"No," he said sharply. "Not yet." The light moved down to reveal the tight curls surrounding her womanhood. He took a deep breath, and when he spoke his voice was thick. "I just touched you there. My palm is still tingling from it. Soon 111 touch you there again."
She was frozen in place as he gazed at her for a long time. Why didn't he move? Speak? She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think; she could only stand there caught in a haze of heat and hunger and the hot circle of light.
The light flicked out.
She gave a low cry and flung herself at him. He met her, lifted her, frantically adjusting his clothes, and then they were joined. "Take—" The rest of her words were lost as his mouth covered hers in the same open, frantic joining.
Her legs curled around his hips as they sank to the blanket on the ground.
"I told you it would get better." Andrew buried his lips in the curve of Lily's naked shoulder. "Though we still have a long way to go. I can't seem to slow down. I guess I want you too much."
"It doesn't matter. It was beautiful." Lily's voice was low as she looked out onto the moon-dappled patchwork of the beach. She suddenly giggled. "Of course, It could be the fact that we weren't both sopping wet, with a thunderstorm threatening to overwhelm us at any second."
He went still. He reached over and flicked on the flashlight, his gaze searching her face. "You sounded as young as Cassie Just then."
"Well, I'm not exactly ancient. I do have my moments of youthful exuberance."
"But you don't often let them come to the surface. You always have to be so damn sensible and mature." He paused. "And in control."
"I am sensible and mature." She sat up and once again pulled on his sweat shirt. "And anyone independent wants to be in control. I have to leave now."
"You're running away again."
"You're pushing me. You said you wouldn't push me."
He was silent.
"I told you I couldn't give you what you wanted. You wouldn't listen to me."
"You'll give me what I want. It's only a question of time." A hint of desperation threaded his voice. "But what if there's no time left?"
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
He didn't answer for a moment. "Nothing. I guess I'm just impatient. And you're so damn wary." He paused. "Talk to me. Ten me about Tait Baldor."
She froze. "I don't want to talk about him. You said you'd read the tabloids, so you know all there is to know. It's all water under the bridge."
"No, it's not. It's still with you, and I'm paying the price. You don't trust me. You buried it but you didn't let it go." He reached down and turned off the flashlight. "Now there's only me and the darkness. And I don't count. Tell me about Baldor."
"Are you trying to use some kind of amateur psychology to cleanse me of my sordid past?" she asked with biting sarcasm. "IVe been through that charade, thank you. In case the newspaper missed it, perhaps I should tell you I spent six months under the care of a psychiatrist after Tait's trial."
"I know. You were close to a total breakdown. Who could blame you?"
"I blamed me. I blamed myself for everything. If I hadn't been so stupid, my mother would be alive today."
"She trusted Baldor, too, Lily."
"Because I loved him. She always wanted me to have a love like the one she had with my father. When she saw how crazy I was about Tait, she wanted to believe in him." She paused, struggling with the anger that was choking her. "And the son of a bitch murdered her."
Andrew was silent.
"And do you know what? When the medical
examiner stumbled on the proof during the autopsy, I wouldn't believe Tait had done it. I was so besotted with him that I let the bastard steal half a million dollars from my mother, then poison her so that he could steal whatever was left from me." She laughed harshly. "And I wouldn't believe he'd done it. 1 told the police it must have been someone else. They had to ram the evidence down my throat before I'd testify at Tait's trial. I was that much of a fool."
"Not a fool," Andrew said gently. "You were nineteen years old. shy and reclusive. You and your mother lived alone, and both of you tried to believe the best of everyone. You were a perfect target for a con artist like Baldor. He walked in and charmed you both until you were dizzy. You weren't stupid, only naive." He paused. "And trusting."
So trusting, I put my mother into her grave. So trusting. I talked her into trusting him too." She smiled bitterly. "Oh, yes, I was a great one for trusting."
