The Loudest Silence (Part One)

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The Loudest Silence (Part One) Page 8

by Olivia Janae


  He sighed, swinging his dangling legs. “Not getting up.”

  “Good job.”

  With him settled and the last few parents drifting out the doors, she finally approached her boss.

  Vivian jumped a little as Kate tapped her shoulder, but scowled when she saw who it was.

  “So,” she started, a bit uncomfortably, “can I help clean up?”

  Vivian glared, her mouth popping open to say something that Kate had to assume was going to sting, but instead her hand flattened on her stomach, rubbing like it pained her.

  “You okay?” Kate frowned, looking at the lithe hand as it massaged.

  Vivian’s face hardened, her hands dropping to curl into fists and her lips pursing tightly. She bluntly pointed to the piles of handheld instruments and a large plastic bin.

  “Okay, right.” Kate quickly gathered everything into the box and stacked it in the corner with the other identical boxes.

  “Anything else?”

  With a scathing glare, Vivian shook her head. She went to turn away, but Kate caught her arm, stopping her before she could. “Look, I wanted to apologize. Can I please apologize?”

  For a moment, Vivian looked at Kate’s hand as though she was going to take it off at the wrist. Her smoldering gaze met Kate’s and then moved slowly back to her hand in an obvious threat.

  Burned and slightly fearful for her fingers, Kate dropped her hand, about to move forward and say the things she needed to. Ms. Kensington, however, held up a single finger, cutting her off before she could begin. Her eyes rolling dramatically, she spun on her heels and quickly moved out of reach.

  Frustration shot through Kate. “What kind of an adult holds a grudge like this?” she cried at the back of her head, her arms flailing even though she knew Vivian neither saw nor heard her.

  “Stomp on the floor!”

  “What?” Kate squawked, swinging around to level Charlie with a gaze. “What are you trying to tell me?”

  “Stomp a few times on the floor. That’s how you call a deaf person. She’ll feel it on the wooden flooring.”

  Kate stomped on the floor twice, hard, and the retreating woman spun around as if her name had been called. “I’m sorry!” Kate cried, speaking fast before she could retreat. “Give me two minutes. Please!”

  Vivian’s eyes narrowed, but her arms folded across her chest, a single eyebrow rising slowly in challenge.

  Relieved, Kate didn’t give her a chance to walk away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for what I said at the fundraising gala to sound the way it did. I get it, I insulted you, but I swear I didn’t mean to.”

  “What did you mean, then?” The softly distorted voice made an appearance as Vivian glared.

  “All I meant was that I thought we were trying to teach the children that all talking, all communication, whether with our mouths or our hands, was distracting to the performers and shouldn’t happen. I was talking about respect to the players and to the music. I wasn’t saying it because you’re deaf,” Kate pleaded, her hands gesticulating wildly. “I wasn’t saying anything about you being deaf, I promise. I don’t care about that! I’m not some evil agent who is against all deaf people!”

  Those dark eyes narrowed again, and nervously Kate’s hands found her back pockets. “Look, Vi— Ms. Kensington, let me take you out to dinner or something. Let me do something to apologize. I’ve felt terrible. We can celebrate your birthday.”

  Ms. Kensington’s eyes narrowed, which sent Kate’s into a roll.

  “Oh, come on, I’m not that terrible! This is silly.”

  Unwilling humor flitted across Ms. Kensington’s eyes for just a moment before disappearing again. “And why haven’t you said anything before this?”

  “Because I haven’t had the chance! Plus, you’re kind of scary, and I think you know that.” She thought that there was a good chance Vivian liked that she intimidated most people.

  This time humor definitely settled on her face as Vivian considered her offer. Kate felt oddly naked under the power of her stare.

  After a long while, Vivian nodded once. “Next Friday.”

  “It’s a date.”

  Vivian’s lips pressed into a thin line at that, and Kate swallowed thickly. She wasn’t sure if she was pleased or terrified.

  With a sweep of brunette hair, Vivian turned and headed toward Max, switching places with Charlie, who moved to Kate’s side.

  “That’s a good thing, right? This is good?” Kate asked in a low voice.

  Charlie shoved her slightly. “Of course it is. Viv seems harsh when you don’t know her, but she’s actually pretty great. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but she’s actually nice under all of that.” Kate gave her a dubious stare, her eyebrows and mouth pulling down all at once. Charlie scoffed, giving her a little shove. “Really! She has more to her than you think. She can be an idiot, but she’s also funny and, oh my god, she’s the biggest flirt. She’s awesome! I mean, she’s my best friend, and I’m pretty awesome, so—”

  Kate laughed and shoved her back.

  With Charlie’s reassurances in mind, she watched Vivian talking to Max. That look of gentleness was back on her face, the one that baffled Kate because it was so different from the way that Vivian looked at her.

  “Max,” she called, and he sent her a large grin, running up to her like he hadn’t seen her in a month. She watched Vivian stand, her hand rubbing almost nervously over her stomach. Kate was willing to believe that Vivian might be someone different under it all.

