by Hamel, B. B.
She seemed perfect when I chose her. And the only reason I left is because some studio offered me an outrageous sum of money to direct their next big thriller blockbuster.
I couldn’t say no. Plus, I read the book the movie was based on and loved it. The opportunity was just too good, and honestly, I think it might’ve been some of my best work. I think we might win some awards of this shit.
But if I could go back, I’d skip it all.
Because the look she gave me spoke so much louder than any award or paycheck. She looked hurt, and I despise myself for doing that to her.
But I’ll make it up. Sooner or later, I’ll make it up. Because I’ve already made up my mind.
Jenna’s going to be mine.
It’ll just take a little… convincing.
* * *
I give her a week to cool off. I figure she’ll want to settle into her new dorm, make some close friends, all that stuff.
But after the first week, I find myself waiting outside of her dorm again. I know she’ll come out since she normally goes to dinner around this time. So I sit on a bench and I wait.
Sure enough, like clockwork, there she is with her blonde friend and her roommate in tow. The roommate’s this tall stick of a girl with stringy dark hair and way too much eyeliner. She looks like the edgiest emo girl you’ve ever seen in your life. Apparently, she goes by Azrael, although her real name is Melissa.
“Jenna,” I say, walking toward the group.
Iris and Azrael both look at me then look at Jenna.
“I thought you gave up,” she says to me.
I can tell she’s trying not to smile.
“I have something I want to show you,” I say.
She hesitates. “Right now?”
“Dinner is involved,” I admit.
She glances at her friends.
“Go,” Iris says.
Azrael just shrugs. “Whatever.”
Jenna sighs then looks back at me. “This doesn’t mean we’re okay.”
“I know.”
“And I’m still pissed at you.”
“Fine by me.”
“And I’m not going too—”
“Just go!” Iris hisses at her.
Jenna sighs again, shakes her head, then walks over to me.
I grin at her, genuinely delighted. “I expected that to be a bigger struggle.”
“Iris thinks I should give you another try.”
“What do you think?”
She glances back at her friends. The two girls wave at her and head on toward the dining hall.
“I think Iris is a romantic at heart.”
“You’re not?”
Jenna looks back at me. “I guess not.”
“That’s a shame.”
“Why?”
I offer her my arm. She hesitates before taking it. I lead her on, away from the dorms.
“Well, I wanted to show you something.”
“You said that already.”
I laugh softly. “I know. I’m trying to keep it a surprise.”
“You’re doing a great job.”
“Thank you.”
I grin at her and she looks up at me. We’re walking so close, her hand resting lightly on my bicep. It’s strange, we basically don’t know anything about each other at all, and yet we have this incredible link and connection. We were thrown together in this completely artificial way and yet it more or less worked.
“Come on. Give me a hint. You’re not taking me off to drown me in the lake, are you?”
“Nah, not my style,” I say. “I’m more of a bury-you-in-the-woods type, you know?”
“Oh, sure, sure. Serial killer and also a nature lover.”
“I just love the sound of birdcalls as I finish off my victims.”
She makes a face and laughs. “Dark.”
“You started it.”
“True. So where are we going?”
I grin at her and shake my head. “Patience.”
She sighs and we keep walking. We turn a corner and I take her toward the film studies department.
We head in through a side door. There’s a short, carpeted hallway with pictures of actors and directors hanging on the wall, each of them signed. My picture’s up there, but I hope she doesn’t notice.
We round a corner and I push open a part of double doors. We step into a very dark room, and it takes a second before she realizes where we are.
“Movie?” she asks.
“That’s right.”
She lets out a little laugh. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“It’s almost like we’re on a real date.”
“You could call it that.”
The theater is small but totally empty. I take her to the best seats in the house, midway up and right in the center. We sit down and I half turn to nod at the projectionist working the equipment.
“What are we watching?” she asks.
“It’s a classic romantic comedy,” I say.
“How classic?”
“Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks.”
“Oh my god. We’re watching You’ve Got Mail?”
“Sure are.”
She laughs with real delight. “I can’t believe you like this movie.”
“I love this movie,” I say with utter sincerity. “This is the sort of romcom we should be making. It’s smart, it’s touching, and it’s shot really well.”
“Never noticed that before.”
“Just watch. You’ll see. The lighting is fantastic.”
The movie starts to play and we lean back in our seats. I know films aren’t the best place to go when you want to get to know someone, but I have an ulterior motive here.
I don’t want to get into a deep conversation with her right now. I just want to spend some time with her and show her that I’m not some crazy monster that’ll leave her alone all over again.
Besides, I really do love this movie.
We sit side by side and we just watch. I don’t try and interject my commentary over what we’re seeing, even though I’m really tempted. I catch her glancing at me a couple times throughout, but mostly we just watch in silence.
When it’s over, the lights slowly come up. I nod at the guy running the equipment and the screen goes black. I turn back to Jenna.
“What did you think?”
