all roads lead to you

by Probst, Jennifer

  He glared. “Not cute. Humiliating. I refuse to be known as the trainer with the goat-chicken companion of a famous racehorse.”

  Ethan chuckled and handed them each a beer. “What’s the plan for the next two months? The Wood Memorial is April sixth, right?”

  Aidan settled back on the sectional and took a sip of IPA. “Yes. Harper and I agreed it’d be best to keep his spring season focused on that one race. The problem with racing them at this young age is the high percentage of injury and burnout. I want Phoenix to be fresh for the Derby and not push him into any other big races beforehand. The Triple Crown is really demanding, with only a few weeks in between all three races. It’s important he enjoys just being a horse away from the track for now.”

  “Good idea,” Mia said, taking a spot on the chair. Dressed in black leggings and a crocheted black sweater with elaborate silver pieces of jewelry, she looked both comfortable and fashionable in her home. “How important is the Wood Memorial?”

  Harper sighed. “Very. We need him to try and place in the first three slots to be prepped for the Derby.”

  “We still have a long road ahead,” Aidan added. “Elmo gets back next week, and we’ll begin light training again.” He gave her a glance full of intimacy and took her hand. “It’s been a great winter, though. I feel like we all needed to take a breath.”

  Mia smiled at them, and Harper tried to keep a blush at bay. Aidan was part of the family and was accepted as such. For the past few months, the Derby had become a distant thought. She was fully engaged in every moment spent with Aidan and refused to think of the future.

  But, soon, the future wouldn’t be delayed any further. Phoenix would try to win the most important race in the world. And it would be one step closer to Aidan leaving.

  She squeezed his hand, emotion tightening her throat, and pushed away the thought.

  There was still time. Plenty of it.

  She’d enjoy every last second.

  “How’s the wedding planning going?” she asked.

  Mia sighed. “Good, we’re all set for August twenty-fourth. I think the setting at Mohonk Mountain House is perfect. I’m glad we decided not to go with some fancy place in Manhattan.”

  “Me, too,” Ethan said, giving her a smile. “There’s just one thing I’m worried about.”

  “Kyle being best man?” Harper teased.

  “Nope, bigger than that. In fact, we have an important question to ask you.”

  Harper frowned. “What?”

  Ethan and Mia shared a pointed look. “Would you give us the honor of having Captain Hoof accompany Hei Hei down the aisle at our wedding?” Mia asked seriously.

  It took her a few moments for the words to process, but it was Aidan’s belly laugh that finally sank in. They laughed together, and emotion stung her eyes, and Harper realized she’d never been so happy in her life.

  Six weeks later, Phoenix won the Wood Memorial at Aqueduct Racetrack and officially qualified for the Kentucky Derby.

  And Harper knew that everything was about to change.

  “You gotta be kidding me.”

  She watched the parade of townsfolk pile out of their cars, arms filled with platters of food, flowers, and balloons, as if they were attending a wedding. The mass bore down on her precious barn, and she watched with as much dread as if confronting the terrifying clown from IT.

  “What the hell is going on?” she whispered, peeking her head around the post.

  Aidan walked over to see what was going on. “They’re here to see Phoenix.”

  She blinked. “Why? He didn’t win the Derby yet!”

  He shrugged, shading his eyes from the sun as they approached. “It’s nice. They’re excited. When I got lunch at the diner yesterday, Bea asked if it was okay if some of them stopped in for a visit.”

  She glared. “And you didn’t tell me? I would have told them hell no.”

  He winked. “I know. You’re definitely not a people person. But Phoenix and the farm are important to everyone in town. They want to be part of it. Let’s go say hello.”

  Her jaw dropped as she watched him stride over to the welcoming committee.

  Oh, this was bad. As if the reporters and press and internet weren’t enough, now she had her own town taking up her time. Still, she knew Aidan was right. It was sweet, even though such vintage small-town meddling was both overwhelming and annoying. She’d just have to suck it up and be nice.

  She pasted on a smile and walked out of the barn.

