by D. Kelly
“Why did you?”
“I think mostly to placate my dad. He was exactly the kind of guy I was raised to bring home. That’s probably the hardest thing to get over. It was never about my happiness, only appearances. When I have kids, their happiness will always be my number-one concern.”
I brush my fingers against hers. “So … if you aren’t waiting anymore, how come I haven’t seen you date anyone? Or even talk about anyone?”
“Because I’ve only met one person since I’ve been here who has sparked an interest. Unfortunately, he’s off the market.”
I’m most definitely not, and it’s about time I showed her.
“Put the cat down and come with me.”
She moves FB out of her lap, and I pull her up from the couch and lead her to my room. The bed is messed up, and I realize she’s been sleeping in here instead of the guest room.
“Sorry. I’ll change the sheets. FB kept crying, and when I came in here to sleep instead, he curled up at the bottom of the bed and stopped.”
The thought of her in my bed is extremely sexy. “Don’t you dare change them.” I close the door and lie down. “My pillows smell like you. Do you know how hot that is?”
She lies down next to me, and I flip off the lights. As much as I like seeing her, I want us to get comfortable. “They smelled like you first, J. Although, I was sort of worried maybe it wasn’t only you I was smelling.”
“Allie, no one but you has been in my bed for months. In fact, I’m not exactly off the market either.”
She rolls to her side and faces me. “Aren’t you and Tyler still dating?”
“I wouldn’t call it that.”
“What would you call it?”
I scoot closer to her and place my hand on her hip. “The same mess it’s always been. I think I’m ready for something new, but it would have to be casual at first. Tyler is still in my life, and he’ll be back at some point. I wouldn’t sleep with both of you at the same time because that’s not me, but I’m not willing to blow him off completely if I don’t know how things would work with us either.”
“Us?” she whispers.
“If you want to try. We’ve danced around it for so long and—”
Her mouth crashes into mine, and I weave my fingers through her hair. Our kiss ignites my body on fire. She nips my bottom lip, and I fist her hair and tug. When she releases a sexy groan, I do it again. I know she can’t be very sexually experienced if she stayed with that dick for six years without as much as a single orgasm, but I’m willing to teach her anything she’d like to learn.
As much as I hate to pull away from her, we still have to talk.
“Allie, do you want to spend the night with me?”
“Do you even need to ask?” she pants, trying to catch her breath.
“Good. Let me get comfortable so we can talk.”
I stand up and get out of my jeans and shirt before climbing back into bed with her. “Not many people know this story. Basically, my immediate family, Sasha, Tyler, and you. And I guess anyone who read a paper or saw the news when it happened.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, J.”
I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it. “I want to, but I also have to. When I was seven, my dad had an affair with a co-worker. Nobody knew until it was too late. The night before everything happened, we had a family game night. My parents were hugging and kissing, they put us to bed, and we exchanged I love yous. All was right in our world.”
I take a deep breath and pull her closer to me for comfort. As if she knows exactly what I need, she wraps her arms around me. Talking about that day has never gotten easier, but I’ve learned to somewhat dissociate myself from it.
“The next morning, my dad was on edge. I was supposed to go to the movies with Noah, Sawyer, and Aunt Karen. The plan was for me to walk to their house, but Mom changed her mind at the last minute. Instead, she was going to drop me off on her way to take my brother Carl and his girlfriend to the mall. Carl was thirteen, and I thought the sun and moon rose with him. We looked a lot alike, and I knew I would get a lot of girlfriends when I was older because Carl always had girls flocking to him.”
The memory makes me chuckle; I adored my brother. I swallow over the lump building in my throat and continue. “I’m not exactly sure what happened, but Dad and Carl were arguing. I was standing in the hall behind my dad, and he couldn’t see me. When the gun went off, I tried to scream but I was in shock and nothing came out. The next thing I knew, my mom was kissing me and pushing me into my bedroom closet. She had my baby sister Carly in her arms, and they were both crying. She looked at me with the most stoic look on her face and told me I was going to be fine if I stayed hidden and didn’t make a noise. She closed the closet, and I heard the bedroom door slam open a few seconds later.”