"Trusting is good, Lily," Andrew said. 'You made a mistake in judgment, but—"
"A mistake? Tell that to my mother. Tell her trusting is good." Her voice was vibrating with intensity. "Because I'm done with it. These days I believe what I see and what can be proved to me, not what I'm told. Ill never be used or manipulated again."
"Hence the baby by artificial insemination," Andrew said softly. 'You couldn't bear to have another relationship, so you chose to go to Henry."
She nodded jerkily. "Don't you understand? I
had to have someone. I couldn't eat or sleep. I was so alone. I loved children, and I thought—" She broke off, and then continued fiercely. "I'm a good mother. I went to three doctors, and they all said I should give myself a few years before I made a decision, but I couldn't wait."
"No, I know you couldn't."
"I needed someone. If I'd been alone any longer I don't know if I could have survived." She stopped, and then said shakily, "Henry understood."
"Henry's a very understanding man."
"You're talking to me as soothingly as those doctors who turned me down. It was the right decision, dammit."
"I'm not arguing. It was the only decision at the time that would have assured your survival. YouVe made a good life for yourself and Cassie, and there's no question of your devotion to her." He reached out and covered her hand with his own. "You even ran the risk of the press's digging up that old scandal, when you allowed Cassie to go on tour."
"She deserved the chance to see if she wanted the life of the performer." She withdrew her hand from his. "Well, are you satisfied now? Do you enjoy playing father confessor?"
"Lord, no." An age-old weariness weighed in his voice. "It hurts me. It always hurts me."
"Always? You speak as if you're a priest, or something." She rose abruptly to her feet. "Well, now that you're finished with your interrogation, I believe 111 bid you good-bye."
"Lily, it was necessary. We had to get everything out in the open. I could have done it another way, but I wouldn't do that to you."
"I don't know what you're talking about, but I damn well don't like your digging into my past." Lily turned away and ducked from beneath the rocky overhang of the cliff. "Back off, Andrew."
"It had to be open and clear, so that you'd realize what happened in the past with Baldor simply cannot happen with me."
"You bet it can't."
"For God's sake, Lily, I'm no con man trying to hurt you."
"How do I know? Tait was a hell of a lot less mysterious than you. You work for a corporation located conveniently in a foreign country. You supposedly have all the time in the world at your disposal." She paused. "And, when I come to think about it, the way youVe played me bears a remarkable resemblance to stalking."
"Yes, it does," Andrew admitted. "So does that mean you're going to cut me out of your life and not see me again?"
Pain shot through Lily with a force that startled her. Not see Andrew again? Andrew was youth and radiance, sexuality and sensitivity. How could she give him up? She hadn't realized until that moment how totally he had captured her, both mentally and physically, "No," she said as she started across the sand. "Why should I care why you want to see me? You said I should take what I wanted from you, and that's what I'm doing." "Lily."
She stopped and looked over her shoulder. "I'm bringing Quenby and Gunner to meet you tomorrow, if that's all right."
"I thought you wanted to wait a while."
"Things ha
ve changed."
She nodded jerkily. She, too, was aware that their relationship had changed in some significant manner that night. Andrew's probing had brought back too much pain, had opened wounds she had thought long since healed. And by identifying himself with her pain Andrew had drawn closer to her emotionally than he had by making love to her. She would never again remember that horrible episode with Baldor without recalling the moonlit night when she told Andrew about the pain and betrayal. He had made himself part of it and brought them to a greater level of intimacy than Lily ever would have thought possible. Had he been perceptive enough to realize that this closeness could blossom from anger and pain? The ease with which Andrew was able to read her was beginning to make her edgy. "May I bring them tomorrow afternoon?" "Suit yourself." Her pace quickened as she strode down the beach away from him.
"Their coloring is so similar, they might be brother and sister," Lily said as she watched Cas-sie playing beach ball with Quenby and Gunner Nilsen. Both Gunner and his wife were tall, blond, and possessed the type of splendid good looks prevalent in Scandinavia. It was difficult to determine their ages. If there were threads of gray in the Nilsens' hair, they were lost in the white-gold fairness. Both of them were running around shout-
lng and hurling that enormous red ball with a vigor and youthfulness that made them appear little older than Cassle. "Are they both Swedish?"
