by L. J. Woods
“Well, him and the guys," Lexi says. “Even Isaac gave Henry what he deserves.”
Then it hits me, my eyes widening.
I’m at Isaac’s.
Is Christian here?
“Don’t worry,” Lexi puts her hand on my shoulder. “Christian and the guys are at his mom’s house.” I must be spending way too much time with her because she’s already reading my mind.
“I don’t give a fuck. My dad’s right. Women will only bring you down.”
The disdain in his voice comes back to haunt me. The glare of his eyes flashes in my mind and a burn comes to my nose.
Even he knows we’re better off alone.
“I’m a fucking idiot,” I groan, my head hitting the headboard and I’m happy it’s soft. So I hit it another few times. I deserve the pain it brings. “I should have never gone for coffee with Henry. I thought Christian was jealous but he was only trying to protect me and I didn’t even fucking see it.” So fucking stupid.
Henry was the only one paying attention to me last night and it helped to blind me from who he is. A fucking predator.
“Woah, girl,” Lexi protests. “Do not blame yourself. Henry is your professor. Well, was your professor and he’s lucky the guys didn’t leave him in a worse state after what happened to you. He could’ve taken you anywhere. Done anything!" She trails off for a moment like she's stoned. Or in thought. Then she snaps back. "It could've been worse but please, don't blame yourself."
So why do I feel like such a fucking idiot? Despite how nice Lexi's being.
The doorbell rings, echoing in my aching head. Lexi excuses herself so she can answer the door, leaving me in my misery.
It's embarrassing and I feel like shit knowing that Christian had to leave his mom’s funeral to save me. But I can’t deny the warm feeling inside me when I think about it.
Not that he stuck around.
Does he still care?
Not that I should care.
“Uh, Rayne?” Lexi peeks her head through her bedroom door.
I cock a brow. It hurts. Everything hurts. Including my heart. “You can come in,” I say. “It's your room.”
“Yeah but,” She looks back. “Someone’s here to see you.”
Sitting up, I brush my hair behind my ear, straightening the ERU shirt I’m only now realizing I’m wearing. It smells like him. Fresh and spicy.
“Okay,” I respond, ignoring the knot twisting inside me.
The person who walks in after Lexi looks a lot like who I expect, but it isn’t.
“Hey,” Allie gives a small wave, taking slow steps like she’s entering a tiger’s cage. She looks like Christian but she doesn’t dress like him. Her clothes don’t look designer. Jeans and a sweater, raggedy knee-high boots. “You okay to chat?”
I wince. Is she here to tell me how stupid I was for stealing her brother away from his family?
“I came to apologize,” she clarifies.
“Shouldn't I be the one with the apology?”
She looks around the room before she takes a seat beside me. The bags under her eyes match her brother’s, her face puffy. Still, she asks, “How’re you feeling? Christian told me what happened.”
“Better now.” My head hurts when I sit up.
Her shoulders drop. “This is exactly why I didn’t wanna come back here. This town is nothing but drama and trauma.” She shakes her head of wavy brown hair. Faded purple highlights. While Christian looks a lot like their dad, I can see a lot of their mom in Allie.
The two were the weirdest twins growing up. Never close, always distant but it seems they’ve gotten tighter.
“Anyway." She meets my eyes. Hers are different from Christian’s, a light brown. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. What happened wasn’t your fault. With my mom, I mean.” She stops for a second, a blur coming to her eye but she clears her throat, sitting up. Not a crier. “After talking with my best friend ... oh wait, she's also from The Grove. You know Jo right? She helped me realize I was taking out my anger on you. And you don't deserve that."
Woah. I did not expect that. Especially considering last night’s interaction. Especially considering all that’s happened.
“Sorry your brother got pulled from the funeral,” I say, locking eyes with her and I wish her face didn’t remind me of Christian's. “And I’m sorry about what happened to your mom, I didn’t think they’d—”
“Don’t apologize.” She puts up a hand. “That shit is not your fault.”