My chest heaves, and I’m having a hard time catching my breath. Allie rubs my back but remains completely silent. After a couple of minutes, I press on. I want her to know my story.
“Mom screamed and begged Dad to leave Carly alone. He kept asking where I was, but she told him Sawyer and Noah had picked me up early and I was gone. Then I heard a shot, or more, a lot of it is still a blur. Mom was suddenly silent, but Carly didn’t stop screaming until after more shots were fired. Three, four, five, and then I flew backward, losing count and landing head first on my ice skates. That’s when I caught the bullet in my side; it went through the wall. I blacked out at some point … I think. I was in and out of it. Everything hurt, breathing was so hard, and I thought I was dying. At some point, it could have been minutes or hours, but I heard another shot. I wanted to be saved but kept praying Sawyer’s family didn’t come looking for me and get shot too.”
“Oh, Jordan …”
“I tried not to make a sound, until I heard Sawyer screaming and realized he was calling my name.” Tears stream down my cheeks. “I’d made a promise to Mom, though, and I wasn’t going to break it. I was so scared and started tapping against the wall. He heard me, Allie. Sawyer saved me.”
“My God, J, he was just a little boy too.”
Clutching her as close to me as I can, I continue. “Sawyer is the bravest person I have ever met. He saw my dad lying in a pool of blood and came into the house and called for help. Then he found Carl, had to get past my mom’s body in the hall, and saw Carly on my bed before he found me in the closet. He put pressure on my head, screamed until the paramedics found us, and refused to leave my side all the way to the hospital. I’ve always struggled with being the one who made it out, and with the fact Carly wasn’t in the closet with me. But the police determined Mom was trying to separate us, to give at least one of us a fighting chance, but Dad got to her before she could hide Carly. Since I was supposed to be out of the house already, I had the best chance to survive.”
Allie kisses the top of my head. “My God, Jordan …”
“I don’t need your sympathy, Allie.”
“Don’t do that. If I want to give you sympathy, I will, but this isn’t sympathy, J. This is empathy. I know what it’s like to lose a parent, but it’s nothing compared to what you went through. You and Sawyer are incredible men in spite of all you’ve been through.”
I flip onto my back and pull her into the crook of my arm. “That’s because of my parents. Aunt Karen and Uncle Owen took me in right away. They fought my dad’s family for custody, and they got Sawyer and me the help we needed. My physical wounds healed quickly compared to the psychological ones. Each year, Sawyer and I spend the anniversary together, usually drinking away our sorrows. We experienced the same horrific trauma in completely different ways. We both lost our family. Without him, I wouldn’t be here. I would’ve bled out in my closet.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” she asks softly.
“A few reasons. My dad killed everyone because of his affair. They were supposed to run off together, but I guess he couldn’t live with himself after do
ing what he did and took his own life. That’s why trust is so important to me. My relationships have to be honest and transparent if they have any chance of being successful.”
“I understand,” she murmurs.
“The other reason is, I frequently have bad nightmares. Sawyer does too, but his don’t occur very often anymore. It happens abruptly, and I’ve been told it’s scary when you’re not in the know about my condition. If we’re going to start having sleepovers, you need to be aware.”
“Sleepovers? Plural?”
I ghost my lips over hers. “I hope so.”
“Me too. Is there anything I need to do when you’re having the nightmares?”
She’s the first person to ever ask me that. “Gently try to wake me. If I get shaken out of a dream, it’s scary and flares up my anxiety. Sometimes, I still have to take my anti-anxiety medication after a dream, but if I’m woken up peacefully, I may not need to.”
“Okay. If it happens, I’ll do my best to coax you awake.”
“Thank you. Allie, can I ask how your mom died?”
She exhales slowly. “You can, but I think it’s a story Sasha wants to be the one to tell you. I know she told you her mom is in jail.”
