by Elena Aitken
“Maren, do you—”
“Understand it?” She nodded. “I guess I do. But I’m still pissed.” She knew she was grasping, but it was the only possible explanation. She said as much to her husband. “I mean, that has to be what happened. Right, Davis?”
She stared straight into his green eyes. The eyes she knew so well. The eyes she’d been staring into since she was seventeen. The same eyes she’d trusted with her entire life almost as long.
And that’s when she knew for sure.
The weight landed on her chest with a force that knocked whatever breath she had left straight from her lungs.
That was definitely not what had happened.
“I’m sorry, Maren. I can’t lie to you.” Davis reached out and covered her hand with his. “It wasn’t like that. The baby was obviously…well, a mistake. When she found out she was pregnant, I panicked, but she knew right away. She wanted to keep it and—”
“Of course she wanted to keep it.” Just like she herself had been slapped with that choice only weeks before, Maren could never imagine Sabrina making any other decision.
Davis nodded distractedly. “Right. Of course.”
“When did it happen?” She suddenly needed to know. Now that her weak theory had been blasted to bits, it became crucially important to know all of the details. “How? Do you love her?”
“No!” He shot back in his seat, but his hand didn’t leave hers—a fact, she noted somewhat distractedly, she was grateful for. Somehow, the heat of his skin on hers was keeping her tethered to the moment. “I love you, Maren. Always. You’ve only ever been the only woman I’ve loved.”
“But not the only one you were attracted to.” It wasn’t a question. Because it was fact. “Not the only one you slept with.”
“Maren, I’m so sorry.”
“When?” she asked again. “When did it happen?” She realized she could do the math herself, but it seemed important for him to tell her.
Davis shook his head. “I don’t—”
“When?”
He squeezed his eyes for a second before opening them again. “You were gone with Rylee at that away meet.”
“The one in California?”
She did the quick math in her head. That meet had been in September. She and Rylee had gone alone because Davis had a big account he’d been working on. It was seven months ago. The math was right.
He nodded. “That’s the one. It was the anniversary of her mom’s death and you know how upset she gets. I was comforting her and one thing led to another and it just kind of—”
“Her mom died in December,” she interrupted.
“What?” He stared at her, and she could see the lie in his eyes. “Right,” he said quickly. “She passed away right before Christmas. I remember.”
“So, that couldn’t have been when the baby was conceived.” She spoke slowly, watching his eyes. “The baby had to be conceived in September, like you said. But I worked the late-night volunteer shift for the swim club on December tenth. Remember? The club was given an opportunity to volunteer at the casino but they needed parents to work the shift from ten to three in the morning. I volunteered.” The pieces started to fall into place as she spoke, and as each piece clicked into place, she wished she could take them all back and throw the puzzle in the air. She no longer wanted to solve it. “That was the anniversary of her mom’s passing. And you—”
“Maren, I’m so sorry. It was—”
“It happened more than once?”
Somehow that made it worse. Oh, so much worse if it had happened more than one time. If it was a relationship.
He nodded, but she already knew the truth.
“How many times?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“I don’t—”
“How long?” She took a different approach. “How long has it been going on?”
Whatever she thought he might have said, whatever explanation she could have been looking for, it never could have prepared her for the truth.
“Years.” He spoke softly, but the word rang out in the empty room.
Years.
“I’m so—”
“No.”
“Maren, I—”
“How could you? For years?” Red-hot mortification mixed with pain and humiliation and…all the feelings…raced through her. “But you don’t love her?” Nothing made sense.
“It wasn’t like a relationship,” he said in an attempt to explain. “It was more like a familiarity.”
Familiarity?
“Like a comfort when things were hard.” He shook his head. “This isn’t coming out right.”
“Ya think?” She glared at him as she struggled to process what she was hearing. Finally, she spoke. “I’m your wife, Davis. I’m supposed to be your comfort. Me. You’re supposed to come to me when things are hard.”
“I know, and I do, Maren. It was just when Sabrina—”
“I don’t give a fuck about Sabrina.” She hissed the words, and realized with a disconcerting sense of horror that she meant them. “It wasn’t your job to comfort her. You are my husband, Davis. Mine.”
All at once, the world started to spin around her and she couldn’t stand to be in his presence, let alone have him touching her. It was too much.
“Get out.” She yanked her hand away from his. “Get out.” She spat out the words, but he didn’t move.
“Maren. We need to talk about this. We need to—”
She pushed back from the table so violently, the chair clattered to the tile floor behind her. “Get out!”
He stood and moved to step closer to her. She picked up an empty mug and threw it at him. She missed and it hit the wall behind him with a smash of yellow ceramic. “Get the fuck out of my house! Now!”
Davis froze and dropped his head. He was crying and that only pissed her off more. How dare he cry. He’s the one who did this to them. He’s the one who destroyed them. He destroyed everything.
Everything.
