended up pregnant within a week. I should’ve thought about it, questioned it. I didn’t. I fuckin’ fell for that shit.”
While it was stupid on his part, I was happy that he did. Who knew what my life would’ve been like if she hadn’t left me with my dad and took me with her. He gave me the best life possible. He had to know that.
I rose and went over to my dad who stood by his old fireplace. “You pissed you had to deal with me?”
His face paled as he realized I was questioning where we stood now with the truth between us. “Fuck no. I don’t give a flying fuck that we don’t share DNA. I’m your father, end of story.” I wrapped my arms around him giving him a hard pat of the back then stepping away. “That bitch though, she’s gonna pay for this shit. She’s been nothing but a pain in my ass since she walked into my life. Fuckin’ loved that woman. Would’ve given her any damn thing she wanted. What does she do? Fuckin’ pull a switch on me. Bitch.”
“It’s okay, Dad. Nothin’s changin’ between us. You gave me the best damn life I could’ve ever wanted. Gave me a family. You are always my dad, no matter what.”
“Bet Cruz wants to get to know ya and all that shit.” He moved around me and began pacing the room. He was going to make himself dizzy. Dammit.
“Yeah, but told him I needed time to process all of this. It’s a bit much. And he’s not pushin’, Dad. He gets it. No worries there. He’s not gonna show up tomorrow and get in my space. Need you to know, he’s not takin’ your place. I don’t know what the fuck to do with all of this, but what I do know is you’re my dad, end of story.”
My father’s fists were at his sides, arms locked up tight, face a mask of undiluted anger. He even started trembling. I quickly moved to him, getting in his space, hands on his arms. “Dad, calm down.” Sweat trickled down his forehead. He grasped his chest, eyes flying to me in surprised shock as he collapsed to the ground in a heap. Kneeling beside him I tried to move his hand, but he wouldn’t let me.
“What’s going on?” I asked hurriedly, but I knew. The way he was grabbing his chest, the sweat, shortness of breath. He was having a heart attack. Reaching in my back pocket, I dialed 9-1-1.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
“My father is having a heart attack. We’re at seven-nine-six Rosewater Lane. Get here fast!”
I tossed the phone down then jumped up and ran to the bathroom looking for aspirin. Grabbing the bottle, I darted into the room, opened the bottle, and put a pill between his lips. “Chew this for me.”
He tried, but his body was shaking, sweat coming from everywhere.
“Love…” he said, then his eyes closed and body went limp.
“No!” I screamed, checked for a pulse, didn’t find one and started CPR. I’d never again bitch about learning this shit when I was younger. Press, Press, Press, Blow. “Come on, Dad!” Press, press, press, blow. “Breathe, dammit!”
It felt like hours, but could’ve been minutes before the paramedics came in the door.
“Move aside.” I didn’t want to leave him because I knew.
I just knew. There was no saving him. His body had given out.
He was gone, and it was my fault. I should’ve let it be and not went to him about it drudging up old shit. If I’d kept my mouth shut, he’d still be alive, here with me.
Pain was a tangible thing that decided to hit you from every angle imaginable, never relenting or giving up. I’d thought yesterday was bad, but it was nothing compared to this very moment with the paramedics working on my father, hoisting him on a gurney, and putting him in the back of the ambulance.
This couldn’t be happening. My rock couldn’t be gone.
The pain of betrayal cut deep, but not a damn thing in this world cut deeper than the loss of someone you loved.
It hurt worse.
4
Rylynn
A knock came to the door, and I looked ridiculous. Crow’s clothes made me feel like a child. They swam on me, but I needed a shower after the trip to get the road grime off me. I’d hand washed my bra and panties since they were all I had. They were in the bathroom and not on my body. Which wasn’t good for whoever was at the door.
The knock came again, and I gripped the pants at the waist to make sure they stayed up. “In for a penny, in for a pound.”
Unlocking the door, I swung it open. My breath caught in stunned silence as I took in the boy in front of me. Standing there was a clone of Crow, only younger and no tattoos. Sandy hair with blue eyes, same build. It was as if they put Crow in a machine and out popped this guy. It was uncanny.
“Who are you?” he asked, stepping into the house and looking around like he was meant to be there and I wasn’t.
“I’m Rylynn. Who are you?”
He turned to me and I already knew the answer by his looks, but needed to hear him say it. It hit me hard, which I wasn’t expecting. This guy couldn’t be more than seventeen if that. Which meant, Crow had a child about the same age as me. It was a good thing age didn’t matter to me or we’d be in trouble before we even got ahead.