“She did,” I reply with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Sasha’s mom murdered mine. It’s how we met.”
Holy shit. That’s why Allie is so important to her. “And the two of you were able to … bridge that gap?”
“Oddly enough, it’s what bonded us together. Trauma victims tend to do that, as you know from your own experience. I lost my mom forever and, in a way, Sasha’s mom is gone forever too. We were both dealing with a lot. Aside from some details I’ll leave for Sasha to explain, we went to the same therapist. The court thought it would be a good idea, especially since we were both twelve years old and lived in the same town. She lived with her grandma for a year before she went to foster care, and she showed up at my house every day after school and sat outside. Even while drowning in her pain and grief, Sasha worried about me. Her guilt, anger, and fear brought her to me, and we never looked back.”
If anyone understands empathy, Allie does.
After our intense discussion, I felt closer to Jordan than I thought possible. It’s hard to fathom what he and Sawyer went through as kids, but there’s not a doubt in my mind Jordan understands what I experienced. The two of us curled up together and shared a couple of tender kisses before falling asleep in each other’s arms. In the middle of the night, I woke up to his thrashing around and screams. At first, it scared me, but I remembered what he said about waking him gently.
Placing my hand on his chest, I rub slow circles over his heart. “Jordan, wake up, please. It’s just a bad dream.”
Jordan stops yelling but is still moving all over the place. Moving my hand up to his face, I cup his cheek and press my lips against his. “Wake up, baby. It’s only a bad dream. Come on, J, wake up.”
I slide my free hand down his chest, and he opens his eyes. “Did you just call me baby?”
“Um, I’m not sure. Maybe? I was just trying to wake you up.”
He traces my lips lazily with this finger. “Allie, that might be the most pleasant wake up from a nightmare I’ve ever had. Keep doing that and you can call me baby all you want.” He pulls my hand to the waistband of his boxers. “Don’t be shy Allie cat, I know you want a feel.”
I move down the bed and pull down his boxers. “I want to taste more than anything.”
Jordan groans as I position myself between his legs. I wrap my fingers around him and stroke his length. Drawing lazy circles around the tip of his dick with my tongue, I taste him for the first time.
“Fuck, Allie, your mouth was made for my cock.”
Spurred on by his sexy words, I open wider and take him as far as I can. He weaves his fingers through my hair and pushes with a gentle pressure. I’ve only ever done this with Evan, and he wasn’t this well-endowed. As Jordan gently arches into my mouth, I find my rhythm and take him deeper. With a mix of my hands and my mouth, I bring him close to the edge, and he pulls away.
“Enough. As much as I’d love to come down your pretty little throat, I want to come inside your tight pussy instead.”
Jordan flips us over and pulls down my pants and underwear at the same time. I work on getting my shirt off so I’m completely naked before him. Even with the dim lighting in the room, the look in his eyes is unmistakable—he wants to feast on me.
He drops between my legs and spreads them wide. “Do you know how badly I’ve wanted to taste you again? How hard it’s been not to toss you up on the bar, pull down your pants, and bury my head between your legs?”
His filthy words and husky tone set me on fire. I’m drenched, and he hasn’t even touched me yet. “You’re serious?”
“I don’t joke about sex, Allie. First, I’m going to fuck you with my mouth, and then I’m going to have you screaming when you come again on my cock.”
Before I can say a single word, he dips his tongue inside me, and I’m putty in his hands. My body arches off the bed as I writhe under the expertise of his tongue. “Oh God, Jordan, you, I … oh …”
Evan had a problem with the taste of pussy, or so he said. But Jordan’s mouth? Totally worth the wait.
He slides a finger inside me and circles my clit with his tongue. When he adds a second finger, I practically bolt off the bed. “I’m so close, J.”
Jordan swaps his fingers for his tongue again and teases my clit with his thumb. Taking off like a rocket on the Fourth of July, I scream his name and continue chanting it until my body has calmed and he kisses his way up my abdomen.