I should know that but having Lexi and Allie reassure me is well … reassuring.
“Besides, he’s in love with you,” Jo walks into the room like she was waiting for her cue. She’s wearing a leather jacket, ripped jeans and her Docs.
Her words make the drum pound louder in my head. “That's unlikely.”
If anything he’s in love with Jo. Or at least should be. She wouldn’t have gotten his mom killed.
“Not mistaken,” Allie confirms, the mattress dips as Jo sits on the edge next to Allie.
“I knew it!” Lexi pipes up next, kicking her room door open like she just solved a big mystery.
I wince through the pain. “There’s nothing to know.”
“Totally in love with you,” Jo finishes.
Are they fucking with me? Their straight faces tell me otherwise.
I groan, “Christian and I are nothing but a motherfucking mess.”
“A hot, filthy, mess,” Lexi says. “He did go all alpha-hero on you.” Lexi flops on the bed, my head pounding when she bounces beside me. “The minute you left, he followed. Like a big angry dog in love.” Lexi swoons.
“She’s right." A smile tugs at Allie's lips. “He had reporters and my mom’s family cursing him with the evil eye but he left. No one could stop him.”
“Reporters," I repeat. “Do they know?”
“Sure do,” Allie confirms.
I groan.
“If you weren’t grieving, I’d slap you,” Jo warns her friend.
“Only one article says he’s a gang-affiliated psycho,” Allie explains. “Most call him a hero.” She tilts her chin towards me. “Your hero. And besides, talking about this is a good distraction.”
My stomach fills with flutters. I’m hoping I helped his career instead of hindering it but calling him my hero makes my chest all warm. And that’s not the hangover fever.
“So you guys gonna hash this shit out or what?” Allie asks. “Who knows when gangsters will break into your house and shoot you?”
"Dark," Lexi comments but I get it. Whatever helps you cope.
Allie waves Lexi off, Jo resting her head on her best friend's shoulder. There’s a break in her voice when she speaks, "You should talk to him."
“No,” I protest again. “Allie, I got your mom—What kind of sick asshole would date the girl that let that happen to their mom? And then almost raped on the day of her funeral?"
Allie and Lexi look at Jo.
Jo raises her brows before she rolls her eyes. “I didn’t kill King’s dad. You guys know that.”
“Okay, yeah.” Allie pushes a tear from her eye, pushing Jo away. “But you guys were able to work through all that shit and look at you now. Having a baby girl that’s likely to be more fucked up than you two.”
Jo's hazels land on mine. “What she’s saying is, if you think there’s something there, then you should tell him. These guys in Eden look bad on paper but read between the lines and it's surprising what you find. If there’s any time Christian can use you, it’s now.”
Jo’s words linger. She’s hitched to Damien King so I’m not sure if I should take her advice, but if those two worked shit out—
“Except Isaac,” Lexi pipes in. “There’s no saving Isaac.”
“H’oh-kay,” Jo says, not convinced.
“I mean that!” Lexi sits up.
Jo and Allie give each other a knowing smile before Lexi starts listing off all the things wrong with Isaac and it takes some time before she’s
through. The girls joke and laugh with me and it’s starting to feel like I have a few allies in this shitty place after all.
While this is likely helping Allie distract herself from her family, it helps distract me from the thing taking over my mind. Or the person.
Christian Perez is everything I shouldn’t want.
So why do I crave him? Even after everything?
“You look tired.” Allie pats my knee, jarring me out of my thoughts. “I know I am. We’ll let you get some rest." She rises from the bed before turning to meet my gaze. "I know we got off on a rocky start, but I would rather my brother date you than the phony bitches in this town. You seem … perfect for him. Always have.”
A smile settles on my face before she returns it, friendly and warm. Like we've squashed it all. If Allie didn't spend so much time on her own as kids, we likely could have been close. And now that this thing with Christian is falling apart I don’t know if that’ll ever happen.
“Hey,” Lexi protests. "I'm not phony."
“I didn’t mean you,” Allie says. “But you can be kinda phony.”