“Greer. My dad here?” And boom—there it was. Confirmation. You’d think one of the times we’d spent together he would’ve told me that he had a kid. Maybe when we talked about my age, he would’ve thrown it out there that he had a son around my age.
Never a word about it though. This wasn’t the time to contemplate these thoughts. There were bigger fishes to fry, therefore I locked it down.
Compartmentalize. My dad gave me this skill, and I found it useful in life. Tuck shit away, put the emotions at bay until it was time to let them loose.
“Nope. He went to his dad’s house.”
“Then why are you here?” He sounded agitated and not too happy I was in his father’s space. His entire demeanor changed. It was strange because I could actually see it happen. One where he thought his dad was around, the next anger because he wasn’t.
I closed the door, hearing it click and turned around. “Because he told me to be.”
His eyes narrowed, and I could swear Crow was standing in front of me. All the times he’d gotten pissed at me flashed through my head like a blast from the past. Geeze. “Dad doesn’t bring his whores home.”
That struck me deep. The cut from those words was a wound I never wanted to obtain my entire life. The thought of being someone’s whore. Their fuck toy. That was the reason I stayed away from the brothers, never wanting to become what I’d seen several times over and over.
I broke my own cardinal rule.
I made that promise to myself so that I would never be seen as this or feel like this.
Except with Crow, I didn’t feel like a whore or club momma. I felt like a woman, a strong, fierce, sexy woman.
My expression stayed the same, not letting the pain of those words show. Everyone smelled fear and once they had a taste, they never let up until they got what they wanted and went in for the kill. Fear wasn’t an emotion to share with others, never wanting them to get the upper hand on you. Never give anyone a tell on you or an inch of power on your emotions and control.
I was my father’s daughter.
While this was Crow’s kid and I should be patient with him considering I just popped up at his dad’s house with no warning, I couldn’t. There was no way in hell I’d allow him to talk to me like that. No way in hell I’d let anyone talk like that to me. Respect went two ways and at this moment, he had zero of mine.
I stepped closer getting into his space, but far enough away that he understood the words that came out of my mouth were serious. “One. I am not a whore. I know you’ve seen them around the clubhouse, but make no mistake, that is not me. You do not ever call me that again. Period. The consequences of it happening again will be on your shoulders. Two. You never disrespect someone you just met and have no idea who they are or what’s going on the way you just did. Every word that comes out of your mouth you’re responsible for. I don’t give a fuck if you’re what, seventeen?”
“Sixteen,” he barked out.
“Fine, sixteen and think you’re invincible in the world. You’re not. You grew up in this life, and respect and loyalty run deep. I do not believe for one second that your father didn’t teach you that.”
His face turned to stone. “I respect those who deserve it. You don’t. You’re here for him to get his nut off and that’s it. He never settles down with anyone the likes of you. So don’t get your hopes up. And what are you?
Sixteen too?”
“Nineteen actually and my father taught me how to be a good judge of character when it comes to people. And, Greer, you’re a shit one. All piss and vinegar. You want to be an asshole to me, fine, but don’t expect me to take it because I won’t. You want me to give you the benefit of the doubt, you earn that shit now.”
“You act like you’re going to be around more than a night. You’re kidding yourself.” He took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest.
I took one step forward, not giving him an inch. “And if I am going to be here tomorrow or the next? Don’t think for one second I’ll put up with your shit. You need to lock that down when it comes to me.”
“Listen to you thinkin’ you’re all high and mighty. I could take you out,” he snapped his fingers in the air, “like that.”
To this, I laughed hard. While he was Crow’s kid and I wouldn’t put my hands on him, I would no doubt defend myself. This kid had no idea. “Right, and you’re Einstein and know this for fact huh?” The kid was built, I’d give him that, but actual moves—I’d like to see him try me. Then again, Crow might have trained him and depending on if he were a good student or not, would either put me on my ass or not. Princess taught us all, especially her own kids, so maybe Crow gave his kid some skills. No matter what, I wouldn’t back down. It wasn’t who I was.
Because through and through, I was Ravage. We didn’t back down.
I took in the young man in front of me. Every fucking detail I committed to memory. Greer’s fingernails were too clean. They didn’t have the dust under them from a really good workout or working on an engine. He didn’t have the air of an alpha in the making behind him. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t grow into it, but he just wasn’t exuding power like most of the men in my life had even from a young age.
Something told me, he didn’t live the life Crow did.
The door swung open, and I turned quickly hoping it was Crow so he could deal with his shit of a kid, but Wrong Way was there instead self-imposing in the doorway. “Get your shit,” he ordered me, ignoring Greer. “Crow needs you at the hospital.”