  Kate didn’t know, but she was willing to see. She took Max’s hand, and the two started toward the door, her mind playing over Charlie’s reassurances.

  “Can I have a ride?”

  Mind elsewhere, Kate bent to let Max jump onto her back. She gave a grunt as he did; he really was getting to be too big. She turned, ready to leave, and couldn’t help but notice that for the first time all day, though Vivian was watching her just like before, the only look on her face was one of curiosity.

  5

  Subject: Meeting Time

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Good afternoon,

  I would like to settle on a time and place to meet Friday night. I am free any time after 7:00 p.m.

  Cordially,

  Vivian Kensington

  Vivian Kensington

  Board of Directors

  President

  The J. C. Kensington Foundation

  The Windy City Chamber Ensemble

  2381 South Michigan, Chicago, IL 60604

  TTY: 312-783-4230, ext. 825 | 312-733-7330 (fax) | www.JC-Kensington.org

  Subject: Re: Meeting Time

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Hey,

  I’m not really sure yet. I’m still trying to figure out where to go. You don’t have any suggestions, do you?

  K

  Sent from my iPhone

  Subject: Re: Meeting Time

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  What I would suggest, Ms. Flynn, is knowing the details of an engagement before you present it.

  Cordially,

  Vivian Kensington

  Vivian Kensington

  Board of Directors

  President

  The J. C. Kensington Foundation

  The Windy City Chamber Ensemble

  2381 South Michigan, Chicago, IL 60604

  TTY: 312-783-4230, ext. 825 | 312-733-7330 (fax) | www.JC-Kensington.org

  Subject: Re: Meeting Time

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Yeah, thanks. Let’s just say 8.

  K

  Sent from my iPhone

  Subject: Re: Meeting Time

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Good afternoon,

  And where, exactly, shall I be meeting you?

  Cordially,


  Vivian Kensington

  Vivian Kensington

  Board of Directors

  President

  The J. C. Kensington Foundation

  The Windy City Chamber Ensemble

  2381 South Michigan, Chicago, IL 60604

  TTY: 312-783-4230, ext. 825 | 312-733-7330 (fax) | www.JC-Kensington.org

  Subject: Re: Meeting Time

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  I’ll keep you posted.

  Look, I understand that you’ve decided I’m this terrible person. I made a mistake and I said things the wrong way, but it’s kind of pointless to go to dinner if you’re just going to come to it hating me. You think I’m a bigot. Okay. But maybe there’s more than one side to me.

  K

  Sent from my iPhone

  Subject: Oops. I mean, um…

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Um, I say that respectfully, ma’am.

  I apologize if that was in any way rude.

  K

  Sent from my iPhone

  Subject: Re: Oops. I mean, um…

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  That is an interesting assessment, Ms. Flynn. Perhaps such a statement could be made about both of us. I too have often been called ‘multi-sided.’

  I will see you Friday evening at 8. Let me know when you have decided on a location.

  Best,

  Vivian Kensington

  Vivian Kensington

  Board of Directors

  President

  The J. C. Kensington Foundation

  The Windy City Chamber Ensemble

  2381 South Michigan, Chicago, IL 60604

  TTY: 312-783-4230, ext. 825 | 312-733-7330 (fax) | www.JC-Kensington.org

  Kate stood in front of the mirror, smoothing her dress anxiously, checking her makeup, her hair, her teeth again and again, as though the constant checking might bring them closer to her satisfaction. She grabbed a tissue to wipe her lip matte away; the light pink she had chosen didn’t go with the black of her dress. She cleaned it off, only to decide against the darker shade and reapply the pink, running her fingers under her eyes to catch any nonexistent mess. Her stomach bubbled and boiled, making her hands jittery and her heart thrum hard in her chest. She couldn’t even imagine what this evening was going to hold. She had never been forced to sit and eat a meal with someone who hated her so openly – at least not since she had left her last foster home at the age of sixteen in favor of emancipation.

  She wasn’t exactly excited for this dinner.

  Still dissatisfied with her general appearance, she added a dab of silver under her eyes to make the green of her irises pop. She tried to crack her knuckles as she considered herself again, but her knuckles had been cracked too recently and wouldn’t allow her the nerve-settling sensation.

  She was nervous.

  In response to the hostile emails, Kate had asked Ash and Charlie, the only two people she knew aside from the person she was going out with, for the name of the best restaurant in the city; or at least the best where she might be able to get a last-minute reservation.

  The conversation with Ash had turned into an awkward foot-in-mouth situation almost instantly. Ash had noticeably brightened, thinking that she was asking for a date, and Kate had been forced to explain her real intentions through apologetically clenched teeth.

  They hadn’t gone out since Club Whatever, as a matter of fact, but that wasn’t to say Kate’s phone hadn’t been hijacked by Ash’s texts, calls, and social media notifications. They hadn’t actually seen one another outside of rehearsals. While it was true that Kate was still tired from their night out, unable to bounce back like she once had, she hadn’t meant to let so much time pass. She was eager to let her hair down again, to have fun.