“That was so incredibly hot. I can’t believe your ex missed out on that.”
“How … did you know that?”
“What do you mean? You told me– Shit, Allie, please tell me he at least gave you oral even if he was bad at it.”
Dammit. He’s got me in a stupid sex haze. I can’t believe I slipped on that one.
“Fuck, Allie,” he caresses my cheek with his thumb, “that guy was an idiot.” He moves his lips to mine and quickly deepens the kiss.
“Hm,” I say when he pulls back.
“I hope that’s a good hm because I plan to do a lot more of that. Your pussy should be in my mouth as much as possible. You’ve got a lot of lost orgasms to make up for, and I’m happy to help you do it.”
“A lot, huh?”
He lowers his mouth to my breasts and takes turns licking and sucking my nipples into stiff peaks. “Mm, a few hundred at least.”
A few hundred orgasms with J? Yes, please, sign me up.
“Are you on the pill?”
“Yes, but we still need to use a condom.”
Jordan rolls to the side and pulls a condom from the bedside table. Tearing it open, he rolls it down his length. “I completely agree. It’s just nice to be double covered.” He nudges the head of his cock inside me and hisses. “Relax, Allie. You’ve got to loosen up if you want to do this.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his face to mine. “Kiss me, J.”
As soon as our lips lock, my body relaxes and he inches in slowly. Jordan groans once he’s fully seated inside me. He pulls out and leisurely pushes back in again.
“J …”
He nips my lip with his teeth and lowers his head to my breasts before taking a free hand and lacing our fingers together. We move to a perfectly timed erotic dance. Our bodies flush, fueling off each other’s cries and moans. The sensuality is like nothing I’ve ever experienced, and I wonder if it’s always like this for him. He shifts on his leg and hikes my hip higher as he pistons into me.
“Damn, Allie. You’re amazing.” Our eyes meet, and seconds later, so do our lips. As our kiss deepens, my body explodes.
“Jordan!” Breaking away from our kiss, I let the sensations take over.
He continues thrusting deeper and harder until ou
r bodies are covered with sweat and I’m a weeping mess. Just when I think I can’t take anymore, he thrusts one last time as he bites my nipple, and I detonate again.
We both cry out for the other in the moment, and when it’s over, he pulls out of me slowly before tossing the condom into the trash and collapsing next to me.
“That was … intense,” I gasp.
He chuckles and brings my hand to his lips. “That’s definitely a good word for it.”
“I’ve never had that many orgasms in a row.” I’m in a sex haze.
“Get used to it, Allie Cat, and my orgasm cup won’t be the only one running over.”
Groaning, I throw my arm over my head. I can’t believe he remembered that. “Can we let that one go? I was totally drunk.”
He pulls my arm away and rolls on his side, hovering above me. “No way. You say the best shit when you’re intoxicated. I’ve met a lot of drunks in my life, but you are hands down the cutest one.”
I move for changing the subject because compliments from Jordan make me feel way too good. “How did you end up with the bar? Did you not want to be in the band with your brothers?”
Jordan lies on his back and pulls me into the crook of his arm. For someone who is so standoffish in so many ways, I’m surprised at how cuddly he is in private. Or when he thinks people aren’t paying attention, like when he laid one on Ty on New Year’s Eve.
“I’m not at all musically inclined, and even though I love my brothers, my musical tastes lean more toward Eli Watts than Bastards and Dangerous.”
“Aww, I’m sure they understand.”
“They tease me sometimes, but it’s all right. They tried to get me to tour with them, offered me pretty much every position on the tour, but that’s not the kind of life I want to live. Besides, loud noises, fireworks, cars backfiring … it all still affects me.”
I squeeze his hand, and he returns the gesture. “My biological father’s brother owned Just an Illusion. It was called Chuy’s before the shooting. My dad owned a small stake in the bar, helped Chuy open the bar originally. When he died, Chuy was lost. He had no idea my dad had a secret life and was fucking around on his family.”