  “Harper!” Fran screeched, running over with a fresh bouquet of flowers. “I can’t believe we’ll have a Kentucky Derby winner from Gardiner! We’ll be famous!”

  “Well, we’re not winners yet, but hopeful,” she said. “Those are so pretty, thank you.”

  Fran yanked the bouquet back before she could take them. “Sorry, these are for Phoenix. For his stall.”

  “Oh, right.”

  Bea from the diner stepped up and shoved a platter of hamburgers at her. She’d owned the local diner in town for years, and like every teen in Gardiner, Harper had spent endless hours sitting in her red cracked-vinyl booths. With her beehive of gray hair, hot-pink lipstick, and blue shadow, she was like a blast from the past. Her fuchsia leggings and matching T-shirt were covered by a lacy half apron that was part of her uniform. “Hello, sweetie, how are you? I brought Phoenix some burgers to keep up his strength! I read that protein is very important for energy, but I wasn’t sure if horses liked ketchup, so I left them plain.”

  Harper nodded, her brain already foggy from all the endless dialogue.

  “Tony brought cookies, though, for dessert as a reward. Oh, and we didn’t forget Captain Hoof!” She pulled out a small stuffed chicken and pressed the belly. The toy gave a clatter of squeaks from his tiny mouth. Bea and Fran burst into laughter. “Isn’t that adorable? Where are they?”

  Aidan stepped to her side, as if he sensed she needed support. “In the pasture taking a nice rest. You’re welcome to go visit them. Elmo’s out there, and he’ll make sure Phoenix greets his guests properly.”

  Fran clapped her hands. Tony from the tattoo place handed Harper a pile of cookies carefully wrapped in plastic. With his shaved head, ink crawling up both arms, and mulish expression, he was sometimes cranky and hard to deal with, but he was part of the family, like one of those grouchy uncles who came over for Thanksgiving and bitched about everything but never left. “Those are for the horse,” he warned. “Was thinking of creating a design of Phoenix for the customers, but I need your permission. It’ll be good publicity.” He handed her a crumpled stack of papers from his pocket. “Sign those.”

  “I’ll look it over later today and let you know,” she said.

  He glared. “You think I’m trying to cheat you or something? Ever hear about branding? Don’t you want my shop to make money, or you think you’re the only one who can get rich?”

  Bea sighed and flapped her hand in the air. “Cut it out, Tony. She needs to read the legal stuff before signing. Leave her alone.”

  Tony grunted.

  Aidan clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll make sure to deliver it to you tomorrow, okay? Why don’t you head to the pasture?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  Harper watched them head out with gifts and dealt with two more large groups who worked in town and attended SUNY New Paltz, all showing up to squeal and gossip and praise the magical horse. She accepted gifts—all for Phoenix or Captain Hoof—accepted congratulations, answered endless questions, and played the personal agent of her horse.

  Un-fucking-believable.

  When she finally got rid of them, Harper stacked up the gifts in the barn. “Is this normal?” she asked Aidan, shaking her head. “Because this seems a bit ridiculous.”

  “The Derby is a big deal. Speaking of which, I need a favor.”

  Her instincts flared to life. Something about his hesitant expression told her she wasn’t going to like the favor. “What is it?”
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  “ESPN wants to do an interview with you for a behind-the-scenes piece on Phoenix. They can be here Friday with a camera crew and wrap up by midafternoon.”

  She groaned and spun on her heel to pace. “I’m sorry, Aidan, but my answer is no. I told you I hate this stuff. The cameras, and stories, and poking in my own damn business. I’m not going to put on a show for the camera for a bunch of people I don’t even care about.”

  His jaw clenched. “I swear it’ll be easy and quick. I have a list of questions already cleared. They’ll take some video of the farm and the barns, and then you’ll sit down for the interview.” Waves of frustration shot out from his body. “It’s important, love. Press is part of the success of a racing career. I’ve let you stay in the background until now, but they want to know about the owner who rescued Phoenix. It’s a great opportunity to have publicity for the inn and the rescue farm. This could get you a ton of social support and money. Maybe even investors down the line.”