Lexi and Allie squabble until the trio leave the room. My back hits the mattress.
Allie and Jo look like the kind of people I’d be friends with back in Shady Shores. So I’m happy we’ve had time to bond and when Lexi gives me the room for the rest of the night, it helps me think over my next plan.
Am I really gonna pursue this thing with Christian?
He should hate me but according to his twin sister, that's not the case. It hurts too much to think so I spend the rest of the night curled up under Lexi's big fluffy blankets, hiding from the world.
Since the guys are all with Christian, Lexi lets me hang out with her for the next few days. It's hard to keep him off my mind because she tries to convince me to talk to him the entire time.
It’s Friday afternoon when she gives me her pep talk again while I'm still curled up in her bed.
“If you’ve learned anything while being here, life goes by in a flash.” She snaps, pushing her swimwear into her pink leather backpack. Sounds like the death of Bianca Perez is getting to everyone around here. “Don’t blow your chance, Ray.”
"Go to class, Lexi," I groan.
"Talk to Christian, Rayne," she mimics before she exits the room.
When she leaves, I’m still on the fence. Glancing at the phone on her white bedside table, I pick it up, staring at the black screen.
Should I call him?
Is it stupid to want to?
Does he need me or am I gonna make this worse?
The phone buzzes in my hand and I almost drop it but the number on the phone isn’t something I recognize. The area code isn’t from here, or The Grove, or Shady Shores.
So who the fuck could it be?
I wait for the phone call to end but a notification pops up for a voicemail.
Nibbling my nail, I check it.
“Hi, this is Charley Carter from Puffin Press calling for Rayne Rose.” My eyes widen and that’s all I need before I’m calling the number back.
“Hello?” It’s the same voice from the message.
“Hey, Charley?” My legs curl to my chest. “It’s Ray. Rayne Rose.”
“Rayne! Hi! Thanks for calling back.” She sounds cheery, her smile coming through the phone and Charley doesn’t seem like the asshole Henderson was making her out to be. His name makes my stomach churn. “I wanted to discuss your manuscript with you, Sleeping With Evil?”
Shit.
“Listen, it was the first draft,” I explain. “My—someone sent it in without my permission.”
She laughs, but at least it’s friendly. “Ah, I assumed it was the first draft. It explains all the typos and inconsistencies but, Rayne, it was a great read. Raw and gritty. Real.”
“You liked it?”
“Ray, I’d love to work with you. Do you have a final draft ready?”
I freeze.
Is this for real?
"Ray?"
“Uh, I can.” Ho-lee motherfucking shit. “I will.”
We make a quick timeline on how soon I can get a final draft to her before she thanks me for my time. I have to bite hard on my nail to make sure this isn’t a hallucination.
“I look forward to reading it, Ray,” Charley says. “We’ll be in touch.”
The phone sits by my ear like it’s glued to my face for minutes after the call ends.
Did that happen?
Letting my back hit the bed, I stare at the cloud in the ceiling and that’s exactly how I feel. On a fucking cloud. I haven’t felt this way since Christian—
My heart thuds.
Christian.
He did this.
I chewed him out for it and while he deserved it, is this the universe telling me something?
Don’t blow your chance, Ray.
“Motherfucker,” I mutter, rising from the bed. I’m about to do the one thing I told myself I wouldn’t. But I’ll regret it if I don’t try.
Christian and I need to settle this.
Twenty-Nine
Christian
“Wakey, wakey you big mope!”
A heavy brown paper bag hits my chest, my head pounding like my brain is trying to escape my skull.
“Fuck off,” I groan, throwing the bag back at Isaac
When I roll over, my stomach churns. Going hard this weekend wasn’t an option. Drinking and partying is the only thing I can do to get everything out of my mind.
My mom.
Her.
But it always catches up to me in the morning.
“You have company.” Isaac opens the curtains to my mom’s guestroom like a fucking dick. The warm sunlight on my feverish, pasty body makes me want to hurl.