When he didn’t move, she picked up another mug and pulled her arm back.
Davis looked at her, opened his mouth to say something else, and obviously thought better of it. Without another word, he turned and left.
The second the door clicked behind him, Maren slid to the floor and cried.
Rylee
Rylee knew she shouldn’t be eavesdropping. And to be fair, she wasn’t. Not really.
She couldn’t hear what it was her parents were talking about downstairs in the kitchen. Just their muffled voices. And then, the crash. And Mom yelled.
A moment later, Rylee left her place at the top of the stairs and went to look out her bedroom window just in time to see her dad driving away.
What the hell?
Her parents never fought. Unless you could count the time Dad totally forgot to pick up Grandma from the airport because Mom was volunteering. There had been yelling that time, but mostly because Mom had to deal with Grandma, who was not happy that she’d had to take an hour cab ride after a long flight back from her trip to Italy. But even that time, that was probably the worst, Dad hadn’t left. The fight had ended with tears and a hug and then all three of them had piled onto the couch to watch a movie. Rylee couldn’t remember which one, just that it was nice that no one was mad anymore and she didn’t have that itchy feeling all through her body.
The same feeling she had now.
The same feeling that told her something was wrong.
After she watched her dad drive away, she went back to the stairs. She wanted to talk to her mom. She wanted to tell her about Brice. She hadn’t been able to sleep and more than once she wanted to go crawl into her parents’ bed the way she used to when she was little. She hadn’t had that urge since…well, she couldn’t remember when. But the night before, when she was lying in her bed, feeling desperately alone, it was all she’d wanted.
She almost went down the hall to their room, too. But something had stopped her.
The same some
thing that had stopped her from going downstairs to her mom. Or maybe it was because she could hear her mom crying.
Mom never cried.
Rylee sat on the step and listened. It took her a few minutes before she realized she was crying, too.
Rylee didn’t venture out of her bedroom again until much later. She’d mostly ignored her cell phone, not even bothering to look at social media or scroll through her favorite YouTube videos. Instead, she picked up an old paperback, Little Women. She must have read it a hundred times, but it seemed like a good way to spend a day when the only thing she really wanted to do was disappear.
It wasn’t until the smell of roast beef slipped under her door and tickled her nostrils that Rylee realized how hungry she was. Besides, she couldn’t hide forever and maybe her dad was back and whatever was going on with her parents was sorted out.
Her mom was setting the table when she walked down the stairs. Rylee’s eyes flitted over the settings she’d just laid out.
Two.
“You’re just in time.” Her mom’s voice was oddly high and not at all normal. “I made us a nice dinner because I feel so bad for missing the rest of your party last night, sweetie.” She crossed the room and put one hand on Rylee’s shoulder. “I just wasn’t feeling good all of a sudden last night and I needed to go lay down. I hope you’re not too upset.”
Rylee shook her head. “It’s fine,” she lied. “I went out with Brice anyway. Grandma probably told you.”
Her mom blinked slowly. Obviously Grandma hadn’t told her. What the hell was going on with her family?
“Well, I hope you had fun.” Her mom turned to the counter where she started lifting lids and stirring things.
“Actually, it was…” It was her chance. She could tell her mom about what had happened and… “Hey, why are there only two settings? Where’s Dad?”
Somehow, it seemed easier not to talk about it.
“Oh, he had to do some work for a client.” It would have been a barefaced lie if her mom had bothered to look at her while she said it. “I was thinking we’d just dish up at the counter, if that’s okay? I hope you’re hungry. I made a ton of food.”
She had made a ton of food. There was roast beef, carrots, mashed potatoes with gravy, a salad, and those puffy Yorkshire pudding things that were her favorite. It seemed like a pretty extravagant dinner for just the two of them. Usually when Dad had to work over dinner, they’d make a breakfast dinner of waffles and eggs and sometimes bacon and eat in front of the TV watching one of their silly shows, like RuPaul’s Drag Race, that the two of them loved and her dad hated.
But Rylee didn’t say anything. Instead, she accepted the plate her mom handed her and held it quietly while her mom dished up way too much food on her plate, like she was six years old again. “Oh, no gravy for me.” Rylee pulled her plate back as her mom moved toward it with the ladle. But she was too late; the gravy slopped onto the floor with a splash.
“Oh.”
For a horrifying moment, Rylee thought her mom might cry over the spilled gravy. Or maybe it was because she didn’t want any? Who knew.
“Don’t worry, Mom.” Rylee put her plate on the counter and grabbed the roll of paper towels to sop up the mess. “I got it. And maybe I will take a little gravy after all.” There, she’d covered everything. She finished cleaning up the mess and went to throw the soiled paper towels in the trash, but as soon as she lifted the lid, she froze.
Right on top were the pieces of her favorite yellow mug. She lifted a piece, but before she asked, she already knew the answer. She’d heard the crash earlier.
