by KL Donn
As soon as I step outside, my Uber pulls up. Climbing inside, my driver must be able to sense I don’t want to talk because she’s silent as she pulls away from the curb. Once I reach the little duplex I share with my sister, Elsa, and her girlfriend, Carrie, I thank the driver as I climb out.
Once inside, I drop my purse by the door. I’m too stressed to sleep and I’m not ready to wash Sawyer’s scent from my body, so I head into our kitchen and start a pot of coffee. While it brews, I stare blindly out the patio doors.
I’ve never been so thoroughly fucked before—no wonder girls flock to him. They want his goods and that thought makes my stomach turn. I hate to think that’s what he feels about sleeping with me—that I’m just one of many.
The beep of the coffee maker pulls me from my thoughts. I pour myself a huge cup, doctoring it up with my favorite crème brulee creamer. My phone rings and I don’t have to look to know that it’s Sawyer.
Instead of answering, I hit decline and then shut my phone off. I take my coffee upstairs to my bedroom and set it on my nightstand while I pull a clean bra and panties out of my dresser. Quietly I step into the bathroom. I strip my clothes off and bring my jersey to my nose, inhaling deeply.
Our combined scents wrap around me, and I close my eyes as again images assail me from last night, but I push them away. I drop my jersey and climb into the shower, shutting my eyes as the hot water sluices down my body.
After washing and rinsing myself off, I climb out, wrapping a towel around myself. I head back into my bedroom and grab my coffee that is lukewarm now, but I still drink it down.
I throw on some sweats, a t-shirt, and a pair of slippers. Taking my coffee cup back downstairs, I find my sister sitting at the kitchen table, drinking her own cup. “Good morning. When did you slink in?”
I don’t answer her until I refill my cup and sit down across from her. “Last night we were celebrating the fact he’s leaving for spring training soon.” Elsa nods her head. “Well, we were drinking… a lot. Afterward, I went back to Sawyer’s place with him and we… had sex—lots and lots of amazing sex. I didn’t want him to reject me, so I snuck out this morning.”
She’s silent for a minute. “Okay first, I still can’t believe he’s going straight to the majors and to the Chicago Hawks of all teams. Second, oh my fucking god! I can’t believe you guys had sex.”
I bend down and bang my head on the table before looking at my sister. “It was amazing, Elsa, but now I’ve ruined our friendship.” She opens her mouth to speak, but I hold up my hand. “How is anything going to go back to normal after this?” I chew at my thumbnail as my sister looks me over closely. I’ve never told her that my feelings for him ran much deeper than his ran for me. “He’ll leave really soon for spring training and then he’ll be gone.”
“Maybe you should tell him you’re in love with him.”
I suck in a breath. “How did you know?” If she knows, does that mean everyone, especially Sawyer, knows?
Elsa’s face softens. “Honey, you didn’t hide your feelings as well as you think you did. I think you should tell him how you feel before he goes, or you’ll regret it.”
Knocking on the door pulls my attention from her, and my eyes widen because I know who it is. “You need to send him away. Please, Elsa, I’m not ready to see him. Just tell him I’m sleeping.”
She sighs. “Fine, but I think you’re making a mistake.”
I watch her get up and my heart begins to race as her footsteps echo through our place. As soon as I hear the deadbolt disengage, I jump up and plaster my back against the wall.
“Elsa, where is she?”
“She’s sleeping, Sawyer. I’ll have her call you when she gets up.” Silence fills the space for a moment.
“Is she okay?” Sawyer’s voice is soft, and I close my eyes tightly. I angrily wipe at the tears that roll down my cheeks. “Tell her to call me as soon as she gets up, please.”
“I will. Congratulations, by the way.” I know she’s hugging him right now.
Once the door shuts and the deadbolt is flipped again, I let out the breath I was holding. She comes back into the kitchen. “You need to call him. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
She disappears upstairs and I plop down at the table and lay my head down on my arms. I know I should call him or hell, I should go over there, but I’m scared of what he might say. I know he doesn’t feel the same as me, but I don’t think I could handle the words coming from his mouth.