She grins at me. “Okay. It’s good.”
“It’s really good, right? Everyone’s always going on about Sleepless in Seattle, but You’ve Got Mail is the real thing.”
“Wait, they’re both Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, aren’t they?”
“Yep. Same director.” I make a face. “I would’ve at least gotten new leads.”
She rolls her eyes. “Can’t help yourself, can you?”
I grin and shrug. “Guess not.”
She sighs and stands, stretching. “Okay, that wasn’t so bad. Now, you mentioned something about dinner?”
I nod. “Yep. It’s not a date if it isn’t dinner and a movie.”
I lead her back out of the theater and into the main lobby. There’s a table set up with candles all around it. We sit on either side and the waiter comes out dressed in an all-white chef’s outfit. He places dishes down in front of us, burgers and fries.
“Oh, perfect,” Jenna says. “Exactly what I wanted.”
“I might’ve asked the chefs at the sponsored dorm what you ate the most.”
She blushes. “I didn’t eat this all that much.”
“Yeah. You did.”
She blushes again and I laugh. I take a bite and watch her for a bit before asking her about her family.
She talks hesitantly about her mother and her grandmother, about how her family used to be rich but they aren’t anymore.
“I don’t really connect with all that,” she admits. “It feels so remote from me.”
“Is that why you signed up for this whole… thing?” I gesture around us, at the Gradus campus in general.
She hesitates a second. “Yeah, I
guess so. I mean, my mom really wanted me to. And I guess…”
“You wanted a man to come sweep you off your feet and make your family rich again?”
She blinks, surprised. “Not exactly.”
I shrug. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You just made it sound so crass.”
“It’s not. You’re looking for a partner.”
“No,” she says softly and looks away.
I want to press her on it but I hold back. I can’t blame her for having her own reasons. Hell, most people that get involved in this have their own reasons. I’m not mad that she was looking for something like that.
Unfortunately, she ended up with me.
I have a lot of money. Some people might call me rich. But I’m not old-money wealthy. I won’t revitalize her family fortunes. I’ll take care of her, give her a very good life, but I won’t make them all rich and powerful again.
Maybe that’s why she wants out of this so badly. Maybe she realized that, and…
Well, it doesn’t matter.
We eat and she asks about the movie I left to film. I tell her about the difficult lead actress, the frustratingly bland villain, and all the incredibly annoying technical problems we faced.
“And that’s just a normal shoot,” I say.
“Must be hard, being the director.”
“It is and it isn’t. If you get a good team, it’s surprisingly easy, things just happens. Unfortunately I was just slotted into an existing team and I didn’t have much say on this one.”
“And yet you went.”
I nod once. “I went.”
“Are you glad you did?”
I lean back in my chair and watch her for a second. “You want the truth?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
She crosses her arms and mirrors my pose, leaning back in her seat.
“I’m not,” I say. “I wish I had stayed. I made a shitload of money and I think we’ll win some awards but the shoot was over budget, way too long, and a total nightmare. And New Zealand is boring as hell.”
“I hear there are more sheep than people.”
“I don’t care what people tell you, that one’s true.”
She grins despite herself and relaxes a little.
I lean across the table toward her. “Look, let’s get you back to your dorm, okay? It’s getting late.”
She blinks and glances at her phone. “Oh, wow. It actually is late.”
“Come on.”
I stand and we head out together. We leave from the front this time and walk down dark paths. There aren’t many people out around now and I know the dorms have a curfew, so I don’t want her to break it on my account. Although I suspect they’ll look the other way for a sponsored girl.
“Look, I know you’re angry,” I say softly as we approach her dorm. “But I’m here now. And I don’t plan on leaving.”
“You probably thought that the first time.”
I clench my jaw. “I did,” I admit. “But I mean it.”
“I’m sure you do.”
I grab her hand and face her. She stumbles against my chest, looking up into my eyes.
I lean down and kiss her.
Fucking hell, it’s like a spark between our mouths. Her lips are soft and her mouth opens, her tongue against mine, her taste flooding my entire body. I pull her tight against me and she kisses me back instantly, almost like she can’t control herself.
We break the kiss apart after a moment.
“You shouldn’t do that,” she whispers.
“I should,” I growl.
“Not here. Not in front of the dorm.”
“Why not?”
“I want to be…”
“Normal?” I snort. “You’re not going to be, not with me as a sponsor.”
“I know that. But I want to try.”
“Fine.” I release her and she steps away. “I won’t kiss you here. But I will kiss you somewhere else.”
She smiles at that. “We’ll see. I still don’t trust you.”
“You will.”
She shakes her head, still smiling, and walks away. I watch her go, watch her disappear into the dorm, and I turn to leave.
I can feel eyes on me as I head down the path. I’m sure every girl in that fucking dorm was watching that kiss. I wonder what they’ll do. I know a lot of them want a man like me, want a sponsor to pick them up. I know it can be dangerous for girls like her. There’s a reason they’re separated from the rest of the girls.