Andrew shook his head as he lifted a cup of coffee to his lips. "9uenby's of Swedish descent, but Gunner isn't Scandinavian at all. He's from Garvania."
Lily frowned. "Garvania? I never heard of it."
Andrew shrugged. "It doesn't exist anymore. Garvania was annexed by Said Ababa over twenty years ago."
Lily's brows cleared. "Well, at least IVe heard of Said Ababa. That's the totalitarian country that's always having border disputes with Sedlkhan and Tamrovia. Right?"
"Right."
Lily's gaze returned to the trio playing a short distance away. "Your friends are nice people," she said sincerely. "And theyVe certainly charmed Cas-sie. IVe never seen her take to anyone but you this quickly."
"It's not surprising. Quenby says Gunner never grew up. He's probably enjoying Cassie as much as she is him. And Quenby's always been a sucker for kids."
"Does she have any children of her own?"
Andrew nodded. "A son attending the University of Marasef, in Sedlkhan. Jed's a nice kid."
"How patronizing you sound. He can't be that much younger than you."
Andrew's hand clenched on the Styrofoam cup. "Are you trying to relegate me to the campus set again? I thought we'd gotten past that obstacle. Why are you putting barriers between us?"
"There are already barriers between us."
"It's strange you never notice them when I'm making love to you," Andrew said softly. "They just disappear then, don't they?"
Lily could feel the warm color stain her cheeks. "Sex is a very basic pleasure and tends to make one forget everything ... for an hour or so."
"Making love."
"What?"
"What we do isn't sex, it's making love." Andrew lifted the cup to his lips and drained the coffee in two swallows. "Someday you'll understand that."
She gazed at him, startled. "I don't know—"
"Yes, you do." His hand crushed the cup with sudden violence. "You do care about me, dammit. You just won't admit it." He jumped to his feet and tossed the crushed cup aside. "I'm going down to play ball with Cassie."
Lily watched him stride away from her and resisted the impulse to call him back. What was the matter with Andrew this afternoon? There was something brooding and violent about him; she had sensed those dark emotions in him the moment he had appeared on the beach with Gunner and Quenby two hours before.
"May I join you?" Gunner asked. "I must be getting more decrepit than I thought. Your daughter realty put me through a workout."
"You don't look worn out."
Gunner dropped down beside her. "I'm a fantastic actor. Do you think I'd let that little kid know the older generation can't keep up with her? Now, though, I'm ready to let Andrew take the punishment for a while. Is there any coffee left?"
Lily poured him a cup from the thermos and held it out to him. "Black?'*
He nodded as he took the cup. "Ill have to make you some real coffee some time." He sipped the hot liquid gingerly. "1 prefer it with cinnamon and ginger."
"How exotic. Is that how they drink it in Sedik-han?"
He nodded. "Exotic is only how you perceive it. Once you get used to anything it becomes homey and comfortable." He looked down into the depths of his coffee. "Sedikhan is a good place to live. You'd like it there."
Lily stiffened. "Would I?"
"Quenby does. It took her a little while to get used to it, but she wouldn't live anyplace else now."
"I'm glad she has a happy life there."
Gunner sipped his coffee. "So am I. My job is in Sedikhan, and I'd hate to have to leave it."
Lily turned to look at him. "Would you really give up your career for her?"
"Of course. I couldn't be happy if Quenby weren't happy."
"You must have an extraordinary relationship," Lily said thoughtfully.
"Quenby is an extraordinary woman." Gunner's face softened as his gaze traveled to his wife. "She's warm, loving, honest, and absolutely reliable."
"I can see how she must have been a wonderful nanny for Andrew. Cassie's already crazy about her."
He nodded. "As I said, she's extraordinary." His gaze shifted to Lily's face. "And so is Andrew."
"Henry said he was remarkable." Lily made a face. "But he's certainly evasive. I don't even know what he does for a living. He says he fixes things."