I decide to go back upstairs and crawl under my covers. Maybe when I wake up, I’ll have more clarity about the whole situation.
Once I’m under the covers, it takes a long time before sleep finds me.
I sleep most of the day away and when I wake, I find the house empty. Elsa works as a scribe in the ER at Saint Luke’s, basically she types everything the doctor says during his examination. She’s almost done with school to be a physical therapist. Her girlfriend works there too but as a nurse.
I’m kind of glad for the quiet. My head is a scrambled mess and I need to really get my shit together. I pick up my phone and turn it on. Sawyer texted me fifteen times and has left me five voicemails.
I decide to listen to those first. “MeMe, what the fuck? Where are you? Call me.”
“Please call me and let me know you’re okay.”
The next two I can tell he’s getting pissed and the last one makes my stomach hurt. “I am so pissed right now. Thanks for using me for sex and then disappearing. I leave for spring training the day after tomorrow, and I wanted to spend my last day in town with you… my best friend. I guess that’s out of the question. Have a nice fucking life.”
I scramble to get dressed—I may be scared, but I can’t leave it like this. He’s my best friend and doesn’t deserve to feel used by me. After tying my tennis shoes, I quickly brush my teeth, and on my way out, I grab my coat.
Sawyer’s apartment is only three blocks from mine, so I walk, but fuck it’s cold. By the time I reach his place, I’m frozen to the bone. I quickly pull the door open and sigh at the warmth I feel. Running up the stairs, I reach the second floor and on quick feet, move toward his door.
I lift my hand to knock but hear a thump against the door. Opening my mouth to call out if he’s okay, I hear a sound that makes my stomach turn. “Oh Sawyer,” a feminine voice moans. There’s another thump and then a moan.
Tears burn my eyes and I quickly run down the hall and down the stairs. Once outside, the tears begin to fall. I begin to walk and walk with no real destination in mind. God, that hurt, but I have no one to blame but myself. We could’ve spent his last couple of days together, but instead I’ve ruined everything.
“MeMe?” I freeze and turn to find my sister pulling up next to me. “Honey, it’s freezing.”
That’s when I begin to cry… hard. She parks her car, jumping out and rushing toward me. “Hey, what happened? Shit, you’re ice cold.”
Elsa leads me to her car and helps me inside. I stare blindly out the passenger window as we head back to our place. Once we’re home, she moves me to the sofa and sits me down. She grabs the blanket off of the back and puts it over my shoulders. I grab the ends and hold it more tightly around me.
A few minutes later, my sister comes back into the room and hands me a cup of hot chocolate. “Thanks.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes before she turns to me. “Where were you going? Why are you crying?”
“W-When I woke up, I turned on my phone and li-listened to the voicemails that Sawyer left. He was super upset by-by the last one and I didn’t want things to end that way between us before he’s gone for a long time. I hurried and got dressed, practically running there.” I suck in a deep breath. “I was getting ready to knock when I heard banging and then-and then a woman moaned.”
“Oh shit. I’m sorry, MeMe.”
I set my mug down and begin sobbing because my heart feels like it’s being torn in two. Elsa moves to the sofa and wraps her arms a
round me, holding me while I cry and cry.
When my tears are finally dried up, I head up to my bedroom. Burying myself under the blankets, I pray for sleep.
3
Sawyer
Spring training is finally winding down. It’s been two months of grueling practices and exhibition games, proving that I can be the starting shortstop since the Hawks shortstop, Chip Defalco, retired early this year due to severe arthritis in his knees.
They’ve had me and Chip’s back-up going head to head, so to speak to see who was going to be the starter. I know coming right from college baseball to the majors has opened me up to a little bit of hazing from some of the older guys. Time and time again, I’ve shown them that I deserve to be here.
I’m mixing up my protein shake to drink before practice starts when my roommate, Tito, comes stumbling into the kitchen. “What’s up, bro?” he mutters before grabbing a cup of coffee.