  There had been a bout of awkward mumbling and shifting as Kate apologized and promised that they would go out again soon. This seemed to satisfy her for the most part, and once Ash had gotten past her chagrin and general embarrassment, she had thrown an arm around Kate’s shoulders as she told her of a trendy spot in the Pilsen neighborhood.

  Charlie hadn’t agreed with Ash’s information, insisting that the restaurant was more of a bar for twenty-somethings.

  “I’m pretty sure that you have to be under the age of twenty-five to even get into Pilsen,” Charlie had insisted, seeming lost as to why Kate would even consider that a viable option. She had instead offered a suggestion of a quiet restaurant downtown.

  Kate had worried about getting a table, but she got lucky, able to fill a slot that had just been vacated a few minutes before. Kate wanted to see it as fate, but her nervous stomach wouldn’t let her, and while Ash insisted that she didn’t have to take Vivian to a restaurant that nice, she was pretty sure you couldn’t take a woman like that to a dingy pizza place either.

  Once that was decided, Kate’s panicked mind moved on to the next stress: the actual “date.”

  They had decided to meet at the restaurant strictly at 8:00 p.m. Kate was not going to be late.

  Maybe she should change? She had dressed in her very best I’m-nervous-about-tonight-but-I-still-want-to-be-kind-of-classy armor. It was a politely sleeveless cocktail dress that showed off her arms and her legs; long enough for the sake of decency and in a shade of black that hinted at professionalism.

  She studied it again in the mirror, giving her reflection a frown. The urge to change again was strong, but she resisted. She had gone back and forth for too long as it was, debating with herself over what would be best for a situation like this one. Was the dress too dressy? Maybe she should wear slacks and a blouse, or even something like her concert blacks, giving off the impression of casual comfort.

  No, she knew that Ms. Kensington would dress for the evening, so she should, too.

  Refusing to allow herself to make even one more change to her appearance, she kissed Max and headed to the door, only to stop once more as a thought occurred to her.

  What if Charlie was there? A small tremor shot through her at the thought. She didn’t want a – for lack of a better expression – third wheel. Not that it mattered, but if she was going to grovel to her boss, she would rather do it with fewer eyes on her. But the thought of Vivian not bringing her was worse. How would she communicate with her if she didn’t? She pictured herself miming her apology and felt her skin go cold.

  Kate had spent the evening before watching YouTube videos of hands moving, trying to learn a few basic things, but she had given up quickly when she discovered that certain signs could go out of fashion or get updated over the years. Plus, there was ASL, English, Cued Speech, and something mysteriously called “home signs.” How did she know which ones to use? Wikipedia had said that most people spoke American Sign Language, but what if Vivian didn’t use that? Would she laugh at her if she used a 1970s version of a sign? Or if she used a sign from the wrong language? What if she just stared at her confused?

  Two days before, Kate had started a TV show where half the cast was deaf, and she and Max had sat mesmerized, staring at the screen like cats staring into a fishbowl. The show had made it look so damn easy. When she had tried, she felt like old cartoons where the character’s fingers tied themselves into throbbing knots.

  This line of thought was making her all the more nervous. Glancing around, Kate grabbed a small notepad from the counter and shoved it in her purse, just in case, before disappearing into the city.

  Friday night in the Loop, what the locals called downtown Chicago, was enjoyably chaotic, filled with people making their way to and from functions in every state of dress, from elegant black tie to a man wearing only a tie and black boxer briefs. It was thrilling, sending Kate’s blood racing through her veins, her black stilettos clacking in time with the pulsing energy of the city around her.

  She held her breath as she entered the restaurant, glancing around to see if she cou
ld spot her “date.” Not seeing Vivian, she stepped forward.

  “Name?” the young girl behind the hostess station asked, barely looking at her, clearly bored with her job. Kate jumped at the address, like she had been pinched, her nerves on edge.

  “Flynn.”

  The girl lazily checked the booklet in front of her. “It looks like your party is yet to arrive. It will be another thirty minutes for a table. Would you like to wait here or in the bar?”

  “Bar.” Kate answered just a little too quickly, causing the girl to finally look up and give her a considering gaze. Kate just smiled a bit unsteadily back. “Definitely the bar.”

  The bar was bright, backlit, giving it a harsh modern feel, with lots of white fluorescent lights, highlighted by red and deep purple up-lighting around the huge oval counter space. The gorgeous raven-haired bartender made her way to her with a slightly flirtatious eye and smiled expectantly.

  “Uh, liquid courage. Give me a Jameson up, please.”

  She was waiting patiently for her drink when she felt a warm hand on her arm. She turned and was surprised by the face she found looking back at her. Of course, it was the face of Vivian Kensington, stunning as ever, but for the first time since they had met, it held neither animosity nor malice. In fact, she was giving her a large, devastatingly beautiful smile. It took Kate a moment to gather her thoughts, blinking rapidly. She was sure that smiles that beautiful weren’t supposed to be real outside of the movies.

  “I’m sorry I’m late,” she said, waving for the bartender and ordering a glass of wine. Vivian smiled warmly at the bartender and then glanced at Kate, her brow pulling together. “And what is it that you’re staring at exactly?”

 

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