“Jesus, bro,” Allie’s voice comes into the room and I roll over to see her approaching me, her nose scrunched in baggy beige pants. “Did something die in here? Or did you?”
“Fuck, hey,” I croak, my throat scratchy. Sitting up, I reach for the glass of water I remember putting on the wooden table. When my hand hits a smooth tray instead, I decide whatever powder in it will do. Setting it on my lap, I lean my head against the headboard while I roll up a bill. “What’re you doing here?”
Could’ve sworn she left on Friday. It’s been three days of non-stop partying in my mom’s old house since then. Dad says to sell it but being here is the only thing that makes me feel like she’s still around. My dad isn’t.
The last time I saw him, he tried to choke me out for letting my mom die.
“We’re meeting with mom’s lawyers.” She snatches the bill from my hand before she slaps my head. “Think you can make it there in one piece?”
“If I can have that back, I can,” I inform her, the sting of her slap ringing through my brain.
“Dude, you’re in so deep,” Isaac’s voice comes from the beige l-shaped sofa at the side of the room. My laptop sits in front of it, still playing the reel of photos I had going last night.
“Woah." Allie whips her head towards it. “Our mom died but you can jerk off to your first kiss instead. Sure.”
Ignoring Allie’s attitude, I turn towards the laptop. Rayne’s face lights up the screen. A photo she didn’t know I’d taken, mid-laugh at something stupid I said. Her cheeks reach her eyes, freckles hitting the light. So do the golden flecks in her eyes.
Shit.
What started as watching old photos of my mom, turned into a drunken walk down memory lane.
That gets me up.
Hopping over I close it with a slap. “I was looking at photos of mom. That must've come on after I fell asleep."
Allie snorts like I've said something ridiculous. “So why’d you run over here like we caught you red-handed?”
Her question makes my head pound. I expected her to be a mess but she’s been more annoying than ever. Like she’s trying to be the woman of the family when right now, I need my sister.
“So?” she asks. “When are you gonna do something
about her?”
Not sure if she's curious or trying to distract herself from it all. Our feelings were never considered growing up so I’m not sure if she knows she has any. No wonder she fell for her bully.
“Never.” My response is quick, reaching for a shirt. The stench of BO and stale vodka reeks off my skin. “Rayne and I are over. And like Mom, I’m allowed to mourn that.”
“You sure you don’t want her around?” Allie asks as I pull an old ERA hoodie over my frame. “I know this is all fucked up but having Lea by my side makes this a lot easier. And something tells me you would do better with Ray by your side too. Didn’t she also lose her mom?”
“So did King,” I remind her. “She’s not special.” I’ll keep telling myself that until I believe it.
“Yeah but King’s gone back to Montreal, while you’re here. Alone.”
“So what am I?” Isaac asks. “Invisible?”
“Let’s be real, you have your own shit to deal with.”
“Isaac!” On cue, Lexi screams his name.
“The fuck is she doing here?” Isaac groans.
Allie shrugs, “She offered to drive.”
“I’ll …” He glances at the door, unable to resist the call. “I’ll be right back.”
When he leaves, Allie stares at me with that knowing look. A look that tells me she knows her twin brother has a lot more going on in his head than he lets on. And it’s not all about our mom. And that’s fucked up too.
“So?” she asks.
“So what?” I respond, heading over to the bathroom. Raking a comb through my hair, the mirror tells me I look as shitty as I feel. Greasy. A mess. My eyes are red and baggy, scruff on my chin for having not shaved in days. But at least August’s bruises cleared up.
“Are you guys a thing yet?”
My fists clench before I reach for my toothbrush. “Rayne and I will never be a thing, Al,” I repeat this for me more than for her. “You know the Bruins are changing their mind about me? Too much bad press. I got thrown off the team. Mom’s dead. I don’t have a future. And that's because of her.”
Watching her in the mirror, she leans against the doorway, crossing her arms over her shirt with a peace sign. “Is that what you told her when she came to see you on Friday?”