But I think she’ll be fine. Her roommate is scary but Iris seems nice. I hope if she surrounds herself with good friends, she’ll fit right in and I won’t destroy anything she might have.
We’ll see, though. It’s not like I’m backing down anytime soon.
3
Jenna
I keep thinking about that kiss.
It was a mistake. It was stupid.
And it felt so good.
I knew as soon as his lips touched mine that I was making a stupid mistake. I can’t let myself forget that this man left me all alone in the dorms last year. We were supposed to be getting to know each other, but instead he left for something better.
I need to keep reminding myself what his priorities are. I’m not here for someone that’ll leave me for work whenever he wants. That’s just not the kind of relationship I want.
I’m also not in this for the money, even though that’s probably what it seems like. My mom is definitely in it for that, though.
I don’t care about the money. If all I wanted was some rich wealthy man to restore our family fortunes, I wouldn’t waste my time feeling annoyed about Brady. He’s not the man that’ll bring that back for my family, and I know my mom would be sorely disappointed if I ended up with him.
No, even though I’m feeling pressure all around me, I’m not here for anything but myself.
“So, how was it?”
I’m a little startled to hear Azrael speak. “Sorry, what?”
“Your date.” She sighs like this is the hardest thing she’s ever done. “Everyone’s talking about it.”
I frown a little and shift in my bed. It’s early in the morning and we both have class in a half hour, but clearly neither of us wants to get out of bed.
“Talking?”
“Sure. Talking.” She sighs and stretches like a cat. “On Twitter.”
“Twitter?” I make a face. “Come on.”
“It’s true.”
I reach for my phone but stop myself. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”
“Was it good?”
I sigh. “I don’t know. It was okay.”
“He’s handsome.”
I snort. “Didn’t know you’d notice.”
She arches an eyebrow at me. “Just because I wear black doesn’t mean I don’t notice men.”
“Okay, fair point.”
“Besides, I like his movies.”
“Really?”
“He’s very talented.” She rolls over and sits up with a groan. “You’re lucky.”
“I don’t feel lucky.”
“Why not? Girls would kill to have him sponsor them.”
“I know.”
“So you should feel lucky.” She gives me a flat stare. “Then again, you’re in these dorms with me, so clearly you’re not normal.”
I glare at her. Azrael calling me not-normal is just about the most absurd thing in the world.
“Anyway, you should be happy.” She gets up with a groan. “What did he do to you, anyway?”
“Abandoned me,” I say softly.
She snorts. “That’s it?”
I glare at her. “You weren’t there last year, okay?”
“Fine. I guess not.”
“Why are you taking his side, anyway?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know him.”
“Good point.”
“He could be an asshole.”
“Is he?”
/> I hesitate. “Yeah.”
“But the good kind?”
I blush and look away. “Maybe.”
She laughs a little. “Good luck with that,” she says, almost like it’s a bad thing. She shakes her head, grabs her shower stuff, and disappears.
I stretch and groan. Freaking great. So everyone’s taking about my kiss with Brady last night. I guess they were watching at the window like a bunch of gossiping teenagers or something.
I shouldn’t be surprised. This is Gradus, after all. Gossip is practically its own major here.
I get out of bed and finally grab my phone. I plan on searching Twitter for my name, but instead find a text from a number I don’t have.
I’m sorry but I have to disappear on you again.
I stare at it for a second. It has to be Brady but I don’t remember exchanging numbers.
I type back, Brady?
The one and only. I’m sorry about this, it’s just reshoots out in LA. I’ll be back next week.
Of course you’re disappearing again. Why wouldn’t you?
I hate myself a little bit for typing that. I sound like such a brat. The man still has a life and a job, I can’t blame him for having to finish his obligations.
I know. I’ll see you soon.
I sigh and toss my phone away, suddenly not interested in seeing what all the gossip’s about.
It’s not like they have any clue what’s happening in my relationship, or lack thereof.
I throw my phone down onto my comforter and collapse next to it with a sigh.
I want to hate him for this but I know I can’t bring myself to do it. He has every right to finish his movie, and besides, it’s only a week. And he’s telling me up front. Last time, he just went to New Zealand without a single word.
At least he’s trying this time.
And the taste of his lips still lingers on mine, as much as I don’t want it to.
* * *
One week passes and I’m almost starting to feel normal here.
There are whispers in the halls of the dorm about me. Even Iris can’t help but ask. “What was he like?” she whispers, her eyes wide. “Was he a good kisser?”
Otherwise, things went back to normal. I went to class, hung out with Iris and Azrael, and mostly just did normal things.
It was a really good week.
I want to act like I never once thought about Brady, but of course that wouldn’t be close to the truth. He was always on my mind. I kept being tempted to text him now that I have his number, but I kept holding myself back. I don’t want to be the one to reach out to him. Plus, he’s probably busy.