“Mom?” She turned around, holding the piece of mug. “What happened to my mug?”
Her mom’s forced smile dipped and she shook her head. “It just fell off the counter. I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know it’s your favorite.”
Rylee opened her mouth to protest what she knew was another lie, but her mom handed her a plate full of food, so she took it obediently and sat.
Dinner was quiet. Eerily quiet. Rylee was aware of every knife scrape on the plate and every gulp of water she took. Her mother’s eyes kept drifting to the back door, as if her father were going to walk in at any moment.
Something told Rylee that wasn’t going to happen.
Finally, she had enough.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
Her mother almost choked on a piece of beef. She reached for her glass of water and drank slowly before Rylee asked again.
“Are you?”
“Nothing is going on, Rylee.”
“Really?” She didn’t mean to sound harsh or rude, but if her mom was going to continue to lie to her, she was going to go crazy.
“Don’t use that tone with me,” her mom said. But there was no force behind her words. “Eat your dinner.”
“Not until you tell me what’s going on.” Rylee put her knife and fork down with a clatter. “Because something is going on. You didn’t drop my mug. I heard you this morning.”
Her mother’s face blanched. “What did you hear?”
She could lie and tell her she’d heard everything. But then she might never know what actually was going on. “Enough.” She then softened her voice. “Tell me, Mom. I’m not a kid anymore and I know something is going on. I mean, you left my party last night and then when I got home—”
“I said I was sorry, Rylee.” Her mom looked as if she might cry. “And I really am. I know it’s not…you know what?” Her mom put her napkin over her plate and stared at her.
Rylee sat straighter, but didn’t speak.
“You aren’t a child anymore,” her mom continued. “And while I always want to protect you from things, you’re going to find out sooner or later.”
All of a sudden, Rylee didn’t want to know. She wanted to backpedal and stick her fingers in her ears and sing a stupid song so she wouldn’t hear what her mom was about to say. Because she knew in that second she wasn’t going to like it. Not a little bit.
But she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.
Her mom pushed her plate into the middle of the table and clasped her hands together as if she were bracing herself. “Your dad won’t be coming home for a little bit.” Rylee’s heart caught in her throat. “I’ve asked him to leave.”
“What? Why? You can’t do that, Mom. This is his—”
“Rylee.” She spoke so calmly that instead of easing the panic that had begun to well up inside Rylee, it fueled it. This couldn’t be happening. “There are some things that you don’t understand. And I’m sorry that this is happening right now, but—”
“But you’re having a baby, Mom.” She realized how lame it sounded, but it was true. You only had babies with people you loved and you didn’t kick people out who you loved, so nothing made sense. “You need to—”
“Your father is also having a baby with Sabrina.”
She couldn’t breathe.
The room spun around her. As much as she wanted to get up from the table and run up to her room where she could pretend she hadn’t heard what she’d just heard, just the way she did when she found out her mom was pregnant, she couldn’t feel her legs. Nothing felt real and for a hideous moment, Rylee thought she might even start laughing. After all, it was ludicrous. First her mom was having a baby, and now Auntie Sabrina? Well, she was always having a baby. But, it was her dad’s? That meant that the baby was going to be her half-brother?
Nothing made sense.
She pressed her hands to the table in an effort to stop the spinning.
“Rylee?” Her mother’s voice sounded as if she were underwater.
If her dad was the father, that meant… Oh, gross. Oh, no. Her father had…
“Rylee, did you hear me? Are you—”
“I had sex with Brice.” She blurted out the words before she could stop herself and then everything was quiet again. All of the ugly truths hung between them like angry black clouds, and then…the storm broke.
“O
h, Rylee.” In a flash, her mother was next to her, crouched on the floor and pulling Rylee into her arms.
Rylee wrapped her arms around her mom’s waist and let her hold her like a child, safe, even for a false minute, in her embrace.
Together, they cried.
Sabrina
Sabrina almost hadn’t bothered going back to her prenatal class. After all, it had been enough walking in alone the week before and she hadn’t even been truly alone. This time, she would be alone. Really alone. But the incessant kicking of her unborn baby had been a sign. He was coming, whether she was ready or not. She owed it to her baby boy to be as prepared as she could be. Especially now that she’d made a total mess of her life. Just in time for his entrance into it.
The class had been just as bad as she’d thought it would be. Ariel spent at least five minutes fussing over her because her partner “wasn’t able to join” her, and then she spent another few minutes talking to the partners about how important it was that they really show up for their partners throughout the process because it was hard enough to be pregnant and have the responsibility of bringing another life into the world, that the new mother should never be made to feel alone.
Or some bullshit like that.
Sabrina was ready to burst into tears before the actual class even began. But as soon as Ariel in her singsong voice started getting into the class material on interventions and possible complications and basically proceeded to tell the entire class of expectant mothers about every single thing that could possibly go wrong with their baby on what was supposed to be the very best day of their lives, Sabrina had enough.