“Just making my before practice shake.” I look at him. “Fuck, you look rough, man.”
He pours his coffee into a shaker and then adds protein powder and a little almond milk. Tito shakes it up before slamming it down. “Ahhh…” he says before belching loudly. “Now I feel better.”
“That is so disgusting,” I say before I guzzle down mine.
One nice thing about being busy the past six weeks, I haven’t had time to think about her. Fuck, everything got so fucked so fast and all because we gave in to the sexual tension swirling around us that night.
Instead of making her talk to me, I went out and picked up the first woman I found. She didn’t hold a candle to MeMe and as soon as it was over, I sent her on her way.
“Earth to Sawyer.” Fingers snapping in front of my face pull me from my thoughts. “You alright?”
I nod. “Yeah. I just spaced out for a second.”
He looks at me skeptically before heading back to his bedroom. Once spring training is over and we’re heading back to Chicago, I’m moving into his apartment, which is great because I don’t know if I could afford a place on my own. My salary all depends on whether I’m signed to play or I’m sent down to the minors.
I’ll meet with the coaching staff next week and learn my fate. I’m fucking fast, light on my feet, and my arm is powerful. That’s why I went in the first round of the draft. I can feel it in my gut that I’ve earned my spot on the team.
This morning we have weight training and then I’ll do some fielding practice. I’ll spend most of my day working with the infielders. Tito is an outfielder, so I won’t see him much. He comes out and has his gym bag over his shoulder. I grab mine and we head toward the field.
“Great catch, Sawyer,” Greg, the fielding coach, hollers. He’s standing next to Bob, the manager of the team, and they point at something on the iPad. I do this about twenty more times before they call practice for the day.
Me and the rest of the team head toward the locker room to shower. My uniform is completely soaked through with sweat and hits the floor with a “thwack” sound. I wrap my towel around my waist, grab my shower caddy, and head into the showers.
Yes, it’s a big open area and there are dicks everywhere. As athletes, I think you just get used to it and become desensitized. Around me, everyone is talking about getting back to Chi-town and being able to go out and party it up.
There are only a handful of guys who are married and I know two of them are not faithful to their wives. It’s fucked up, and honestly, I would never do something like that, but it’s their lives they’re screwing up just for some cleat chaser.
I don’t have a lot of free time, but I’ve tried to call and text MeMe, but she’s not responding to me at all. If I call Elsa or Carrie, they always tell me she’s busy, sleeping, or at work. I’m not sure why I keep trying to reach out when clearly she doesn’t want to speak to me, and Tito keeps telling me to let her go and in his words, “tag lots and lots of ass.”
When I get back to Chicago, I’ll try one more time to reach her and if it gets me nowhere, I guess that will be that. I don’t want our friendship to end like that, but I’m not going to beg her to want to still be mine.
Once I’m dressed, I throw my wet dirty uniform and wet towels into the laundry baskets. I find Bob, Greg, and the batting coach, Mitch, standing in the hall. “Sawyer, you got a second?” Greg waves me over. “Come chat with us.”
No one says a word as we head down the hall. The only sound to be heard is our shoes slapping against the cement floor. Once we reach the office at the end, we all step inside.
Bob takes a seat behind the desk. He fiddles with the phone. “Kevin, are you there?”
Kevin? Why is my agent on the phone?
“Yeah, Bob, I’m here.”
They all look at me. “I’ve got Sawyer here with us. Did you get the contract with your revisions on it?” Bob asks.
My heart begins to race.
“Yeah, I got it. It looks great.” Kevin has proven he’s got my back.
Bob smiles and pushes a manila folder across the desk toward me. “Welcome to the Hawks, son.”
I grab the folder off of the desk and try to keep my shit together. I open it and it looks like it’s all in jibberish, but I don’t want to embarrass myself by asking what it says.
Luckily Kevin speaks up through the phone. “Sawyer, it’s a three-year contract and you’ll be paid four hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars. Every year it’ll go up and after the three years are up, you’ll either re-sign with the Hawks, or you’ll become a free agent.”