  “I don’t care.” Her nerves tightened, and her skin felt hot and itchy. She despised being put on camera. Being judged for her appearance or language or beliefs. She had no social media accounts other than for the businesses, and insisted Aidan did all the talking for the team. “Money and investors aren’t worth giving up my privacy. There’s no need to tell my story when you’ve already told it. Don’t you see that all they want is a human-interest piece to grab ratings? The Derby is about Phoenix. Not me. Tell them your story—that’s just as good.”

  “You’re wrong.” His voice came out hard, making her jerk back. “To have a successful racing career, you need to play nice with the press. People want to know you—the extraordinary woman behind a champion. You can inspire the world with your story, Harper. Stop being so damn stubborn. We all have to sacrifice for the team sometimes. Just do it this once. For Phoenix.”

  In that moment, as she stared at the man she loved, her heart squeezed with pain. That mad gleam flickered in his golden eyes, the one that told her his career would always be more important than anything else. He was willing to sacrifice her comfort and need for privacy in order to make Phoenix a star. Maybe she could have dealt with that type of intention if it had been truth.

  But it wasn’t.

  Because she knew he was the one who wanted to be a star.

  If she did the interview, he’d be an even bigger celebrity, thrust into the spotlight he always wanted. He’d be able to prove once again to Colin that he was a winner. God knew she’d never deny him that right. But not at the expense of using her.

  Disappointment crashed deep. She turned away, heartsick, and tried to find the words to explain why she couldn’t do what he asked. Her voice remained strong and steady when she finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Aidan. I really am, but we have a difference of opinion on this. I won’t bitch about letting them follow me around, and take pictures, and shout questions. I’ve handled the endless articles tearing Phoenix apart, and my lack of expertise as an owner, and the other so-called horse experts gleefully awaiting our defeat so they could laugh and poke fun at our dreams. But getting on camera to ask the world for their approval, to basically beg them to like me and my farm and my family? No. Once, I wanted so badly to be liked and accepted, but the rejection made me almost lose myself. I swore in that barn all those years ago I’d never do that again.”

  She faced him, chin tilted high, and locked gazes. “Please, don’t ask me again. Now, I’m going to check on Flower and get Phoenix settled in his stall. He has a big week coming up.”

  She waited for him to say her name. To stop her from leaving. To apologize and explain he understood.

  But he was silent as she left the barn.

  Aidan watched her leave, the words he wanted to say stuck in his throat and forever trapped.

  Over the past weeks, she’d been ruthless about her restrictions on interviews and cameras. At first, he’d accepted her decision, but with the Triple Crown upon them and the buzz going on with Phoenix, he’d figured she’d break down and do just one interview.

  Guess not.

  He uttered a vicious curse and strode out of the barn. Yes, she revered her privacy, but he’d never imagined her fear of the camera would go so deep. He’d been a total asshole to push that hard. But in the racing world, no one wanted to hide. He was used to the competitive, sharklike hunger for press and exposure from the owner, trainer, jockey, and everyone in between. His attitude toward her continuous denial of the public spotlight had turned from respect to frustration. Television was the crown jewel during racing season, with everyone fighting for the camera.

  Except Harper Bishop.

  He sought out the path twisting through the woods, trying to clear his head. It made more sense now—how the endless bullying would have caused a distrust of the public spotlight. He knew personally how easy it was to be a hero one moment, then be ripped to shreds the next.

  America adored thrusting someone onto the pedestal of success, but they liked yanking them down even more.

  The vulnerability in her sea-green eyes had shredded his heart. She had so much damn pride—what had it cost her to admit she needed her privacy for her own peace of mind? Yet he hadn’t gone to her. Hadn’t pulled her into his arms like she deserved to tell her he understood and accepted.

  No. Instead, he’d let her go without a word.

  The question taunted him.

  Why?

  He walked, crunching over twigs and grass and leaves, letting his gaze trace the edge of mountain and sky just turning a hazy shade of blush pink, ready for sunset. The spring air stirred his nostrils and brought the musky scent of earth and florals, reminding him of the woman who’d stolen his heart.

  You know why, the inner voice taunted. You just don’t want to admit it.