Gunner smiled. "He certainly does."
"But he has so much time off."
"Actually, every day since he's been here he's worked all morning at that small hospital down the coast. Andrew usually tries to help out wherever he can, and heaven knows there are enough people who need him. Didn't he tell you?"
"Hospital?" She frowned. "No, he didn't."
"I'm not surprised. Andrew doesn't talk about his work."
Lily threw up her hands. "Now you're being as mysterious as Andrew. I'm beginning to think you're both CIA or something."
Gunner laughed in genuine amusement. "I guarantee you're wrong on that score. Neither one of us has anything to do with an undercover agency." His smile faded. "However, Andrew's work can be very dangerous on occasion, and he needs all the support we can offer him."
A chill gripped Lily. "What kind of danger are you talking about?"
"I shouldn't be talking to you at all." He drained his cup. "It's Andrew's place to tell you about his work." He met her gaze directly. "But I'd like to say that there are a great many people who have put their lives and more than their lives into Andrew's hands, and he's never failed them."
"More than their lives?"
He nodded gravely. 'Trust him, Lily. He cares a great deal for you."
"Did he ask you to speak to me?"
"Andrew fights his own battles." He grinned. "And now I have to pry my wife away from your daughter and take her home before she decides to kidnap Cassie. Just look at them together/'
Lily's gaze went to Quenby Nilsen, whose face was illuminated with joy and affection as she laughed at Cassie. "I hope you and Quenby will come again soon." she said impulsively. "I work in the mornings, but most afternoons we come down to the beach."
"We'd like that,'' Gunner said. "Andrew's been keeping the two of you to himself for far too long." He lifted his hand In farewell as he started across the beach toward Andrew, Quenby, and Cassie.
Their lovemaking that night was wild, erotic, and nearly brutal in its intensity.
Andrew couldn't seem to get enough of her, and Lily found herself responding on an equally primitive level. They came together time after time, until exhaustion finally overtook them and they could only lay clinging to each other, breathing
in short, harsh gasps.
"Why?" she asked when she'd gained enough breath to speak. "Something's . . . different."
He didn't look at her as he rolled away from her and began to dress. "Did I hurt you?"
"No." She slowly sat up. "Did you mean to hurt me?"
"No!" He turned to look at her In horror. "Lord, no, I'd never want to hurt you. I couldntt hurt
you." His lips twisted in a mirthless smile. "I suppose you don't believe me, after what Just happened."
"I wasn't exactly fighting you. I think ... I... I liked it. I was only curious. It seemed out of character, and you were upset with me this afternoon."
"That doesn't mean I'd become violent."
"But you don't deny—"
"I wasn't angry. I was frustrated." He located her nightgown and handed It to her. "I'm still frustrated, dammit. You won't see what we have together, and we're running out of time."
She froze. "You have to go away?" She moistened her lips with her tongue. "I don't know why I'm surprised. I knew you couldn't stay forever." She pulled the nightgown over her head and settled its cotton folds around her hips. "After all, you have a job to return to, and Cassie and I will be going back to San Francisco in a few weeks anyway. Maybe it's just as well that—"
"It's not just as well," Andrew interrupted with barely controlled violence. "Stop backing away from me, dammit. Face what we have together. It's not sex alone that draws us to each other, and it's not Cassie alone either."
Lily hurriedly stood up. "I have to leave."
"Listen to me, Lily." Andrew's face was set and stern In the moonlight as he rose to his feet. 'Time has been against us from the very beginning. I can't let it keep separating us." He kicked the beach rug at his feet. "Lord, I haven't even slept in a real bed with you. We've never sat down at a table for a meal or done any of the Intimate, commonplace things men and women do together.
I go back to the cottage and see Gunner and Quenby together and I want what they have so badly that it twists inside me and makes me—" He broke off and drew a deep breath. "It's been too long. I can't take it any more. Tell me what the hell you feel for me."
"I don't know. Do we have to talk about this?"
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