My eyes burn and I take a slow deep breath to help calm my racing heart. “I-I don’t even know what to say. Thank you so much, and I promise not to let you down.”
After that, I’m not sure what the fuck happens. I’m in a drunken haze, even though I’m not drunk. Fuck, I just can’t believe it—I made it. My dad would be fucking thrilled and so proud.
I sit on the couch and hold my phone to my ears. I tried calling MeMe and as always, it went right to voicemail. I didn’t bother leaving her a message since she never calls me back. I call and talk to Elsa who assures me that MeMe is just busy. “Elsa, this is the last time I’m calling her.”
“Don’t give up on her, Sawyer.”
Elsa can’t see, but I shake my head. “It’s too late, Els. Maybe when I get back to Chicago, I’ll come visit you and Carrie when I visit my mom.”
She sighs heavily. “Okay, Sawyer. Congratulations, and you take care of yourself.”
We disconnect and I rub my forehead. “Are you still agonizing over that girl? What did I tell you? Don’t get hung up on some girl. You’re in the majors now and the pussy will be at your disposal. Enjoy it, brother,” Tito says as he comes in to sit on the opposite end of the couch.
The buzzer sounds, alerting us that someone is downstairs. We’ve been home from spring training for a few days and we’ve got plans to go out with some of our boys tonight. What I need most is to fuck.
Tito’s right, and I just need to say fuck it and take advantage of the pussy at my disposal.
4
MeMe
I finish vomiting, flush the toilet, and then brush my teeth. Back in my bedroom, I stare at the positive pregnancy test that’s sitting on my nightstand. This came as a complete surprise because we’d been safe, and granted, I’m not on birth control, but we still used condoms every single time.
Fuck me, this can’t be happening. I bury my face in my hands and take a deep breath. I need to talk to my sister. She’ll know what to do.
I head downstairs and find her and Carrie snuggling on the couch. They look up when I come down the stairs. “Hey,” I say as I sit at the opposite end. Carrie puts her feet in my lap and I pop her toes for her. They both make me do it because I get them every time.
“What’s up?” Elsa asks.
I take a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
They both stare at me and then pop up from the couch. “What!?” That’s Elsa.
“Oh my fucking god.” That’s fro
m Carrie. “Are you sure?”
“My period is almost three weeks late, and I puke every morning and if I smell chicken.” I lean my head back, staring at the ceiling. “How could this happen.”
“Well, when a man sticks his penis into a vagina, semen comes out and…”
I grab a pillow and whip it at my sister, hitting Carrie in the process. “I know that, stupid. I’m just saying he used condoms.”
The three of us are silent at first—Carrie is the first to speak. “I can take you to the clinic if you want. If-if you don’t want to have it.”
I smile at her and grab her hand. She’s the best and I hope she and Elsa are together forever. “I appreciate that, but I’m going to have the baby. Fuck, I’ve got to tell Sawyer, right? I mean he has the right to know… right?”
“I guess that’s up to you.”
Without hesitation, I answer them. “I have to tell him. It’s the right thing. Mom’s gonna kill me.”
Elsa gets up and moves to sit next to me, grabbing my hand between hers. “She’s not going to kill you. Mom loves you and she’s gonna love the shit out of your baby. We’re going to love the shit out of your baby too.”
I begin to cry and my sister wraps her arms around me. Carrie wraps her arms around us both. Once the tears stop, we decide to go see a movie and I’m grateful to have a night where I don’t have to think about everything that’s going to happen in my life.
I get off the couch and head upstairs to change my clothes. I sit on the end of my bed and I fall back and place a hand on my lower abdomen. What is Sawyer going to say when I tell him? We haven’t talked since that night and I’ve been too chicken to call or take his call.
The calls stopped a couple of weeks ago. Around the time I began to suspect I was pregnant. It hurt, but I did this us, to our friendship. Maybe I’ll wait until I see the doctor to confirm everything is good. It would be pointless to tell him before I knew a hundred percent that there was something to tell.