  The answer unfurled from the depths of his soul.

  Because you want to return to Ireland like a king. A champion. And you’ll do anything to accomplish it.

  Just like Colin.

  He stopped walking, breathing hard, looking up at the mighty pine tree towering above in a quest for peace. No, he wasn’t like that. He was nothing like Colin.

  His mind spun, and the jagged pieces of reality attacked.

  He might never dope a horse, but he’d push hard. Push Phoenix to the edge of competitive training even in his youth. Push Elmo to be the perfect jockey. Push Harper to fall in line and do the television interview. Push the family into mortgaging and paying the high fees associated with the glory of the Triple Crown.

  When did it really stop? The lines were blurred. Maybe he’d never realize how much he would sacrifice unless he was faced with a monumental decision—a decision he prayed he’d never have to make.

  He stayed in the woods with his tangled thoughts for a long time and then went to find Harper.

  She was leaning on the gate to the pasture, watching Phoenix and Captain Hoof. Her hands were clasped on top of the rail, one bootheel hooked in the bottom rung. Aidan watched the animal couple with amusement. The horse would grab a few bunches of hay, then drop some on the floor for the goat. In between munching, Phoenix would nicker and rub his face against the goat’s small body. In return, the Captain would push back into those magical racing legs with pure affection.

  “You taught them both to love.”

  Her shoulders stiffened, but she turned to meet his gaze. There was a wariness in the depths of her eyes that caused his gut to twist. He settled next to her, close but not touching. “No,” she said softly. “It’s what Elmo once said. Two wounded souls recognize each other.”

  He let out a breath. “I was out of line. I’m sorry.”

  She nodded, her gaze sliding away. “Apology accepted.”

  Her generosity at forgiving him so easily made him feel even more ashamed. “This is bigger than a simple apology, love. I needed to take a deeper look at some of my intentions. See, this is the only world I’ve ever known. I really had no idea you could live in it any differently. But you’re teaching me. I�
��m truly sorry.”

  This time, her eyes were clear, and she reached for his hand. The warmth and graceful strength of her fingers wrapped in his brought him a sense of peace he used to get only from being in a barn, alone, or with an animal companion. Now, he’d reached a new level of intimacy, and he never wanted to go back.

  “I know press is important. I just don’t want them to take anything that doesn’t belong to them. Does that make sense?”

  He smiled and squeezed her hand. “Perfect sense. I’ll tell ESPN no. Was also thinking of getting some bodyguards to man the gate. Just to keep out unwanted visitors.”

  She smiled back. “Sounds good. Ethan used to work as a bodyguard, so he has a bunch of friends who can help. I’ll speak to him in the morning.”

  “A bodyguard, too, huh? Good to know.” He tucked her hair back behind her ear. “Let’s go home, Harper.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Phoenix seemed to know he was back in Churchill Downs to win.

  The trip had been smooth, and he settled in his stall like a returning king. Harper sipped a mint julep and wore a fancy Derby hat in white and robin’s-egg blue to match her jockey’s silks. Her designer dress was the same bright color and custom fitted to her body, and her heels were too damn high, but Mia had insisted she wear the ensemble, threatening her if she dared try to step out in work boots at the Kentucky Derby.

  She smiled at endless television cameras and watched her horse’s journey streamed live on television for the entire world to share in, without a personal interview. She shook numerous hands of important, famous trainers and owners and jockeys, along with various celebrities who wished her luck. And the whole time, the only things she truly cared about were Aidan and Elmo and Phoenix and if they were doing okay.

  The unforgettable walk to the gate was an image that would be forever burned into her memory. The strains of “My Old Kentucky Home” filled the air along with voices raised in celebration, and the horses began walking down the track in the post parade. Phoenix looked regal in his splendor, prancing down with his blinkers keeping him on point. Elmo seemed completely focused on his job ahead, his lips set in a thin line, and she knew he’d already sunk into his safe place. He meditated before every race, and had once explained it was like wrapping himself and Phoenix into a protective bubble where no one could hurt them. Aidan stood tall, fingers linked with hers, smiling as the horses began to advance to the gate.